Sorry this is a little shorter than the rest, and also kinda late. Thank you to everyone reading still <3
It's close to eight by the time we get back to the room. Despite the coat, I'm drenched when we get back, so I grab one of the towels and lock myself in the bathroom, spending far too long in the shower to avoid having to face Goh. I know I hurt his feelings in the diner, and I want to take those words back, but I can't now. I don't think he'd believe me if I tried, anyway.
Mercifully, Goh decides to take a shower right after me, so I have another twenty minutes to calm myself down. He's wearing black sweatpants and a t-shirt when he emerges again. He crosses the room and sits down on the floor, stretching out.
"What are you doing?" I ask.
"Sleeping on the floor."
I clench my jaw, watching him start to lie on his side on the carpet. The rain is still unrelenting outside, battering the window. It's absolutely freezing in here, and there's no spare blanket. The thought of inviting Goh to sleep up here with me is beyond mortifying, but I can't exactly just leave him lying there like that, can I?
I sit up and sigh. "You can't sleep on the floor. It's freezing. Come on."
He doesn't reply, and he's facing away from me, so I can't read his expression. A few seconds pass, and then he starts to sit up, grabbing his phone. The skin of my face starts to burn as he turns to face me, frowning. Butterflies fill my stomach, fluttering wildly, making it hard to think, as he gets in beside me. The bed dips down as he does, and I feel his body heat against my chest, lighting me up. I realise, as he pulls the covers up over his shoulder, that his face is burning crimson. He looks... nervous, and uncomfortable. He catches me looking and turns away, hiding his face.
We're silent for a long while. I wonder if he's fallen asleep as I lay in the dark, listening to the patter of rain on the glass, staring up at the ceiling. My thoughts are a mess, and I can't move without a part of me brushing against a part of Goh. It almost makes me laugh when I think about the fact that this time last month, I was so certain we'd never interact again. Now he's laying in bed beside me.
I smile to myself into the dark and roll over onto my side, pressing my face into my pillow like a kid. I have no idea what these feelings mean, or why I've been burning inside for days, but I feel like something is changing. I'm just not sure whether it's a good or bad change yet.
– – – –
When my eyes flutter open, I'm disoriented for a few seconds, thinking I'm in Cerulean again. It's unnaturally quiet, and I close my eyes again because it's still pitch black, so not morning yet. Then I notice the soft breathing sounds behind me, and remember.
Goh has rolled over in his sleep. His breath is warm on my skin. Sometime in the night he must have scooted closer, probably subconsciously seeking warmth, because now his face is almost pressed against my neck. Goosebumps run up the entire length of my body as he breathes again and my breath catches. I inch forward until I'm far enough away, then sit up, rubbing both hands over my face.
The digital clock on the bedside tells me it's 3 in the morning, but we fell asleep pretty early because there was nothing else to do, so now I'm wide awake. I pace over to the window and slowly pull back the curtains, not wanting to wake Goh. Surprisingly, the sky outside is completely clear, the clouds giving way for the stars that dominate it, sparkling bright across the whole expanse of it, as far as I can see.
I steal a glance back to where Goh is sleeping, the moonlight streaming in, lighting him up. His hair is falling slightly over his face, which looks more peaceful than I've seen it in days. I stare, a tight feeling clutching my chest in its grip. My pulse is racing.
A selfish thought crosses my mind for a second. I've already paid for the room, and the storm has passed, so I could just leave. It seems like he's not a light sleeper. I could grab my keys, my still packed suitcase, and be out of here in minutes. Goh would wake up in the morning and find me gone, and would probably be relieved. He'd return the key and head home, and we'd both go back to pretending the other doesn't exist.
As much as I want to, the thought of leaving sends a spear of physical pain through my heart. I hate to admit it, but there's no use in denying it: I want the rest of the time I have left. It's stupid of me, when I know we'll never be friends again, to cling onto dreams that somehow we'll go back to how we were. Stupid childhood nostalgia is clouding my judgement, as is the reason I pull back the curtain again and step away.
"Can't sleep?" Goh's voice drifts over from behind me, making me jump. I hear the sheets rustle as he sits up.
"The storm's passed," I say, ignoring his question.
