I was thinkin' about who you are
Your delicate point of view, IWas thinkin' about youI'm not worried about where you areOr who you will go home to, I'mJust thinkin' about you
"Are you excited to finally see your family again?", I whispered, careful not to wake the other boys scattered around us on the plane, sleeping soundly.
"Heaps! Haven't seen them in years, Lauren has grown so much, Harry has too and I miss my mom. Talking on the phone is just not the same."
"You sure you want me to stay with you? I don't want to disturb your time back together."
"I am. You're not disturbing and I don't want you to sit in a hotel by yourself. My mom doesn't mind and you can get Lauren's room, she'll be at uni anyway and only visits for dinner.", he argues, and I give in, not wanting to discuss this anymore, especially when I was looking forward to spending the time in Australia with the Irwin family. I looked around at the sleeping boys, knowing that we'd have to wake them soon. But I was pretty sure their families were already waiting for them at home. I hope there wouldn't be too many fans though. I wasn't ready to face them all, I had gotten pretty used to the quiet of Ashton's home.
Soon enough we landed and got off the plane, heading the long way through the airport to baggage claim. By the time we arrived there our bags were already going round on the baggage carousel and quickly each of us got theirs. I was happy that someone else was taking care of the instruments, so we were able to leave rather fast.
When we walked into the arrivals section, I didn't see a crowd, which made me wonder why but I was also happy about it so I didn't dwell too much on it. But as soon as we walked outside into the burning Australian sun, I saw lots of people standing there, holding signs and their phones up, some even singing their songs. It was such an amazing sight that I couldn't help but take out my phone and film it all.
It still took us almost an hour to leave the airport completely, and when we finally got in the cars I was relived to not have to smile anymore. I rested my head against the window, looking outside and taking it all in but also enjoying the quiet of the car and just being almost alone. At some point I felt Ashton's hand on mine, making me turn my head.
"You okay?", he asked quietly, not wanting Luke, who was sitting in the front, to hear.
"Yeah, just overwhelmed, but it's all good."
"I know that feeling, I still feel that way when the crowds get so big.", he admitted quietly, and I nodded, appreciating his honesty. We stopped our conversation there, knowing it was one for late night talks rather than a car ride with other people that ended in no more than 15 minutes anyway.
When we arrived at Ashton's I felt myself get nervous. I knew meeting his family wasn't that big of a deal, I wasn't his girlfriend, I was just a friend who worked for his band, but it still felt weird to meet the people that shaped him and had such a big impact on his life. We got out of the car and grabbed our luggage when the door opened and a woman with dirty blonde hair came running towards Ashton, making him drop his bags again and wrap his arms around her. I almost teared up seeing his mom so happy and when they pulled away, I saw both of them had tear stains on their face. The years without each other had been hard but they also made this reunion so much more beautiful as well.
"This is Jess, Jess this is my mom, Anne Marie.", Ashton introduced us, and immediately I was pulled into a hug as well, surprising me.
"Welcome to Australia! I'm so happy you're here.", she whispered, and I wondered how much Ashton had been talking about me and what he had told her. We pulled away and she continued explaining that Harry was at school and Lauren was still at university, but she'd be home for dinner. She showed me the house and ended in Lauren's room, which I'd be living in while we were here, leaving me to unpack. I hadn't been alone for more than 5 minutes when Ashton walked into the room.
"I know you were about to unpack, but we have some time now until dinner. Do you want to head out and I'll show you around?"
"I'd love to, but we can just stay here too. I know you want to spend time with your mom."
"I'll ask her if she'd want to join us.", he was quick to remedy, and I nodded, agreeing to go out with him if she tagged along.
"There's isn't a lot of exciting things here, but over there is where I went to school.", Ashton ended our little exploration of the town across the street of his old high school. He was right, there wasn't anything too special about it, but I didn't care at all. This is the place he grew up in and that was enough to make me interested in what he had to show me. His mom had joined us for the majority of the trip, asking me questions throughout that I happily answered. She was a nice woman and I'd like to think she was quite fond of me too. At one point she left to go home and prepare dinner, so now it was just us. We stopped at a café, got some ice cream to go and slowly made our way back home as well, planning the next days.
"So tomorrow we already have an interview, but it's only a phone call, shouldn't take too long. You can stay here if you want to, I'll probably head to Luke's for it and meet with the boys there and after that we can all get lunch together."
"So you'd drive to Luke's for the interview, then come back here to get me? Wouldn't it be more practical if I join you and just be somewhere else at Luke's while you have that interview?", I suggested, and he laughed, noticing that it was definitely easier that way, and he had just found the most complicated way to go about it.
"But yeah, after that we don't have anything planned until the concert the day after tomorrow but we'll head to Sydney for those shows and stay there.", he explained, and I was already getting excited. Sure, I was nervous that I'd have to photograph the show, but I was way more excited to see Sydney and explore the city together with Ashton.
"Wait, I have to ask this, Ashton told us he met you backstage at a concert when you were just trying to get into concert photography.", Lauren asked. We were all sitting at the kitchen table eating dinner and Lauren had just started interrogating me.
