"Kiyotaka-sama, breakfast is ready, please wake up"
A familiar voice...
"Your father and mother awaits at the dining hall, please prepare immediately."
The absence of pain?...
My eyes shot open, bloodshot as I raised from my bed immediately. That voice, that was the same voice as...
"Matsuo?" I groaned out quietly. Impossible, I was feeling phantom pains upon my chest area, where I had been shot yet there were no wounds there. There was no pain but at the same time there was? It made little sense... Why?
I clutched upon my chest but there was no blood.
What had happened?
I distinctively remembered getting shot, I know it to be true... Have I gone mad, had I been dreaming lucidly? But I just heard Matsuo just now, did I? Is this the afterlife? I was expecting it to be a bit hotter due to the numerous sins I had committed.
Matsuo shouldn't be in the underworld, seeing that he was a kind hearted soul, an individual loved by his family and other people as well. He was someone who had taught me where to gain the first steps of my freedom.
Why would he be in hell with me?
No no no no, I'm not thinking straight right now. If I was supposed to be dead, I shouldn't feel the pain I was experiencing right now, right?
"The White Room clearly didn't prepare me enough for this" I softly uttered out as I allowed to plant my face upon the palm of my hands.
As I got out from the bed, I noticed that I was in an unfamiliar bedroom. If my hypothesis is correct, I would be at the manor with Matsuo. My bedroom at that specific manor barely had any designs into it whatsoever. This room however had so much going on.
A bookcase wasn't really that shocking but what was is the amount of posters there were up upon the wall. Some are from anime that Kei would tend to watch, some are posters of bands that Kei also tends to tell me about.
Kei...
Just remembering that name causes my heart to clench. To think having some semblance of emotions would get me to feel unnecessary pain.
I ran my hand upon the poster with morbid curiosity. As I did so, I would remember her sweet voice.
"Kiyotaka! We should go and see a concert together! Maya and Chiaki had invited me along and I kinda wanna bring you with me!"
"A Concert? Like a gathering of people to watch artists perform their art?"
"Yeah somethin' like that! We should, totally, go!"
I had then pulled my hand back just to gaze at the poster. My lips pursed together as I try to get my emotions under control. My heart was beating painfully within my chest. The last moments between us replaying in my mind.
I'll never forget that gaze...
I passed by my room's mirror.
Then I paused.
I rushed back
...
...
What the hell?
Staring back at me wasn't my 20 something year old self. I lack the scars to begin with, both attained from the war and the white room training. Despite my adolescent and youthful look, I still had the muscles that I had developed from training.
No, no no! That's not the problem right now.
I was young! 16 years young! My face is that of myself when I had started going to high school. I then looked and patted around my body. Yes, everything, everything feels real!
Although, the thing that had gotten me the reputation of King from Hashimoto is still the same.
When I saw the lack of a gash-like scar on my left hand, I knew something was immensely wrong.
I once more threw my head around, looking around the space that surrounds me. An explanation, I needed to come up with an actual explanation right now because all my brain could comprehend in that moment is that for some arbitrary reason, i was sent back to the past.
I then decided to play with fate's plans for the time being and exited the room. My head in a swivel just in case that something unexpected may occur.
I looked around the area. Yes, what appears to be different would be my room. Everything else was much more the same more or less. Yet it bothers me that there are pictures around wherein the last time I was here, there were barely any pictures or paintings.
As I descended from the stairs, I was greeted with three massive portraits hung upon the wall. A man, A woman, and a child.
"What is this..." I couldn't help but utter out in confusion.
"Ah Kiyotaka-sama"
I perked up and then looked over towards my side. At the bottom of the stairs was a man whom I had became familiar with at the initial stages of me attaining my freedom. This was also the same man who had showed me that the world is a much bigger place. And most importantly, the man crucial for my freedom.
"Matsuo" I could only let out a whisper when I addressed him.
"He had begged for forgiveness and had committed suicide by incineration"
Remembering those words come from that man had caused me some form of discomfort. But it was this man who had given me courage to push through to live a life of freedom. He looks at me, rather shocked as he then slowly approached me. For a second, I thought he sees what I had went through as he peered into my eyes.
Alas, I had misunderstood.
"You appear to not be sleeping well... Kiyotaka-sama, are you perhaps having trouble catching sleep?"
Is that his consensus to my appearance? Did he perceived that my eyes appear exhausted despite appearing much more youthful? I wonder to myself if the years of fighting had caused me to appear much more disillusioned with life that my soul appears weary.
"I'm not, thank you for your concern, Matsuo"
"Oh well it's my duties to take care of you, Kiyotak-sama, otherwise i'll be insulting your father's generosity"
I looked at him.
