"You promised you'd talk to him" Fred sat beside her.
"When I looked for him he was already gone" she said as she kept writing on her paper. "I don't know when he'll be back" she shrugged.
"Know where he is?" George asked as he saw Snape at the front of the classroom.
"Yes. Looking at wedding catalogs with mom" Fred sighed.
"What?" George laughed, sitting down.
"Fred" Spencer shook her head.
"Nothing" Fred said in reply to George.
"Silence" Snape said as he looked over. "Today we will be going over-"
Spencer shut him out.
I don't want to be here anymore, she told herself. Not like that... well maybe like that, kidding!
"What's so funny?" George asked as he saw her chuckling to herself.
She shook her head in reply.
She spent the rest of class time staring at her desk, copying the notes Fred wrote down.
As class ended, Spencer gathered her things and walked out.
"Hey" Andrew reached out for her shoulder.
"Hi" Spencer smiled as she turned around. "What's up?"
He shrugged, "you were weird this morning, quiet, do you want to hang out?"
"Thought you preferred me quiet" she laughed.
"It was a weird quiet" he said.
"I'm fine" she smiled softly.
"I didn't ask that" he replied.
She sighed, looking to her side.
"What about a walk?" he asked. "It's nice outside" he smiled.
"Sure" she smiled back, "let's drop our things off in my room?"
He nodded and they walked to her room.
"So how's Eliot?" she asked.
"Eliot is Eliot" he answered with a shrug.
"Oh?"
"You first" he pointed his chin at her.
She chuckled, "let's just drink some wine."
"Your words, not mine" he followed her into the kitchen.
Spencer put out the wine and got glasses.
"Who's Sev?" Andrew said as he read the note on the wine.
"Old friend" she replied.
"This says happy birthday."
"Friendship ended a couple days ago" she smiled at Andrew. "Now," she passed him the glasses, "pour me some before I start crying."
He nodded, opening the bottle and pouring it.
"Oh, hello" Andrew said to Nox, Nox yawned in response.
"Good morning Nox" Spencer got down on her knees and pet him. "Go eat breakfast."
"You have a cat" Andrew said.
"Found him" she nodded.
He nodded before taking his glass. "Well... if it's something Sev has, it's taste" Andrew said after taking a sip.
Spencer gave him a small smile, "let's go to the living room."
He followed her.
"So, how many bottle of wine will we go through until you tell me what's up?"
"Two" she replied. "You?"
"Glass and a half" he answered.
Spencer gave him a small chuckle, nodding. "What shall we talk about until then?"
"I don't know, how's Ron?"
"Better" she nodded. "Harry's with him."
"How is Harry?"
"He's Harry, lies about being okay so he won't worry people" she answered.
"Where do I know someone like that" he smirked, taking another drink.
She shrugged, "no idea" she lightly giggled. "What else can we talk about? Weathers nice, glad the snows gone" she nodded.
"Yeah I'm glad I don't have to layer up anymore" he agreed. "But I don't know I miss the feeling of warming up my hand in the cold with someone else's" he grabbed the wine and poured himself some more.
Spencer finished hers and did the same.
"Next winter" she said.
"I don't think there will be a next winter" he shook his head.
"Here's to hoping" she raised her glass, he lightly hit his with hers.
"Hope breeds eternal misery" he took another sip.
She chuckled.
"What?" he asked.
"You said a cup and a half, you haven't reached the half" she smiled.
He shook his head.
"It's a weekday, why are we doing this?"
"You're sad, I'm sad," she shrugged, "we're young, what's stopping us."
"I'm sad, you're mildly suicidal, there's a difference" he smiled.
"I love drinking with you."
"I hate drinking with you, somehow you still have your walls up" he faced her. "How do you do that? I feel like anyone can tell by the look on my face, how do you not feel?"
"What's going on?"
"Everything."
"Oh, Andrew," she shook her head, "I feel everything... so deeply. It's like a knife," she pointed at her chest, "and it just," she dragged her finger down. "It's raw and ugly and I hate it, because I don't want to feel it. I hate feeling. I don't like being vulnerable."
"Nobody does" he laughed, shaking his head. "I just hate your walls" he sighed. "I feel like I don't know you anymore, as if I never did."
"You know me" she said softly.
"I know I just- I feel like I got with Eliot and I lost sight of what was important to me. I stopped talking to you guys, I stopped-"
"Hey" she placed her hand on top of his. "We'd never hold that against you" she shook her head. "We are happy for you, really. We understand that you want to spend more time with him. We're always going to be friends."
He started at the ceiling, "I heard Fred and George talk... I didn't know you were talking to your dad again"
"It's not important" she shook her head.
"Isn't it?" he looked over at her. "I didn't even know you had a cat."
"You haven't been over" she laughed.
