I drove the ride from my office back to my apartment with a white knuckle grip on my steering wheel. Out of all the 'what the fuck' moments that had occurred over the past few weeks, this by far had to be the biggest WTF of them all.
I had just agreed to first of all— a date, and second of all— a date with the estranged father of my daughter. This was bad, very bad.
Was it bad though? Part of me thought. Isn't this what I would've wanted, for my daughter to have a relationship with her father? The universe has brought us together twice within the past seven days, so obviously this was my karma. I needed to come clean.
I got out of the car and removed Lina from her carseat to go inside.
"What have I gotten us into babygirl?" I cooed as she looked up at me with doe eyes.
If only she had a clue of what I mess I had made for the two of us.
"At least you can say you've met your dada..." I laughed to myself, although the reality was that there was nothing funny about it.
When we got inside, I put Lina down for a nap and plopped down on the couch, exhausted. I closed my eyes and tilted my head back, wanting to rest for a second. Just as I was about to fall asleep, my phone buzzed in my lap, waking me up. I glanced at the screen to see who it was, and my heart rate quickened. It read:
Hi Celine, It was lovely to see you today. I hope that you will still consider going out to dinner with me. Let me know if you are available xx Josh
Part of me was hoping he wouldn't reach out given my hesitancy when he asked me in person.
I was foolish to believe that would be the case.
I fired out a quick text to Teagan, needing to fill her in on all of these new developments:
SOS call me when u can
Nearly twenty minutes later, my phone rang, indicating she was calling and I picked it up on the first ring.
"I just got out of work, what's the emergency?" Teagan asked as soon as I answered the phone.
"Greta Van Fleet belongs to the record label that I work for." I started off slowly, not wanting to bombard her with all of today's events at once.
"Oh really? How do you know?" She asked, completely unaware of the severity of the situation.
"Because today I went into the office for a meeting and I ran into Josh." I said, further easing into it.
"Shut up! Did you talk to him?" She asked excitedly.
"Oh, yes."
"Well? What did he say? What did you talk about?" The anticipation was clearly getting to her.
"I left Lina with Alisa while I ran to the bathroom before my meeting, and I came back to Josh fawning over my baby." I began, describing how it all went down.
"No fucking way." She said under her breath.
"Yes way."
"Celine, what did you do?"
"He asked me how I was, and if Lina was the baby Mikey was referring to the other night, and that she was very cute." I explained.
"Aww."
"Don't 'aw' it was terrifying." I laughed.
"I'm sure it was fine, because you had to leave to go to your meeting right? So, it was just a quick run in." She offered, thinking that was the end of it.
"Yeah, that's what you would think, until Alisa asked me to escort him to the conference room because Johnston was waiting for us both." I revealed.
"Stop it! Wow," she gasped, dumbfounded.
"I know. That's not even the worst part." I groaned, thinking back on how unbelievable the whole situation was.
"I'm listening." She replied, intrigued.
"He asked me out on a date." I blurted.
"YOU'RE KIDDING!" She shrieked in disbelief.
"Oh, Teagan I wish I was."
"Did you say yes?"
"Reluctantly."
"Celine, you have to go."
"We'll see." I rolled my eyes even though she couldn't see.
How could she possibly think this was a good idea?
"Wait, this means you have to tell him about Lina."
"On the first date though? I was thinking later on if anything came from us going out."
"Yes, Celine. Honesty is the best policy. You may not have another opportunity to let him know. I think that it's best if you tell him from the get go so it doesn't get worse if you hold off."
I knew she was right, but that didn't mean that telling Josh would be easy.
"But how do I tell him? I don't want to make a scene in public." I asked, already feeling anxious about the hypothetical.
"Invite him back to yours afterwards if the date ends after dinner." She offered.
I let out a labored breath. "Yeah, Teags, I guess you're right."
"I have to go, Chris is calling. I will see you tomorrow. Stop stressing, you'll be fine, sweetie!"
I do not feel fine.
We said our goodbyes, and hung up the phone— leaving me alone with my thoughts.
How could I tell Josh about Lina with my job being in jeopardy if I revealed the truth?
I sent a panicked text to Teagan:
But what about work?? That'll make things way more complicated than they need to be. He's gonna hate me 🤦♀️
T: he'll have to set his feelings aside... he has to be professional
Me: What if I lose my job? I have a baby to support
T: you won't... and if you do... you'll find another one. it'll be fine Celi
But what if it wasn't fine? What if this date ruined my life?
I exited out of the message thread and opened the message I had received from Josh.
Hi Celine, It was lovely to see you today. I hope that you will still consider going out to dinner with me. Let me know if you are available xx Josh
My fingers hovered over the keys, debating on how I would reply. Maybe a simple:
'Sorry, can't go out with you anymore— I'm moving across the country!'
or
'I think you might have the wrong number!'
But instead I typed out:
Great to see you too, would love to meet up. I'm free next weekend
and hit send before I could change my mind.