He seems to be wondering as to why I was looking at him as if he had grown another head. The moment he combined generosity with my father in a sentence, I felt as if blanching. My father is anything but a good person. He was the same person that had subjected me to a world of hell at the color of nothingness. The Abstract of all colors contained in a medium but at the same time the absence of other elements. I was subjected into countless experiments due to the sheer size of that man's ambitions alongside countless children branded as test subjects.
I seem to have stared for far too long.
"Is there something wrong?" He asked.
"Nothing's wrong" I calmly said as I then made my way towards the dining room.
"I see, well your parents await for you-"
"Im sorry wha-" I didn't get to finish what I was saying when all of the sudden, I would meet two individuals upon the dining table that I distinctively remember eating on alone. One was an unfamiliar face whilst the other was a familiar one all together.
That man then looked up from his newspaper before-
"Ah, goodmorning Kiyotaka, did you sleep well?"
imsorrybutwhatdidyoujustsay?
I stared at him, completely floored as he smiled rather warmly.
The sight just sent shivers down my spine.
"I... What?" I honestly didn't know what to reply to him at this point. Seeing that the last time I interacted with him, he blatantly told me to come back to the white room and leave my wife behind.
He didn't even ate the cake that my wife and I had baked at that wedding.
"Come sit" He gestured for me to sit... with them... at the table...
Twenty minutes in this scenario, I can feel my grasp upon the situation just slipping. For the first time in my entire life, I had no understanding what was happening. Seeing my visible confusion, the woman frowned at me. "What's wrong Kiyo?" Her expression seems worried.
For some reason, it tugged something within my heart.
"I..."
I looked at them, utterly confused as they just stared at me, anticipating me to continue.
"No, everything is fine..."
This is even more awkward than when I mediated between Horikita and Kushida for the first time during the first year.
They seem to not get the grasp of my confusion. My apparent father then once more gestured for me to sit upon my designated chair. He wasn't glaring at me, he wasn't even frowning that signature scowl he always has. Honestly, this is freaking me out.
As I sat upon the chair, I listened to what these two individuals, who are my supposed parents, talk about in a casual manner. Perhaps I can use this moment to gather information as to what was currently going on. Sometimes I would prod my apparent father with some questions. Questions that would relate to the White Room. If he was just acting stupid, i would have laughed.
But he was clueless...
What did this mean? Does this mean that this man had no form of control on the White Room compared to his original counterpart? Is he withholding that information from my apparent mother? Or did the facility itself just not exist? If so, what has become of me in this narrative?
"Kiyotaka" I broke from my train of thoughts as I looked up, my guard up. What was he going to say?
"I heard that you have passed your entrance exam in that prestigious school in Tokyo..."
This confirms a few things like what date and time it was. I had my suspicions when I had seen myself, but this confirms it. If my memory serves me right, My letter that states that i passed the entrance exams would have been delivered 5 days before the first day of classes. This might give me a small window of time to gather my thoughts and compile as to what I have found out so far. I took a sip from my glass-
"That's good, you're doing the family name justice, I'm proud of you"
I choked.
"Kiyo!"
"Kiyotaka?!"
I coughed rather violently as I began to pound my chest with my fist. What just happened? Who are you and what have you done to my father who perceived me as his property? Seeing them rush towards me, It somewhat fills me with uneasiness.
After the debacle at the dining room, my apparent father and mother had to leave home to work. That gives me time to at least have the whole house to myself.
The silence reminds me of the peaceful moments that I'd get whenever Kei had to run for an errand or whenever Kei and I decide to just sit back, relax, and read books- well manga for Kei's case.
No, I can't be encumbered with remembering my past-well future now... Either way, I can't think of that right now.
As I sat down upon my bed, I learned a lot after these past few hours. After going through my father's paperwork, I had found out that instead of being the director of the White Room, he's more of a politician now. He still has his ambitions but what makes things even more nerve racking is the fact that he expresses love for his family. This fact was made evident at the sight of a family picture upon the table.
Staring into his eyes, his coldness remained, but I didn't felt it when he gazed at me and his wife, who is my mother.
Another scary thing is that I have a mother...
I have a mother...In this world I have a mother it would seem.
She's quite doting... like Hasebe...
I felt like as if something had stabbed me the moment I thought of that name. I let out a grunt as my hands reached up not towards the phantom pain but towards to my head. I clutched upon it as my lips trembled.
"What about... What are you talking about? Don't joke around at a time like this!"
"Why would Kiyopon say that?!"
"Can you look at Airi in the eye and say that?"
In this world, winning is everything.
"Yukimuu, you can't be serious! Don't tell me you agree with Airi's expulsion too!?"
The process to do so,does not matter.
"It's disgusting!"
I do not care what the cost is.
"It can't be!"
I am totally fine as long as inthe end, I have my victory.
"What is this?!"
"I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS"
"Neh Kiyotaka?" I looked up from the book I was reading. I saw Kei looking at me. "I ran into Hasebe-san and Miyake-kun yesterday." The moment she had said those names, I felt a slight stinging feeling upon my chest.
