•||Ch17: New Beginning||•
||Mehrun||
"Have you been talking to Saim?" Mirha Phupho, who was now my mother-in-law, asked me while running her fingers in my hair gently.
I was at her home after shopping for my upcoming wedding functions. She made me stay with her for one night.
Right now after tiring from shopping, I was laying on the couch, in her living room, with my head on her lap.
"Yes," I answered her, quietly, lowering my eyes and thinking about our silent conversation every night.
Till now he had shown me nothing but comfort, peace and kindness. And this was what made me feel guilty for ruining his life with my sudden invadness.
I had heard that he had been working overtime and trying to finish all his scheduled work just to return back soon for our wedding.
"Don't ever feel lonely, Mehrun. We all are with you. You were my precious niece and now my precious daughter. I can guarantee that Saim will never leave your hand or disappoint you. But by chance if he ever disappoints, come back to us. We will have your back. I will personally fight for you," She told me, softly and kissed my head.
I hummed and closed my eyes, feeling tears dwelling in my eyes. As the days of my wedding neared, my emotions were getting out of control too.
I was at that phase of my life where I didn't know what to expect from my future and what to dream of.
I stayed with Mirha Phupho for half an hour then returned to the guest room where I usually stayed. I sat on the window seat with my phone in my hand, staring at the name and debating whether to hit voice call or not.
Taking a long deep breath, I hit the voice call finally and waited, feeling like my heart slowed down a lot with each ringing. Just when I was about to end the call, it was picked up.
.........
"Mehrun."
There was tiredness in his soft voice mixed with some happiness too.
.........
"I..."
I tried to speak but all the words were stuck in my head, mixing up.
I squeezed my eyes shut and listened to his breath, trying to arrange my words again.
While I was silently arranging, he was waiting patiently, not encouraging me. Maybe he knew I had something to say to him and needed time.
I opened my eyes slowly, looking down at my fingers tracing the outline of the window.
"Please don't expect me to give my heart to you. I can give you anything but not my heart. So please don't expect too much."
I closed my eyes again when I felt my voice shivered from emotions.
.........
"Mehrun, I know it will be a lot difficult for you to accept all this so suddenly. But I'm always here to wait for you. You have my words."
I opened my eyes slowly after hearing him and felt something in my heart.
"I have promised you before and I'll promise you again. I'll never leave your hand after holding it."
The heart which was restless and terrified calmed down.
.........
But deep inside I was still feeling insecure. There was this feeling since Shaizum left me that everyone would also leave me like him, including Saim too.
"But I can't reciprocate your feelings... What if you..."
You regret it and leave me like him?
I wanted to continue and asked this but I swallowed these words remembering his promise.
.........
"I know what I am doing, Mehrun... Wait for me," He told me, softly.
.........
I hummed and just like our everyday conservation, we both fell into silence, sharing nothing but comfortable and peaceful silence.
Once my heart was completely calmed, I told him quietly before hanging up.
"I'll wait for you."
.........
Everyone was so finally happy, dad was happy with our marriage and the real smile on mom's face also returned.
I didn't want to ruin anything anymore because of my insecurities.
• • •
"Here is our songs book," Laraib waved the book in excitement.
She arranged a small gathering in my home, inviting only Anmol, my old friends who never left my side since Shaizum and my Phupho's family. My nano and Aani's family were also here.
I sat with them with a smile, showing I was also enjoying with them. They were all singing together while I was clapping with them.
Ammi, Saim's first grandmother, was sitting beside me on my right side with her elegant smile.
"Is there something on your mind?" She asked me which made me look away from her in embarrassment.
I shook my head, feeling my ears turning hot.
"Don't be embarrassed. Ask whatever is on your mind," She told me, softly, patting my hand.
I looked down at her wrinkled soft and fragile hand which was on my hand, showing a clear picture of how she was getting so old and fragile.
"Do you have any regrets in your life?" I asked her, quietly.
She looked at me with a smile then at Anmol who was on my left side. There was a smile on Ammi's face but her eyes were telling a slightly different story.
