Donna Noble stood at the end of the aisle of St Mary's Church, Chiswick, ready for her big day. By her side stood her loving father, Geoff, who was ready to proudly walk her down the aisle. Geoff had his arm linked through Donna's rather than the other way round, so Donna swapped their positions with a slight cough. "Sorry." Geoff mumbled.
The organ began to play The Wedding March and Donna sighed happily as they began their walk. The congregation stood as Donna and Geoff entered. Donna's fiancé Lance Bennett caught her eye from the front of the church, and they smiled at each other in anticipation. As Donna made her way down the aisle, her friends and family made sounds of appreciation, all except Donna's frenemy Nerys, who scowled.
Donna and Geoff were halfway down the aisle when it happened. Donna began to glow gold, causing Lance's eyes to widen. It took Donna a moment to notice, but when she did, she screamed long and loud. The congregation members all muttered in alarm and bewilderment as the bride disappeared in a puff of golden dust, which zoomed upwards and out through an open window.
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The TARDIS was in orbit around a supernova as the golden dust flew straight through the walls and reassembled itself in the form of Donna inside the console room. The Doctor looked up from the console in alarm. "What?" he blinked in surprise.
Donna spun round to face him. "Who're you?" she gaped in surprise.
"What?" was all a dumbfounded Doctor could say.
"Where am I?" a confused Donna asked, looking around the strange room.
"What?"
"What the hell is this place?!" Donna demanded, starting to get angry.
"What?!" the Doctor repeated one last time.
"Where the hell did she pop up from?" the Artist muttered, getting up and checking the monitor to try and find out.
A bewildered Doctor continued to stare at Donna in disbelief. "Ya can't do that, I wasn't..." he babbled, "We're in flight! That is... that is physically impossible! How did...?"
"Tell me where I am." Donna cut in commandingly, "I demand you tell me right now, where am I?!"
"Inside the TARDIS." the Doctor replied, still staring at her.
"The what?"
"The TARDIS."
"The what?
"The TARDIS!" the Doctor repeated again, moving to join the Artist at the console.
"The what?!" Donna pushed.
"She's called the TARDIS."
"That's not even a proper word!" Donna snapped, "Ya just saying things!"
"No, that's really what she's called." the Artist tried to pacify her.
"How did you get in here?" the Doctor questioned.
"Well, obviously when you kidnapped me!" Donna answered back, rigid with rage, "Who was it? Who's paying you? Was it Nerys? Oh, my god, she's finally got me back. This has got Nerys written all over it!"
"Who the hell is Nerys?" the Doctor frowned in utter confusion.
"Your best friend." Donna retorted.
The Doctor then noticed that Donna was wearing a wedding dress. "Hold on, wait a minute... what're ya dressed like that for?"
The Artist facepalmed. The Doctor was a genius most of time, but sometimes he could as thick as two short planks.
Donna shared that sentiment. "I'm going ten pin bowling." she said sarcastically, then yelled loudly; "Whadya think, dumbo?! I was halfway up the aisle! I've been waiting all my life for this! I was just seconds away! And then you... I dunno, you drugged me or something!"
"We haven't done anything!" the Doctor defended, he and the Artist working at the console to try and find out what had just happened.
"We're having the police on you!" Donna ranted, "Me and my husband, soon as he is my husband, we're gonna sue the living backside of ya!" Then she noticed the doors and rushed over to them.
The Doctor looked up in alarm, he and the Artist hurrying after her. "No, wait a minute! Wait a minute! Don't!" the Doctor called, but he was too late.
Donna threw the doors open and goggled in surprise at the supernova outside. "You're in space." the Artist said as she and the Doctor stood either side of Donna, "This is our... well, I suppose you could call her our spaceship. She's called the TARDIS."
"How am I breathing?" Donna asked.
"The TARDIS is protecting us." the Doctor replied.
"Who are ya?" Donna asked.
"I'm the Artist, and this is the Doctor." the Time Lady introduced, "What's your name?"
"Donna." the human replied, still too awestruck at the view outside to really notice the Artist.
"Human?" the Doctor asked, looking Donna up and down.
"Yeah. Is that optional?"
"Well, it is for us." the Doctor shrugged.
Donna glanced round at him. "You're an alien?"
"Yeah." the Doctor replied.
They all looked out at the supernova for a moment, then Donna spoke up again; "It's freezing with these doors open."
The Doctor slammed the doors shut and darted back to the console. "But I don't understand it and I understand everything." he began to ramble, "This... this can't happen! There is no way a human being can lock itself onto the TARDIS and transport itself inside. It must be..." Full of energy, he grabbed an ophthalmoscope from a tool kit and used it to look into Donna's eyes. "Impossible. Some sorta sub-atomic connection? Something in the temporal field?"
"Doctor..." the Artist tried to cut in, seeing that his endless technobabble was starting to annoy Donna.
But the Doctor was on a roll now. "Maybe something pulled ya into alignment with the Chronon shell. Maybe something macro-mining ya DNA within the interior matrix. Maybe a genetic..." He was cut off by Donna slapped him across the face. "What was that for?!" he spluttered indignantly.
"GET ME TO THE CHURCH!" Donna bellowed.
"Right, fine!" the Doctor huffed, going back to the controls, "We don't want ya here anyway!" The Artist gave Donna an apologetic look and joined the Doctor at the console. "Where is this wedding?" the Doctor asked.
"St Mary's, Hayden Road, Chiswick." Donna fired off, "London, England, Earth, the Solar System." Then she noticed the Artist properly, having been focussing on the Doctor before. "I knew it!" she burst out, "Acting all innocent. Did he kidnap you too?" she asked the Time Lady.
"No, he didn't!" the Artist retorted, "I've been travelling with him since long before you were born."
"What, you're an alien too?" Donna huffed "Well, ain't that wizard?!" Then she noticed a purple blouse slung over one of the railings and snatched it up, then stormed over to the Doctor. "How many women have you abducted?!" she asked accusingly, "This doesn't look like hers!" She gestured to the Artist.
The Doctor looked up from the controls and his eyes fell on the garment in Donna's hand. It was the blouse Rose had worn on New Earth. "That's our friend's." he said quietly.
"Where is she, then? Popped out for a spacewalk?" Donna asked sarcastically.
"She's gone." the Doctor replied solemnly.
"Gone where?!"
"We lost her." the Artist said sadly.
"Yeah, well, ya can hurry up and loose me!" Donna growled furiously, then she noticed that the Artist looked like she'd been crying and that the Doctor was clearly wracked with grief that he was bottling up. "How d'ya mean, 'lost'?" she asked more gently.
The Time Lords were silent for a moment, then the Doctor snatched Rose's blouse out of Donna's hand and tossed it back to where she'd found it. "Right!" he said sharply, "Chiswick!" And he and the Artist set to work piloting the TARDIS to Earth.
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There was much commotion and a large group of confused friends and family inside St Mary's church. Donna's mother Sylvia pushed her way through the crowd, talking on her mobile. "No, she didn't run away, Dad. We're not talking jitters. She literally vanished. Now, go and check the house and see if she's there." She hung up and addressed someone in the crowd. "Oh, Angelica, that's not helping, is it? Now, smarten up." She turned to Donna's fiancé. "Lance, any sign?"
"I've looked all around and I can't find her." Lance replied, "Where the hell did she go?!" He disappeared into the crowd.
"Showing off, that's what she is!" Sylvia said to her husband, "First day at school, she was sent home for biting."
"Well, it's a bit more serious than that." Geoff replied, "She's never disappeared before!"
"She didn't disappear, it's a trick!" Sylvia said contemptuously, "It's one of her silly little 'look at me' party pieces." She suddenly became worried. "What if she's dead?"
"Oh, don't say that!" Geoff soothed.
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Donna alighted from the TARDIS to find herself in London at the right time, but definitely not in Chiswick. "I said St Mary's." she huffed, "What sorta Martians are you? Where's this?"
The Doctor ignored her and stroked the TARDIS' woodwork in concern. "Something's wrong with her." he muttered to himself, "It's like she's... recalibrating." He rushed back inside to join the Artist, who was using the scanner to see if there was anything in the area that would account for Donna's sudden teleportation. "She's digesting." the Doctor mumbled, stroking the time rotor with one hand, "What've you eaten? What's wrong?"
Donna at that point finally noticed what she had stepped out of and how small the TARDIS' exterior was in comparison to her interior.
"Donna?" the Artist called from inside the box, "We need you to think. Do you know of anything that could've caused this?"
Donna wasn't listening. She paced around the TARDIS, feeling the walls in utter bewilderment.
"Anything ya might've done?" the Doctor called, "Any sort of alien contacts? Cos' we can't let ya go wandering off, not if ya dangerous."
"Have ya done anything lately?" the Artist suggested, "Seen any strange lights in the sky, or did you touch something? Something that was glowing and shouldn't have been?"
