Ariel Benecio
The day that I dreaded came. Weekend na kasi, and Daryl was scheduled to come to our house for dinner tonight.
Simula kaninang umaga ay naghahanda na si mommy. Nilinis nila ang buong baba ng bahay lalo na ang dining room and living room. Pagkatapos niya maglinis ay nagluto na sila ng mga kasambahay ng pagkain.
I would usually help them prepare food, but I didn't want Daryl to think that I was looking forward to this dinner.
Umpisa pa lang ay alam ko nang hindi ito dapat na mangyari. I didn't plan on taking my relationship with Daryl farther. I just wanted us to remain as friends.
Ilang araw ko nang dini-discourage si mommy na huwag nang ituloy ang dinner with Daryl. Knowing my mom, she would not allow it to be canceled. The worst thing was, Lola Scarlet would be joining us, too. I loved her but knowing that she really wanted me to date someone, she would purposely join us to get to know Daryl. And if she ended up liking him, I was pretty sure that she would do whatever it takes to make Daryl and I work.
A knock on my door made me flinch. Nakadapa ako sa kama kaya napaikot muna ako bago tumayo para buksan ang pinto.
It was my mom outside the door. Nawala ang ngiti sa labi niya nung nakita niya ang suot ko. Obviously, she was not happy.
"Ariel. Why are you not dressed yet, sweetheart?" disappointed na tanong niya.
Tumalikod ako at naglakad papunta sa kama while saying, "Can I stay in my room? I don't feel like joining you all for dinner."
I heard her closed the door at sinundan ako sa kama. She sat next to me. Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko saka sinabing, "Do you not like the guy?"
I took a deep breath. "It's not like that, Mom. He is very nice, respectful, intelligent, gentleman, thoughtful, handsome, and has a good career. What is not to like about him?" Napailing ako saka sinabing, "I am just not the woman for him, Mom. Someone else deserves him, not me."
"That is not for you to say, my princess," mom said saka hinawi ang buhok ko at nilagay sa likod ng tenga ko. "You don't know his perspectives. What if he likes you so much, and he wants to fight for you? What if he thinks he deserves to have you than someone else?"
I did not answer. Mom had a point. Iba ang tingin ko at posible na iba rin ang iniisip ni Daryl. On a side note, my family could also be wrong. What if Daryl just wants to be a good friend to me that's why he is being nice? After all, hindi naman siya kailanman nagsabi na gusto niya ako.
Napatingin ako kay mommy. "He hasn't said that he likes me. What if you all are just assuming na gusto niya ako?"
Napangiti si mommy ng makahulugan. "You could be right. That's why you should get dressed, so you could see for yourself what's going to happen tonight."
Tumayo si mommy saka nilahad ang kamay niya sa akin. "Come on. You want to know the real deal with him, right?"
I gave up and inabot ang kamay ni mommy saka tumayo na. She smiled at me and leaned forward to rub her forehead on mine. Napangiti ko kasi I loved this sweet gesture of her. She had been doing this since maliit pa ako, and it was my favorite thing whenever she would do that. It would calm my heart tuwing ginagawa niya iyan lalo na kapag malungkot ako.
She picked a dress for me at iyon ang sinuot ko. I did not mind my mom choosing clothes for me, especially for special occasions. Wala kasi akong masyadong alam sa pananamit. Hindi rin ako magaling mag-ayos ng sarili. Besides, the nature of my job did not require me to dress up, so I would usually wear simple tops and bottoms.
My mom and I were completely opposite. She was so good in dressing up herself. Ang ganda-ganda niya lagi manamit. She would also style her hair. She looked very classy even in simple clothes. Iyon ang hindi ko namana sa kanya. Kaya nga she still looked so beautiful at her age. Minsan napagkakamalan kaming magkapatid.
"Ayan. We're done." Mom looked at my reflection in the mirror. "Ang ganda-ganda mo, anak. Your beauty is so natural even without some make up on."
Inayos lang kasi ni mommy ang buhok ko. She curled the tips of my hair then nilagyan lang ako ng powder and tinted lip balm. She knew I was not a fan of make up.
Napangiti ako. "Thank you, mommy. As always, you are the best in doing this."
"You're welcome, my princess. Now, it's time for us to go down. Your dad has been waiting for us downstairs."
Tumango ako at sabay kaming lumabas ni mommy ng kwarto. She was holding my hand the whole time we were going downstairs. The first person I saw when we arrived in the living room was my dad.
