I was shocked staring at the mask in Kanat's locker. "You", I whispered in disbelief whereas it was actually clear he had something to do with Leyla's accident. I suspected them from the beginning but now standing here and seeing this I actually feel disappointed. I thought that maybe he changed for the better after he helped me with my panic attack. I was sure that he changed. While we were together it did not bother me that much because I did things that were worse than what he has done but I changed and I wished he had changed too but obviously that is not the case.
He heard me and quickly shut his locker while he turned around and looked at me in shock. His eyes were screaming it's not what it looks like or that's just me hoping he would say that. He slowly started to approach me how a predator would approach his prey. "Did you want to say something?" he asked me to which I shook my head. "You said ‚You' and stopped" he started but I could not really adapt to what he was saying. "It's nothing" I whispered and started to walk away not believing what I saw.
I walked to my class and took my bag with me to leave but was stopped by Bekir who was asking me where I'm going. "I am not feeling well, Bekir" I started and he looked at me worried "did someone say anything?" he asked concerned but I just wanted to leave so I said that I have a headache and left the classroom.
As I was walking towards the entrance of the school our teacher Selim spotted me and stopped me. "Ela what's going on?" I quickly said that I was going home to which he asked if something happened and if I wanted to talk but I shrugged it off and said I have a headache to which he nodded so that I left.
I was walking on the street and my heart was beating like crazy since I still could not believe what happened. I was confused and did know that I can not call Selcuk abi because I know of Kanat's family situation and I can't do that to him. However, I need some answers and someone to tell what happened so I called Ekim but she didn't pick up because she's probably in class where I ironically would be too.
As I looked up from my phone I saw Kanat staring at me from his car and time seemed to freeze. It's so crazy how he still has that effect on me how the atmosphere heats up and it's as if only him and I exist. My heart beats so fast that I had to look away and started to walk ahead. He must now that I'm suspecting something because he knows me. But I can not let that stop me because we promised to find out what happened to Leyla and I can't let Kanat interfere in that.
I knew it would confuse me to see him again but I ended things out of a reason even if I sometimes do miss him. But standing here reminds me why I ended things because I changed as a person and can not go back to the way I used to be. That's why I tried to ignore him by walking ahead. I just hoped he would stop following me but Kanat can be so stubborn so I knew he would not stop. I walked across a street and he drove faster and blocked me on my way.
"Are you really that afraid of that you're running away from me, Ela?" he asked amused which I immediately denied. "Why would I be afraid of you?" I countered but he narrowed his eyes and stared intensely long at me almost longingly "I know you, Ela. The same way I know you're suspecting I have something to do with Leyla's accident which is why we have to talk about it" he stated which made my jaw drop. How can he be so straightforward? However, what he said did not stop me feeling unsure of this situation. I do not know this new Kanat and I'm afraid what talking to him will make me realise.
He seemed to sense my inner conflict so he started "and you also skipped school so obviously you did not change that much so let's have some fun and talk and I'll drive you home right after that" he promised. "Will you stop if I come with you" to which he nodded his head towards his car so I climbed inside not knowing our talk would change many things.
He drove us to a fancy café to which I narrowed my eyes because we never went to fancy café's. I looked at him and he started to laugh "Come on, there's someone inside you know too" he started as we stepped out of the car. However, my overthinking self thinks that this is a bad idea. "I think it is better if I go home and we forget what happened" I said as I started to walk away but he quickly grabbed my arm and pulled me towards him. "Don't be a mood killer, Ela. We both know you're afraid to find out things you don't like" he said looking at me.
I literally shuddered because he is right. I am not afraid to find out he is involved in Leyla's accident but more to find out he is still the Kanat I know and that there is still part of him I love and he knows that. He's not implying on Leyla's accident but on me running away from my feelings. He always did that. I was so lost I drifted off and started to think about one of our fights.
Flashback 9 months ago
It was my 17th birthday but also one month before the day that my mother left us years ago which is why I never want to celebrate my birthday. However, Kanat and Melisa would not take that and convinced me that we should still celebrate it in Melisa's garden and I agreed to not hurt them but the condition was that we do something small.
Yeah by saying something small I did not mean almost all of our classes. I was pissed and Kanat sensed my mood which is why he pulled me inside and we sat down on Melisa's couch. "Okay, things kind of got out of control but before we let that ruin the day I have a little gift for you" he started to which I gave him a pointed look since he promised he would not gift me anything. He gave me a small package and I opened it and started to laugh. It was a necklace with a tornado on it. I shook my head at him so he would explain the meaning and he started to laugh. "Did you not already figure it out?" he started "Wherever you go, chaos is coming after you, you chaos bringer" he whispered and kissed the spot on my neck that drives me crazy "which is why I love you" he whispered but I heard it and tensed up.
He seemed to feel me tense up which is why he looked at me sad. He knows how much I struggle to say I love him back. I shrugged my head disappointed in myself and he took my hand and assured me that it is okay. I saw his mother walking towards the door of the garden and couldn't help but roll my eyes. Usually I love Suna I probably could not help it because Kanat got beaten up by his dad after he tried to defend Aziz.
I started to laugh "I can not believe she is walking around like nothing happens" to which Kanat shook his head "She can not do more than that, my love" to which I shook my head "But she is supposed to do more. A mother is supposed to protect her children" he laughed at that "that's ironic coming from you" and time seemed to freeze at that moment.
I quickly looked at him "What is that supposed to mean?" I asked hurtful. "It's that your mother does not protected you either and you can not accuse my mother all the time" he stated angrily and I quickly got up. "I can't believe you're saying this right now" I stated in disbelief whereas I know I was at fault for starting with his mother. "And you're just avoiding your feeling because you're afraid so that's why you're pushing me away right now because you are afraid of being left again" he stated and I shook my head frantically even though I know he is right. "Coming here was a mistake" I stated and left him alone.
(Here's the long awaited chapter. So now we're at episode 2 and I'm very exited because I love to write Ela and Kanat's scenes🥺🥰. Also I love to write about Ela and Melisa's friendship as well as her coming one with Hazal which next chapter will be about. I'll probably post it in one week so bear with me and let me know what you think of this chapter. 🤗)