I decided to avert my eyes from Kei.
"They seem going steady."
That's good for them...
She kept looking at me.
"Maybe you should reconcile with them, ya know. You were friends with them before, right?"
"It's a thing in the past..." I said. Kei was dissatisfied with my decision but remained quiet.
I then pinched the bridge of my nose and shook my head. I have yet to understand the situation and yet my mind wanders once more to memories. Sakura's expulsion, Hasebe's anger and vengeance, Miyake's decisions, Yukimura's frustration. I was the catalyst for them. I was the reason why everyone had felt such sorrow.
I was the cause, I caused the destruction of our little group. A group wherein I found some semblance of sanctuary and tranquility. A group that allowed me to experience what it's like to be a normal teenager. Wherein Kei taught me what is love, that group had taught me what friendship felt like.
Due to my selfishness, my morbid curiosity, and my desire to forge an opponent in the end game that didn't even amount to anything because I still stayed in that class in the end, whenever I remember that small little group, I began to think 'was it worth it?' 'was this what lead you to destroy what you grew to cherish?'
Kei called this feeling 'Regret'.
If my father, that man, who had stared coldly at me and brandished me as his weapon, saw that I, The Masterpiece of the White room, has felt regret, he would have laughed and shot himself in the head from the absurdity of my claims.
Regret...
It is the emotion of wishing one had made a different decision in the past, because the consequences of the decision were unfavorable. defined by psychologists in the late 1990s as a 'negative predicated on an upward, self focused, counterfactual interface'. Another definition is 'an aversive emotional state elicited by a discrepancy in the outcome values of chosen vs. unchosen actions'.
Regret differs from remorse in that people can regret things beyond their control, but remorse indicates a sense of responsibility for the situation. For example, a person can feel regret that people die during natural disasters, but cannot feel remorse for that situation. However, a person who intentionally harms someone should feel remorse for those actions. Agent regret is the idea that a person could be involved in a situation, and regret their involvement even if those actions were innocent, unintentional, or involuntary.
In essence, this emotion transpires from my feeling of 'if only I could have saved our little group'.
But now, as I delved upon things, there are some things that also gives me some form of regret.
"Don't run away from me, or I'll tell everyone your secret"
She has become the perfect tool, someone who wouldn't betray me easily.
Maybe... I could have adjusted my methods...
"I'll tell everyone that you raped me"
"That's False Charges and you know it"
"Oh it won't be"
Maybe I should have acted differently...
I clasped my hands together and closed my eyes, I slouched ever so slightly and hummed.
If my hypothesis is correct, then it would seem that I have been sent into the past with future knowledge following my death. This means I had the power to change the course of history according to my whims and my desires, according to my plan and altered expectations. Perhaps I could address solutions to this feeling known as regret, something that had moved me to tears after the weight of my actions buckled down during a key conversation with my wife.
However, with the power of saving others, I had the power to persecute those who deserves it.
With that said, something feels off... Earlier was an indication of this... My subsequent father seems to be massively different from the one I remember... In my earlier studies, the study of the multiverse theory states that there are universes that also have the same components as the original universe, although with altered variables. Should this be the case, then how does this effect everything.
I then gazed at the uniform that hung from my cabinet's knob. My eyes recognizing the familiar article of clothing. It's appearance resounding the hounding noises of a distant memory. I clenched my jaw as i stood up and went over towards it. My hand glazed upon the fabric and feeling its newfound texture.
I couldn't even be bothered to reaffirm my problematic situation with my parents. They seem to project the exact opposite of my original parents which feels awkward to say the least.
My worst fears would be, what if this case isn't limited to my own parents?
It's quite an unexpected variable. You know how the future is written but then everyone will be so vastly different from their counterparts in my previous life that it may affect the course of narrative, rendering your future knowledge utterly useless.
No...
Why would I allow such a variable affect my cloud of judgement. I was the White Room's Masterpiece. What's currently happening right now isn't any different from what I had went through when I was agonizing for my first day of school.
With steeled resolve, i finally went to my door and then started to trek through the mansion. Considering that I have gathered some info to know that I was free to leave the house whenever I want, I determined that priorities must come to the forefront. I informed Matsuo that I will be going out for a short while.
Despite his protests that my tutors are going to come soon, I payed no heed to them. If what they were teaching me is the same as the things in the current curriculum for middle school, then i deem it to be unnecessary at this point. What matters is my number 1 priority.
"Cookies and Cream please..."
"Coming right up!" The cheerful vendor behind the counter has said as she then began to scoop up my order for a delux sized ice cream cup.
Step one, Secure the Frozen Dairy Delicacy.
Afterwards, I will be able to utilize the remaining 4 to 5 days of contact with my parents to understand them clearly before I head to ANHS for my three year curriculum