I was woken up by Mom shaking me inside the car. I jumped in my seat, alarmed. The car sat on my driveway, facing my average sized house. I sat up slowly in my seat, still half asleep as my phone rang. It was Spencer, so I answer.
“How was it?” She asks right away. I sigh, how many times am I going to be asked this question?
“Fine,” I reply, “Are you busy?”
“No. I can meet you at the mall if you want to,” She suggests. I look at my Mom and ask if I could go over to the mall with Spencer, she says yes.
“I’ll be there in five minutes,” I say back to Spencer. We say goodbye and I hang up. Mom and I sit in silence in the car all the way there. I guess there isn’t much to say considering I don’t want to talk much about the mental hospital. I don’t like to talk much. Most conversations I either don’t care much about, make me upset, or start an argument. I like keeping to myself because it means I don’t have to deal with other people. I hate people.
We arrive at the mall and I hop out of the car. I slowly walk inside the mall and walk to Spencer at the food court. She smiles as I walk toward her. Her long blonde hair lies on her tan shoulders. She wears a white floral shirt with hot pink shorts that barely cover her butt. I walk over to her and wrap myself in her arms.
“How are you? How was it?” She asks as I get out of her hug.
“Good, fine,” I say simply. She smiles at me again.
“Want to get some food?” She asks. I remember how hungry I am.
“Sure.”
We walked over to Nathan’s and I ordered a burger and large fries, God, I’m fat. I should add eating healthy to the list of things I need to do. We then sit down at a small, two-person table in the center of the food court.
“How was school today?” I asked.
“It sucked without you. All Jacob and I did was talk about how much we wished you were in school.” She says while eating chicken fingers.
“I wish I was in school, too.”
“But you’re in a good place. You’ll get help.”
“I don’t know if I want help.”
“You do.”
“I don’t.” I sigh. I didn’t want to argue. I wanted to enjoy the moment with her because I don’t know how often I’ll get to while I’m in the mental hospital. She’s always busy with basketball practice.
“Tell me more about the mental hospital,” She says. She calls it a mental hospital also, we don’t tell Mom this.
“I don’t know. Um, the people were nice. I made some friends, they were nice,” I pause, thinking on whether I should mention Luke or not. I decide to. “There was this guy; his name’s Luke. He’s cute, like really cute. He seemed interested in me but also seemed like such a flirt. I don’t know what I should do. I mean I shouldn’t get involved with him anyways but I just seem to fuck up everything somehow.” She takes a moment to think.
“I need to see a picture of him,” she says after a pause, “He better be as cute as you say. And I need to meet him also, to you know, approve. I think it’s a good idea, go for it.” I smile at her response. She always seems to know what to say.
“Thanks. I’m not going to take a picture of him, that’s creepy.”
“Fine, but then I need to meet him eventually.”
“Okay.” Unlike Spencer, I never know what to say. I’m incredibly awkward. I can’t seem to carry on a conversation, which bothers me more than you’d think. I’m shy and quiet at the worst times. You’d think I’d be good at talking to people, especially with one of my best friends, but no, of course not.
Sometimes I envy Spencer. I mean she’s pretty, more than I could possibly be. She’s skinny, and boys seem to always be interested in her, and I’m just always awkwardly there. She’s fun and not depressed. Maybe that’s why guys like her so much. Who would want to be with a depressed person?
We walk around the mall and try on many clothes (which mainly looked better on Spencer than they did on me but I tried to forget that). Occasionally Spencer would point out a few cute guys. I smiled but only really thought about Luke. Am I obsessed yet? God, I hope I’m not. Yeah, sure, I like him but not to the point where I want to date him, right? He wouldn’t want to date me anyways. The scares on my wrists hold guys back from wanting to date me.
“How does this look on me?” Spencer asked me, wearing a flaming red tight dress that made her look amazing. I can’t wear tight dresses. My curves, or as I like to call them, fat hips, make me look like an elephant in tight dresses. Another aspect of Spencer that I envy.
“You look stunning,” I say back to her. She smiles.
“Thanks. I really like it.”