"Hmm. I regret giving my heart and love so easily in the early stage of my marriage, without knowing if he really loves me or not," She whispered.
There were no emotions in her voice, just calmness but I felt all the hidden emotions in her. She might look calm but deep inside she was angry, betrayed and hurt.
I held her hand softly and squeezed it gently.
"You both are going to enter in a new phase of your life which is a happy event. Just remember my one piece of advice. Don't give your heart too early in the beginning of your relationship without knowing your other half," She told us, softly with a smile.
"Don't compromise too much one-sidedly and never wait too long like me, expecting my husband to return those feelings back," She added.
I didn't know the real story of what happened to her but she was hurt by her husband so badly that she never moved on.
"Saim may be my grandson to take sides with but he is truly sincere with you then take a further step in your relationship otherwise don't hesitate to walk out... Just.. don't be like me. Don't be Zunaira part 2."
"Have you ever really forgiven him, your husband?" Anmol asked her.
"Be honest, in the beginning no. But later I did after moving on from my feelings. Now I just.. don't care."
A chuckle escaped from Ammi's lips.
"But he returned my feelings and yet he... left me...," I said, looking down at our hands.
The person, he, in my conservation was none other than Shaizum.
"I pray you both girls get what I never had after marriage," Ammi blessed us with her blessing.
"Ladies, may I have your attention please," Mohsin's excited voice took our attention.
We all looked at him who was standing at the patio's door. Everyone stopped singing, giving their full attention to him.
"I have a very special surprise for you," He told everyone in a loud voice.
He stepped aside from the patio's door, revealing Saim standing there. I froze as he stepped in the backyard and greeted everyone. His eyes caught mine, giving me his polite smile. I looked away from him while trying to calm my nervous restless heart.
He looked so tired but happy at the same time. Till now he never showed resentment for our marriage. But still, my heart wasn't fully ready to move on for real.
Next week was our wedding and every preparation was completed.
Anmol gave up her seat and joined Laraib who was sitting in the middle with dholki (drum). After greeting everyone, Saim came to greet Ammi. I scooted towards Anmol's seat, giving him my seat beside Ammi.
"How are you, Mehrun?" He asked me in a small voice after talking to Ammi.
"Good and you?" I answered him in the same level of small voice.
"Me too but a little bit tired too," He replied back.
Everyone around us noticed our small movements with knowing smiles which made me embarrassed but thankfully no one came to tease us openly, giving us some space.
We didn't speak further, just sat in silence, looking at everyone enjoying the small function.
• • •
"You are looking so beautiful, Mehrun."
Laraib told me while adjusting my lengha.
I hummed in response absentmindedly while staring at the henna of Saim's name on my hands. I was trying my best to suppress those memories related to henna but they kept overflowing in my head.
~ ~ ~
Flashback
"Where is my name?" Shaizum asked me while trying to find his name.
It was the eve of Eid-ul-Fitr. I had henna on both hands from the salon and I had him pick me from there then drop me at my home. But instead of starting the car, he held my hand and scanned my hands to find his name.
"What if I say I don't have your name on my hands?" I asked him, giggling lightly.
He glanced at me with a cute grumpy face then got out of the car, going inside the salon. I shook my head with a chuckle and looked at my palm. There was his name written in designs which needed focus to understand.
How could I never have his name written on my hands with henna!
Few minutes later, he returned with a grin and waved a henna cone at me.
"It's ok. If you don't have my name in your hands then I'll write your name in my hands," He said then wrote my name in his both hands in front of me.
"How are you going to drive now?" I asked him while laughing but deep inside my heart was fluttering in happiness.
"With my fingertips," He answered me, starting the car and moving the steering with fingers.
"Look at my palms with focus. I have your name there," I showed him my palms with a grin, pointing at the location on both of my hands.
"But seriously you are crazy," I added, pointing my head at his hands.
"For you. Yes, I am!"
~ ~ ~
Present
"My little doll looks so beautiful. Allah protects you from all evil gazes."
