Hi guys!
After a hiatus of #IlCey fan fiction, we're finally back. This time I am not sharing much about the plot to keep it a surprise! You guys have voted and chosen angst, so here it is.
Let's do this!
---
"I no longer remember what our beginning was. I know we didn't start by the beginning. It was already love before it even was." - Clarice Lispector.
Maybe This Time - Chapter One
Someone was following her.
Ceylin peered over her shoulder, convinced she'd seen that same face before in the crowd as she walked through the busy streets of downtown Istanbul. The man in the dark brown overcoat with heavy eyebrows that converged above the bridge of his nose held her gaze for a split second before turning his face toward a restaurant sign.
The lawyer shook her head, censoring herself for being so paranoid. She was starting to see threats everywhere, an alarming behavior, to say the least. But Ceylin knew there was good reason for it.
About a month ago, she'd had the scare of a lifetime.
After leaving her office late one afternoon, Ceylin had gone to meet a customer at a busy restaurant in Ankara. She vividly remembered ordering appetizers and sparkling water. Shortly after, the man who had hired the services of the firm she worked for arrived. And then the next thing Ceylin recalled was waking up bruised and sore in a dark shed, the guy she'd shared a meal with passed out next to her.
It didn't take her long to realize he was dead. The next fifteen minutes had been the longest of her entire life. Ceylin was confident she would meet the same fate as her client when a striking pair of amber eyes and a face hidden behind a dark mark obscured her vision before she lost consciousness again.
At that moment Ceylin had been absolutely sure she'd died. But she woke up the following day on the couch inside her own apartment. The many bruises on her body and the agonizing pain she felt in her muscles were all the proof she needed to be convinced she was still among the living.
That terrifying experience had been the final straw for Ceylin to convince herself that staying in Ankara any longer had proven unfeasible. That same afternoon, the lawyer presented her resignation letter to the prestigious company where she had been employed for the past two years.
Now, back in Istanbul, she was having a hard time readjusting to her new old life.
"What took you so long?" Aylin's grumpy voice distracted Ceylin from her own thoughts. "I was starting to worry."
"I lost track of time," Ceylin answered evasively. The lawyer couldn't tell her sister that she'd spent the past twenty minutes inside the home improvement store around the corner because she'd had the impression she was being followed. "Shall we?"
Aylin frowned at her questioningly, but Ceylin pretended not to notice it and stepped forward to pull a shopping cart before they entered the busy supermarket. It didn't take long for the older sister's mood to improve. The focus of the conversation shifted to Parla and then to the list of groceries Ceylin needed to get.
"I can't believe you're going to live in your office again," Aylin said in dismay. "You could stay with me, Parla, and Mom. The house has plenty of space."
Not even if I got paid to do it, Ceylin answered mentally. A little over two years ago, she had moved out of her parents' house for the first time and discovered how freeing it was to live in a place without Gül's suffocating presence. Now that she was in Istanbul again, the lawyer hadn't even considered permanently moving back to her old house.
"I can't believe how lucky I was to find a new unit available in the same building," Ceylin explained herself, feeling nostalgic to think back to the familiar purple front door. "You know how hard it is to rent anything there. But the thing is, I don't want to spend my savings on a new apartment, at least until I get my life back on track. This morning I got a new client. That's already a start. And tomorrow, I plan to get in touch with the old ones to let them know I'm back."
"But do you really have to live in your office again? The place is a commercial building, Ceylin. It's not residential."
"I don't care," Ceylin shrugged. "I don't need much."
Aylin rolled her eyes, accepting that she wouldn't convince her sister, and then they returned their attention to the items on the shelves.
It was true that Ceylin had lived quite comfortably for the past two years. She made more money in Ankara than she used to earn as an independent lawyer in Istambul before her move. Ceylin had never been good at saving money. However, despite her extra expenses and the fact she sent money back home every month, she'd still been able to put aside a reasonable sum that would at least ensure a few months of financial security if she didn't go overboard with her spending.
"Anyway... Who's this new client you've got?" Aylin asked distractedly at the same time she tried to decide between two different brands of detergent.