All the while, Donna had completed her circuit of the TARDIS and she popped her head back inside, checking to see if she wasn't imagining just how big the box was. Having confirmed this, Donna stumbled backwards, her hand over her mouth.
"Who're ya getting married to?" the Doctor called, oblivious to this, "Are ya sure he's human? He's not overweight with a zip around his forehead is he?" He and the Artist then looked up from the console to see Donna running away, the shock too much for her. "Donna!" the Time Lords called, running after her.
"Leave me alone." Donna said as they caught up with her and flanked her, "I just wanna get married."
"And you will." the Artist tried to reassure her, "We just need you to come back to the TARDIS while we figure out how ya ended up there in the first place."
"No way! That box is too... weird."
"She's... bigger on the inside, that's all." the Doctor shrugged.
"Oh, that's all?" Donna scoffed "What's the time?"
The Artist checked her watch. "Ten past three."
"Oh, I'm gonna miss it!" Donna fussed.
"Can't ya phone 'em, tell 'em where ya are?" the Doctor suggested.
"How do I do that?"
"Haven't ya got a mobile?"
Donna stopped and stared at him. "I'm in my wedding dress. It doesn't have pockets." she told him sharply, "Who has pockets? Have either of ya ever seen a bride with pockets?! When I went to my fitting at Chez Alison, d'ya think the one thing I forgot to say was "give me pockets'?!"
"This man ya marrying, what's his name?" the Doctor asked.
"Lance." Donna replied, suddenly going all loved-up.
"Good luck, Lance." the Doctor remarked.
"Oi!" Donna snapped, "No stupid Martians're gonna stop me getting married. To hell with you!" And she stormed off.
"We're... we're not... we're not... we're not from Mars." the Doctor muttered feebly.
The Artist rolled her eyes at him. "Look, let's just help her first." she told him, and they ran after Donna.
Donna ran down a busy London street. "Taxi!" she called, seeing a black cab coming down the road, but it just sped past her. "Why's his light on?" she frowned as the Time Lords joined her.
"There's another one." the Doctor said, seeing another cab coming.
"Taxi!" Donna called, but that cab just sped past too. "Oi!" Donna grumbled.
"Hold on, here's another one." the Artist said, and stuck her arm out to try and hail a third cab, but she had to quickly pull it back it in to avoid loosing it as that cab ignored them too.
"Oi!" Donna grumbled.
"D'ya have this affect on everyone?" the Doctor remarked, "Why aren't they stopping?"
"They think I'm in fancy dress." Donna realised.
"Stay off the sauce, darling!" a taxi driver jeered as he sped past.
"They think I'm drunk." Donna grumbled.
"Ya fooling no one, mate!" two blokes in a car cackled as they drove past.
"They think I'm in drag!" Donna glared.
The Doctor decided to take action himself and put his fingers in his mouth and whistled shrilly, causing Donna to wince and cover her ears. But the whistle attracted the attention of a cab, which pulled up next to the trio and they all scrambled in.
"St Mary's in Chiswick, just off Haven Road." Donna instructed the driver, "It's an emergency, I'm getting married! Just... hurry up!"
"Ya know it'll cost ya, sweetheart." the driver replied, "Double rates today."
Donna suddenly remembered that she had no money on her. "Oh, my god. Have you two got any money?" she asked the Time Lords.
The Artist quickly checked her pockets. "I've got a fiver, and that's it." she said, producing a £5 note, "I spent the rest in a sandwich shop a couple of days ago. What about you, Doctor?"
"Um... not a penny." he replied. "Haven't you?" he asked Donna obliviously.
"Pockets!" Donna retorted, gesturing violently to her wedding dress.
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The taxi driver wasn't satisfied with just £5 and promptly threw the trio out. "And that goes double for ya mother!" Donna shouted at him as he sped away. "I'll have him." she grumbled to the Time Lords, "I've got his number. I'll have him. Talk about the Christmas spirt."
"Is it Christmas?" the Doctor asked, looking around to see that the street was filled with Christmas decorations.
"Well, duh!" Donna retorted, "Maybe not on Mars, but here it's Christmas Eve."
"Sorry, we've been out of touch with things lately." the Artist said. For her and the Doctor, it had been two days since the Battle of Canary Wharf, which had taken place in the summer of 2007. For Donna and the rest of Planet Earth, it had been several months since that terrible day.
Donna suddenly spotted something in the distance. "Phone box!" she said, and promptly rushed towards a phone box. "We can reverse the charges!"
"How come ya getting married on Christmas Eve?" the Doctor asked.
"Can't bear it, I hate Christmas." Donna replied, causing both Time Lords to stare at her, bewildered at how someone could hate Christmas. "Honeymoon in Morocco. Sunshine, lovely." Donna continued as they reached the phone box. "What's the operator?" she asked, "I've not done this in years." She looked at the receiver. "What d'ya dial? 100?"
The Doctor flashed his sonic screwdriver at the phone. "Just... just call the direct." he told Donna as the dial tone sounded on the receiver.
"What did ya do?" Donna demanded.
"Something... Martian." the Doctor replied distractedly, "Now, phone! We'll get the money." He and the Artist hurried off towards a mini bank down the road. Unfortunately for them, there was already someone using it and being aggravatingly slow.
Donna dialled her mother's mobile number. "Oh, answer the phone!" she grumbled.
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At the church, Sylvia's phone rang. "Hello?" she answered, only for her phone to die. "Oh, no, the battery's gone! Has anyone got a charger?"
Lance was talking away on his phone. "Have ya tried the hotel?" he asked, only to realise that his battery had died too. "Vicar, is your phone working? Mine's run out!"
But the Vicar was too busy talking on his phone to take any notice. "I've already got one wedding about to arrive and another wedding refusing to leave, so yes, I do think it's a police matter."
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Having no luck phoning direct, Donna decided to leave a message. "Mum, get off the phone and listen. I'm in..." She looked around. "Oh, my god... I dunno where I am! It's... it's a street. And there's a W.H. Smith... but it's definitely Earth."
The Doctor and the Artist were still waiting to use the cash point. Finally, the geezer in front of them decided to stop dawdling and moved away, leaving it free for the Time Lords. The Artist stepped up to it and the Doctor used his taller stature to hide her from view of passers-by as she used her sonic to retrieve cash from the machine.
Donna left the phone box and approached a woman on the street. "Excuse me... I'm begging you. I'm getting married, I really am, and I'm late and I just need to borrow a tenner and I'll pay ya back I promise and it's Christmas." she rambled breathlessly.
The Artist nabbed £50 from the cash point and pocketed it. The Doctor's eye was suddenly caught by something nearby. He tapped the Artist on the shoulder and she looked up to see something very familiar; three masked Father Christmases playing God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen on trumpets. "Oh, not those guys again." she groaned. They were Pilot Fish, the same ones they'd encountered during the Sycorax invasion last Christmas.
"Taxi!" Donna called, and a black cab pulled up beside her. She conversed with the driver for a few seconds before shouting back to the Doctor; "THANKS FOR NOTHING, SPACEMAN! I'll SEE YA IN COURT!" And she jumped into the cab, which the Time Lords noticed was being driven by another masked Pilot Fish.
"DONNA!" the Time Lords yelled, but it was too late. The taxi sped away. The Doctor looked back at the Pilot Fish and saw that they were readying their weapons. Thinking quickly, he soniced the cash machine, causing notes to fly everywhere. There was a mad scramble as people ran around trying to catch the money and pocket it. This gave the Time Lords a chance to slip away from the Pilot Fish and run back in the direction of the TARDIS.
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"I promise ya, mate, I'll give ya the rest when we get there." Donna said to the taxi driver, unaware of the danger she was in, "Oh, I look a mess." She took her veil off, trying to catch her breath. "Hurry up!"
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The Doctor and the Artist sprinted into the alley where the TARDIS had landed. The Doctor unlocked the doors and they hurried inside.
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"Hold on a minute, I said Chiswick." Donna said to the taxi driver, "You've missed the turning." The driver didn't respond "'S'cuse me? We should've turned off back there. We're going the wrong way!"
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The Time Lords pummelled the TARDIS into action, the Doctor giving the console a whack with his trusty mallet. The time rotor started rise and fall, and they were off.
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The taxi drove onto the motorway and cut across several lanes of traffic, causing other drivers to blast their horns angrily. What the hell are ya doing?" Donna demanded, starting to get unnerved now, "I'm late for the wedding. My own wedding. D'ya get that?!"
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The Doctor tracked the taxi's progress on the scanner. "Got her!" he called and set an intercept course.