I snapped back to the present as dad put his hand on head while blessing me. I teared up due to the past's flashback and from the present's overwhelming emotions.
I kept my gaze down and held my tears. He extended his hand for me. Silently I put my hand in his and held tightly.
"He will always keep you happy. Trust my choice for last time," He squeezed my hand, gently.
I nodded my head and pulled a fake smile on my lips, while fidgeting with my dupatta with my other hand.
"If, God forbid, something happens or you'll not be happy with this marriage, I'll not stop you from anything you want... I just want my daughter to be happy," He told me, softly with worry and concern for me in his voice.
I nodded my head while we both moved towards the entrance of the hall slowly.
"Just please.. don't be angry at me or resent me."
I stopped and looked up at him through my tears.
"I will never resent you or be angry at you, dad."
My voice shivered with emotions.
He kissed my forehead while half hugging me. The entrance door of the hall opened slowly, making us look there. On each side was a row of girls with flower petals in their hands.
As dad and I stepped inside, they threw flowers one by one, making a flower path and showering me with flowers. Once we reached where Saim was waiting for me, he extended his hand towards me.
Dad put my hand in Saim's hand and was about to step back but I grabbed his hand from my other hand. I looked at dad with my tearful eyes. Telling him, showing him how I was scared of officially starting a new chapter of my life without him.
I am still a little girl, dad. I am not brave. I am not strong. I don't want to grow up. I don't want to leave you...
"Your makeup will be ruined," He whispered with a sad smile.
Without wasting any second I pulled my hand from Saim's and wrapped my arms around dad.
"It's waterproof," I sobbed in his arms and felt his tears fall on my shoulder.
We both cried in each other's arms until mom came and calmed both of us down. Dad and mom helped me wipe my tears then handed me to Saim.
"I promise you again, Mehrun. You will not regret us," Saim whispered as I stood beside him.
I lowered my eyes and silently sat on the couch with his help, showing a fake smile to every guest who came to bless us or congratulate us.
My body was tense and stiff while thinking of what would happen at night. As much as I was trying to relax my body, this thought entered my mind one by one without any warning.
"Take a deep breath, Mehrun. Treat it like a normal day," Saim whispered voice sounded in my ears.
I turned my head to look at him while fidgeting my fingers. He looked so calm unlike me.
"Are you not nervous?" I asked him, softly.
"You have no idea how nervous I am right now, wife."
I was stunned on hearing him calling me wife and looked away from him, feeling my ears turning hot after I understood who he called.
In the whole event other than our photoshoot, I didn't look at him again because the word wife kept echoing in my ears.
• • •
I looked in the mirror of my new room in my new home. My eyes were red due to crying since we left the hall. I had myself locked in the wardrobe, away from the bed which was decorated beautifully for newlyweds.
With shaking hands I removed the heavy dupatta from my head then tried to remove countless black pins from my hair.
"Wife, are you inside?"
My hands trembled midway as Saim's voice came through the other side of the door followed by a knock.
He entered this role so quickly like he had practiced this many times. Taking a deep breath, I left my hair and went to open the door slowly.
"Do you need help?" He asked me, pointing at my half opened hair.
I opened the door completely in response and let him enter. I sat in front of the vanity while he helped me undo my hair. I was tense the whole time. After he was done, he leaned against the vanity, opening a ring box in front of me.
"My wedding gift for you," He told me, taking the ring out of the box and stretching his other hand in front of me.
Without moving, I stared at the ring in front of me, making me more nervous. He took my hand in his when I didn't make any move.
"You don't have to be nervous around me. I'll not do anything which you'll find uncomfortable. Take all the time you need. Don't worry about me.... Just.. don't take too long," He whispered, slipping the ring in my ring finger.
After slipping the ring completely in my finger, he kissed my knuckles. Suddenly, I didn't know what I was truly feeling.
"Come. Eat something. You didn't eat anything in hall," He spoke so softly and gently.
I nodded my head and stood up, following him out of wardrobe to his room which had now become ours.
..........
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