Sloane
To put it simply... I was panicking.
Outwardly, I seemed to be holding it together pretty well. Chris was none the wiser about my inner turmoil, but holy motherfucking shit. I. Was. Panicking.
I'd lost track of the numerous questions that had been circling my mind whenever Chris's beautiful mouth wasn't distracting me, but there were so many things I needed to know.
Chris was acting... so normal. Like it was just an everyday thing that we went down on each other before the sun was even over the buildings outside of my window.
Was it possible that he was just as nervous and panicky as me? It was like the two of us were floating around in this beautiful, rose-colored bubble and I never wanted it to end.
If we went about our day like we normally would, would everything be different when Chris got back from practice? Could the separation make him realize that everything that's happened in the past 12 hours has been a mistake?
God, it didn't feel like one.
Obviously, we've never been intimate before, but there wasn't any second last night that didn't feel right. Chris was my best friend, yes, but there was a deeper connection last night, one that tied our souls together, both of us feeding off of the other.
I felt complete.
I felt happy and relaxed. And the second one of us finally popped the bubble to talk about everything that's happened, my whole world could come crashing down.
Chris was in his bathroom right now, me in mine, both of us getting ready for our day. The only thing on my schedule today was brunch with Cami and I couldn't tell if that was a good thing or a bad thing.
On one hand, brunch with Cami meant sitting and relaxing with a mimosa in my hand. As amazing as Chris has made me feel, I was also a tad sore, so not having to do anything but drink something small and enjoy a nice meal sounded perfect.
On the other hand: Cami. She would know. The second I sat down in front of her, she would know that something happened. She was my best friend... She didn't even need the hickey on my neck to prove it.
I threw an oversized Red Sox shirt on, pairing it again with some cut-off jean shorts, and slid into a pair of sandals. I moved to throw my hair up like I normally do, but opted to leave it down and loose around my shoulders.
As much as I would like to think I could just stay here in my room all day and lose my in Chris, we were adults who had jobs and obligations.
Chris had to go to practice in 45 minutes, I was meeting Cami at 10 and soon, we'd have to talk about everything and see what exactly it meant.
Were we a 'thing' now? Was he my 'real' boyfriend? Or was everything still fake? But with benefits?
I sighed, staring at myself in the mirror, feeling like a new woman. Chris worshiped everything about my mind and body last night and this morning and I felt every bit of it. I felt confident. I felt beautiful and worthy.
How was it even possible that after just one night with him I felt so different?
I smiled, brushing my thumb against bruised lips, the feeling of Chris forever ingrained into my skin.
My phone vibrating on the marble countertop brought me back to reality, my mom's caller I.D. flashing across the screen. "Hey, Ma." I walked towards the bedroom door, pulling it open and coming face to face with Chris as he stepped out of his bedroom.
He smiled softly, winking before walking towards the living room. One fucking wink and my arms and legs felt more like cooked linguine than limbs.
"Sloane, sweetie. Are you and Chris busy tonight?"
I bit back a smile, my mind immediately deep diving into the gutter. God, I fucking hoped we were busy tonight.
"Sloaney? Did I lose you?"
I cleared my throat, the jingling of Dodger's leash telling me that Chris was taking him for his first walk of the day.
"I'm not sure, I'll talk to him after practice. What's up?" I smiled, Lisa yelling something incoherent in the background.
The fact that my mom and Lisa still hung out basically every day after a lifetime of friendship, warmed my heart. They were so fucking cute.
"Hi, Lisa," I cooed, walking towards the kitchen to get a pot of coffee started.
The phone jostled on the other end, my mother letting out an exasperated noise as Lisa stole her phone. "We're grilling out tonight. I better see my kids."
I put my phone on speaker while I scooped out fresh coffee beans and threw them in the grinder. The two of them bickered about whether they should add hydrangeas to the community garden while I got to work on some coffee for me and Chris.
He takes his coffee black... with 2 Splenda... like a fucking sociopath.
Whereas I went all out, caramel and vanilla syrup, frothed milk, and topped with a little whipped cream.
