If you see a ♦♦♦ its Tokiya, ♫ its Satsuki and ◊ for Sho
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"Hayato! Why are you singing insincere songs?" Shinomiya Natsuki; a schoolmate shouted at me while I am in my concert, he hi-jacked it by the way. I had been desperate on my singing career but my agency is not pushing for it. I want to sing...I want everyone to hear my voice... and I want to hear HIS voice again.
We debuted together and with Otoya, Ren, Hijirikawa and Sho as the STARISH.
Shinomiya doesn't remember anything; it had been a puzzle for me... I really love his voice that time, it has so much passion and genuineness I want to hear from him how did he do so? Nanami-san and Sho discussed to us that the person in the concert is not Shinomiya Natsuki but his alter ego Satsuki that seems to appear when Shinomiya's glasses are tipped off.
Arghhh I dropped my composing pen when Otoya pushed me earlier, I need it. I am searching every space in the lounge room to find my favorite pencil, "Tokiya-kun~~~! What are you doing there?" I looked up and saw Shinomiya's towering figure in front of me; by the way I am kneeling on the floor.
"I lost something. Please don't be bothered. You can sit in the sofa." He looked straight at me and then he smiled. "I'll help you. Even though I am wearing glasses I have a great luck in searching for things!" yeah I know, you can sense and find Sho wherever he is; I agreed and we re-started the "Find Mr. Pencil for composing" operation.
"Did you find anything Shinomi..." I noticed he is not wearing his glasses... oh crap, Satsuki-san. He stared daggers at me but he still continued searching around. "I guess we should have a break, I'll fetch us a snack in the kitchen." I ran, I am blushing right now... seriously I want to have a nice chat with him. I came back and he is now holding my pen. "Huh? Where did you see it?"
"When I sat down in the sofa its here, it poked my butt." He scratched his butt cheeks, I giggled and he noticed me. "Your pen had hurt me and you have the guts to laugh at me!" I didn't notice that my laugh didn't stop but it became louder and happier, Satsuki-san also joined me. He looks so calm right now; I am starting to know more about him. I sat beside him when the laughter seized, we smiled at each other and then we are both flushed. "You know about Shinomiya and Sho, right? Is that okay?"
He nod and his expression changed, "If Natsuki is happy, I will be happy. As long as he doesn't hurt him its fine." Ohhh, he is a doting brother; if that's theoretically appropriate. I want to...
"Do you like Sho? Like the like Natsuki-san has for him..." he swayed his head. "He is just a midget that might hurt Natsuki. Nothing else." Good, but what if he isn't you know... gay.
"Do you like men too, Satsuki-san?" he looked at me like I killed someone. "Ah... Sorry I didn't mean to offend you." He jerked a little and face away from me, this is so awkward. This is my most awaited conversation but it isn't going that well; be careful what you wish for, they said...
"What about you?" he whispered while almost covering his mouth with his hand, "I am always thinking about another man... so I guess I am." I am dead honest right now. What should I do, if he asks WHO? I can't figure out what I'll do! Well better than never, so
"I am always thinking about you, is that bad?" I am blushing harder and my face is burning, he stood up. He must be very disgusted by what I said; he stepped out of the lounge room after picking up his eyeglasses. "Sho-chan~~~! I missed you! Good work by the way." Goodness Kurusu might have been listening to our conversation. I can't look at him in the face so I picked up the snack tray and climbed upstairs.
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Tokiya walked out when he heard Natsuki greeting me, is he trying to snatch my boyfriend or something! I won't hand him Natsuki that easily! We had been together for half a year after Natsuki courted me for 4 years and you think I am gonna give him to you? In your dreams!
"Sho-chan?" he tilted his head and kissed me, "Is something wrong?" "Nothing! Oh! I bought the DVD of the latest Prince of Fighting! Let's watch it together!" I snuggle with my titan boyfriend in the viewing room as we watch my favorite TV Show. "Sho! Natsuki! It's dinner time!" Otoya knocks on us.
Tokiya is not in the room when we entered, good... I don't want to see his face.
"Rei-chan Tokiya haven't gone back! It's been 2 hours since he said he will just jog around!" Otoya whines in the middle of dinner. "If he is still not gone back by 8:30pm, better search for him, the place he is jogging around is a forest not a school quadrangle."
Camus-sempai recommended. "I'll help you search for him, Otoyan!" where is that person? Is he trying to make tactics so he can be noticed by Natsuki, but this isn't like him... We gathered on the west wing; where most of us start jogging. Ai is holding a satellite phone and there are more on the floor, "Those who will search will need this. Sometimes the phone signal in the Saotome Forest is bad."
