My remedy.
As the introduction of AA disclaims, There is mentions of ED in this story. This chapter will mention ED (Eating Disorders.) Please proceed with caution.
- No, it's not about Val.
Arlo and I spent a while talking at the park last night. We enjoyed each other's company for a bit before we decided it was rather late. I ended up going home and as I crawl into bed I find myself thinking about everything and anything. Like I always do.
I lay in bed as my phone begins to ding beside me on my nightstand. My family have been trying to contact me nonstop since I left the house. I simply ignore them all, I have no desire to speak to any one of them. I have no desire to feel like shit time after time again.
I grab my cellphone from my nightstand and put it on do not disturb. I don't owe a single one of them anything, I'm a young adult and i'm still figuring out my life and having my family just put maximum pressure on me is driving me insane. I put my phone back down and I tangle myself in my sheets. Trying to think positively before I drift off to sleep.
~~~
It was midnight when I woke up with the worst sore throat. I test swallowed a few times just convinced it was just dehydration but as the pain increased I knew I was most definitely fucked. All the time I spent outside in this weather had made me catch a cold. I rub my eyes before I reach for my phone and check the time seeing that it was four-thirty AM. I only slept for a few solid hours. I didn't take it into note before but as I try to take a deep breath in my nose suddenly feels clogged. Very clogged I might say, I try to breath inwards but the air doesn't even breakthrough. I let out a frustrated sigh through my mouth.
I get up and make my way towards the kitchen. I reach in my medicine cabinet for some pain reliever pills. Taking water from the fridge, I quickly swallow the pills with a gulp of water. I also grab a nasal spray in the cabinet, spritzing some of the liquid twice in each nostril. I bring the water with me to my bedroom and set it on the nightstand and I plop myself back into bed, of course I get sick in the mist of all this commotion. I let the medication take place as I tuck myself in my blankets and let myself drift off to sleep again, hoping tomorrow i'll feel slightly more better.
...
I wake up as the sun begins to shine through my bedroom windows. My head pounding and my body feeling fragile. The medicine worked to keep me asleep but now as i'm waking up I can feel the arising pain. My phone begins to ring with a call and I turn on my side as my whole body aches with discomfort. I groan with displeasure at the mix of my clogged nose, body ache, and sore throat. I reach for my phone and see its a group call from Minji and Noor. I pick up the phone groggily to hear them excitingly chatting on the line. "Hello?" I say with a slightly raspy voice. "Hey Doll, You alright?" Noor asks as soon as she hears the faint sound of what sounds like death in my voice.
"I'm sick, unfortunately." I respond as I lay my head back on my pillow with my phone in hand, my body to weak to sit on my bed any longer. Noor and Minji groan in concern, bummed out for me.
"Shit, Arlo was planning a night out with the company to celebrate your debut this Monday but now you're sick. Mr Saints plans are going to have to be rescheduled." Minji says slightly disappointed that she wasn't going to have fun tonight. I make a tsk sound with my tongue, "You guys can go without me and have fun. Don't let my cold stop you." I suggest, my body feeling abnormally chillier than usual, I bring the blankets in as much as they could be close to my body. Warming myself up.
"Sweetheart the keyword is 'your' debut, this won't feel the same without you there present. I'll notify Arlo to reschedule it for another day." Minji retorts, concern in her voice. Noor agrees, they're set on saving the fun night for another time, despite my suggestions. I smile softly at their selflessness, it feels nice to be cared about.
"I'll text Arlo and let him know guys, thank you though for being worried." I tell them both, my head pounding slightly and unfortunately the sound of their voices on the phone is truly not helping my case. "No doll you should rest, we'll notify him for you. Take care lovely!" Noor says cheerfully and this time I don't object. I feel the sleepiness already starting to taunt my body and I want nothing more than to drift off to sleep again. I say my goodbyes and hang up, tossing my phone to the other side of my bed. I avoid swallowing my spit and my body aches too much to actually get up and take more medicine. Eventually I fall asleep again.
A knock, that's what woke me up again. It's about Three PM and i'm still in bed, I woke up in the same exact position I fell asleep in. Another knock sounds from my front door and I groan, there shouldn't be anyone here because I didn't invite anyone. Which made me wonder who could this be.