Their back and forth paused, Lisa, clearing her throat. "Did you hear me? I wanna see my kids!"
"It's a bit weird to call us both your kids since we're 'intimate', right?"
I laughed as they both gasped in horror, Lisa and my mom both shouting my full name over the phone.
"I don't— Sloane, we don't wanna know that!" My mom stammered, sounding completely beside herself.
I rolled my eyes, grabbing the carton of milk and pouring it into my mug to froth it. "Weren't you just asking us about our plans to be intimate not that long ago?" Both of them stammered over the phone, making me laugh some more. "I'm not sure what Chris has planned tonight, but I'll be there. Do you want seeds or bulbs?"
"What do you mean?"
"Seeds or bulbs for the hydrangeas? It's a little late in the season, isn't it? I can stop at the nursery on my way over, though."
"See!" My mother exclaimed triumphantly, "I told you, Lisa. It's too damn late in the season. Even grey thumb over here knows that."
My brows furrowed as I sucked a little bit of whipped cream off of my thumb. "Grey thumb?"
Lisa chuckled. "Your mother is insinuating that you have a grey thumb... like the plants come to you for... hospice care. You, my dear, are the reaper of all things green and lively."
I scoffed, my mouth dropping open. "Excuse you, I'll have you know, I have a snake plant alive in the kitchen," your eyes flashed over to the small plant perched on your counter. "It's thriving!"
"The snake plant I got you last year?"
"Yes. It's doing just fine!"
"Oh, dear," Lisa laughed again.
"Honey... It's fake. I got you a fake plant... Have you been watering it this whole time?"
What the fuck?
I walked over to the plant sitting next to my sink and sifted through the rocks covering the top. Sure enough... Fake. Very fake. This whole past year, I've been watering a fucking plant sitting in Styrofoam.
"Mom!" I walked back over to my phone, "I had Cami come water that when I went to Spain!"
They both lost it over the phone, their cackles echoing through the apartment. Chris walked back in the door, bending down to let Dodger run free with a curious expression on his face.
"Alright, you both suck. Mom, I'm not a virgin. Lisa, I'm gonna go have sex with your son." I stabbed the red button on my screen with my finger to end the call, Chris's face flushing as he choked on air.
I shrugged, reaching behind me to grab the coffee pot and pouring a healthy amount into both mugs before sliding one over to Chris and topping mine with whipped cream. "They deserved it."
He cleared his throat. "I never said they didn't."
I took a sip of my coffee in sync with Chris, a slight awkward tension settling in the air around us.
Both of us knew we needed to talk... neither of us wanted to be the first to bring it up.
We shared a couple of small smiles and loud, awkward slurps of coffee before Chris started fidgeting.
He set his coffee down.
He picked it back up.
He tugged at the hem of his shirt, then cleared his throat again.
If I weren't so fucking nervous, I probably would've found it cute how someone who so confidently rocked my fucking world earlier was so nervous and fidgety around me now.
"I think maybe we should... talk, Pip."
My stomach dropped. Even knowing this conversation was inevitable, I still didn't want to have it. What if Chris thought that everything was a mistake? What if he wanted to move out or end the relationship completely?
I just got him back... After months of basically no contact and surviving through Stu... I needed Chris in my life. It made me sick to my stomach to think that everything that has happened in the past 12 hours could drive him away again.
I took a sip of coffee to wash away the uneasiness that clogged my throat. "Yeah, we should."
The two of us locked eyes, a million questions and scenarios flooding my brain. Chris looked just as uncomfortable as I felt, so I blurted out the first question that came to mind: "What happens now?"
His expression softened, blue eyes staring at me over the brim of his mug as he took another sip of coffee. He set the mug on the counter once more, twisting it in a circle before answering. "What do you want to happen, Pip?"
I swallowed, my stomach fluttering as I considered my answer. What did I want to happen? "Uh– I– Well," I took a deep breath. This is Chris. Everything will be fine. But– "I think I need to know how you feel first."
