In the evening, after finishing work on the next scene for our series, P'Sky gathered us in his office. He ordered me and Zee to sit on uncomfortable chairs that completely didn't match the interior design, and he took a seat behind the desk, putting on funny, round glasses with thick lenses over his nose. He looked like someone completely without taste or sense of style. He was wearing plain, not very thick, light, straight jeans, a white perfectly pressed shirt, and a blatantly purple jacket.
Behind our backs in the corner of the room, in order not to be conspicuous, hid P'Aof, one of the closest and friendliest people on the set of this series.
The room itself was like an overly cluttered cubicle with a small window, a grim atmosphere that was felt at every step, even though the walls were light blue and there was a very patterned red carpet on the floor. There was one solitary orchid on the window sill.
— You have to pretend to be a couple, it shouldn't be difficult. You will get photographed in a restaurant, run a livestream on Instagram, and over the next month you will post as many photos and videos together on social networks as possible. This should attract attention to us, we can gain a lot of new viewers — P'Sky said in such a calm and even bored voice, as if he had uttered these sentences dozens of times already. Maybe it was like that? How could I know, I was just starting to work with him, yet I knew from the very beginning that I wouldn't like him. He disgusted me, especially when, after a fat meal that had just eaten, he licked his fat fingers while talking to us, and the crumbs were lying all over the table. I usually lost my appetite after seeing this.
P'Sky was a powerful, fat man with evil dark eyes. When you looked into his eyes, you seemed to be looking into the abyss of hell, that somewhere inside there was a demon, malevolent, menacing, predatory and bloodthirsty. He scared me. When he raised his voice, I had shivers down my spine, my hair stood on end, I was afraid to take even a deep breath in his presence. And at the same time, I also didn't tell anyone about it, imagining their responses. Cow, Melanie, Nat and Zee would probably think I watch too many scary movies and my imagination is playing tricks on me. Anyway ... I wanted to believe myself that I was just making it up.
P'Sky was hideous, disgusting, steeped in profit, and at the same time he was our boss, the man who gave us this job, who gave us a chance, opened the way for me to the career I always dreamed of. And at that moment he was showing his worst side: he spoke to us without emotion, he did not soften his speech even with one gentle shadow of a smile, he looked at us icyly, continuing to gorge on the recently delivered meal.
— What?! — I exclaimed and looked at Zee. I was surprised that he, too, looked bored, but not completely surprised. He just sat hunched over without a word. He looked depressed but not surprised. He wasn't looking at me or P'Sky, he was staring at his own lap. So he had already heard these words. I felt cheated and hurt.
— We need to promote our series, and nothing's going to promote it better than spreading rumors that the actors who play the main characters are really together. People will be curious, they will want to know what it's really like. Just think, it's a good story: an older, experienced actor falls in love with his protégé! Such a tiny scandal for attracting attention — P'Sky stared at us, saying it as if he wanted to see our reaction, as if he was amused by my horror. I struggled to keep from grabbing a vase from a nearby cupboard and throwing it at that asshole. Though I was just as eager to smash that horrible thing on Zee's head for the complete lack of help I had been counting on so much. Nobody disappointed me so painfully for a long time... I thought we were close, that we were friends and we could rely on each other. And I know that working here requires sacrifice, shit, I know!
— But we're not together! And I'm not going to cheat anyone! This is not right! — I raised my voice a second time. I didn't want it to be like that, I liked Zee, but his lack of any kind of reaction or trying to contain P'Sky hurt me very badly. P'Zee just sat there, staring at his fingernails as if it didn't matter to him. Does he even have a heart? Did he even think for a moment about what I feel and do I want it? I'm not like that. I like challenges, but I don't like when someone forces me to do something that I feel uncomfortable with, because we hardly knew each other, we didn't know much about each other, we only shot a few scenes together, and although there was good chemistry between us, I didn't want it to be forced, I wanted us to become close in a natural way, not because someone forces us to do so. What it was like playing on the show and something else like that, I wasn't thrilled about it. — You can't make us do this!
