Jailen
"You'll feel a little cramping, maybe even a little spotting, but that's normal after getting your IUD removed," The doctor told me as I put my jacket back on, "There's nothing to be worried about but if you feel lightheaded or experience any severe symptoms, seek care at your nearest emergency room."
I nodded, afraid that if I spoke, I'd vomit.
"You're free to go. Stop by the front desk and she'll tell you when your next appointment will be."
The doctor left the room and I followed her, keeping my head down as I entered the waiting room. I took a deep breath, feeling my phone vibrate in my back pocket. I knew who it was, he'd been calling every day for the past week, multiple times a day. And every time, I hit decline. I had nothing to say to him. I had nothing to say to anyone. I did speak to Jason and Zayn stopped by twice this week, but they were both kind enough to respect the fact that I didn't want to talk.
Harry obviously didn't care about what I wanted. He couldn't take a fucking hint.
I told the receptionist my name and she handed me my paperwork just as my phone began to vibrate again. I ignored it, trying my best to remember what she was telling me.
"Thank you," I mumbled and gave her a small smile. But, my smile was quickly wiped off of my face when I turned around to see Harry standing behind me.
WIth his phone still in his hand and my contact photo still on his screen, he sighed, "Why haven't you been answering your phone?"
"Wh-..." I shrugged, "Why are you here?"
"Because you aren't answering your goddamn phone, Jailen!" He raised his voice, catching the attention of the other people in the waiting room and I frowned.
"I'm not doing this." I mumbled, brushing past him and purposely bumping his shoulder.
He was hot on my trail, following closely behind as I pushed open the glass doors of the clinic and started down the sidewalk. I could feel the tears burning at the back of my eyes. I didn't expect to see him again but I should've known better than that.
"Jailen," He called after me and I sped up. "Jailen, would you fucking stop!?"
At this point, I was fully prepared to run. But he grabbed my arm before I could and pulled me back against his body. I fought against him immediately, my vision blurry with tears as he turned me around to face him.
"Leave me alone, Harry! I have nothing to say to you!"
"So, let me talk!" He argued, his hands resting firmly on my arms to keep me in place, "You don't have to say anything. Just let me... let me explain, baby, please."
"There's nothing to explain," I tried to shrug his hands off of me but this just made him tighten his grip.
"I love you."
"No," I shook my head, "No, you don't."
"I do, Jai. I never wanted to hurt you, I swear," Harry pleaded, his hands moving from my arms to cup my face.
"So, why'd you do it?" I asked, pathetically caving and leaning into his touch. His thumbs brushed over my tears and he frowned.
"I didn't mean it, sweetie," Harry said and again, I shook my head, pushing away from him and turning around to walk away. He grabbed me again and this time, I didn't fight him. I should've. "Get in the car."
I stood, chills littering my body despite it being almost 60 degrees outside as I stared at the man who has caused me the most heartbreak these past couple of weeks. He took a step back and nodded his head toward the familiar sports car parked in front of the clinic.
This wasn't going to end well, I knew that. I knew this wouldn't help me get over him or this situation any sooner. In fact, it might actually make it worse. But, I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss him. Even though his hands weren't on me anymore, his touch lingered and my stomach coiled with the need to be closer to him.
So I nodded. He stepped aside as I walked by him and to the car. I got in before he did and took the brief moment alone to wipe my eyes. He sat in the driver's seat, his eyes flicking over to me as he started the engine. I kept my eyes ahead, staring out the windshield as my leg shook anxiously.
Without saying another word, he pulled away from the curb.
–
I kicked a shirt out of the way as I entered my apartment, my face flushing in embarrassment when I realized how messy I'd let it get this week. Obviously, cleaning had been the last thing on my mind but had I known Harry would've been coming to my apartment today, I would've at least picked up the clothes.
He didn't seem to mind, though, as he walked in and made his way toward the couch. I closed the door behind me, immediately becoming aware of how quiet it was in here. The lights were still off but neither of us made the move to try and turn them on.
I kept my position by the door, my eyes focusing on everything except for Harry. But I could feel his eyes on me. I looked down at the floor. I didn't know what to say, I wasn't even sure how I was supposed to act. I wanted to hold him and kiss him and tell him that I missed him but I also wanted to scream and yell and choke him for stringing me along this whole time.
"Jai," Harry mumbled, but considering how quiet my apartment was, his voice echoed throughout these walls.
"Why couldn't you just tell me from the start?" I asked the stupidest question that I could think of. I shrugged my jacket off and hung it on one of the hooks. I laughed at myself because I know I wouldn't have accepted it. Still, I continued, "We could've made it work, I think," I looked over at Harry, "Maybe."
Harry's lips twitched as if he wanted to smile, "You think it would've changed how we feel about each other right now?"
I inhaled sharply as I thought about it. I'd like to think I would've had a little more control over my feelings if I had known I wasn't supposed to actually love him. I hummed, "A little bit."
"How so?" He asked just as quickly.
"I don't know," I whispered out a lie and Harry hummed.
Silence fell between us and we stared at each other. He ran his fingers through his hair and I shifted on my feet. A part of me was grateful to see him again. His face was something I'd gotten used to seeing every day and those few days I went with seeing nothing but the walls of my apartment were hard at first. Just this morning, I'd woken up and accepted the fact that I wouldn't see him again. Not unless it was on social media. I just didn't expect him to be here in front of me. Especially today. Now... this is just gonna make it harder for me to l-
"Jailen, come sit with me," Harry's voice interrupted my thoughts and I blinked at him. He touched the cushion and tilted his head back slightly, "Please?"
I did. I walked over to the couch and folded my leg underneath me as I sat down. His eyes followed my every move and under any circumstance, I'd be sweating. But right now, I was caving. And it was all because of the guilty conscience I was starting to have.
Not now, Jailen. It's for the best.
"I didn't know," Harry started, "I didn't think about how this would make you feel if you found out. You weren't supposed to find out. From the start, I never wanted to be involved with this. My plan was to make you hate me so much that you ended things on your own but... I fell in love with you, ma chérie, and I found myself never wanting to be without you."
I chewed on my cheek, trying my best to not interrupt him because the least I could do is hear him out.
"Last month, I went to Arthur with the contract. Told him I was done, that I wanted nothing to do with whatever the hell he and Mary had going on," He licked his lips and frowned, "He was quick to put two and two together. On the trip I took two weeks ago, I was with him. He wanted me to break up with you. Publicly. I told him no and obviously, he didn't like that. We argued and he left early. I didn't think nothing of it but he, uh... he broke into the house while you were sleeping and left the contract in my office so that you'd find it."
I swallowed harshly, the realization that maybe Harry was innocent in all of this starting to hit me the longer I listened to him. At least somewhat innocent. And I felt a little bad. So, I hugged him.
I closed the small distance between us and I wrapped my arms around his neck. Obviously shocked by my sudden movements, he hesitated but once it registered to him, he wasted no time in wrapping his arms around my waist. He buried his head into my neck and I blinked, tears falling from my eyes as I stared out the window.
"I'm so sorry, baby," He whispered against my skin and I felt my heart crumble a little, "I love you so much."
I pulled away slightly and looked down at him. His eyes were glossy and red as if he'd been wanting to cry this entire time, but for some reason, decided against it. My nose brushed against his, his breath fanned against my lips and I blinked slowly. We were so close, the one thing I'd been longing to feel for 168 hours and I needed more. I could feel myself becoming more emotional as the seconds passed.
"Show me," I whispered, surprising him and myself as I continued to talk, "Show me that you love me."