"Wow! Ang ganda-ganda naman ng anak ko," sabi ni dad saka lumapit sa akin at hinalikan ako sa noo. "You're so beautiful, pero sobra ka naman atang nagpaganda para lang naman sa lalakeng bisita natin."
Natawa ako. "Blame Mom. She did this."
Bumaling ako kay mommy at magsasalita na sana nung may narinig akong boses.
"Your dad is right. You're so beautiful."
Natigilan ako sa narinig ko. Dahan-dahan akong bumaling sa pinanggalingan ng boses. Nakita kong nakaupo si Daryl sa couch. Tumayo siya mula sa pagkakaupo, and he looked at me with full of admiration.
"A-Andito ka na pala," gulat na sabi ko. Hindi ko kasi siya napansin kanina.
"Hijo, you came early," sabi ni mommy. "But that's alright, so we have plenty of time to talk." Lumapit si mommy kay lola na nandito na rin pala. "Have you met my mom, Ariel's grandmother?"
"Yes, maam. We were introduced to each other already," nakangiting sabi ni Daryl kay mommy.
"Yes. In fact, he is a very nice young man. I like him already," sabi ni lola.
"Ang bilis naman po, mommy. Parang hindi naman kayo ganyan kabilis magkagusto sa akin noong unang beses na pinakilala ako sainyo ng anak niyo," sabi ni dad.
Tumaas ang kilay ni lola kay dad. "Iba ka. Iba rin si Daryl. Gwapo rin siya."
Nanlaki ang mga mata ni daddy. "Sinasabi niyo po ba na hindi ako gwapo? Aba eh kung kagwapuhan lang din naman ang pag-uusapan, mas lamang ako ng apat na ligo. Diba, bee?" tanong ni dad kay mommy saka hinapit ito sa bewang.
Kinurot ni mommy ang tagiliran ni daddy na kinaaray naman nito. "Really, Bob? This is not the right time for that. We have a house guest."
Natawa nalang ako dahil ang cute nila panuorin. I heard Daryl laughed, too. Napatingin ako sa kanya habang nakatingin siya kay mommy and daddy at nakatawa. In fairness, he looked really clean and fresh. Bagay sa kanya ang suot niyang white shirt and navy blue suit sa pantaas. He wore a denim pants and black brown loafers. I admit that I found him handsome the first time I saw him, but he became even more handsome tonight.
Agad akong napaiwas ng tingin sa kanya nung na realized ko kung ano ang iniisip ko. Kailan pa ako nag-isip at tumingin sa isang lalake ng ganun? I don't even remember a single time. Ngayon lang. This was wrong. I should not do that again.
"We can continue our conversation at the dinner table. Come everyone, let's have dinner."
Nauna na si mommy at daddy papunta sa dining room. Sumunod din si lola at Archie. Daryl gestured for me to go first na agad ko namang kinatango. He let me walk first while he trailed behind me. Hindi ko talaga mapagkakaila na sobrang gentleman niya, especially when he pulled a chair for me.
"Thank you," sabi ko na kinangiti niya.
Umikot siya sa kabilang side at naupo sa upuan na nasa harapan ko. Beside me sitting were Archie and Lola Scarlet. Katabi naman ni mommy si Daryl sa kabila while my dad sat at the center.
"I hope you are not allergic to any food we prepared, hijo."
"No, maam. I am not allergic to anything."
"That's good to know. Hope you will like what we prepared for you."
My dad prayed for our food before we started eating. While eating, my parents and grandma kept throwing questions on Daryl while I was just quietly eating.
"Of all specialties, why did you choose pediatrics?" my mom asked.
Pediatric doctor or surgeon kasi siya. He said he had been doing this on his own after his residency ended three years ago.
"I love kids since I was a young boy. I am so fond of them. I would take care of my older cousins' children noon. I love how kids smile, laugh, talk, how they are so curious with everything and so many more in the list. Even though they are sick, they still manage to smile. Unlike adults, kids do not look like their sickness. They laugh and play like they are fine. I mean, what is not to love about them? That's why I spent many years training to be good with what I do so that I can help them feel better and for them not to lose their precious smile."
Ngumiti si mommy ng malapad na para bang may sinabi si Daryl na kinatuwa niya ng sobra.
"Aww... That is one of the nicest things I have heard, hijo. You sounded like a really good person. I could tell that you will be a great father to your own kids someday. Your future wife will be so blessed to have you."
"You are very nice, maam. Thank you for the kind words."
"I agree with Belle. You are a nice young man. Any woman will be so lucky to have you," sabi ni lola. "Tell me, hijo, are you still single? Or are you dating someone?"