Before I could answer I hear someone behind me, “Peyton?” I turn around and find Luke staring at me. He wore navy blue skinny jeans and a Knicks t-shirt. His hair lies perfectly across his face, high enough to show his brightly stunning green eyes. A crooked smile appears across his face and he finds me eying his appearance.
“H-hi,” I manage to say. Am I blushing? I better not be. Something about Luke made me feel uncomfortable. I felt uneasy in a way, but then he also made me feel comfortable at the same time.
I begin to question why he’s in Forever 21 and not somewhere like Dick’s Sporting Goods. My question is then answered when a tall, straight-body, face filled with makeup girl walks out from the dressing room behind him. I should’ve guessed; he has a girlfriend. Of course. How did I not guess that? He’s gorgeous, how could he not have a girlfriend?
“Luke?” His girlfriend says with an overly perky voice. He turns around. She wore a very short black tight dress that, I hate to say it, looked amazing on her.
“It looks great,” he says with little enthusiasm. Spencer looks at me with a look on her face that says, “It’s okay”.
Luke turns back to me and says, “This is my sister, Nicole.” I let out a breath full on relief. I’m so stupid. I assume things that aren’t true that make me go absolutely crazy.
“Hello,” Nicole says to me quietly.
“We’re trying to find her a dress for our Mom’s wedding,” Luke explains. Well that’s why he’s here, I think.
“Your parents are divorced?” I ask him. Mine aren’t. I’m lucky, I have two parents that love me and put so much effort to help me with my depression. I hate how selfish I am because I’m depressed when I have a loving family for me everyday.
Luke sighs, “Yeah, they are. They’ve been divorced for about a year and a half now.”
“And are you happy or sad about that?” I ask nosily.
“It’s hard to explain,” he says. I don’t say anything after that and allow him a break. I don’t want to pressure him about his parents divorce. It’s probably one of the last things he wants to talk about. I look to Spencer and remember she’s been there the whole time.
“This is Spencer,” I say, turning to her, “She’s my best friend.” Luke and Nicole both say hello to her then she goes back into the dressing room to change.
“Luke, can you take these back?” Nicole says to him, putting several dresses in his hand. He grabs them and walks past me to put then on a silver cart. I then feel strong arms wrap around my waist from behind and feel someone’s breath against my neck. I turn around and see Luke’s face close to mine.
“You still look beautiful,” he says. I smile then pull his arms off of my waist. I step away from him and he frowns.
“You don’t like being hugged?” He asked curiously.
“I’m just not good at this type of stuff,” I reply honestly. He sighs and comes closer to me. He comes close enough that our noses almost touch.
“You don’t have to be,” he says. Before I could respond Spencer walks out of the dressing room.
“How does this-“ She begins then looks at Luke and I. “Sorry, I’ll leave you two alone.”
“No,” I say, breaking away from Luke, “It looks great. Buy it.”
“Alright. Would you like to get going, or,” she pauses. I can tell she wants to leave but she’s not sure if I want to leave Luke. To be honest, I sort of want to leave Luke. The more I’m with him the more I’ll like him and I don’t want to get too involved with him.
“We should go,” I say. I grab my bag off the chair next to me and say goodbye to Luke.
“See you tomorrow,” he says as I leave.
“You too,” I shout out. Spencer looks at me, eyes widened.
“He’s sure something, I’ll say that much,” she says with a laugh while we go on line to buy Spencer’s clothes.
“In a good or bad way?” I ask her.
“Both,” she begins as she hands her clothes to the lady at the cashier. “He’s incredibly hot and nice but seems so flirty and demanding.”
“I think he seems that way, too. I don’t know; he’s confusing.”
“He is.”
I was tired of talking about Luke, thinking about Luke, seeing Luke. He confuses me too much. Honestly, he’s becoming a waste of my time. I’ve been in the mental hospital for one day and all I’ve done is care for Luke. I’m in there to help myself, not to fall in love with some flirt. Luke will just cause problems in my life if I get too involved, so I won’t. I need to stay away from him, far away.