The hunt will be participated by Otoya, Reiji-sempai, Ren and Cecil, "Shinomiya you are the oldest in you group... you go search too!" wait... he can't... but I am also worried for Tokiya. Well it not that Natsuki likes him or anything but why didn't he discuss this with me when we are together earlier. I looked at him, he looks thrilled that we are doing this.
"I hope we find Tokiya-kun!"
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We are in search for the person I am talking with earlier... Hayato. It's almost an hour, Natsuki and Sho are getting impatient but what can we do, he might have been hurt. "Sho..." he looked at me wondering, pulled Natsuki's glasses so I can take over the hunting. "Why are you appearing all of a sudden!"
"Its my fault he ranaway. I don't want to let him die." I said and I left him, if I was him where in this place will I ponder... there is a falls in that direction. I'll check that then maybe I'll follow the stream. "Hayato! Oi Hayato!" if that is his real name... I have no name recalling skills.
" Ah... Kimi dake ni todoke, Kono kaze no oto yo Feeling heart... " a song? I followed the voice and I saw him in the ground, full of bruises and an inflammation of his right leg. "Hayato!" "Huh?" he noticed me and he looked at me. "Satsuki-san, why are you here?" "Don't ask me why! You are hurt, come on!" I pulled him up and lift him. I princess lift him, crap he might worsen if I piggy back him.
"Nat....!" they're taken aback when they noticed that I am NOT Natsuki, well I am not my presence they need to worry about. "Call an Ambulance his legs are dislocated and he also lost consciousness!" they dialed I don't know because it's really needed or maybe they're afraid of me, I growled in annoyance. Sorry I didn't control myself, he needs medication.
I want to come with him in the hospital but Sho pulled me back. "He has a senior." I get it, he is jealous of Tokiya he didn't know that the one accepted the confession is me.
"I think we need to talk this out." I dragged him back to our room; Mikaze Ai is talking with his unitmates in the lounge room. "He confessed to Natsuki earlier!" I smacked his forehead.
"Its not Natsuki but ME. " his eyes almost dropped, "What! Why did he do it? He doesn't seem like a person to like someone he doesn't know that much!" I swayed my head, "I also don't know him." But I want to know him and discover why he is attracted in me.
"Here! You wear your glasses." He shoved the glasses to my eyes, wait... I want to hear if he is okay now!
The next day we visited him in the hospital, his leg is cemented; the doctor said he is very weak right now so he won't be waking up the time being. We fixed the guarding schedule and Natsuki is in Thursday, that's after two days! I want to talk to him...
After the second day I have became impatient, when Natsuki arrived at his room I pulled his glasses off. He woke up yesterday but Natsuki is in a variety show so we didn't drop by. "Hey, Hayato..." I called to him, he opened his eyes. "I am Ichinose Tokiya, Hayato is sleeping inside me. I hope you won't mind looking after me." He smiled a bit; he looks like he is hurt not physically at all.
"Hey, can I ask you to sing that again?" again? He is referring to Orion de Shout out. I started singing, a ballad version of the song; he closed his eyes like he is listening to a classical concert. I caressed his hair and gave chaste kiss to his forehead in the middle of the song; he smiled wide still lying in his bed.
He glanced at me after I sang. "Why are you singing sincere songs?" he uttered. "It's because I want everyone around me to be honest about themselves." He giggled, "I want to be truthful with myself so I decided to become Ichinose Tokiya, I hated myself the time I am Hayato it is when I lost my goal but now I want to accept it. I have HIM inside me and I will be a better person because of it."
We stayed in the room for awhile, holding hands. Yeah you read it right I am holding a precious person's hands right now and I don't need you to tease me for it! "Toki! We made lots of salad for you!" his senior almost like a bomb entered the room and I pulled my hand back slowly, he smiled at me like he is saying 'it's okay.'
Curse you, I am enjoying my silent time with MY Hayato and you just barge in.
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I am going out with Satsuki-san now, Sho and I had a pact that we will have equal time with our boyfriends. "Satsuki-san, would you like some tea?" he is sitting beside me and he looks tired, he have no work today so why? He just smiled back at me. "I already said to you that you can call me Tsuki-san, I really like it when you call me with endearment." He wrapped his arms in my waist and gave me a kiss.