Andrew closed his eyes, Spencer could feel the guilt.
"... what do you want to know?"
"Whatever you're willing to give me, Vee" he answered.
Spencer smiled at the old nickname.
"I'm sorry I've been gone, that I haven't been there for you as I should've. I know family is important to you and I just-"
"Please stop" she hugged him tightly. "Andrew... you don't need to feel like this" she rubbed his back. "There's nothing to forgive," she shook her head, "nothing. Besides, you're here now."
"I'm not here because of a good reason either" he shook his head.
"It doesn't matter" she let him go. "Whatever the reason may be, it led you to me. I should apologize too, for not being there. We should've agreed to meet up outside of class or I don't know-"
"There's nothing to be sorry for" he shook his head. "I'm here, I'll be better. I promise I'll start coming to you when good things happen, not just when I'm in a crisis."
Spencer laughed, "I promise to do the same, even if it's over something dumb like if my plant grew."
"You have a plant?"
"Not yet, but she'll get there" she answered.
Nox joined them, sitting beside Andrew.
"Hey little guy" Andrew scratched the area behind Nox's ear. "I'm you're uncle."
Nox meowed.
"I know, I know, I promise I'll show up more" he smiled.
"Well, Andrew, now that you two have been acquainted and you're about to start your third glass, I believe it's time we have a chat."
He took in a deep breath, pouring himself his third glass. "I don't know, now that I'm thinking about it I don't want to put all do this on you-"
"You're not a burden Andrew, you matter to me. Now, what is it?"
Andrew looked at her for a few seconds, grabbed his wine and took a big gulp before looking back at her.
"I'm not dating Eliot anymore" he said.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I know how much he meant to you" she said sincerely.
"Yeah well, apparently it wasn't reciprocated" he sighed, setting his back against the couch.
"What? But I thought-"
"Yeah me too," he shook his head, "but when you find your boyfriend fucking some girl on his bed it makes you rethink everything" he looked back at her.
"Oh... wow" she replied.
"Yeah" he nodded.
"When did this happen?"
"Couple days ago" he answered.
"Andrew... I'm so sorry."
"Yeah" he shrugged. "It's okay."
"It's not" she shook her head.
"Yeah, but what can you do about it?" he whispered. "I tried doing the whole not talking about it thing but I think I might actually die."
She chuckled.
"I tried to hear him out, you know? Even though I saw it. I told myself, maybe- maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm crazy. Because Eliot loves me and I love him and he'd never do this to me" he shrugged. "But- he kept saying she meant nothing to him and it was an accident and that he loves me."
She saw his eyes start to tear up.
"But I thought about it and... I realized that someone who loves you wouldn't do this" he shook his head. "And I don't understand why he did it. I know that he wanted more, that the secrecy was getting to him, but we had each other. I thought that was all we needed."
"It's not like she made a move on him and forced him, no, he did it willingly. And that's what makes me so angry. He wasn't drunk, he wasn't on drugs. Why didn't he just break up with me? Why couldn't he just lie to me and say Andrew, I can't keep doing this. I would've understood" he wiped the tear of his face. "And I'm so sick of crying why must my body contain all its water volume in my eyes" he shook his head.
Spencer gave him a sad smile as she rubbed his back.
"Anyway," he sniffled, "how is your relationship going."
Spencer laughed, shaking her head, "not as bad as yours but isn't going great either."
"Yeah?"
"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it more?" she asked him.
He shook his head, "I'm just angry. I need validation that I'm not in the wrong" he shrugged.
"You're not" she shook her head.
He smiled, "What's going on with you?"
"He..." she sighed, "he thinks I'm cheating on him with Fred" she admitted.
"Oh."
"Yeah" she nodded.
He nodded, "erm- is it... can I ask you something?"
"Yeah" she nodded.
"I won't judge you, you know?"
"I know" she said confused.
"I love you, you're my friend" he said.
"I love you too" she nodded, confused.
"I only ever want you to be safe and happy and- i just need you to know that you can trust me" he drank his wine.
"I know" she nodded.
"And sometimes I understand why you keep things to yourself, maybe you're not ready to tell me or maybe you just don't want to tell anyone period" he shrugged. "Maybe you want to ignore things that happened and move on with your life-"
"Andrew what is it?" she laughed. "You're-"
"Stalling, yes" he cleared his throat. "Is it... I don't know if I want to know actually."
"Say it" she encouraged.
"I just- I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I'm-"
"Andrew" she cut him off, grabbing her glass.
He let go a deep breath, "... is it Snape? Is he-"
"Gods no" she shook her head. "Andrew, please, no" she laughed. "My relationship with him isn't great either" she sighed. "Actually at this point it's nonexistent" she nodded.
"Oh," he said, "okay."
"What would you have said if it was?"