Chris understood. If anyone gets my hesitation to be vulnerable, it's him.
He smiled softly, walking around the counter to stand in front of me. My heart rate picked up, my chest rising and falling rapidly as I waited for him to say something. Anything.
Chris reached up, his large hand cupping the side of my neck while his thumb gently stroked against my jawline. "I feel like... I like us better with no cameras." He leaned down, his lips ghosting over mine. My eyes lingered closed, even after he pulled away.
"Me, too," I whispered, my eyes slowly fluttering open to find Chris smiling.
His thumb ran across my bottom lip slowly. "I feel like..." He swallowed, his smile faltering for a second and his nerves slipping through the cracks. "I feel good, Pip. I feel... Normal. Like we should've been doing this the whole time."
Relief crashed through my body, my knees wobbling a little. He was confirming everything I'd been feeling. The tension I'd been carrying since he left my room this morning dissolved from my shoulders and I fell into Chris's chest, my forehead meeting his pec. "Oh, thank god."
He shook with laughter, his arms wrapping around my shoulders and holding me close. "Did you honestly think I would say anything different?"
I lifted my shoulders in something that resembled a shrug, Chris's arms weighing me down. "I don't know, you've been surprising me a lot lately. I wasn't sure what to think."
"What's been so surprising?"
"One: your wiener size–"
"Don't say wiener."
"Two: you snort coke now–"
"Not 'now', it was like a... two-time thing. Maybe three."
I pulled away from Chris, shooting him an unamused look. "Three!?"
He winced, pushing my face back into his chest and holding it in place despite my struggling. "I said maybe three. Let's not talk about that."
I rolled my eyes, relaxing into his body once again. "Sorry, I don't want my boyfriend and client to have a coke problem." My mouth snapped shut, totally aware that I just called Chris my boyfriend.
Technically, he was my boyfriend. Fake boyfriend... But the word had been used before. I crossed my fingers and hoped he wouldn't think anything of it.
But, of course, that couldn't happen.
Chris stepped away, his eyebrows snapping towards his hairline.
He blinked once.
Then twice.
The confused expression on his face shifted to one full of excitement and hope. "Am I your boyfriend?"
"I uh– well, I mean, technically we are dating. If we– I mean, it doesn't–"
Chris cut me off with a laugh, "God, you're fucking cute when you're flustered. Pip, there's no pressure. I can be your real boyfriend or we can take it slow. Day by day. There's no pressure to add labels if you're feeling overwhelmed or confused."
The tenderness of his voice turned my insides to mush.
If Chris wasn't confused or overwhelmed, I wasn't either. A lot of my anxiousness stemmed from not knowing exactly what was going on in his mind. He seemed confident in whatever thoughts he had.
Maybe this would be a huge mistake or maybe he would be the love of my life, either way... I needed to find out.
"I'm not confused."
"No?" He asked, a hint of a smile pulling at his lips.
"No."
"Well, me either."
The two of us stood there in my kitchen, grinning at each other like idiots like one night hadn't just completely changed the course of our 29-year friendship.
Chris gripped the back of my neck and pulled me close, dipping down and capturing my lips against his, and once again, I melted.
He pulled away before I'd even had a chance to recover. "I have to go, though."
"I know," I smiled, letting go of Chris's shirt and quickly grabbing my coffee mug so I didn't pull him back into me. "Oh, hey... Dinner tonight at your mom's. I'm assuming everyone will be there."
He deflated a little, looking up at the ceiling. "I'm guessing we don't have a choice?"
"Nope," I answered, sipping my coffee.
Chris looked down at me again. "That's unfortunate. How am I supposed to keep my hands off of you?"
"Who says you have to? Who says I want you to?" I answered with a coy shrug. "Didn't this start because we needed to convince people we were in a relationship?"
He smirked, pulling me back into his body by my hips, the only thing separating us was the coffee in my hands. "Pip, I think you're gonna regret saying that."
I shivered in response, which Chris definitely noticed. "I'm looking forward to regretting it." My voice came out breathy and low, Chris's blue eyes flaming in return. "You need to go."