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"Turn around!" Donna yelled as the taxi driver continued to ignore her, "Turn this cab around right now! Are ya deaf or what?" She lunged forward and yanked the Father Christmas hood off the driver. The mask fell down to reveal a gold robot underneath. Donna fell back into her seat in shock. "Oh, my god." she breathed, then started frantically banging on the windows, trying to attract the attention of other drivers. "Help me! Help me! Help me!" she cried, pummelling the glass, "Get me out! Help me! I'm being driven by a robot!" But of course, no one could help her.
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The TARDIS' console sparked and the box shuddered. "Behave!" the Doctor scolded, giving the console a whack with the mallet.
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Donna looked behind her and saw the TARDIS appear out of thin air just above the traffic. "You are kidding me." she breathed.
As the box drew level with the taxi, the door opened to reveal the Artist standing there with a rope tied round her waist securing her to the railings. "OPEN THE DOOR!" she yelled, but it was too muffled for Donna to hear.
"DO WHAT?" Donna yelled back.
"DONNA, OPEN THE DOOR!"
Donna tried the door, but it was locked solid. "I CAN'T, IT'S LOCKED!" she called. The Artist flashed her sonic at the door, allowing Donna to push the window down. "Santa's a robot!" she called.
"Yeah, we know." the Artist called back, "Donna, open the door."
"What for?"
"You've gotta jump for it."
"I'm not blinking flip jumping!" Donna shrilled, "I'm supposed to be getting married!"
Overhearing them, the Pilot Fish put it's foot down and the taxi sped ahead. "Damn it!" the Artist muttered, then called over her shoulder to the Doctor at the console; "It's getting away from us."
"On it." the Doctor replied and pulled a lever, causing a few random explosions from the console. "I told ya to behave!" the Doctor scolded, giving the console another whack with the mallet.
The TARDIS sped up, ricocheted off the roof of a car, nearly knocking the Artist out were it not for the rope securing her. The TARDIS caught up with the taxi and the Artist disabled the Pilot Fish with her sonic. "Donna, listen to me, you have to jump!" she urged.
"I'm not jumping on a motorway!" Donna said obstinately.
"Those things need ya for something." the Artist called back, "And you can be certain that whatever it is, it's not good. Now c'mon, quick!"
"I'm in my wedding dress!"
"Yes, and you look lovely in it, now hurry!" the Artist answered back.
Breathing heavily with fear, Donna pushed the door open and positioned herself ready to jump. "I can't do it!" she whimpered.
"Jump, and I'll catch you, trust me." the Artist told her, holding her arms out ready.
"Is that what you said to her? Your friend? The one you lost? Did she trust you?"
"With her life." the Artist answered sincerely, "And she's not dead...she's very much alive. Now c'mon, jump!"
So Donna plucked up courage and jumped. She landed in the Artist's arms and both women fell in a heap on the TARDIS' floor. The Artist nudged the door shut with her foot and the Doctor pulled a lever, sending the TARDIS zooming off into the sky.
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The TARDIS had landed on a helipad on top of a high-rise building. The Artist and Donna stood outside while the Doctor used a fire extinguisher to deal with some small fires on the console. "The funny thing is, for a spaceship, she doesn't really do that much flying." the Doctor commented as he finished up, "We'd better give her a couple of hours. You alright?" he asked Donna.
"Doesn't matter." Donna sighed.
"Did we miss it?"
"Yeah."
"Well, ya can book another date." the Doctor tried to encourage her.
"Course we can."
"Still got the honeymoon."
"It's just a holiday now." Donna said dejectedly.
"Yeah... yeah... sorry."
"It's not your fault." Donna shrugged.
"Makes a change." the Artist remarked, trying to cheer the human up.
"Wish we had a time machine." Donna laughed slightly, "Then we could go back and get it right."
"Um... yeah, yeah." the Doctor shifted, "But... even if we did, we couldn't go back on someone's personal timeline. Apparently." Donna gave him a suspicious glance, but decided to leave it and sat down on the edge of the roof.
The Artist slipped her jacket off and draped it around Donna's shoulders to keep the human warm then she and the Doctor sat down either side of her. "God, you're skinny." Donna remarked, eyeing the Time Lady's slim frame. "Both of ya." She looked at the Doctor's thin build. "Ya like twigs. Don't either of you eat?"
"Yeah, we do." the Artist replied, "We just get a lot of exercise."
"Oh, and you'd better put this on." the Doctor said, reaching into his pocket and producing what looked like a wedding ring.
"Oh, d'ya have to rub it in?" Donna groaned.
"Those creatures can trace you." the Doctor told her, "This is a bio-damper, should keep ya hidden." He slipped it onto Donna's finger. "With this ring, I thee bio-damp."
"For better or for worse." Donna managed to joke, and they all shared a small laugh. "So, come on then. Robot Santas, what're they for?" Donna asked.
"Oh, ya basic robo-scavenger." the Doctor replied, "The Father Christmas stuff is just a disguise. They're trying to blend in. We met 'em last Christmas."
"Why, what happened then?"
Both Time Lords stared at her. "Huge spaceship hovering over London? People standing on rooftops in a trance? Surely you remember that?" the Artist tried.
"I had a bit of hangover." Donna said dismissively.
The Time Lords decided not to pursue this. The Doctor scanned the landscape. "We spent last Christmas just over there, the Powell Estate." he said, nodding to where the estate was visible in the distance. The Artist wandered what had become of the Tyler flat. She supposed it had probably been cleared out and let to someone else by now. "Our friend, she had this family." the Doctor continued, "Well, they were..." He broke off and swallowed hard. "Still, gone now."
"Your friend... who was she?" Donna asked. She could see that both Time Lords had cared very much for this friend of theirs, if their stony expressions were anything to go by.
"Question is, what do camouflaged robot mercenaries want with you?" the Doctor asked, changing the subject, "And how did ya get inside the TARDIS? I dunno... What's ya job?"
"I'm a secretary." Donna replied.
The Doctor pulled out his sonic and scanned Donna with it. "It's weird." he muttered, "I mean, ya not special, ya not powerful, ya not connected, ya not clever, ya not important..."
"Doctor, enough!" the Artist scolded, seeing that he was annoying Donna again.
"Yeah, and stop bleeping me!" Donna grumbled, swatting the sonic away.
"Donna, you said you're a secretary. Where at?" the Artist asked.
"HC Clements." Donna replied, "It's where I met Lance. I was temping. I mean, it was all a bit posh really. I'd spent the last two years at a double glazing firm. Well, I thought, I'm never gonna fit in here. And then he made me a coffee. I mean, that just doesn't happen. Nobody gets the secretaries a coffee. And Lance, he's the head of HR! He needn't bother with me! But he was nice, he was funny. And it turns out he thought everyone else was really snooty too. So that's how it started, me and him, one cup of coffee. That was it."
"When was this?" the Doctor asked.
"Six months ago."
"Hmm, a bit quick to be getting married." the Artist remarked, "Not that I'm criticising, I'm just saying."
"Well... he insisted." Donna replied, "And he nagged... and he nagged me... And he just wore me down and then finally, I just gave in."
Both Time Lords exchanged knowing smirks, suspecting that it was actually the opposite way round. "What does HC Clements do?" the Doctor asked, getting back on topic.
"Oh, security systems, ya know... entry cards, ID cards, that sorta thing." Donna replied, "Ya ask me, it's just a posh name for a locksmith's."
"Keys..." the Doctor mused.
"So, enough of my CV." Donna said, "What about you two?"
"Us?" the Artist questioned.
"Yeah, how'd you two meet?"
"Long story." the Doctor waved her off, "All that matters is that we're together now."
The Artist suddenly realised something; "That reminds me... if today's Christmas Eve, then that means tomorrow's our first anniversary as a couple."
"Ooh, so it is." the Doctor said, smiling happily for the first time since they'd lost Rose, "We'll have to do something to celebrate."
"Well, good for you two." Donna smiled, and got to her feet. "Come on, it's time to face the consequences. Oh, this is gonna be shaming. You can do the explaining, Martian boy."
"Yeah, we're not from Mars." the Doctor said lamely as he and the Artist got to their feet too.
"Oh, I had this great big reception all planned." Donna said, handing the Artist her jacket back, "Everyone's gonna be heartbroken."
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One bus ride later, and the trio arrived at the venue where the reception was to take place. They found that everyone had decided to go on with it without Donna. Merry Xmas Everybody blared out at full volume and everyone was dancing, drinking, eating and laughing. Donna's blood boiled at the merriment, especially when she saw Lance dancing with Nerys. Everyone soon saw the missing bride and the room fell silent, with all eyes on Donna and the Time Lords.
"You had the reception without me?" Donna glared.
"Donna... what happened to ya?" Lance asked, immediately letting go of Nerys.
"You had the reception without me?!" Donna repeated, raising her voice a notch.
There was an awkward silence which the Doctor tried to break. "Hello! I'm the Doctor." he said cheerfully, "And this is the Artist." He gestured to the Time Lady, who facepalmed, rather wishing she was invisible at that moment.