"I am single, maam, and I am not dating anyone right now."
Napaangat ako ng ulo dahil may naramdaman ako at tama nga ako dahil nakita kong nagtitinginan ng makahulugan sina mommy at lola.
"I am glad to hear that," sabi ni lola. "My beautiful granddaughter here is also single. Actually, she never dated anybody."
Napainom ako ng tubig dahil hindi ko kinaya ang mga naririnig ko. I didn't like where the conversation was going.
"That's hard to believe, maam. I mean, she is beautiful, kind and smart."
Napansin ko na napatingin sa akin si Daryl. I tried my best to not look at him.
"Ewan ko nga sa batang ito. She is always so negative about dating. She always says that she doesn't want to date because she will—"
"Lola," putol ko sa sinasabi niya. "I don't think kailangan niyang malaman 'yan."
Kumibit-balikat lang si lola at tumahimik na. She understood what I wanted to say.
After a few seconds, dad broke his silence. "You seem to flatter my wife and mother-in-law so much. Sabihin mo nga ang totoo, hijo. Do you like my daughter?"
Nagulat ako sa biglaang tanong ni dad. I did not expect that he would be this straightforward. Lahat kami sa table ay natahimik dahil sa tanong niya.
"I am sure na hindi ka naman pupunta rito sa bahay kung wala kang pakay. You could have rejected my wife's invitation if coming here is not important for you. Kaya gusto kong malaman ang sagot mo. Gusto mo ba ang anak ko?"
"D-Dad." I stopped him, but he did not look or say anything to me.
"Sir, to be honest, your daughter is not difficult to be liked. She caught my attention from the beginning. She is very talented, brave, and it amazes me how unique she is. She—"
"Oo or hindi lang ang sagot sa tanong ko," dad interrupted.
"Bee, be nice to him," mom said. "Do not scare him away."
"If his intention is pure, he won't get scared away that easily, bee," sagot ni dad.
Binaba ni Daryl ang mga hawak niyang kubyertos at tumikhim. Kahit nakayuko ako ay napansin ko ang pagtingin niya sa akin. Sa totoo lang, nanginginig ang mga kamay ko sa kaba. Buti nalang at nakatago ito sa ilalim ng mesa. This dinner was killing me. I felt more and more uncomfortable the longer the conversation.
"Yes. I like your daughter, sir."
I felt my blood drained from my face. Ang lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko sa sobrang kaba. I felt nervous and scared at the same time. I did not know how to react. Kasi this time, I was given a proof that Savi and my mom were right after all. Their assumptions were confirmed. Daryl indeed liked me.
There was a moment of silence after we all heard Daryl's words.
I really wanted to get up from my chair and leave, but I knew it would not be a good move after someone confessed his affection towards me. Leaving would be equivalent to rejection. Pero ganun naman dapat, diba? I should reject him. I needed to do something to stop his feelings from growing, before he could love me. But I did not want to reject him in front of my family. I could not afford for him to get embarrassed because of me.
I raised my head to look at my mom. I saw how her facial reaction changed from being happy to being sad. She probably saw how I reacted to his confession.
"So, what's your plan now that you have admitted your feelings towards my daughter in front of us?" dad asked.
"If you allow it, sir, I would like to ask your permission to formally start courting your daughter."
Mas lalo akong nanlumo sa narinig ko. I closed my eyes to pretend this was just a dream. Kailangan kong sabihin kay Daryl na wala siyang mapapala sa akin. He needed to know that. But when could I tell him? Of course, not in front of my family.
"Kung ako lang, ayokong may nanliligaw sa anak ko. But I would be unfair to do that to her lalo na kung nasa tamang edad at estado naman siya para magpaligaw. Pero kahit na pumayag man ako or hindi, nasa anak ko pa rin ang desisyon kung papayag siya."
"Thank you, sir. I appreciate that." Dinig ko ang saya sa boses ni Daryl nung sinabi niya iyon. I took a deep breath and stayed quiet for the rest of the dinner.
Madami pang tinanong sina lola at mommy sa kanya while Archie and I remained silent.
After eating, Daryl told my mom that everything she prepared was delicious. Mom told him that she needed to take a culinary course para matutong magluto because she knew that my dad was just being nice on trying so hard to swallow the food she prepared.
"Dati, itlog lang ang kaya niyang lutuin. Minsan sunog pa o kaya sobrang alat," natatawang sabi ni daddy.
"Oh, shut up, Bob!" sabi ni mommy.
"Totoo naman." Napailing nalang si daddy saka tumayo na para maghugas ng kamay.