He stands and crosses the room to join me by the window. He moves the curtains to look for himself, but seems startled by the sheer number of visible stars, and stares up at them, eyes widening. For a split second, he looks so much like he did eight years ago that I can't breathe. I think at this moment I'm seeing the real him- the side of him that he seems to have been hiding from me the past few days. As though he actually wants me to hate him.
I walk back to the bed, leaving him standing there still watching the stars. "Amazing," he says, completely in awe. "I haven't seen the sky this clear in months."
"You stargaze a lot?" I ask casually, sitting on the edge of the mattress.
He shrugs, looking back over his shoulder at me. "Sometimes. I like constellations and astrology. It all ties in with Pokémon, when you think about it."
I pull my knees up to my chest and hold them there, suddenly missing Pikachu. I wonder if Goh has Cinderace with him, or whether he left him at the lab. I start to wonder what other Pokémon he's caught since we last met, too. Probably a lot. Probably hundreds. I wonder why he hasn't released any of them in days, or if they're even with him. It's surprising that he hasn't asked where Pikachu is. I guess he probably just doesn't care enough.
The energy in the room suddenly changes so drastically I can feel it in the air. I hold my breath and wait for Goh to speak, but I could never have predicted the question coming my way.
"What did the psychic say to you when we were at the fair?" He asks quietly, like he's not sure he actually wants me to hear.
I freeze, my guard going up. That is a very specific question at a very random time. "Why?"
He goes back to staring at the stars. "Just made me think. It's all tied together. Fate, and the stars. There's some truth in it."
I don't understand this sudden shift in mood, or how Goh can go from being so cold to talking like this so quickly, but I can't look away. Something about the tension in the air is making my blood sing. In moments like this, I feel wholly comfortable with him, despite the years apart. "She said I've met my soulmate."
I see him stiffen up. "Oh," is all he says. I bite my lip, not sure how to read his reaction. Would it be weird to ask if he thinks he's met his?
"I don't think I believe in that, anyway," I babble, trying to fill the now awkward silence.
"You should," he argues. When he turns back to me, his eyes are blazing in the dark. "They're real."
"How do you know?" I ask breathlessly.
"A few years ago, Gary and I met Arceus again. We were investigating reported sightings of Jirachi in Hoenn. They didn't make any sense, because the Millennium Comet isn't due for hundreds of years yet, and Jirachi would be sleeping."
I nod along. "I know. I met it, remember?"
"Yeah. I remember you telling me," he admits quietly. "Turns out a group of scientists had found a way to wake it early, but it had gotten loose, and was lost. We found it, but it was weak and tired, and disoriented. It was hiding on Mirage Island." He frowns. "When we found it, Arceus arrived to take it from us back to safety. We'd found out that the lead scientist had originally started the search because he wanted to make a specific wish. He wanted Jirachi to find his soulmate."
"And did he?" I ask, forgetting that I just said seconds ago that I don't believe in soulmates.
Goh shakes his head. "I think Jirachi was too tired to grant any wishes. I was too curious to let it go, though, so I called out to Arceus as he took Jirachi, asking if they were real, because it sounded completely insane to me. I didn't expect it to respond, but it did. It told me that there is someone specifically made for everyone. That everybody has a soulmate and you're always drawn towards them. That soulmates are like the second half that makes you whole, and are created so nobody is ever lonely."
I fall quiet, listening, taking in the words. He's not lying- I know he wouldn't make something like that up. What does that mean for me, though? That my "second-half" is someone I know? I consider the psychic's other words, and how she said I was pushing them away. There's a logical explanation for it all, edging its way into my brain, but I push it away, because it's too crazy to believe, and makes no sense, and-
"That's why I went to see her too," Goh carries on, almost hesitantly.
"What did she say?" I ask, my voice coming out a little strangled. It's suddenly too warm, but I can't move from the bed. I'm frozen to the spot.
He shakes his head, moving away from the window, letting the curtain fall back over it, plunging the room back into darkness. "Nothing that I wanted to hear."