Donna turned to them. "They had the reception without me!" she fumed.
"So we can see." the Artist replied, patting Donna's arm in comfort.
"Well, it was all paid for, so why not?" Nerys said haughtily.
"Thank you, Nerys." Donna glared, realising that it was most likely Nerys' idea to carry on with the reception.
Sylvia stepped forward. "Well, what were we supposed to do?" she burst out, "I got your silly little message in the end: 'I'm on Earth'? Very funny. But the hell happened?"
"You vanished!" Geoff added, relieved to see his daughter back in one piece, but baffled as to why she'd disappeared in the first place.
"How did you do it?" Sylvia demanded, "I mean, what's the trick because I'd love to know..."
The whole room started talking at once, all demanding answers from Donna, and soon all Donna and the Time Lords could hear was an incomprehensible babble of voices. Donna suddenly burst into tears and everyone shut up. Lance hugged her and she cried into his shoulder. Everyone applauded and Donna shot a sneaky wink at the Time Lords through her fake tears.
"I like her." the Artist said quietly to the Doctor. Donna clearly knew how to take care of herself in awkward situations.
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The reception party was soon back in full swing, except now Donna had joined in with the dancing. The Doctor and the Artist were both standing by the bar, the Artist drinking a mocktail, neither of them having the willpower or energy to join in with the merriment. They were still puzzled as to how Donna had ended up in the TARDIS in the first place. The Doctor noticed a man with a mobile phone and gestured to borrow it. The man nodded and handed it over. The Doctor put his glasses on and did an internet search for HC Clements, suspecting that there was more to the company then met the eye. He used his sonic to sped up the process and the screen flashed up with 'HC Clements, sole prop: Torchwood'. Both Time Lords paled at that familiar name. "I should've known." the Doctor muttered, closing the phone and giving it back to its owner.
The Artist cast a look around the room and her eyes fell on a man with a camcorder filming the reception. She nudged the Doctor and pointed the man out to him. "C'mon, let's see what he's filmed. Maybe there's something that could help us." she told him.
"Good idea." the Doctor nodded, and they walked over to the cameraman.
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The cameraman was soon showing the Time Lords the footage from the church. "Oh, I taped the whole thing, they'd all had a look." he said, "They said; 'sell it to You've Been Framed'. I said; 'more like the news'. Here we are..." He played the tape. The camera was zoomed in on Donna's face as seemingly she disintegrated into golden particles with a scream.
The Doctor's eyes widened. "Can't be! Play it again."
The cameraman obliged. "Clever, mind. Good trick, I'll give her that. I was clapping."
Both Time Lords leaned in closer to the screen as they watched the clip of Donna disappearing again. "Is it just me, or do they look like Huon Particles?" the Artist asked worriedly.
"They do." the Doctor agreed, sharing her concerns, "But they can't be..."
"What're they, then?" the cameraman asked.
"That's impossible, that's... ancient!" the Doctor frowned, pulling off his specs, "Huon energy doesn't exist anymore, not for billions of years! So old that..." His eyes were suddenly drawn to the bio-damper on Donna's finger. "It can't be hidden by a bio-damper!" he exclaimed, and he and the Artist swiftly ran to a window. Sure enough, there were masked Pilot Fish making their way slowly towards the building.
The Time Lords sped back to the dance floor. "Donna, we've gotta get outta here fast!" the Artist urged, "They've found you!"
"But you said I was safe." Donna protested.
"The bio-damper doesn't work." the Doctor told her, "We've gotta get everyone out."
"My god, it's all my family!" Donna gasped, looking around at everyone.
"Out the back door!" the Doctor urged and the trio raced to the back doors, only to be confronted by two more Pilot Fish. "Or maybe not." the Doctor said hastily, pulling the doors shut. They darted over to some French windows on the side, but two more Pilot Fish prevented that means of escape.
"We're trapped!" Donna realised.
There was worse to come. The Artist noticed that one of the Pilot Fish was carrying a remote control, then her eyes fell on the massive Christmas tree in the middle of the room. "Christmas trees..." she breathed.
"What about 'em?" Donna asked.
"They kill!" The Artist replied and sped into the crowd on the dance floor. "Get away from the tree!" she hollered, "No one go near that tree!"
"Get away from the Christmas tree!" the Doctor warned, joining her, "Everyone get away from it!" And they began to shepherd people away from the tree.
"Oh, for god's sakes, they're idiots!" Sylvia scoffed, "What harm's a Christmas tree gonna... oh!" She trailed off as she observed the baubles floating away from the tree in a sort of dance. Sylvia and some of the guests were entranced by the sight. Others, such as Geoff, Lance and Nerys were confused, while Donna and the Time Lords watched the baubles mistrustfully.
Suddenly, one of the baubles zoomed over everyone's heads and exploded. More baubles then started dive-bombing around the room and exploding. People screamed and ran for cover, diving under tables, chairs, the bar, anything that could provide shelter. Donna and Lance hid underneath a table, while the Time Lords took refuge behind the DJ's stand. The Artist aimed her sonic at the tree, hoping to stop it like she'd stopped the one in the Tyler flat last Christmas, but she found that it didn't work this time. "Oh, they've gotten clever." she groaned, then she and the Doctor noticed that the Pilot Fish were lined up opposite them.
The Doctor did some lightening-fast thinking. "Oi, Santa!" he yelled, standing up and grabbing the mike, "Word of advice: if ya attacking a man and woman with sonic screwdrivers... don't let 'em near the sound system!" And with that, he and the Artist plunged their sonics into the amplifiers, producing a horrible, high-pitched screeching sound. The humans all covered their ears and the Pilot Fish vibrated violently as the amplified sonic waves hit them until they broke apart and fell in pieces all over the floor. The Time Lords removed the sonics and the Doctor ran to examine the remains of the robots while the Artist checked on the humans as they came out from cover.
"It's alright, Stan." Geoff said to Lance's father as he helped him off the floor, "You'll be alright, it's over."
"Michael? Connie?" Donna called, running to check on two badly shaken kids. "Oh, Senita, do something useful." she called to someone else.
The Doctor picked up the Pilot Fish's remote control. "But what is it?" Lance blustered as he came out of hiding, "What were they?"
"Stop wittering, just help 'em." Donna told him.
"Look at that." the Doctor said to no one in particular, "Remote control for the decorations, but there's a second control for the robots." He examined the head of one. "They're not scavengers anymore, I think someone's taken possession."
"Never mind that for now." the Artist called over to him from where she was busy tending to a man who had been sent flying into the cake by the explosions, "People have been hurt. C'mon, give us a hand."
But the Doctor wasn't paying attention. "They wanted Donna alive." he mused, "They're not active now." He tossed a bauble to Donna, who had just joined him.
"All the same, you could help." Donna said to him.
"Gotta think of the big picture." the Doctor waved her off, holding the head to his ear, "There's still a signal!" He jumped to his feet and took off outside.
"Leave him to me, I'll deal with him." the Artist said to Donna and went off after the Doctor.
"Donna... who are they?" Sylvia asked her daughter, "Who are that man and woman?"
Donna didn't have an answer. She went off after the Time Lords, Sylvia and Lance staring after her.
———————————————————————————
Outside, the Artist was reprimanding the Doctor. "You've done it again." she scolded, "There's people in there who have been injured, and you've completely ignored them just so you can play the hero."
"I'm trying to find out what's going on here." the Doctor tried to defend his actions.
"Yes, but it won't kill you just to spare a moment to think about the people around us." the Artist retorted, "It was exactly this sort of flippant and uncaring attitude from you and Rose that led to Torchwood in the first place."
That stopped the Doctor in his tracks. "I know, I'm sorry." he sighed wearily. Loosing Rose had taught him that he was sometimes too conceited for his own good in this incarnation.
He was scanning the robot head with his sonic when Donna joined them. "There's someone behind this, directing the robo-forms." the Doctor told her.
"But why's it me? What've I done?" Donna questioned.
"Hopefully, if we can can find the controller, we can find that out." the Artist replied.
"Ooh." the Doctor remarked, raising his sonic into the air, "It's up there. Something in the sky." The Artist aimed her sonic skywards too, both of them trying to pinpoint the source of the signal, but it was no use. "We've lost the signal." the Doctor sighed, "Donna, we've gotta get to your office, HC Clements. We think that's where it all started."
The Artist then noticed that Lance had joined them. "Lance, we need to get to HC Clements. Can you give us a lift, please?"
"Um, yeah." a bewildered Lance replied.
"Off we go, then. Allons-y!" the Doctor called, darting off towards the car park.
———————————————————————————
The Doctor, the Artist, Donna and Lance arrived at HC Clements. They ran into the building and into Donna's office. "This might just be a locksmiths, but HC Clements was brought up 23 years ago by the Torchwood Institute." the Doctor explained as he messed about with a computer.
"Who're they"? Donna asked.