I forcibly move my body off the bed and get myself off my bed. I slip my feet into my fuzzy slippers because the feel of the cold floor on my feet somehow sends an aching sensation into my body. All i'm wearing is a brown cropped tank top and grey boy boxers since I don't exactly dress cute to sleep. I open the door of my bedroom and force my slumped body sluggishly out of it. "One minute!" I say before I open the front door, rushing to my tiny bathroom.
I turn the faucet on and splash some tepid water on my face to wake me up a bit from the overwhelming drowsiness feeling that is consuming me. Then I grab my toothbrush and begin brushing my teeth. I wasn't expecting guests so I wasn't really planning on looking decent or actually preparing myself for my day with the way i'm feeling. My throat aches horribly as I brush my tongue and the pounding in my head only seems to get worse. I grasp the sink slightly as my aching body makes it hard to stand.
Once i'm done I sluggishly make my way to the door, another knock emerges. An indication of whoever it is at the door, didn't leave although I left them waiting. I open my front door, my eyes a bit hazy from the tiredness. On the other side awaiting was Arlo. He stands there, his hands in the pockets of his black sweatpants as he leans against the wall. His eyes are wide with unsettlement. He looks like he just rushed here. He's wearing a white pullover hoodie with his black and white nike dunk sneakers, his curly hair is fluffed out with his hoodie over it. He's biting his lip ring impatiently. He looks amazing no matter what.
"Arlo?" I say questionably, I didn't expect him here at all. I thought after Noor and Minji's message he would've moved on and probably find something else to do. But here he was, standing at my front door with a worried expression plastered on his face. "Are you okay?" He asks immediately before anything else and I nod my head despite my grasp on the door supporting all my aching body weight.
"I heard you were sick and I wanted to check up on you." He tells me sheepishly, he looks at me with tender eyes. I smile appreciatively. "I just have a cold, I think i'll be okay." I tell him a bit uncertain, my raspy voice getting a little bit strained the more I talk. He glances at my hand that is obviously supporting me against the door and he raises an eyebrow.
"Is anyone taking care of you?" He asks tensely and I shake my head. I'm a grown woman, I don't think anyone has came to take care of me while sick in what seems like years. Well, my parents definitely didn't because I was with Marlin and you'd think he'd at least be slightly concerned for his girlfriend's health but soccer duties always overweighs everything else. "I'm twenty-one Arlo, I'm fine taking care or myself." I tell him, scrunching my eyebrows at the pounding in my head getting progressively worse.
"Let me help you Valentine." Arlo insists and I look at him with slightly confused eyes. I'm not used to having someone even this much about me like Arlo does. I fully expected Arlo to be on his way after I insisted that I was okay, but thats just something Marlin would do that I got used to. Arlo isn't Marlin and I have to get used to that fact. The clear fact that not everyone is as careless as Marlin.
"That's only if you want me to, of course." He assures me, obviously not wanting to cross my boundaries. I don't mind when i'm with Arlo, I'm always looking forward to my time with him. I step aside giving him room to step inside my apartment. "Please." I plead and he wastes no time stepping inside. I shut the door and hug my own body, the cold chilling my bones. "When's the last time you took medicine." Doctor Arlo mode activated I see. I remember that I was awake at Four AM and thats when I first took medicine for the blossoming sickness, after that I haven't.
"Four AM." I reply and Arlo's eyes widen with displeasure. He shakes his head as he walks into my
kitchen. He checks some cabinets before he comes across my medicine one. He checks the labels on multiple different medicine boxes. "It's been eleven hours, you probably feel horrible." He says with a stern tone, a bit tense at the duration I went without medicating myself.
He takes out the previous pain reliever pills I used and he opens the fridge, pouring an already open water bottle into a cup he found in my dishwasher. He brings the items over to me handing them to me he holds me slightly by the shoulder to keep me steady. After I take the medication, he leads me to the couch. "How do you feel? What are your symptoms?" He asks as he helps me sit.
"A sore throat, my head is killing me, and my body aches and feels exaggeratedly cold." I tell him, and he nods taking note of everything. He takes the folded blanket on the couch and opens it, laying it over me. "You probably also have a fever," He tells me noticing how i'm beginning to shiver. He swiftly takes off his hoodie, pulling it over his head which makes his undershirt raise. I take a glance and see his V-line appearing slightly above the waistline of his sweatpants. My eyes widen with fluster as I stare at him. He removes the hoodie completely leaving him only in a white tank top, his tattoo sleeves on both arms on full display. he sits on the couch, inches away from me as he gestures for me to move in closer.