"I don't know" he shrugged. "It's complicated."
"It is" she nodded.
"He's a professor" he pointed out.
"That he is" she agreed, drinking.
"You told me you love him."
"It's not him and I never said-"
"Well if it was, I know how you feel about him anyway" he cut her off. "I guess I'd ask if you're safe, that he doesn't make you do stuff you don't want to..."
"But he's a professor?"
"Then I'd ask if you're in the relationship willingly. You can make your own decisions, who am I to judge you?"
"My friend" she shrugged.
"Sure I'll be like ew, Snape out of all of them?" he laughed, "but it's not my relationship, it's yours. I just want you to be safe. You're one of the few people I need in my life, I don't want to lose you over some guy."
"Right" she nodded.
"So now that you know that, is it him?"
"No" she laughed. "I'm serious."
"So is it another professor?" he raised his eyebrows suggestively.
"Yes, McGonagall and I are very happy" she joked.
"How dare you break up Madam Pomfrey and McGonagall! They were the only reason I believed in love."
The two laughed for a few seconds.
"So... are you cheating on your boyfriend with Fred then?" Andrew asked.
"No" she answered. "And I tried to explain what he saw but he couldn't listen to me."
"What did he see?"
"Promise you'll listen to me before jumping to conclusions?"
He nodded.
"Fred was on my lap, I was in my sports bra" she said.
"Oh."
"And I understand why he thinks something happened but nothing did. Fred was being a prick and wouldn't smoke by the window so I took the cigarette away from him and sat beside him and he thought it'd be funny if he got on me to "distract me with his body" so he could smoke while on the couch. I had gone out for a run before he arrived and I was all sweaty and- don't laugh Andrew!"
"Sorry, sorry" he tried to hide his chuckle.
"He wouldn't let me speak and told me that he needed time to think" she shrugged. "I'm giving him time to think."
"He doesn't know what really happened?"
"He said he didn't want to know" she answered. "There has always been three people in our relationship... him, me, and Fred. We've talked about Fred so much and I've explained he's just a friend, ever since we started dating. And I understand you know, Fred is... Fred. But I don't want Fred, and he just doesn't get that. He doesn't want to listen to me and I don't know why."
"I'd want to know" he said. "Even if I think you were completely bullshiting me-"
"I'm not."
"I know you're not but let's say you were, I'd want to know what ridiculous lie you'd come up with. I'd want to know how far you'd go. But this... it just looks like he just wants an out."
"He promised he'd stay" she said sadly before taking a drink.
"Did you believe it?" he poured himself more.
"I didn't at first."
"And now?"
"I'd like to" she answered.
A few seconds passed before she spoke again, "I'm lying. I do. I believe him. I started believing him a long time ago."
Andrew nodded.
"He'll come back" he said. "Who could ever leave you?" he asked softly.
"Who could stay?" she replied in a whisper.
"Looks like we didn't have to go through two bottles" he replied.
Spencer chuckled, "yeah, looks like it" she nodded before drinking her wine.
"Do you think he loves you?"
Spencer gave Andrew a sad look, "I don't know."
"You know" he smiled.
"If I'm wrong?"
"You're not" he answered. "You know that" he reached for her hand. "Let people love you" he squeezed it.
"Yeah" she nodded.
Someone knocked on the door, then it opened.
"It's Harry" Spencer said as she grabbed her wine glass again.
"Hello Harold" Andrew smiled.
"It's not Harold" he gave him a confused smile.
"Oh" he said surprised. "Hello anyway."
"Hi" he sat down on a separate couch.
"What's up" Spencer put her glass down.
"I just wanted to hang out but... seems like you're busy" he stared at their wine glasses.
"You can stay, you'll force us not to cry" she smiled.
"Why are you drunk?"
"We're sad Harry, we get to do this" she smiled.
"Why are you sad?" he asked.
"Oh you know, this and that" Andrew replied.
"That and this" she nodded.
"Right" Harry nodded back. "Totally. Is there anything I can do to help?"
"Nope."
"Actually, if you could bring me some chips from Spencer's snack cabinet I'd appreciate it" Andrew said at the same time.
"Erm- sure" he stood up and went to the kitchen.
"Thanks" he smiled.
Harry stuck around for a bit, they played board games together for an hour until he went to go see Ron again.
Spencer hugged Harry, whispering an I love you.
He said it back, closing the door behind him when he left.
She went back to her living room, "Would you like to sleep over?"
"Yeah" he nodded, pouring himself more wine. "Can we go lay down" he picked up the bottle.
Spencer laughed, "sure."
She led him to her bedroom, sitting on Remus' side.
She pet her side, Andrew set the bottle on her bedside table.
"Oh, is this a diary!" he exclaimed, grabbing it.
"Andrew-" she tried to take it from his hand, but he walked backward.