I am walking down the staircase when I saw Camus-sempai talking with Satsuki-san. "Do you feel better now? Your body is breaking down because of the fatigue that two personalities now equally share it, right. You should rethink about your relationship it's like slowly killing you." My lovers face cringe, I didn't know he is having health problems and it's because of US.
I walked away and hide in one of the practice rooms. I texted Hijirikawa to ask for advice, someone knocked on the door and thinking that its him I opened it. "I thought we're gonna hang out in the library why are you here?" its Satsuki-san, I looked down avoiding his gaze. "I have something to discuss with Masato so maybe next time." I smiled as I push him outside; I leaned on the door after closing it. "Tokiya, take care okay? Natsuki will visit his parents in Hokkaido and do some regional work there too." "You too." I replied and sighed.
"So what are you planning?" Hijirikawa came before dinner and we discussed it. "I don't know," he caressed my hair, I bet I look like I am in pain. It hurts that this is falling apart.
I asked Satsuki-san if we can have a date and he agreed, I am so crooked right now. I reserved a hotel room for the two of us; with Hijirikawa's help. "This room is beautiful, the skyline right now is too!" I hugged him, he is sitting in the wide bed in the middle of the room. "I don't know if you know how to do it... Hey Tsuki..." he tightened the hug, "Can you make love to me?" I sat on top of him, I know this is so unlike me but this is my adolescent carnal desire moving right now. "Even if you didn't reserve a room, I am planning to do it with you." We smiled at each other and we started IT with almost an hour of kissing and touching then... I am blushing right now! You imagine what happened!
We are cuddling after the, how can I describe it? Ferocious, I think that's the right word; ferocious make out. "You aren't yourself since last week... are you sick? Or do you have a virus or something?" I chuckled on his questions, I broke the snuggle and started fixing myself up; I am full of hickeys by the way. "There is a problem! And you are not saying it!" he stood up and dress up too.
He held my hand, "We can make it past this, so can you say it already?" I pulled out my hand after he kissed it. "Satsuki-san, let's split up. This relationship is not healthy for the two of us." Please tears don't come down; I can't break up with him peacefully.
"WHAT are you SAYING so suddenly! This is our first month together and now you are saying we are OFF! Don't fuck with me!" he lashed out at me, "Is this about you having like a share with Sho?"
I looked at him, "It is not! Its..." no I am crying right now... he can see I am suffering. I clenched my chest, "I better watch Shinomiya-san and Kurusu happy than we both loose the two of you!" I shouted to the highest pitch my voice can reach, his eyes enlarged.
"Tokiya, you..." he tries to reach out his hand to me. "Please let's just break up." I moved backwards and then faced the door. "If this can make you happy, then okay! I love Tokiya, always take care of yourself." He hugged me from the back, smelled my hair and caressed my face; I can hear his silent sobs. "I love you too. Always be healthy." I exited the door and he break down inside the room, I ran to the fire exit and cried for almost two hours there.
Four months after that I think I can now accept the reality. Hyuga-san dropped by the agency and announced a project. "There will be a Shuffle unit songs for the 11 of you. I'll open the envelope to identify the new units."
"Group A will be Reiji and Otoya, Group B are Ranmaru and Cecil, Group C will be Sho, Ai and Masato." Wait this pairings, the only left is Me, Camus-san, Ren and... him.
"Group D will be Camus and...." Please get one of us... "Ren! Tokiya and Natsuki will be the last pair." I looked at Shinomiya and he gave me a big smile and a BIG hug. "Let's do our best Tokiya-kun~~~!"
While we are rehearsing the song, "I still love you, I steal your lo..." I noticed he is not singing, I gaze at him but he pulled me to a kiss. "Satsuki-san..."
"I STILL love you, I steal your LOVE." He hummed, "Sayonara Arigatoute, Imazu onegai Lady, Toki wo tomete..." I added and I kissed him again. We hold hands, I know and he knows this will be an unrequited love but only physically because we both know that this is how our happiness will be fulfilled.
Since then I occasionally meet with Tsuki, we just consider it as a long distance relationship. We are contented with having nothing but our love right now.
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"Sho-chan, you know sometimes I can't remember some jobs I did and places I gone to!" I wonder how I can say to him that he has Satsuki; that has a boyfriend AKA Tokiya and they do things on their own.
"Just let it be." I caressed his hair and he hugged me/crushed me, well I already got used to this. "I love you Natsuki!" "I love you too Sho-chan." At least now as the quotation said "All's well that ends well"