His tongue slid slowly across his bottom lip, my eyes following the movement closely and remembering all too well the way it felt on various parts of my body. "I can be late."
My heart rate kicked up once again while my brain tried to figure out why the hell I'd never had this kind of reaction toward Chris before.
How have I never looked at him like this? How had his eyes never burned into me like this before?
And what the hell have I been missing out on?
"I'm supposed to be a good influence on you," I whispered, Chris, leaned toward me again and pressed his lips lightly against me.
"You're right," He said, standing up straight while my eyes stayed shut, lips awaiting the kiss they desired. He chuckled as I pouted. "I'll see you after, okay?"
I nodded, lifting the mug to my lips as Chris walked out of the kitchen. The front door opened and shut quietly before I melted into the counter, squealing softly into my arm before standing back up.
How is this happening?
"So... How was the sex?"
I coughed, choking on the water I'd just taken a sip of. "Jesus, Cami. You couldn't have asked that before I took a drink?" I cursed, grabbing a napkin and wiping the liquid from my lips and chin. I fucking knew that she would just know. "What the hell are you talking about?"
My best friend rolled her eyes, slumping back into her chair and crossing her arms. "I'm not fucking stupid, Sloane. You guys totally boned last night. And there's a hickey on your neck."
Dammit. I thought I'd applied enough makeup to cover it. "Totally boned? Are you 12?"
"You're deflecting."
"I am not!" I totally am.
Cami was obviously used to hearing all about every little thing I'd ever done and with whom, but I couldn't decide if I was ready to tell her that this was real.
She sipped on her mimosa, narrowing her eyes at me. "No boning?"
I shifted in my seat nervously, making myself as small as possible in my chair. This wasn't exactly the best place to have this conversation. My favorite brunch spot was just a few blocks from my apartment and one that I frequented in the summer.
The patio was covered and had ceiling fans, making it the perfect spot to escape the heat while being able to relax outside. There was ivy coating the white-washed brick walls, French music playing softly in the background, and tiny vases with a singular rose on each table. This place was my favorite.
It was also very public.
Cami's face lit up, her eyes widening and a hand clamping down over her mouth. "There was definitely boning!"
"Stop saying 'boning'!" I buried my face into my hands, groaning softly.
"Wow! Oh my– Sloane. You slept with Chris." The reminder of last night and this morning sent a bolt of electricity through my body, like a tiny little lightning storm zapping through my bloodstream.
Sitting back up, I met Cami's wide eyes and sighed, "A little bit."
She squealed loudly, then pinched herself on the arm, as if I would lie about something as big as this. "OH MY GOD!"
"Camille!" I whined, dragging out her name while she lost her mind. "It's not that big of a deal!"
Cami laughed wildly, "Not that big of a deal?" She asked incredulously, "This is huge! Speaking of huge... How was it?"
I sighed, twisting my lips to the side to suppress a grin.
"Oh, bitch. That good?"
"That good," I nodded, laughing while Cami fanned herself with her napkin.
"Details. I want them all."
I spent the rest of brunch unloading every small detail about basically everything Chris and I did last night... and this morning. Watching Cami's reactions to everything was better than watching my favorite movie.
The way her eyes lit up and doubled in size or the way she would gasp at the dirty details was hysterical. It's also been a while since I've been this animated or excited about my sex life, so my feelings behind it fed into her reactions.
Our waitress came by with the check, flushing when she overheard the last detail of my sexcapade: "Four times in the shower this morning, one more by the vanity. I truly don't know how I'm walking today."
Cami laughed while the waitress rushed away and I instantly felt bad that I hadn't seen her coming. "Leave her a big tip."
The two of us signed our checks, Cami teasing me the whole time about Chris.
"So are you guys like... an actual thing now?"
"I think... technically, yes. We didn't like... directly say it. But yes."
We stood at the same time and she blocked my path, her hands resting on my shoulders. "You look happy."