"Will I find a love letter for Fred that you never sent" he laughed as he opened it.
Spencer didn't even try to stand and take it back.
She just sat there.
Watching his face fall.
"Andrew" she whispered.
She'd never seen the section he opened.
He quickly read, disbelief in his eyes.
"What is this?" he looked up.
Spencer looked away from him, deciding to stare at her closet.
"Spencer-"
"Don't, Andrew."
"This-"
"I know what it is" she whispered.
"But this says..."
"I have a general idea" she looked down at her sheets.
"She held me down by the hips-"
"Stop" she looked up at him, tears in her eyes.
He closed it, setting it on the table and sitting in front of her.
"You were raped" he whispered.
Spencer swallowed.
"I thought Jack was the reason- well for everything."
She laughed tearfully, shaking her head, "he definitely didn't help" she sniffled.
"I'm sorry" he hugged her.
He rubbed her back as she fell apart on him.
The words were stuck in her throat as he hugged her.
Then, suddenly, they burst out.
"It was Addison" she whispered. "After Emily, it was her" she cried. "I'm so sorry, I should've told you- I'm sorry" she held him tightly. "I tried killing myself after the year ended, I couldn't keep taking it anymore."
"Don't apologize to me" he rubbed her back. "I'm sorry this happened to you" he cleaned her face. "I'm sorry I made that stupid joke about you being suicidal and dating a Professor-"
"I am dating a Professor" she admitted.
"You-"
"I'll tell you everything, I need to tell you everything because there's going to be a trial. And I can't- I can't let her destroy me again Andrew I can't. And I know I can't do it alone. I'm a coward and taking the easy way out by just telling you now drunk."
"Are you being abused again?"
"No Andrew! I love him" she laughed hysterically. "That's the worst of it all, I can't let myself love him. I'm stupid and unstable and so fucking broken and not what he needs" she shook her head.
"He's a Professor?"
"Andrew don't you understand," she held his hands, "I love him" she looked in his eyes. "If he asked me to marry him tomorrow, I'd say yes. When I met him there was this feeling I couldn't explain. I knew he was the one. I know I'm barely eighteen but he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with."
"You're-"
"I'm safe. I'm happy. He's a perfect gentleman, he doesn't make me do stuff I don't want to do other than the dishes and I am in this relationship willingly" she cut him off. "He is not Addison, I need you to understand" she squeezed his hands. "I need you to be my side Andy" she whispered.
He swallowed, "okay" he nodded.
"Okay?"
"Okay" he answered. "You need me... you're in love" he nodded again. "And he's your teacher" he shrugged. "And he's not like the woman who raped you."
"They are so different Andrew."
He nodded again, it seemed that's all he could do.
"Okay" he nodded. "Okay."
"You're freaking out."
"No I just- I should've known all along it was Professor Lupin" he replied.
Spencer's eyes widened.
"He'd- he stares" he nodded to himself. "You love Professor Lupin."
Spencer just stared at him.
She said it.
Out loud.
To Andrew.
"Oh god" she covered her face.
"There's so much going on right now" he rubbed his face. "Okay, let me get this straight. You and Professor Lupin are together. And you love him-"
"Please stop saying that" she whispered.
Oh god, I said I'd marry him, she said to herself.
"You love him" he smiled. "And that's good, love is good" he reached for her shoulder. "And then there's the case of Professor Addison, who raped you after Emily died..."
"It took three years for the trial?" he asked.
"No, I recently pressed charges" she answered.
"Wait- recently? Why not after it happened?"
"Because..." she shrugged. "I- I thought I loved her. And needed to protect her but I didn't realize that was my justification. I was also super fucked up after the schools year. Remus- he's showed me so much. I didn't even have to ask him" she answered.
He gave her a small smile.
"Who else knows?" he asked. "Not about Addison- well yeah, Addison, but also Professor Lupin."
"Only you and Hermione know about Remus" she answered. "Fred and George know about Addison, so does Remus and Snape, Dumbledore too... oh and my grandfather but we've never talked about it."
"Hermione knows about you two?"
"She's smart" she shrugged. "Harry knows I like him-"
"Everyone and their mother's know you like him."
"Quit it!" she laughed, punching his shoulder.
He chuckled, after he finished he looked at her.
And she knew what he saw.
"Please don't" she gave him a sad smile. "I'm the same person, I don't need you to change with me" she shook her head.
"I just-" he shrugged. "I understand now."
She bit the inside of her lip and nodded.
"I'm happy you're here and that you told me."
She chuckled lightly as she nodded again. She let go a breath she didn't know she was holding.
"I love you" she told him.
"I love you too" he nodded. "I'll help you, whatever you need" he hugged her again. "I'm on your side."
Spencer held on, "thank you" she whispered.