— This is part of your work, you have signed a contract, the promotion of our series is part of your duties. This is how it works, has no one explained to you? This PR is very important in your work. Many famous artists do this, you surely know Harry Styles, he does that to — Why was there a note of impatience and anger vibrating in his voice when the name was pronounced? Had he hated this British singer and actor so much? But why? From what I knew Styles also didn't wanted to go out with women, but he didn't have much of choice. Will it be the same with me? Did I just signed contract to lose my freedom? Will it be worth it? I don't want this... I don't...
— B-but ... — I tried to protest.
— There is no" but ", Nong New, you'll just do it. Besides, how is it different to you from being on the show?
— The fact that the viewers are aware that this is fiction, and what you are proposing is simple deception and filth, I don't want to take part in this.
— Then you can come home. I can assure you that there are a dozen equally good candidates waiting for this chance, who will take the role with a kiss of the hand and won't be picky. How were you going to make a living in the entertainment industry when you can't be professional? It's your job, if you want to prove you're worth something then just do it.
We faced each other with icy glances, while P'Zee just sat still and didn't say a word, didn't help me, didn't support me, didn't explain to our boss how bad what he was proposing was. I didn't want to lie to viewers and fans if we had them. I believed that with honest and reliable work I would be able to earn their respect and that there would be no need to resort to such weak tricks.
— So what do you expect of us? I want to know, I want to be clear — I persisted, not giving up. I pretended to start playing his game, that I was accepting his rules. I wanted him to believe that I'd do anything for career. If Zee was silent, I didn't have choice.
— Oh, this question makes more sense. We'll discuss this in the evening with a glass of something stronger, I'll give you a moment to breathe.
— I don't want to wait, I want to know now — I didn't let go. I approached P'Sky, rested my hands on the top of the desk, and looked bravely into his eyes, expressionless eyes like broken-glass windows overlooking an abandoned building, long burnt down in some fire. Those eyes looked more like a demon's blind... An uncontrollable shiver ran through my body, but I showed no weakness. Now I was starting to treat P'Sky not as my employer, but more as my opponent.
Zee suddenly grabbed my arm.
— NuNew, get over it. P'Sky, forgive him, it's the first time for him, I'll talk to him.
— Okay, I'm counting on you. Now you can go out, I have a lot of backlog of work — He chased us out of his office. Zee pulled me down the hall with him. I didn't want to go anywhere with him, I didn't want to talk to him or see him in front of me, I couldn't even describe how much he had let me down and hurt me. I tore my arm away and started running forward. I ran down the stairs without even waiting for the elevator and flew outside the building. I looked around and ran right towards the hotel where I was staying. I didn't care what people around me would think of me when they saw a boy running in a light purple short-sleeved shirt and long black pants that I was told to wear for a photo shoot.
I wanted to get as far away from P'Zee as possible, which turned out to be false and two-faced. I didn't want to trust him anymore, I didn't want to like him anymore. There was only one thought in my head:
"You cheated on me, P'Zee. I thought you were on my side and you sold us both. You cheated me".
And it was the worst pain I ever felt. I was so disappointed. I really hoped that Zee will help me, I thought he was by my side. And this, what happened, means that I mean nothing to him, I'm just a work and all what he did for me, was fake. He wanted to win me just because he wanted to make his own career bigger, he wanted to achieve success and he didn't care how painful it will be for me.
I knew that live and work in enteraintment industry is hard, that you have to fight all the time, be strong, not give up, sometimes you have to force yourself to do something what makes you feel ashamed or disgusted, but I didn't expect this. I liked Zee from the very first day, even tho he scared me a bit. I trusted him. And maybe at the end I'd agree to pretend to be his boyfriend, but not in that way. I liked his touch, his smile, his voice, I liked the way he was taking care of me but it turns out it was all fake, he is great actor and I fucking forgot about it.
I cried, I couldn't stop. It was too painful to keep it inside. At this moment I didn't care if someone sees me. I wasn't famous yet, so people on the street didn't care about me. Nobody paid attention to me, but I was thankful for this, I didn't know if I would be able to talk with anyone.
I wanted to scream so loud that my lungs would explode. The pain inside me tugged at my heart like a bird of prey, like an eagle eating a hunted hare.