"They were the idiots behind the Battle of Canary Wharf." the Artist told her.
There was a blank silence from Donna. "Cyberman invasion?" the Doctor tried to jog her memory.
Donna just looked at him blankly. "Daleks in the sky over London?" the Artist tried.
"Oh, I was in Spain." Donna replied, remembering her grandfather telling her about something like that when she'd came back from her holiday that summer.
"They had Cybermen in Spain." the Doctor remarked.
"Scuba diving." Donna retorted.
"The big picture, Donna, ya keep on missing it." the Doctor huffed, darting over to try another computer, "Torchwood was destroyed, but HC Clements stayed in business. I think someone else came in and took over the operation." He whacked the monitor.
"But what do they want with me?" Donna questioned.
"You've been infected with Huon particles somehow." the Artist told her
"And that's a problem because Huon energy hasn't existed since the Dark Times." the Doctor took over, "The only place you'd find a Huon particle now is a remnant in the heart of the TARDIS. Ya see, that's what happened. Say... that's the TARDIS." He showed Donna a mug. "And that's you." He picked up a pencil. "The particles activated, the two sets of particles magnetised, and whap!" He threw the pencil into the mug. "You were pulled inside the TARDIS."
"I'm a pencil inside a mug?" Donna asked, somewhat baffled by the Doctor's technobabble.
"That's not exactly how I'd put it." the Artist said dryly, "But the big question is: who did this to you and why?"
"Lance, what was HC Clements working on?" the Doctor asked, "Anything top secret? Special operations? Do not enter?"
"I don't know, I'm in charge of personnel. I wasn't project manager." Lance said defensively as the Doctor soniced a computer screen, "Why am I even explaining myself? What the hell are we talking about?"
"You make keys." the Artist replied, peering over the Doctor's shoulder at the screen, "And I think we're onto something."
The Doctor's screen showed a 3D map of the building. "We're on the third floor." he said and went over to the lift. "Underneath reception, there's a basement, yes?" The lift doors opened and he peered inside, looking at the controls. "Then how come when ya look at the lift, there's a button marked 'lower basement'?"
"This building has an entire floor that's not on the official plans." the Artist said, joining the Doctor inside the lift, "So, what's down there?"
"Are you two telling me this building's got a secret floor?" Lance asked sceptically.
"No, we're showing you this building's got a secret floor." the Doctor retorted.
"It needs a key." Donna pointed out.
"We don't." the Doctor said simply, sonicing the lock on the LB button, "Right then, thanks you two, we can handle this. See ya later."
"No chance, Martian." Donna retorted, stepping into the lift with them, "You two keep saving my life, I ain't letting either of ya out of my sight."
"Good idea." the Artist nodded, "You coming, Lance?"
"Maybe I should go to the police." Lance suggested, trying to get out of it.
"Inside." Donna ordered, and Lance meekly joined them in the lift.
"To honour and obey?" the Doctor joked.
"Tell me about it, mate." Lance grumbled.
"Oi!" Donna snapped as the doors closed and the lift descended.
The Artist smiled at Donna, really starting to like this woman. She stood no nonsense from anyone. The Artist only wished that Donna could join them in the TARDIS, she knew they'd get on like a house on fire.
———————————————————————————
The lift reached the lower basement and the quartet stepped out into a long, dark, dank corridor, dimly lit with an eerie green light. "Where are we? What goes on down here?" Donna asked.
"No idea." the Artist replied, looking around uneasily.
"D'ya think Mr Clements knows about this place?"
"The mysterious HC Clements? Oh, I think he's part of it." the Doctor replied, then his eye was caught by something. "Ooh look, transport!"
———————————————————————————
The quartet were soon riding down the corridor on three Segway's, the Doctor and the Artist sharing one, while Donna and Lance had one each and flanked the Time Lords. Donna looked at the others and burst out laughing at how absurd everyone looked. The Doctor and the Artist both started laughing too, but Lance didn't get it, he just looked at the trio as if they were loony. They soon came to a door marked 'Torchwood- authorised personnel only'. The Doctor disembarked from his Segway and turned the wheel to open the door. On the other side of the door was a ladder leading up to a manhole. "Wait here. Just need to get my bearings." he said to the humans. "Don't..." He pointed a stern finger at them. "Do anything. Artist? Could ya..."
"Keep an eye on them?" the Artist finished for him, "No problem."
"Love you." the Doctor smiled, giving her small kiss on the cheek, then he started up the ladder.
"You'd better come back." Donna called after him.
"We couldn't get rid of ya if we tried." the Doctor smirked then resumed his climb.
"Donna... have ya thought about this?" Lance asked his fiancé, "Properly? I mean, this is serious! What the hell are we gonna do?"
"Oh, I thought July." Donna waved him off, not really listening.
The Doctor reached the top of the ladder, opened the manhole and climbed out into the daylight to find himself standing on top of the Thames Flood Barrier. He had a quick look around then climbed back down to join the others. "Thames Flood Barrier, right on top of us." he said, jumping off the last rung, "Torchwood snuck in and built this place underneath."
"What, there's a secret base hidden underneath a major London landmark?" Donna stared.
"Wouldn't be the first time." the Artist remarked, remembering the Nestene Consciousness' lair beneath the London Eye.
The Doctor led the way through another door and they found themselves in some sort of laboratory, full of massive test tubes bubbling away and advanced chemistry equipment. "Ooh, look at this!" the Doctor said excitedly, feeling like a kid in a sweet shop, "Stunning!"
"What does it do?" Donna asked.
"Particle extrusion." the Doctor replied, "Hold on..." He darted over to one of the tubes and tapped it. "Brilliant. Artist, look. They've been manufacturing Huon particles."
"Our people got rid of Huon particles." the Artist explained to the humans, "But someone's unravelled the atomic structure and made their own." This begged the question as to who. Aside from the Time Lords, only a handful of other species knew about Huon energy, and they were supposedly all extinct now.
"Your people?" Lance questioned, "Who're they? What company do you two represent?"
"Oh, we're just a couple of freelancers." the Doctor waved him off, "But this lot are rebuilding 'em. They've been using the river! Extruding 'em through a flat hydrogen base so they've got the end result: Huon particles in liquid form." He removed a phial from one of the tubes.
"And that's what's inside me?" Donna questioned. The Doctor gently turned a knob on top of the test tube, causing the liquid inside to glow gold, and Donna with it. "Oh, my god!" she gasped.
"Genius." the Doctor breathed, turning the knob again, causing Donna to stop glowing. "Cos' the particles are inert, they need something living to catalyse inside and that's you. Saturate the body and then... Ha!" He laughed excitedly, making Donna jump out of her skin and the Artist give him an annoyed look. "Oh! The wedding! Yes, ya getting married, that's it!" the Doctor rambled enthusiastically, "Best day of ya life, walking down the aisle, oh, your body's a battleground! There's a chemical war going on inside! Adrenaline, acetylcholine, wham go the endorphins, oh ya cooking! Yeah, ya like a walking oven! A pressure cooker, a microwave, all churning away, the particles reach boiling point, SHAZAM!"
"Donna, slap him." the Artist said, and Donna did so without a second's hesitation.
"Why did ya let her do that for?!" the Doctor moaned indignantly.
"Because you deserved it." the Artist told him. She loved the Doctor and his enthusiastic ramblings, but there were times where they were just insensitive and inappropriate and this was one of those times.
"Right, just tell me." Donna said, breathing heavily in her distress, "These particles, are they dangerous? Am I safe?"
"Yes." the Doctor lied, but Donna wasn't buying it.
"Doctor... if your lot got rid of Huon particles... why did they do that?"
"Because they were deadly." the Doctor answered truthfully.
"Oh, my god..." Donna whimpered.
"We're gonna fix this, Donna." the Artist promised her, "Whatever they did to you, we'll reverse it. We're not gonna loose anyone else."
Then they heard a series of bangs and crashes that seemed to come from all around them. "Oh, she is long since lost." a raspy female voice called out from somewhere, and one of the walls slid upwards to reveal a vast chamber with an enormous hole in the floor. "I have waited so long, hibernating at the edge of the universe..." the Artist noticed Lance slipping out through the door, too overwhelmed to take much more, or so she hoped. "Until the secret heart was uncovered and called out to waken." the voice continued.
The Doctor then noticed that the walls of the chamber were lined with Roboforms in black hooded cloaks, all armed with blaster rifles, then he walked over to the hole in the floor. "Someone's been digging." he remarked, peering down the hole, "Oh, very Torchwood. Drilled by laser. How far down does it go?"
"Down, down, all the way to the centre of the Earth!"
"Really? Seriously? What for?"
"Stahlman's gas?" the Artist suggested. She remembered the Doctor once telling her about a time when his third incarnation had had to deal with a pompous scientist who led a project to drill to the Earth's crust to extract gas, which the scientist named after himself. This scheme had nearly led to Earth's destruction, but the Doctor's timely intervention had saved the day.