I take a minute to stare at his strong arms and body that is slightly peeking from the tight tank top. But I eventually snap out of it and move myself closer to him. He then helps me put the hoodie on, sliding it over my head and carefully helping me slide my aching arms into the arms of his hoodie. He brushes my locs out of my face as I now recall I was too out of it last night to remember my bonnet. His hand brushes against my cheek softly as he moves strands of my locs, which causes slight goosebumps to arise over my body.
"I'm going to contaminate your hoodie with my sickness." I say as I snuggle into the oversized hoodie. It was baggy on me but it was already pre-warmed by Arlo's body heat which I embraced. "Keep it, its now yours. Plus I have a very good immune system." He tells me while he continues to fix my hair. Gliding his thumb across my cheek gently. I oddly feel happy that I get to keep his hoodie.
He gets up heading to the kitchen quickly grabbing a thermometer I have in the medicine cabinet. He walks back over and gestures for me to open my mouth. I stare blankly at him quite frankly finding it embarrassing that he has to see me in this condition.
He doesn't care though, he gives me a stern look that almost makes me laugh. He's in such a serious doctor mode, I actually find it quite cute. I open my mouth and he places the thermometer under my tongue. In the mist of waiting we randomly make eye contact as he holds the other end of the thermometer and I could feel my heart rate pick up. I'm glancing up at him from my position on the couch and he patiently gazes down at me, his hoodie warm on my body and his tattooed knuckles slightly curled over the thermometer. Our eyes locked on each other for a few minutes.
The sudden beeping of the thermometer both snaps us out of our trance.
"Fever, figured." He says before clearing his throat. He removes the thermometer from my mouth and places it on the coffee table on top of a napkin. He sits beside me on the couch as we both shift our bodies weirdly.
"Do you want to watch something on the television? Also have you eaten anything? Are you hungry?" He bombards me with questions and I blink blankly for a minute trying to keep up. It was almost four PM and I realized I haven't ate since last night when I ate Columbian food with Arlo at central park. "I haven't eaten since yesterday night, I don't have an appetite." I answer, not having the desire to eat when my throat feels like im swallowing needles. I point to the controller for my small Roku Television and he hands it to me with a tense look on his face.
"You haven't even attempted to eat anything?" There a weird sense of panic and anxiety in his tone and I study his expression closely. This look in his eye feels worrying, it's like he's familiar with this type of panic and unsettlement. The question comes off very nervously, and It makes me wonder what's up with him. Of course not eating for a while isn't good for you at all, but I was sick and the very thought of eating wasn't exactly appealing.
"I don't have an appetite." I repeat again and his eyebrows indent at my response, it's clear he's on edge. "It's been hours, you have to eat something." There's a clear discomfort ringing in his tone. I'm a bit alarmed, he looks more than worried; he's obviously very anxious with the way his eyes are desperate with fret. "Arlo, I'm only sick so I naturally don't have an appetite. Everything is okay. Is something else bothering you?" I ask, having the slight feeling that this isn't only about me but about something else too. I reach out to touch his hand, comfortingly. He's way too panicked for this to be about my simple cold.
"No. Do you want me to make you soup at least? Attempt to eat some of it, please." He's pleading more than asking. I nod my head agreeing with his statement I don't let go of my hold on his hand, I rub my thumb against his skin helping him relax a bit.
"Arlo you can't keep deflecting my questions. Please tell me what's wrong." I ask again despite his obvious discomfort. He breathes in a deep breath as he stares off into the distance, avoiding all eye contact with me. He helps me no matter what the circumstance is, he goes out of his way for me. Yet he's so closed off towards me when it comes to himself, it makes me feel helpless. I want to know what he holds in his heart, what goes through his mind. I want to know what he thinks about when his eyes get distant and how he feels when the light in his eyes get dark.
He bites on his lip ring nervously and we sit in silence for a few minutes. I don't pressure him any further, I simply just hold onto his closed hand. After a beat he looks at me with his eyes still tensed and dark. He's far into his thoughts. "It's my mother, she suffers with–" He opens his lips to continue but then he pauses abruptly, obviously not used to opening up about his family. He's about to close himself off again but I glance at him with comforting eyes letting him know i'm here to listen and for when he's ready to finish his sentence.
