For the next couple of days, Bernie was extremely shaken up about the situation with Holden. She hadn't said a word about it to anybody, not Flo, not Brian, not a soul. It wasn't the event itself that startled her, in fact, a proud smile came to her face whenever she replayed it in her mind how well she handled it. What did scare her was what could have happened and if there was a possibility of a 'next time'. And if there was a 'next time', would she be so lucky again?
On Thursday morning, Bernie had no choice but to push it to the back of her mind (and preferably keep it there), unless she wanted her grade to suffer dramatically. She barely made it to college, her legs were shaking so much with nerves. At least they were shaking with anxiety and not pain like they were merely three months ago. God, where had the time gone? As per usual, she was early, so took the time to wait outside the examination room and shuffle through her notes one final time.
"Bernadette Maxwell, you may enter." The invigilator: a lean, suited chap with thinning brown hair called her name and led the way into the small room. Because everybody else had already completed and passed their exams, Bernie was forced to be tested inside a private room by herself. At least she could work in absolute silence. "If you'd like to take a seat, your candidate number and center number are on the card allocated to you as follows." It was all very official, the invigilator's deep voice filling the surprisingly spacious room.
Silently, Bernie followed instruction and jotted down all the necessary details onto the front of her exam paper, strictly in black ink. The invigilator, of whom did not reveal his own name but frequently used Bernie's, mumbled his way through all of the other regulations. These she already knew and was becoming more impatient with every rule reeled off. Finally, he stopped talking and clicked the button on the top of the timer. "You have one hour and forty five minutes. The time is currently nine twenty two, your exam will finish at eleven o'seven. You may begin."
For the next hour and forty-five minutes, the only sounds that could be heard were the abrupt ticking of the timer, Bernie's pages rustling as she flicked to the next one and any noise the invigilator made, which was surprisingly minimal. He just sat there, reading the paper and solving the crosswords on the back, occasionally taking a glance in Bernie's direction to make sure she wasn't cheating. Of course she wouldn't cheat, she was too competitive to herself to do something as illegitimate as feigning success. Still, he didn't know this about her and nor would he.
Just over an hour in, Bernie had completed everything she could on the first time round and so turned back to the front page and filled it all in again, this time checking all of her answers precariously and filling in any gaps. Honestly, she was prepared for the exam to be a lot more challenging than this, but that didn't stop her leg from bouncing anxiously under the desk. Each minute seemed longer than the last as Bernie continued to monotonously rifle through the pages in front of her, double-checking everything so closely that the answer she was sure was right didn't look so correct after all.
Finally the shrill sound of the timer being up ricocheted around the empty room and Bernie was permitted to leave. "We shall get your paper marked and an official grade will be posted to you in the next week or so. Have a nice day, Miss Maxwell." The invigilator said, collecting up her pen and paper and exiting the room with her, flicking the lights off as they went. Outside the room, they parted ways and Bernie went straight home, feeling suddenly exhausted and drained.
An entire week trickled through her fingers like treacle: slow, pitiful and leaving an unpleasant feeling. In that week, Flo had barely been at home and Bernie felt as if she was losing her sister. Ever since she found out about June, she couldn't help but feel that Flo used Bernie's awareness to her own advantage by guiltlessly leaving her sister by herself for often days on end. Of course Bernie didn't want Flo to feel uneasy about visiting her girlfriend, but she also profusely wished that her older sister would spare more time for her.
Meanwhile, Queen and their girlfriends(and wives) had only two more weeks at Ridge Farm before their one week return before setting off for Rockfield. Not that Bernie was resenting them all having a nice time and a holiday-like stay away, but she did wish Brian would ask how she was, at least once. He asked about how the exam went, but that was it. Therefore, Bernie didn't feel inclined to let him know of any more news in her life, like Holden's continued pestering. This was extremely unlike Brian, so she just let it go, knowing that he'd be eager to hear about her lonesome six weeks and was only being closed off about her life because he had a lot on his own plate to deal with. Apparently there had been a few quarrels amidst the fun in the sun...
Over a week later, on the penultimate Saturday spent at Ridge Farm, Bernie's letter box spat out a large, A4 envelope stamped with the bold red letters: DO NOT BEND. She acknowledged the command and carefully prised open the seal using a penknife with shaking hands. This was it, this was what she had worked relentlessly for, even broken a bone for. Bile bubbling in her stomach, she slid the thick piece of paper out of the envelope and flipped it over, squinting at her destiny through her eyelashes.
There, in black lettering, was her name and college details surrounding a box with one letter and one letter only inside. A.
She'd done it! Not only had she passed, but with flying colours too! Leaping up from her seat, Bernie bounded around the flat alone with joy. All the hard work had paid off and she was halfway to becoming a fully qualified police officer. She opened her arms to hug Flo, but then remembered that she was at work, or June's, or wherever she went nowadays that didn't involve Bernie. There was no Brian to celebrate with either. Nobody but herself. Excitement and an encompassing feeling of loneliness battled against each other in her heart and the emotional conflict severely fatigued her, even though it was still only late morning.
Following this, for the rest of the day, Bernie moped around, not sure of how to handle her own company in such times of merriment. Occasionally, another wave of glee would wash over her and she'd grin proudly to the empty flat, appreciating her personal victory. So far, nobody else knew about the royal A than herself: Flo really was genuinely at work and Brian wouldn't answer the phone, so she assumed he was still asleep. At 11 o'clock in the morning. Ridge Farm really was a holiday.
5/1/23 - what's this? a chapter on a thursday? i'm blaming the bank holiday...