"Yeah, that's exactly how it went down. I just wanted to get tips from Ryan and Ashton stole me from him."
"Sounds like him.", she agrees, and we both laugh. So far we got along great, even though I feel like Ashton is gonna hate that as soon as we start to team up against him, which will inevitably happen. But for now, I know he's happy I got along with his family so well.
"That might have been how it happened but she was a huge fan back then and I even was her favorite! I wanted to give her the best experience.", he argued, and I just laughed.
"Yeah, now I just tolerate you and your band and for the record, Luke is still my mom's favorite."
"Damn it.", he cussed under his breath, making his mom raise an eyebrow.
"I thought she would change her mind."
"She will eventually, you gotta give her some time. She hasn't met any of you.", I tried to soothe him, and it apparently worked because his eyes lit up.
"So, when we fly back and I meet her, you think she'll change her mind?"
"Possibly.", I tell him, hoping it'd be enough to assure him. His brother, sister and mom were just following along the conversation, smiles on their faces. I knew they were happy to have him back home and I hope it showed that he was happy and enjoying life.
I was laying in Lauren's bed, thinking about how weird this whole situation, my life basically, was. Usually I could push those thoughts about Ashton still being Ashton Irwin to the back of my head and just spend time with him like with any other person. But sometimes it hit me who he was and who I had been for the majority of my life and then it felt pretty damn weird. However, it was what I had always aspired to achieve in my life, being a concert photographer for a touring artist. This was just a thousand times better because I actually got along with said artist. So when Ashton quietly knocked on the door, before walking in, it felt like maybe it had to happen this way, all of it, because this bed in Lauren's childhood bedroom in New South Wales was exactly where I was supposed to be right now.
"Can't sleep?", I asked quietly, but he shook his head.
"Haven't tried yet. Did you enjoy the evening and your first day in Australia?", he asked, scooting into the small bed beside me, making me move over to the side. The bed was too small for the two of us but after sleeping wrapped in his arms back in LA I wasn't sure if I cared anymore.
"I did. Your family is amazing and I loved seeing the town you grew up in. Thank you for taking me with you."
"Yeah, I noticed you all got along really well, especially Lauren seemed to love you and she doesn't just like anyone.", he told me, making me smile.
"I noticed that too." The quiet that followed was just as comfortable as our conversations usually were, but still, I felt like he came in here to talk about something else and I was proven right, when he spoke up again.
"I'm scared about the shows in Sydney." He admitted it quietly, barely audible, and I knew he would've chosen any other place than the bedroom next to his sleeping family for this conversation if he had a choice.
"You've played shows here before and you've played shows of that size before. What's different?", I pointed out, trying to get something from him that I could work with.
"Never shows here of that size though. I'm scared and I don't even have to go up front like the rest of the boys, I can just hide behind my drum kit and I'm fucking terrified. What happens if I mess up? When there's a wrong note on Michael's guitar, no one would notice, but if I miss a damn beat or one hit everyone will notice.", he rambled on, and I let him, knowing he had to get all his fears out first, before being able to think rationally about them.
"Has it happened before? Like recently, not back in 2012."
"No.", he admitted, and I nodded knowingly.
"So, what's different then? You obviously are amazing on the drums. You obviously have no problem playing in front of big crowds. It's what you were made to do and I know you know that too. It shows in the way you move on stage, the way you smile as soon as you sit down behind the kit. We both know the chances of you messing up noticeably are really slim. So what would happen if you actually did miss a beat? Would the boys stop playing? Would they stop and turn around asking what's wrong? Or would they just keep playing and by the end of the show everyone would've forgotten about it, if they even noticed in in the first place? What's the worst thing that could happen?", I tried the same tactic I already used back in LA because it seemed to have helped him then and while I saw him deep in thought, I was worried how this would go as soon as we were separated again.
Right now, all I wanted to do was hug him, run my fingers through his hair and tell him it all would be fine. But in a little over a week, face time and calls would have to suffice again and I wasn't ready for it.
"The worst thing that could happen is me missing a beat and not being able to get back into the song."
"Might be bad, yeah, but has it ever happened before? I know there's a possibility for everything, but I don't recall a concert where that happened and maybe that's because you wouldn't be able to even stop playing? You have this rhythm in your body, nothing would be able to get it away from you. I am convinced you couldn't stop playing, no matter what happens on stage."
"I want to believe you. I know it's unlikely to happen, I know that."
"But it's hard to believe and stop the worrying, yeah, I know."
"Yeah.", he sighed, leaning his head down on my shoulder.
I know he wouldn't fully believe me until the concert was over, maybe not even then. But for now all I could offer him was comfort and a listening ear and I'd gladly do both for him. He stayed in Lauren's room for a while after that. We talked quietly about the next days and life in general, him still cuddled up to me, our hands tangled together, none of us wanting to address what this was or how our relationship was changing even though we both felt the switch. We were both just content with the way things were right in this moment on this bed in his sister's old bedroom and that was enough.
A.N.: there's gonna be another chapter even though this is the last chorus of the song but i still have some things that have to happen xx