"She suffers with an eating disorder, more specifically anorexia. It just panics me whenever someone goes long periods of time without at least digesting something, It always makes me worry because I know the signs of it first starting I was just too blind to see it in my mother. Then that lead into restless nights begging my mother to even take at least a spoonful of something, anything." He spills, his eyes getting glossy after every word. My heart breaks into pieces for him. His hand opens slightly and I take the opportunity to slip my hand in his, intertwining our fingers. My expression drops to one of confusion to one of sorrow.
"It just makes me have horrible anxiety to think about anyone else going through what my mother is going through." He continues telling me as he taking takes more deep breaths in.
"Oh, Arlo" Is all I say with a frown touching lips, he stays silent but the tormented expression on his face tells me he's been through this countless of times. He's recalling every waking memory that he went through and it pains me that just the simple thought could make his mood turn so rapidly.
"Can I hug you?" I say cautiously, aware of my contagious cold. He doesn't seem to care though, he doesn't reply but he pulls my body into his strong arms and embraces me first. "Of course, you can always touch me. When its you I don't mind." He tells me after a minute, his lips close to my ear. His warm body immediately calms my cold tensed body. I embrace him harder this time, harder than all of our other hugs, I know a hug won't make up for everything he went through but I hope that in this moment it can at least cheer him up slightly. It must've been painful to grow up with your parent in that condition and having to see them that way and trying to help the best you could. I don't say anything else but I let him spill his heart out to me.
These were one of those moments where the person venting doesn't need a solution but a listener.
"It just panics me, I even make sure Angela doesn't ever fall down the same path as my mother. I take measures to prevent it before it could ever happen and I don't know, I care for you more than id like to admit. It makes me all the more nervous because I see similarities between you and my mother." He admits as he rests his chin in the nook of my shoulder, I rub his head gently. Feeling his curls against my palm. I wonder if one day he'll elaborate on the similarities he thinks his mother and I share.
"Is that why you live at the same apartment complex as them?" I question and he nods his head. "Yes, and for some other reasons. They mean a lot to me and I don't know what i'd do if I couldn't personally care for them; If i can't physically see it for myself that they're fine." He excludes something else in his sentence and I have a slight feeling it has to do with his father. His father is never a brought up topic, he's always avoided and ignored in any conversation. But now is not the time to ask about him, Arlo is finally starting to open up to me and I don't want to make him put up his walls and shut me out again.
My treasure chest revealed that on the bottom of it, it has another secret map. A map for the actual key. The treasure chest wants me to open it and let whatever it holds inside, free. The pile of keys I was looking in was a mislead, it was stalling me from the truth it holds inside because it was scared. Now that the treasurer chest finds comfort in me, and knows i'll hold whatever it contains inside dear to me, it's helping me navigate what I need to do to finally unlock it.
"I'll eat the soup Arlo. I'll attempt to, okay? Don't worry about me, I think the medicine is taking effect now." I tell him despite the painful sore in my throat that is still very much there. He doesn't have to know that though. He releases a breath of what seems like utter relief. We let go of each other and he stands up, "Get some rest, I'll be done soon." He tells me, heading towards my kitchen. I expected him to order food for me but to my surprise he starts opening cabinets and rummages through my fridge, beginning to gather items and ingredients.
I turn the television on and begin watching American Horror Story. I sit there as my eyes are glancing at the TV but my mind is somewhere else. It's scrambled and all over the place. I can't stop thinking about Arlo's mom's expression in that photo I saw at Arlo's penthouse. The look of clear suffering. I can't help but think about Arlo's dad, a ghost in all stories. A ghost in their life that clearly is still haunting them even though they pretend it isn't. There's something about their father that I feel has to heavily be linked with his mother, a strong gut feeling is just telling me so. But I can't push Arlo further for information that personal, I'll just have to find out overtime when he's ready to tell me.
...
I laid down on the couch while I waited, which lead to me falling asleep. The medicine took full effect and without the body ache I could fully relax myself.
Arlo woke me up after my brief nap to eat some soup. When I open my eyes I see him kneeling against the couch, his hand rubbing my back softly as he calls my name. My eyes feel heavy with exhaustion as I open them. "Eat some and you can go right back to sleep." He tells me in a soft voice. I nod my head and lift myself up slowly with the help of Arlo of course.