"I met her in line at the registry office when I went to check in some documents for my new rental agreement," upon noticing her sister was struggling to make a decision, Ceylin randomly picked one of the detergent bottles Aylin was holding and placed it inside the cart before pushing it to the next aisle. "She is selling her house, so she needed to file some papers. She was supposed to meet her lawyer there, but the guy stood her up."
"So you rescued her?" Aylin asked with a smile, already familiarized with her sister's oozing charisma and the ease with which Ceylin enchanted people.
"Exactly," the lawyer replied cheerfully. "It was a typical case of being in the right place at the right time."
After the trip to the market, Aylin helped her sister carry the groceries to the new office, and the two spent the rest of the day tidying up the place.
Ceylin still wasn't sure exactly what her return to Istanbul would mean for her. In a way, she felt like she was returning to her old life, the same one she'd tried to escape from two years ago. A lot had changed since then, but what scared the lawyer the most was discovering what might have remained the same.
After a day of exhaustively contemplating her reality, Ceylin was so tired that she fell asleep as soon as she put her head on the pillow.
It was true that a lot of things were different now. But at least the sofa bed in her office remained just as uncomfortable as it had always been.
.
"If you're listing the house for this price, it shouldn't be long before you have offers from buyers," Ceylin said excitedly as she stared at the client across the table.
"You really think so? It would be amazing if we could get this over without a hassle," Melis replied with an angelic expression.
Ceylin smiled back, amazed at the young woman's generosity. Melis Taytak was a young teacher whose father had passed away a few months ago. Her older half-brother was apparently in some sort of financial trouble, so Melis had agreed to sell the house she lived in to share the inheritance money with him.
"Do you know where you will live after the place is sold?" Ceylin asked with a worried frown, aware that most people didn't share her practicality. She hated to judge by superficial impressions, but this was her second meeting with Melis, and the teacher did not strike her as the kind of person who would be okay sleeping on a sofa bed.
"I'll probably get a small apartment for my mother and me," Melis blushed visibly before confessing, "I am so glad I met you. You've been so helpful, Ceylin. I don't know much about these legal procedures and find them very dull. I had a feeling the lawyer my mom hired was trying to take advantage of our inexperience. In hindsight, it's actually a blessing that he never showed up, and I met you instead."
Ceylin was genuinely moved by the client's statement.
"I promise I'll do my very best to help you and be as transparent as possible," she said with sincerity.
"Thank you," Melis fidgeted with her hands in her lap. "My mother has been pressuring me about this. I know it's hard for her to leave the house we've lived in all our lives, but... it's also that she wanted me to tell my boyfriend what we're doing. He understands a lot about these things, so I am sure he could help us, but..."
"But you don't want to tell him?" Ceylin reached a conclusion before Melis could even elaborate on it. "Why? Don't you trust him?"
"Of course I do," Melis assured her vehemently. "Trust is not the issue."
"What is it, then?" Ceylin didn't even think before firing the question. Maybe she was being too nosy, but if there was one thing she'd learned throughout her career was that the more she knew about her clients, their realities, and their motivations, the better equipped she was to actually help them.
"Well, the truth is that I have this feeling it won't be long before he asks me to marry him," Melis explained, failing to conceal how the prospect made her happy. "We've talked about our expectations for the future a couple of times, and we both want the same things," the teacher's blue eyes sparkled as she shared. "But I don't want him to think I'm leaving my home in a hurry just to pressure him into asking me the question. It's not the case at all."
Ceylin smiled in response, once again touched by Melis's gentle nature. She hoped with all heart that the young woman wasn't in for a big disillusionment.
The last few years had taught Ceylin that, in a relationship, an open and direct channel for dialogue was essential. As well as making important based not only on what is best for you, a voice inside her head reminded her.
Ceylin quickly silenced her own thoughts.
It was admirable how Melis was showing consideration for her future fiancé. Ceylin wished with all her heart that the guy wouldn't disappoint her and didn't take long to propose to the teacher.