"Could be." the Doctor nodded, though he suspected that this was something else this time.
"Such a sweet couple." the voice hissed.
"Only a madman talks to thin air." the Doctor called out, "And trust me, ya don't wanna make me mad. Where are you?"
"High in the sky, floating so high on Christmas night." the voice answered poetically.
"We didn't come all this way to talk on the intercom!" the Doctor rolled his eyes, "Come on, let's have a look at you!"
"Who are you with such command?"
"I'm the Doctor."
"Prepare your best medicines, doctor-man, for you will be sick at heart." And with that, a huge red-skinned alien that looked to be a cross between a spider and a Human teleported into the room, snarling and growing.
"The Racnoss..." the Doctor breathed.
"Impossible" the Artist stared.
"You're one of the Racnoss!" the Doctor said to the alien.
"Empress of the Racnoss." the Racnoss hissed.
"If you're the Empress, where's the rest of the Racnoss?" the Doctor questioned.
"Or are you the only one left?" the Artist added.
"Such sharp minds." the Empress cackled.
"That's it, the last of your kind." the Doctor observed and turned to Donna. "The Racnoss come from the Dark Times, billions of years ago, billions." he explained, "They were carnivores, omnivores, they devoured whole planets."
"Racnoss are born starving!" the Empress retorted angrily, "Is that our fault?"
"They eat people?!" Donna stared.
"Donna, did Mr Clements wear white and black shoes?" the Artist asked out of nowhere.
"He did!" Donna replied, "We used to laugh, we used to call him the fat cat in spats." the Artist grimly pointed to a web on the ceiling, where a pair of feet in black and white spats could just be seen poking out. "Oh, my god!" Donna gasped in horror.
"Mm, my Christmas dinner!" the Empress joked.
"You shouldn't even exist!" the Doctor said, then explained to Donna; "Way back in history, the Fledging Empires went to war against the Racnoss, they were wiped out."
"One obviously survived." the Artist said flatly.
"Isn't this one clever?" the Empress cackled.
Just then, Lance appeared on a balcony above the Empress. Donna spotted him and Lance motioned for her to distract the Empress. "But that's what I've got inside me, that Huon energy thing." Donna said, doing as Lance requested, "Oi! Look at me, lady, I'm talking! Where do I fit in all this? How comes I get all stacked up with these Huon particles?" Lance descended the stairs, an axe in his hand. "Look at me, you! Look me in the eye and tell me."
"The bride is so feisty." the Empress sniggered.
"Yes, I am!" Donna retorted, "And I dunno what you are, you big... thing. But a spider's just a spider and an axe is an axe! Now, do it!"
Lance raised his axe, ready to swing. The Empress swung round and hissed at him and Lance halted mid-swing. He glanced round to Donna and started laughing, the Empress laughing with him. "That was a good one." he said, "Your face."
The Time Lords glared at him, realisation dawning on them. "Lance is funny." the Empress sniggered.
"What?!" Donna stared.
"I'm sorry, Donna." the Artist said quietly to her.
"Sorry for what?" Donna frowned, "Lance, don't be so stupid! Get her!"
"God, she's thick!" Lance sneered, staring at Donna pityingly, "Months I've had to put up with her, months! A woman who can't even point to Germany on a map!"
"I don't understand." Donna said to the Time Lords.
"How did you meet him?" the Doctor asked.
"In the office."
"And he made you coffee." the Artist said grimly.
"What?!"
"Every day I made you coffee." Lance said callously.
"You had to be dosed with liquid particles for six months." the Doctor told Donna.
Realisation dawned on Donna. "He was poisoning me?"
"It was right there in the job title." the Artist said, glaring daggers at Lance, "The Head of Human Resources."
"This time, it's personnel." Lance joked, and he and the Empress laughed.
"But.. we were getting married." Donna blustered.
"Well, I couldn't risk you running off." Lance sneered, "I had to say yes. And then I was stuck with a woman who thinks the height of excitement is a new flavour Pringle. Oh, I had to sit there and listen to all that yap yap yap... 'Ooh, Brad and Angelina... is Posh pregnant?' X factor, Atkins Diet, Feng Shui, split ends, text me, text me, text me, dear god, the never ending medal of fat, stupid trivia. I deserve a medal." Donna had been listening to this torrent of abuse with an expression of increasing heartbreak and confusion.
The Artist put an arm around her to comfort her. She was going to kill Lance with her bare hands. "Oh, is that what she's offered you?" she sneered, narrowing her eyes at the Empress.
"What are you, her consort?" the Doctor scowled, sharing the Artist's contempt for the man.
"It's better than a night with her." Lance retorted, pointing to Donna.
"But I love you." Donna said plaintively.
"That's what made it easy." Lance retorted nastily, "It's like you said, Doctor, the big picture. What's the point of it all if the human race is nothing? That's what the Empress can give me. The chance to... go out there. To see it. The size of it all. I think you both understand that, don't you, Doctor and whatever-your-name-is?"
"Who are this little physician and his consort?" the Empress sneered.
"What she said, Martian." Lance replied.
"Oh, we're sorta... homeless." the Doctor waved them off, "But the point is, what's down here?" He pointed down the hole. "The Racnoss are extinct. What's gonna help ya 4000 miles down? That's just the molten core of the Earth, isn't it?"
"I think he wants us to talk." Lance smirked.
"I think so too." the Empress agreed.
"Well, tough!" Lance told the Doctor, "All we need is Donna."
"Over our dead bodies." the Artist spat.
"That can be arranged." the Empress cackled and addressed the Roboforms; "Kill this chattering little doctor-man and his consort."
"Don't you hurt 'em!" Donna glared, jumping in front of the Time Lords.
"No, no, it's alright." the Doctor said calmly, having already thought of a plan to get them out of this.
"No, I won't let 'em!" Donna continued.
"At arms!" the Empress ordered, and the Roboforms readied their weapons.
"Ah, now." the Doctor began "Except..."
"Take aim!" the Empress yelled, and the Roboforms aimed their weapons at the Time Lords.
"Well, I just wanna point out the obvious..."
"They won't hit the bride." the Empress interrupted, "They're such very good shots."
"J...j... just hold on, just a tick, just a tiny... just a little... tick. If ya think about it, the particles activated in Donna and drew her inside our spaceship." the Doctor said, pulling the phial of Huon particles out of his pocket, "So, reverse it... and the spaceship comes to her!" He twisted the knob on top of the phial, causing Donna and the particles to glow.
"FIRE!" the Empress ordered and the Roboforms opened fire, but too late. The TARDIS had already materialised around Donna and the Time Lords, protecting them.
"And off we go!" the Doctor said, darting to the console. The Artist joined him and they piloted the TARDIS away to safety.
Donna sat down dejectedly on the jump seat, her whole world crushed. "Oh, ya know what we said before about time machines?" the Doctor rambled, oblivious to this, "Well, I lied. And now we're gonna use it. We need to find out what the Empress of the Racnoss is digging up. If something's buried at the planet's core, it must've been there since the beginning. That's just brilliant. Molto bene! I've always wanted to see this. Donna, we're going further back than we've ever gone before."
The Artist then noticed Donna crying so she sat down beside the human and gave her a comforting hug. "I'm so sorry, Donna." she soothed as Donna cried into her shoulder. "Don't listen to what Lance said. You're brilliant!"
"I love him!" Donna sniffled, "And all the while he was just using me!"
The Artist couldn't help but feel for the crying woman, she might have only know Donna a very short time but she didn't deserve this, she seriously hoped karma got to Lance before she did....otherwise Lance was going to be at the mercy of the fury of a Time Lady.
———————————————————————————
"If a key is lost, then another must be cut." the Empress decided. "At arms!" she ordered her Roboforms, who all turned their weapons on Lance.
———————————————————————————
The TARDIS arrived at her destination and came to a stop. The Doctor peered round the console to where the Artist was comforting the miserable Donna. "We're arrived." he said cautiously, "D'ya wanna see?"
"S'pose." Donna said unenthusiastically.
The Doctor swung the monitor round to them. "Hold on, that scanner's a bit small. Maybe your way's best." He moved to the doors. "Come on."
"You'll like this, Donna." the Artist encouraged as she and Donna stood up, "You're gonna be the first human to ever see this."
"All I wanna see is my bed." Donna sighed.
"I know, but trust me, this is gonna be good." the Artist replied sympathetically.
"Donna Noble, welcome to the creation of the Earth." the Doctor said, and he threw the doors open to a spectacular sight. Donna's mouth fell open as she saw beautifully coloured dust and gas clouds, the sun shining through them and enormous rocks floating around. "We've gone back 4.6 billions years." the Doctor explained, "There's no solar system, not yet. Only dust and rocks and gas."