I sit up and Arlo hands me the bowl carefully, he gives me the spoon then he takes a seat beside me. He presses resume on the TV and he sits there watching the rest of the first season of AHS as I eat. I take a spoonful of the spoon and immediately my tastebuds are pleased. The soup actually tasted amazing and the warmth felt nice on my strained throat. "Wow, this is delicious." I tell him happily. He smiles at my comment, his dimple appearing slightly.
"I've been blessed with good cooking skills." He says proudly, giving me a wink. He's been blessed with literally being perfect it seems. We watch TV together as he occasionally glances over towards me making sure i'm alright. I finish my soup entirely as Arlo's cooking really is that good. His tense body relaxes as soon as I finish.
"Do you want to move to your bed to sleep?" He ponders and I agree, the couch isn't exactly the most comfortable spot to sleep on He stands up first from the couch and then he helps me, lifting me up and keeping his hold on me. I tell him where my bedroom is and he takes me with his arm wrapped around my shoulder.
We walk in to my room and for some reason I feel very flustered at the fact that Arlo is in my bedroom right now. He can see just about how messy I am. He can see my bed with its white frame and grey sheets that is scattered and my unnecessary amount of pillows. My additional shoe rack because all my shoes don't fit in my box of a closet. My dresser with perfumes all disorganized and childhood photos of Venice and I. Then my vanity with all my makeup products in a shamble. Arlo's apartment was clean and perfect while mine was messy and disorganized.
He takes a look around as he helps me sit on my bed.
A smile forming on his lips. It seems like he likes the mess, he's so stuck in a perfect state of controlling every aspect of his apartment and office that the messiness of my apartment actually eases him. With me its vise versa, I have so much mess going on that his organized apartment and cleanliness soothes me.
I crawl into bed and hug the covers to my body. I lay there as my weak body takes relief of melting into my bed. Arlo sits beside me and rubs my face softly. "If you need anything, let me know okay?" He tells me and before he could get up, I grab his arm. I look at him with desperate eyes, worried he might leave once i'm asleep. With everything going on Arlo is the only thing keeping me stable right now. He's the only person I feel comfort around.
"Stay. Please." I plead and his eyes soften with compassion. He doesn't complain or say anything for that matter, he just simply sits against the headboard of my bed. I lay my head next to the pillow right by his torso. He rubs his thumb against my cheek softly while I snuggle into the covers, feeling his body heat. I appreciate the moment as we're in silence.
I dreamt of an angel wishing upon a star.
✩
I woke up a few hours later, the sun had set and my room was only illuminated by the lamp on my nightstand. I slowly open my eyes to Arlo by my side, one hand on his phone tapping away and his other hand intertwined in mine. I get flushed at the sight. Before, Arlo wouldn't pass hold my wrist but now he's fully holding my hand. He senses my gaze and turns his eyes to me. "You're up." He states with a small smile.
"How long have I slept?" I ask with my raspy voice that somehow got even raspier, the pain in my throat slightly returning. "You fell asleep around four and it's eight now. You've been asleep for four hours." He tells me impressed, "Midway through you grabbed my hand again, guess you really didn't want me to leave." He adds teasingly, a smirk emerging on his face. My embarrassment only spreads as I realize what i've done in my sleep. I go to pull away sheepishly but his grasp on my hand only tightens.
"I don't want to let go," He says with warm eyes as he looks at me. My heart skips at beat, a mixture of his words and the feeling of his touch. One thing for sure is Arlo Saint made me a mess, something I didn't want to admit.
He made me blush when I didn't want to and get shy at the stupidest things. He makes me laugh just by laughing himself and he makes me have faith in myself when I didn't before. One thing for sure is I like his presence around me and one thing for sure is I don't think I ever want to let go of his hand that holds me.
___
[Author Note]
I've actually had this chapter idea written in my notes for a while, I was so excited I got to write it out. + We're starting to uncover who exactly is Arlo Saint and what does he hold inside, what do you guys think is going on?
Also please take care of yourselves, I'm always here if any of you need someone to listen to you. You're cared for and loved 🫶🏽.
[Help + Hotline] If needed.
https://canopycove.com/residential-programs
(850) 893-8800
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/help-support/contact-helpline
🖤