"I am," I answered honestly, trying to stop myself from grinning. "I can't believe we went this long without... talking about this. It just–"
"Makes sense?" She interrupted, a knowing smile on her lips.
I nodded. "It really does."
Cami wrapped me in a hug, swaying slightly. "I'll take my payment in size 7 Louboutins."
I rolled my eyes and hugged her back. "You sure you don't wanna come over?"
She threw her head back and groaned, "You know we're going to Melissa's today."
Cami could pretend all she wanted that she hated spending time with her in-laws, but she loved them, especially since her parents were across the country.
"Let me know when you get home?"
She kissed my cheek, "Ditto."
We parted ways in front of the restaurant and I started the short walk back to my apartment. Chris would be home in just a little bit and I was almost embarrassed by how excited I was.
It was just Chris!
The man I've known for my entire life. The man who took me to prom and beat up the first boy that ever picked on me. And after one night, just the aspect of him coming through the door had my whole body vibrating with anticipation.
I rounded the corner to my street, smiling softly as I neared my building. My phone dinged with a text message from my mom, letting me know that she and Lisa had finally decided on bulbs as opposed to seeds. Before I could respond, a familiar pair of work boots cut in front of me, forcing me to a stop.
My heart sank into my stomach, adrenaline spiking through my bloodstream as my gaze pulled upward. Stu stood in front of me, a smug look on his face as he crossed his arms over his chest.
"Sloane."
The sound of his voice made my stomach churn. "I don't have anything to say to you, Stuart."
He snorted sarcastically. "Stuart. So formal."
"It's your name. What do you need?" I tried to control my breathing, to keep him from sensing the fear emanating from my body, but he was a shark in the water and I was bleeding.
Stu reached out, his intention to grab my bicep, but I flinched away, taking a few steps back. "Don't. Do not touch me. You need to leave." I couldn't even threaten him with the fucking police. Or a restraining order. It would never fucking happen.
He held his hands up, his jaw ticking in frustration while he tried to keep his cool. "Easy. I just wanna talk to you somewhere more private."
I shook my head, gripping my phone tighter in my hand. "Not gonna happen. Chris is gonna be ho–"
Stu crowded my space, backing me into a brick building. I could see my building. It was just two blocks away. Apparently, one more thing Stu could take from me was walking outside in the middle of the day.
This was the last time I opted for a walk instead of an Uber.
"I don't give a fuck about your loser, coke-head boyfriend! I could have him put away in 5 seconds for anything I want, you hear me?! You have no fucking clue the power that I have." The vein on his forehead grew more prominent, throbbing erratically while he spoke down to me. This was all too familiar.
But he was wrong. I did know. I was a lawyer and I knew exactly how much power he had and how little I did in this situation.
He was a cop after all. It was his word against mine and when it came down to it, they protected their own.
I closed my eyes and whimpered, Stu's stale coffee breath warm against my face. It made me want to puke. The smell and the fact that he was threatening Chris. "Just leave me alone."
He reached up, stroking my cheek with his knuckles. "We belong together, Sloane. We would be... unstoppable. We are unstoppable. Inevitable. I know you don't love him. Not like you love me, at least. Just– Leave him. Kick him out and I'll pretend like none of this happened."
I took a shaky breath and looked up at my ex-boyfriend, "No. Leave me alone, Stu. I won't ask again. And I won't stop Chris next time." That was fucking promise. If Chris wanted to rip him to shreds, I would let him. We would deal with the consequences later.
This was getting out of hand.
Stu laughed humorlessly, stepping away from me and placing his hands on his hips. "You're a disappointment, Sloane," he shook his head, "You'll come crawling back to me soon, you'll fucking see." He pointed his index finger at me, backing away with a tense look on his face before he turned and headed to his squad car.
I held my breath until he pulled away, releasing it loudly and folding over, resting my hands on my knees while I fought to catch my breath.
I knew I could never go back to Stu. It wouldn't happen. But the way that he threatened me sent a shiver up my spine. Something told me he wasn't planning on giving me a choice.