"There's the sun over there." the Artist added, pointing to the sun, "It's brand new and only just starting to burn."
"Where's the Earth?" Donna asked.
"All around us." the Artist replied, "All these rocks and dust, they'll become the Earth."
"Puts the wedding in perspective." Donna murmured, "Lance was right. We're just... tiny."
"No, but that's what ya do." the Doctor encouraged, "The human race, making sense outta chaos. Marking it out with weddings and Christmas and calendars. This whole process is beautiful, but only if it's being observed."
"So, I came out of all this?" Donna asked, smiling for the first time since Lance's betrayal.
"Brilliant, isn't it?" the Artist encouraged.
They watched a massive chunk of rock float lazily past. "I think that's the Isle of Wight." Donna joked, and they all shared a laugh.
"Eventually, gravity takes hold." the Doctor said, "Say, one big rock, heavier than the other, starts to pull other rocks towards it. All the dust and gas and elements get pulled in, everything, piling in until ya get the..."
"Earth." Donna finished, getting the picture.
"But the question is... what was the first rock?" the Doctor asked rhetorically.
Suddenly, the Artist saw a star-shaped ship emerge through the clouds. "Doctor, look." she said, pointing to it.
"The Racnoss." the Doctor realised, recognising the ship as a Racnoss Webstar.
———————————————————————————
"Now I have measured the bride's catalysis, I can force feed it." the Empress gloated as one of the Roboforms force-fed Lance a jug of water spiked with Huon particles, "Drink the particles, become the key!"
———————————————————————————
The Doctor ran back to the console and turned a dial frantically. "Hold on, the Racnoss are hiding from the war. What's it doing?" he asked the women.
"Exactly what you said!" Donna replied, she and the Artist watching as the rocks, dust and gas all zoomed towards the Webstar as through they were being drawn by a magnetic force.
"The Racnoss didn't just bury something at the centre of the Earth, they became the centre of the Earth." the Artist realised, "That very first rock."
Suddenly, the TARDIS shuddered violently and both women were nearly knocked off their feet. "What was that?" Donna asked as the Artist shut the doors and they staggered back to join the Doctor at the console.
"Trouble." the Doctor replied grimly.
———————————————————————————
"My wonderful key." the Empress crowed, "Now, my servants, bind him!"
A protesting Lance was restrained by two Roboforms as he glowed gold.
———————————————————————————
The Doctor, the Artist and Donna struggled to maintain their balance as the TARDIS shuddered and tipped from side to side. "What the hell is it doing?" Donna yelled over the noise.
"Remember that little trick I pulled, particles pulling particles?" the Doctor called back, he and the Artist desperately trying to pilot the TARDIS, but she was beyond their control. "It works in reverse, they're pulling us back!"
"Well, can't you two stop it?" Donna asked, "Hasn't it got a handbrake? Can't you reverse or warp or beam or something?"
"Afraid not." the Artist said, trying a few controls, but to avail.
The Doctor suddenly had a brainwave. "Oh, wait a minute!" He pulled out the tribophysical waveform macro-kinetic extrapolator from underneath the console. "The extrapolator!"
"Oh yeah, I forgot we had that." the Artist said.
"Can't stop us, but it should give us a good bump!" the Doctor said, plugging the extrapolator into the console, "Now!" He gave the extrapolator a good whack with his trusty mallet.
———————————————————————————
The TARDIS ended up in the corridor of the underground base. "We're about 200 yards to the right." the Doctor said as he, the Artist and Donna emerged, "Come on!"
They ran along the corridor and stopped at the door leading up to the flood barrier. "But what do we do?" Donna panted.
"I dunno! I'm making this up as we go along." the Doctor waved her off, listening at the door with a stethoscope, "But trust me, we've got a history."
"But I still don't understand." Donna said, "I'm full of particles, but what for?"
"To power their ship." the Artist replied, "They used Huon particles as their power source, but our people destroyed them."
"There's a Racnoss web at the centre of the Earth." the Doctor added, "But they're stuck."
At that moment, a Roboform grabbing Donna from behind, covering her mouth so she couldn't scream and dragged her away. The Artist saw this and rushed forward to intervene but another Roboform came out of nowhere and grabbed her.
The Doctor had seen nothing of this and continued to ramble; "They've just been in hibernation of billions of years. Frozen, dead, kaput! So you're the new key. Brand new particles, living particles! They need ya to open it and you have never been so quiet." He turned round to see nothing but an empty corridor. His hearts sank. The Artist had been snatched from right under his nose and he'd been too busy enjoying the sound of his own voice to notice. "Where are you? Are ya alright?" he reached out telepathically.
"Yes, we're fine." the Artist answered telepathically, much to his relief, "The Pilot Fish got us. They're taking us to the Empress."
"Okay, hold on, I'm coming." the Doctor replied. He opened the door with his sonic, only to be confronted with a third Roboform pointing a gun at him.
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In the Empress' chamber, the Artist was handcuffed to a pipe while Donna and Lance were being held in the web on the ceiling.
"I hate you." Donna sneered at her treacherous fiancé.
"Yeah, I think we've gone beyond a bit beyond that now, sweetheart." Lance rolled his eyes, not at all happy at being full of Huon particles himself.
"And I hate you too." the Artist called up to him.
"My golden couple." the Empress gloated to the Humans, "Together at last, your awful wedded wife." She laughed at her own joke. "Tell me, do you want to be released?"
"Yes!" both humans shouted.
"You're supposed to say 'I do'."
"Huh, no chance!" Lance scoffed.
"Say it!" the Empress hissed at him.
"I do." Lance rolled his eyes.
"I do." Donna huffed.
"I don't!" the Empress cackled, "Activate the particles. Purge every last one!" Donna and Lance both glowed gold. "And release!" The Huon particles extracted themselves from the humans and shot off down the hole in the ground. "The secret heart unlocks, and they will waken from their sleep of ages."
"Who will? What's down there?" Donna questioned.
"How thick are you?!" Lance spat.
"She wasn't asking you, so SHUT IT!" the Artist shouted to him, then addressed Donna; "Remember that Webstar we saw from the TARDIS, Donna? That's what's down there."
"My children." the Empress confirmed, "The long-lost Racnoss, now reborn feast on flesh!" Sure enough, the chirping of spiders and the patters of their feet could be faintly heard from the bottom of the hole, but steadily getting louder and closer. "The Webstar shall come to me." the Empress announced, "My babies will be hungry. They need sustenance. Perish the web."
"No!" Lance protested, "Use her!" He nodded to Donna "Or her!" He nodded towards the Artist. "Not me!"
"Oh, my funny little Lance." the Empress smirked, "But you are quite impolite to your lady-friends. Your Empress does not approve."
"Don't you dare!" the Artist roared. Despite Lance's despicable action, he didn't deserve to become dinner for the Racnoss. But the Empress had other ideas and sliced Lance's web with her claws, sending him plunging down the hole to his doom.
"Laaaaaance!" Donna screamed.
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The Empress' own Webstar descended over the River Thames. The confused Londoners looked at it in wonder and awe.
~———————————————————————————
"Harvest the humans!" the Empress ordered, "Reduce them to meat!"
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Bolts of lightening shot out of the Webstar's points, killing any unfortunate human who happened to be in the way. The crowds ran screaming for cover. A little girl nearly got vaporised by a bolt, but her father pulled her to safety in the nick of time.
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The Artist noticed a Roboform climbing up the stairs above her. From the way it was walking, the Artist realised that it wasn't a robot and she had a pretty shrewd idea of who it was.
"My children are climbing towards me and none shall stop them!" the Empress crowed, then looked up at the Roboform. "So you might as well unmask, my clever little doctor-man."
The Roboform removed it's cloak and head to reveal the Doctor. "Oh well, nice try." he shrugged, "Let's get you free." he said to the Artist and unlocked her handcuffs with his sonic.
"That's better." the Artist mumbled, rubbing her sore wrists, then she took out her own sonic and aimed it at Donna's web. "And now your turn, Donna."
"I'm gonna fall!" Donna screeched as the web loosened.
"You're gonna swing!" the Doctor told her. Sure enough, Donna swung right over the hole on one of the web's strands and towards the Time Lords. "I've got ya!" the Doctor called, his arms outstretched. Donna screamed and swung right underneath him.
Fortunately, the Artist was there to catch her and prevent her from smacking into the wall. "You alright?" the Time Lady asked.
"Yeah, good catch." Donna panted.
The Doctor turned to the Empress. "Empress of the Racnoss, I give you one last chance. We can find you a planet. We can find you and your children a place in the universe to co-exist. Take that offer and end this now."
"These men are so funny!" the Empress cackled.
"What's ya answer?"
"Oh, I'm afraid I have to decline." the Empress chortled.
"Then what happens next is ya own doing." the Doctor said in a dark and unforgiving voice.