"What if your boyfriend finds out you're hiding this from him? Especially considering you said he might be able to help you? Won't he be offended?" Once again, Ceylin didn't filter her thoughts, but this time, she regretted it immediately. It was none of her business. "You know what, never mind. I am probably the least suited person to offer you relationship advice, so I trust you're making the right decision," the lawyer settled for saying.
Melis smiled, grateful for the vote of confidence. The more she got to know Ceylin, the more she liked her. There was something about the young lawyer that gave Melis the feeling she could trust Ceylin, and the teacher had never felt that way about an attorney before.
"Is that a Dilek?" Melis changed the subject when she noticed the delicate handbag behind Ceylin's desk. "I love their designs!"
"Yes," Ceylin grinned in response, excited. "I got this on a sale back in Ankara. Have you ever been to their store there? It's huge."
The two women spent the next half hour discussing trivialities. Only when she realized she was going to be late for work, Melis interrupted the conversation, much to her dismay.
Ceylin walked the teacher to the door and waved goodbye, promising that they'd meet for coffee and a new chat the following morning.
And it was with utter disbelief that the lawyer realized that, perhaps for the first time in her life, she'd found a woman around her age who not only shared her interests but also wasn't annoying and shallow, giving Ceylin the perfect opportunity to actually make a new friend.
.
Ilgaz fumbled in his pockets for his cell phone as he quickly moved through the courtroom corridors with Eren on his tail.
"Brother, hold on, we need to talk about something."
"Eren, I have an important audience in two minutes," Ilgaz didn't slow down his pace but looked over his shoulder to meet his friend's gaze. "Unless it's a life and death situation, I'll have to catch up with you later," the prosecutor added as they reached the door of one of the courthouse rooms where he would deal with preliminary pre-trial motions.
Eren took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Ilgaz noticed that his friend looked agitated. It was evident that he had something important to say. However, the commissioner seemed to hesitate every time he opened his mouth.
"Spill it out, Eren."
"You know what? We'll talk later," Eren shook his head, disgruntled. "It's nothing urgent."
"Are you sure?" Ilgaz stared at him intensely, intrigued by Eren's attitude.
"Yes," the commissioner replied, resolute. "It's a personal thing. Nothing we should discuss here, anyway. Give me a call when you have some free time, and we'll go for a beer. We'll talk then."
"Okay," Ilgaz studied his friend intently, looking for clues that would lead him to understand why Eren was behaving that odd way, but he soon realized that conversation was going nowhere. "I'll see you later, then."
"See you."
Eren stood in the courtroom aisle with his feet apart and his hands on his hips. His mind was full of racing thoughts about the conversation he needed to have with Ilgaz about the news he'd recently found out. He had no idea how to update the prosecutor.
After all, how was he supposed to tell his best friend that Ceylin was finally back in Istanbul?
.
Ceylin hung a File Room tag outside the door of the small space annexed to her office.
Despite the designation, not a single filing cabinet had a document folder inside. Her own clothes occupied all the drawers instead. Some of her coats hung scattered around the room.
The place also had a narrow sofa bed where Ceylin slept and a small table where she kept most of her toiletries. It was better to keep them there instead of the bathroom, where it might serve as evidence that someone was permanently residing in the office.
While trying to establish a minimum level of orderliness in the workspace that was also her temporary home, Ceylin gently pulled back the curtains to arrange a delicate potted plant on the windowsill. She was about to close them again when a movement in the street caught her eye.
Ceylin could have sworn she had crossed paths earlier that day with the middle-aged man with a white beard who was now walking down the street holding a briefcase. He quickly glanced in Ceylin's direction before going his way.
That could only be a coincidence. The man surely couldn't be looking in her direction on purpose.
She really was getting paranoid.
Ceylin was conscientious enough to know that she couldn't overlook the trauma she'd been through and simply act like she'd come out unscathed, but she was still determined to put that experience behind her and move on with her life. At least, that's what she was trying to do.
The lawyer placed a hand on her chest and took a deep breath before exhaling slowly to steady her racing heart.