A few seconds later, I feel him climb back into bed beside me. I was too far over, and so his hand brushes mine, his fingers gliding over my skin. A jolt runs up my arm, and the breath rushes out of me as a sudden, striking realisation courses through me. Goh is oblivious, shuffling onto his side to go back to sleep as I stare forward, eyes wide, throat closed, palms sweating.
Everything I've been feeling today is what Dawn described to me, from the fireworks in my chest to my body being on fire. My brain had shut them out, not letting me see the truth, and I believed it was nerves, because the alternative is terrifying: That this is the spark I've been waiting to feel. That after all these years, the first person I've ever had feelings for is Goh.
"Do you know who it is?" He asks, casually and sleepily, yawning right after.
"No," I answer stiffly. I hear his breathing turn shallow as he falls asleep again. I sit there alone, fighting back tears that have started to bloom in the corners of my eyes. Minutes turn into hours of a cold numbness, and I don't sleep again, haunted by the same thought, invading my brain over and over again.
I can't shake it. I also can't say it.
What if you're mine?
— — — —
The next morning, Goh is as cold as ice again. He's shut me out, putting walls between us, snapping and being sarcastic whenever he speaks, like the night before never happened. I did eventually fall asleep again, but only for an hour or so, and now the illusion is over, and I know this is the end. This is where he leaves and I never see him again. I don't know why it bothers me so much. I knew it would play out this way.
I'm exhausted mentally, and can't face his attitude this morning, so I keep out of his way, and just watch as he packs the few things he'd taken out of his case back in. He's in a hurry to leave. I want to speak, but every time I do, we end up taking shots at one another, and I feel it chipping away at the bridge we might have started to build last night, bit by bit.
He grabs his case and wheels it towards the door, his car keys in his hand. My heart leaps in my chest and I jerk forward before I can stop myself, calling out his name. He pauses, turning to look at me over his shoulder, face blank.
I hesitate. I'm being stupid. I should say it was nothing, and let him leave, but- "Maybe we should go on that road trip," I say instead.
A thousand emotions pass over his face before he can hide them, too fast to read any of them. Then he looks away, frowning, his brow furrowing, and I hold my breath as I wait for his answer, secretly praying for him to agree, because the alternative is depressing as hell.
"I can't," he mumbles. "I'm sorry. Um, maybe I'll see you around sometime?"
My heart cracks open in my chest as he turns, pulling open the door. I can't even open my mouth to say goodbye. It's sealed shut- and the lump in my throat would have made it impossible to speak, anyway. I let him leave without saying another word, the click of the door deafeningly loud in the silence he leaves behind.
I sit there numb for so long that a cleaner knocks on the door and lets me know politely that I need to check out. I manage to force myself up and pack my things. I wish I could at least cry- so that I could let out the emotions that have built up, but I can't. I feel as cold as he acted. I just want to get back to Unova so I have space to process everything, and figure out what this all means.
Still, I'm crippled by the realisation that I've lost my only chance to save us, over and over again.
When I go to check out, Dawn is waiting there for me, her hands folded together in her lap. I groan loudly at the sight of her. I'd forgotten I told her the name of the motel we were at. Of course she'd show up.
"Good morning to you, too," she says, standing as I hand the same grumpy lady the key to the room wordlessly. I don't respond, just roll my eyes and walk out, and she follows me out to my car. Chloe is leaning against the side of it, smiling apologetically.
"How did you get here?" I ask, my first words since Goh left. My heart tightens painfully again at the thought of him. Maybe it's dramatic, but I don't know how I'll ever get over the revelation from last night. It feels like it's eating me from the inside, draining all of my energy. What if there's never anybody else?
"Misty and Gary dropped us off on their way to the airport."
So they're tagging along with me whether I like it or not. Great. "Doesn't Chloe need to get back to the lab?" I ask as we approach her, remembering her telling me how swamped she was with work.
"Her dad agreed to take on extra work to give her some time off. She hasn't taken any time off in over a year. She works too hard." She nudges Chloe playfully. My heart twists again.
"Where's Goh?" Chloe asks, looking around like he might magically appear from somewhere.
"He left," I say numbly.
"Oh," she mumbles, disappointed.
"So, uh," Dawn starts again. She reaches into the pocket of her cropped black denim jacket and pulls out three plane tickets, grinning sheepishly. "Road trip?"