"I'll show you what happens next." the Empress retorted, "At arms!" And the Roboforms raised their weapons. "Take aim!" They aimed at the Doctor. "And..."
"Relax." the Doctor said quietly and the Roboforms promptly deactivated.
"What did ya do?" Donna asked.
"Guess what I've got, Donna?" The Doctor produced the controller he'd obtained at the reception from one of his pockets. "Pockets!"
"How did that fit in there?" Donna stared.
"They're bigger on the inside." the Artist told her, "Mine are too."
"Roboforms are not necessary." the Empress sneered, "My children may feast on Martian flesh."
"Oh, but we're not from Mars." the Doctor answered back, his eyes dark with cold anger.
"Then where?"
"Our home planet is far away and long-since gone. But it's name lives on; Galifrey."
That name enraged the Empress. "They murdered the Racnoss!"
"I warned you." the Doctor said darkly, "You did this." He produced a handful of exploding baubles.
The Empress realised what he was about to do. "No! No! Don't! No!"
The Doctor threw the baubles into the air and used the remote to pilot them. "Down." the Artist warned Donna, and they both took cover behind the stairs as some of the baubles surrounded the Empress while others smashed into the walls of the corridor, destroying them and letting water from the Thames pour in a raging torrent. Another bauble exploded at the Empress' feet, starting a fire.
"No! My children!" the Empress wailed as water flooded into the chamber and down the hole.
The Artist and Donna came out of cover to see the Doctor standing on the stairs, watching in silence and surrounded by fire and water while the river swirled down the hole like a plughole. "Doctor!" Donna called, "You can stop now!" But the Doctor couldn't stop. He remained where he was, watching the Empress writhe and wail in agony with dark eyes, full of pain and anguish...feelings he knew all too well.
"Come on." the Artist said to Donna, and they both hurried up the stairs to him. When they reached the Doctor, the Artist put her hand on his shoulder. "Doctor, we've done enough." she told him, her voice gentle but firm, "Come on, snap out of it!" Her voice pulled the Doctor out of his trance.
"Come on, time we got out!" he said, and the soaking wet trio ran up the stairs.
"Transport me!" the Empress shouted, and teleported herself back to her Webstar. "Oh, they will suffer! So suffer! This planet shall be scorched!"
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The Time Lords and Donna climbed up the ladder towards the manhole. "But what about the Empress?" Donna asked.
"She's got no Huon energy left, so she's a sitting duck." the Artist answered.
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British Army tanks rumbled down the London streets, their guns aimed at the Webstar. "Orders from Mr Saxon, fire at will!" a commander said over the radio.
"Fire!" a soldier yelled, and the tanks let the Webstar have it.
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The Doctor, the Artist and Donna climbed out onto the Thames Barrier just in time to see the Webstar explode in a spectacular fireball. Thus ended the Racnoss threat. The Doctor and Donna both laughed in relief while the Artist just gave a relieved smile.
"Just... there's one problem." Donna said after she'd caught her breath.
"What's that?" the Doctor asked.
"We've drained the Thames!" Donna replied. And sure enough, the Thames was completely empty of water. All three of them collapsed laughing. They couldn't help it, they were all just glad that the worst was over. The Racnoss had been stopped and the river would soon refill itself again, so Earth was safe.
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The TARDIS materialised outside the Noble house in Wessex Lane, Chiswick. The Doctor, the Artist and Donna stepped out. "There we go. Told ya she'd be alright." the Doctor said, patting the box's woodwork, "Survive anything."
"More than I've done." Donna sighed, the reality of the day's events hitting her.
The Artist scanned her with her sonic. "All the Huon particles are gone." she told her, "You're a-ok."
"Yeah, but apart from that... I missed my wedding, lost my job an' became a widow on the same day. Sort of."
"I'm sorry." the Artist said sympathetically, "We couldn't save Lance."
"He deserved it." Donna said unfeelingly, then took a beat. "No, he didn't." She looked at her house. "I'd better get inside, they'll be worried."
"Best Christmas present they could have." the Doctor said, watching a worried Geoff and Sylvia embracing each other through the window, "Oh no, I forgot, you hate Christmas."
"Yes, I do."
"Even if it snows?" the Doctor asked, reaching into the TARDIS and flicking a switch on the top of the doorframe. A ball of light shot out of the box's rooftop lamp and exploded like a firework in the sky into softly falling snow.
"I can't believe ya did that!" Donna laughed in delight.
"Oh, basic atmospheric excitation." the Doctor replied casually.
"Merry Christmas." Donna beamed at the Time Lords.
"And you." the Artist smiled back, "So, what will you do with yourself now?"
"Not getting married for starters." Donna replied, "And I'm not gonna temp anymore. I dunno... travel.. see a bit more of Planet Earth... walk in the dust. Just... go out there and do something."
"Well, you could always come with us." the Artist suggested, "There's plenty of room in the TARDIS." She really liked Donna and would love it if she'd join them.
"Thanks, but no." Donna replied.
"Okay" the Doctor said quickly.
"I can't... I mean, everything we did today... do both of ya live ya lives like that?"
"Not all the time." the Doctor said unconvincingly.
"I think you do." Donna said, "And I couldn't."
"But you've seen it out there." the Doctor said, "It's beautiful."
"And it's terrible." Donna countered, "That place was flooding and burning and they were dying and you were just stood there like... I dunno... a stranger. And if Artist hadn't have snapped you outta it..." She tailed off, hardly daring to think of what could've happened. "And then you made it snow." she continued, "I mean, you scare me to death!"
"Well then." the Doctor said after a short silence, understanding.
"Tell ya what I will do, though..." Donna said more cheerfully, "Christmas dinner." The Doctor looked alarmed at the idea. "Oh, come on." Donna encouraged.
"We don't do that sorta thing." the Doctor said hastily.
"We did last year." the Artist reminded him.
"And ya might as well cos' mum always cooks enough for 20." Donna said.
"Oh, alright then." the Doctor groaned, "But you go first, better warn 'em. And don't say we're Martians." He gestured to the TARDIS. "We just have to park her properly, she might drift off to the middle ages. We'll see ya in a minute." He and the Artist went back inside the TARDIS while Donna walked towards her house.
Suddenly, Donna heard the TARDIS' dematerialisation sound and that was when she realised that she was never going to see either Time Lord again. "DOCTOR! ARTIST!" she bellowed.
The TARDIS' engines stopped and the Time Lords poked their heads out the door. "Blimey, you can shout!" the Doctor remarked.
"Am I ever gonna see either of you again?" Donna asked.
"Hopefully...one day." the Artist smiled, really hoping that they would.
"Just... promise me one thing." Donna said to her, "Look after him." She gestured to the Doctor.
"She always does." the Doctor replied, giving the Artist a kiss on the cheek.
"Yeah, but I think you need to be stopped sometimes." Donna told him seriously. "And you can do that." she told the Artist.
"Yeah, I'll try." the Artist replied, seeing the truth in Donna's words.
"Thanks then, Donna." the Doctor said, "Good luck."
"And be magnificent." the Artist added, "I know you can."
Donna smiled and laughed. "I think I will, yeah." The Time Lords retreated back inside the TARDIS. "Artist? Doctor?"
"Oh, what is it now?" the Doctor grumbled, poking his head out again.
"That friend of yours... what was her name?"
"Her name was Rose." the Doctor answered, a lump in his throat. The Artist patted his shoulder comfortingly and they both went back inside.
The engines started up and Donna watched as the box dematerialised, then she walked back home.
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The Time Lords soon had the TARDIS back in the Time Vortex. "Right..." the Artist said, "I dunno about you, but I could use a nice hot shower. Feels like I've got half the Thames in my hair."
"Yeah, me too." the Doctor replied, "Um, I just wanted to say...thank you."
"For what?"
"For stopping me." the Doctor said, walking round the console to stand by her, "Donna was right. If you hadn't have stopped me, well..." He tailed off, hardly daring to think of what would've happened.
"Well, I know you've got that bit of darkness in you." the Artist replied, "The Oncoming Storm. Can't say I blame you, though. After recent events, a Racnoss invasion would push anyone over the edge. Hell, if Donna hadn't have been there, I might not've stopped you...But remember, you're a good man. Don't let anyone or anything persuade you otherwise."
"I will. Thank you." the Doctor smiled, "Um, there's something I've meaning to ask ya, but with everything that's happened these past few days, I dunno if you'd think it appropriate."
"Well, you might as well ask me." the Artist encouraged, "What is it?"
The Doctor took a deep breath, plucking up courage. "Would you like to move in with me? I mean... into my room? Ya know, live together?"
"I'd love to." the Artist smiled.
"Brilliant! Molto bene!" the Doctor grinned and kissed her. "C'mon, no time like the present. Allons-y!" He took the Artist's hand and they happily walked off towards the Doctor's bedroom....now their bedroom.