Memories of what happened in Ankara and the notion that she had almost lost her own life in violent circumstances still served to throw her off completely. After the terrifying experience, Ceylin started having nightmares nearly every night, but she hadn't told anyone about them because few people knew about the terror she had endured.
The sound of the doorbell distracted Ceylin from her own thoughts. The lawyer frowned, trying to remember if she had scheduled appointments for the afternoon. Although she was supposed to meet with potential new clients in the next few days, she had freed up her schedule that afternoon to finish organizing some things in her office.
A quick peek through the peephole later, a beaming smile spread across her face.
"Melis," Ceylin opened the door, promptly inviting the teacher in. "What a pleasant surprise. Is everything okay?"
Melis went inside, looking quite excited.
"Yes! I am sorry I showed up unannounced," the teacher took off her coat and hung it on the peg rail Ceylin pointed to, the happy expression on her face showing all her enthusiasm. "I stopped by to thank you, actually."
"What for?" Ceylin was surprised. "I didn't solve your problem. Yet," the lawyer added with a friendly wink.
Over the last few days, Ceylin had filed the paperwork to sell Melis's house and evenly split the inheritance with her brother, but most of the documents were yet to be processed by the legal system.
"Well, you helped me out with great advice," Melis explained, feeling genuinely grateful, "after I left, I kept thinking about what you said to me the last time I was here, and I realized you were right," the teacher had an earnest look on her face. "I put myself in my boyfriend's shoes and realized I would be upset if he was going through something I could help him with, but he didn't share his concerns with me. I would feel like he doesn't trust me. So I told him about selling the house," Melis's blue eyes gleamed with happiness. "Everything is good between us, and if it feels like I've taken a load off my shoulders."
Ceylin returned the teacher's smile, feeling grateful that she had been able to help. The lawyer could see how hiding information of that caliber could be a burden to people who weren't used to telling lies.
"I'm so glad to hear that," Ceylin replied frankly. "I think you're doing the right thing both in your relationship and personal life," she added in an encouraging tone. After looking around, Ceylin realized she couldn't be bothered with any other domestic chores. She was so hungry that her stomach was starting to hurt. Ceylin hadn't had any lunch, and her breakfast had consisted only of a cup of tea and half a cold toast. "I was about to go get a kebab around the corner," she said, thinking about the food truck that served mouth-watering, freshly made food. "What do you say? Wanna join me?"
Melis seemed excited about the offer and agreed without hesitation.
Ceylin went down the stairs of the corporate building and walked on the sidewalk beside her new friend, paying attention to her surroundings while trying to focus on the story Melis shared about her third graders. The lawyer felt nauseated when she realized that she was once again looking out for familiar faces in the crowd of people that came and went through the busy streets, making their way home after a full day's work.
The sun had already set, but the lights from the neon signs and storefronts combined with the street lamps illuminated their surroundings. After sitting on a concrete guard rail holding her kebab and a small bottle of ayran, Ceylin finally allowed herself to relax and soak in the moment.
After forty minutes of an engaging and lighthearted conversation, Ceylin thought about how much fun she was having in Melis's company. The lawyer massaged the sore muscles in her neck, trying to alleviate some of the stiffness she felt. Despite spending most of the afternoon cleaning up and reorganizing the office, the truth was that the pain she felt had very little to do with cleaning but rather with the injuries she'd sustained when she was kidnapped.
Ceylin had been subjected to a brutal physical assault less than a month ago. Pretty much all her wounds had already healed, except for the throbbing pain between her shoulder blades that nagged her every now and then.
Melis noticed Ceylin was squirming and looked at her with a worried expression.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes," Ceylin tried to hide her physical discomfort. "I've spent most of the day carrying boxes and clearing shelves, so I'm a little sore," the lawyer made up a perfect excuse.
"I'm sorry. I hope it's not serious."
"Nothing that a relaxing warm bath won't fix," Ceylin lied, thinking of the cramped, uncomfortable shower in her office.
"Do you live around here? My boyfriend is coming to pick me up," Melis pointed to the cell phone with which she'd just texted someone seconds ago. "We can give you a ride home."
"Oh, thank you, but I still have a lot to do at the office," Ceylin improvised. It would be embarrassing if any of her clients found out she was living at her workplace. "But I'll keep you company until he arrives."
Melis seemed satisfied and promptly resumed her chattering, once again entertaining the lawyer with her enthusiastic tales about her students. Ceylin loved children, so she wasn't surprised to enjoy the teacher's anecdotes so much. It soon became obvious how much Melis liked what she did for a living.
The lawyer was so distracted by the pleasant conversation that she barely noticed when a car pulled over.
"Oh, there he is," Melis got up after picking up her trash and then looked at the silver vehicle, speaking excitedly. "Honey, I'd like you to meet Ceylin. This is the wonderful lawyer I told you about yesterday."
Ceylin got up, too, flattered by Melis's opinion of her. But when she turned her eyes to the inside of the car, the smile formed on her lips immediately withered, and her heart seemed to skip a beat inside her chest.
Familiar brown eyes stared back at her. For a split second, the man behind the wheel looked as surprised and shocked as Ceylin felt.
"Hello," Ilgaz Kaya spoke in a collected, neutral tone not offering any facial expression that might even hint at an emotion.
Ceylin felt a lump in her throat when she realized what was happening.
After addressing her in a merely polite manner, Ilgaz held her gaze for long seconds that felt like an eternity.
Ceylin remained silent without realizing she'd held her breath. She felt in a trance, completely overwhelmed by an intense, all-too-familiar gaze that seemed to magnetize her and rob her of any rational reaction.
Ilgaz looked like he was analyzing her, and Ceylin felt as if the prosecutor could see into her soul. If so, that certainly wouldn't be the first time something like that happened. The lawyer felt exposed and fragile, and was immediately seized by an uncomfortable sense of vulnerability that she had successfully been able to avoid recently.
Then Melis said something unintelligible, making Ilgaz turn his face toward her and mutter a brief answer that Ceylin couldn't comprehend.
For the past two years, Ceylin had forbidden herself from thinking about the prosecutor. The lawyer was sure that she wouldn't be able to move on with her life and be where she was today if she'd allowed herself to wonder about him and ask herself what ifs.
Ceylin knew that by returning to Istanbul and resuming her career in criminal defense, she would be exposed to the possibility of running into him. She had no idea whether or not she was ready for a reunion, but facing him so unexpectedly had certainly caught her off guard.
What was going through Ilgaz's mind at that moment? Had he ever wondered what it would be like to see her again? Did he feel nervous about the prospect too?
Judging by the complete lack of emotion on his face, Ceylin supposed he didn't. The realization made her heart sink even deeper within her chest. The way Ilgaz had so effortlessly invoked such a strong reaction made her even more desolate.
Melis said goodbye with a warm hug, and Ceylin settled for watching as the teacher got inside the car. The man beside her acknowledged Ceylin's presence with an almost imperceptible nod as the teacher closed the passenger door. Ilgaz then shifted gears and put the vehicle in motion.
A cloud of emotions blurred her vision as Ceylin watched the car move through the busy street, driving away the person who had once meant the world to her.
Ilgaz Kaya, the man who had offered her much more than Ceylin had been able to accept. The one who had helped her through the most challenging moments of her life, who had put a ring on her finger to save her from herself, who had taken care of her like no one else had dared to do before him...
The same Ilgaz who had the best kiss in the world, the most sincere smile, the most comforting hug.
The one who had once been Ceylin's greatest ally and worst threat to her heart; her only source of security and greatest point of vulnerability; someone who had made her experience the most intense and passionate love she'd ever known but also the disappointment of a lifetime...
The exact same Ilgaz who, two years ago, had also become her ex-husband.
—
Ex-husband? 😱
Yesss! The post-divorce plot is here!
What could have happened hadn't Sema forced that marriage in the final moments of episode 34, robbing us of the possibility of seeing an actual reconciliation/ IlCey working out their issues?
It is often said that distance makes the heart grows fonder. Does it?
Stay tuned for upcoming updates to find out!