"Are you leaving soon, hijo? Can you stay for a little bit for dessert?"
Tumango si Daryl kay mommy. "Sure."
Ngumiti si mommy saka nag-umpisa ng tumulong sa mga kasambahay na magligpit ng mga kinainan namin.
Nung naiwan kami ni Daryl sa mesa, nagsalita ako. "Pwede ba kitang makausap?"
Nagulat siya dahil siguro ay sa wakas na nagsalita na ako. Tumango siya sa akin kaya naman tumayo ako at naglakad papunta sa backyard. Sumunod siya sa akin.
Tumigil ako sa pinakadulo ng backyard, iyong parte na hindi nila kami makikita mula sa loob ng bahay. Tumingin muna ako sa paligid bago tumingin sa lalakeng nasa harapan ko.
"Daryl."
Tumingin siya sa akin na para bang hinihintay ang sunod na sasabihin ko.
"Totoo ba ang sinabi mo kanina? O baka napilitan ka lang na sabihin iyon dahil nasa harap mo ang parents ko? Okay lang na magsabi ka sa akin ng totoo."
Somehow, I was hoping that he lied about liking me because he felt cornered.
"It was true, Ariel." Nagulat ako sa muling pag-amin niya. "I really like you ever since I met you for the very first time."
Natawa ako ng mapakla at napailing. "You must be kidding."
Hindi siya sumagot kaya napatingin ako sa kanya. Nakita ko kung gaano ka seryoso ang mga tingin niya sa akin. He was showing me na hindi talaga siya nagbibiro.
"Why would I make a joke about my feelings? That would be unfair to you," seryosong sabi niya.
Sumeryoso rin ako at sinabing, "You should not like me."
"And why is that?" kunot-noo niyang tanong.
Napailing ako at hindi alam kung paano ko ba ipapaintindi sa kanya na huwag akong gustuhin, habang hindi sinasabi sa kanya ang lahat-lahat.
"Because I am the wrong person for you. I won't make you happy."
Mas lalong kumunot ang noo niya. "What made you say that?"
"Basta. Iba nalang ang gustuhin mo. Iba nalang ang ligawan mo. Huwag ako, please."
"But why?"
"Because you deserve someone else."
"How do you know I deserve someone else if I know for sure that it is you I like?"
Napasapo ako ng ulo saka frustrated siyang tiningnan. "I will just end up hurting you, so you cannot like me."
Nagtataka siyang tumingin sa akin. He was trying to read me. I saw sadness and hurt in his eyes, and I did not know why I felt like I was hurting also. Bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko?
"We haven't even started yet. How did you know that you will just hurt me?"
"Because I now, Daryl! I know. Trust me, you have to save yourself from so much pain by stop liking me."
"I don't understand." Napapailing siya. "Pain is part of love, Ariel. Most, if not all, couples fight and hurt each other. I am aware that relationships are not perfect."
I felt frustrated even more. Paano ko ba sasabihin sa kanya?
"Are you rejecting me, Ariel?"
I could not say it, so I just nodded my head. Mas lalo siyang nasaktan. Parang pinipiga rin ang dibdib ko sa nakikita kong reaksyon niya. Hindi pa nga kami ay nasasaktan ko na siya. How much more if we ended up together? Kaya sure talaga ako na tama ang desisyon kong ito kahit mahirap para sa akin na makita siyang ganyan. I needed to do this for his sake.
"Please tell me the truth first," he said after a long silence. "If you want me to stop, at least tell me the real reason why. Maybe, just maybe, I will find it easier to move on if I know the truth of why I am rejected."
I was contemplating if I should tell him the truth. Pero tama siya, kailangan kong sabihin ang totoo para kahit papaano ay mapadali ang pagmo-move on niya mula sa akin. Saka kapag nalaman niya ang totoo, baka siya pa mismo ang lalayo sa akin. Sino ba naman ang gustong magka-girlfriend na may sakit at iiwan lang siya?
I looked at his eyes intently before I spoke.
"I am sick, Daryl," sabi ko na kinatahimik niya kaya nagpatuloy ako. "I had cancer, and I have been under remission for three years now. My oncologist said that there's a possibility that my cancer will come back within five years of being under remission."
Nagulat siya sa nalaman. He looked hurt even more. I even saw fear in his eyes. I got hurt when he took a step back.
I knew it. What he just found out changed his mind.
"You won't want a woman like me. I might leave you too just like your ex. Save yourself from another heartbreak, Daryl. You have had enough. Please, stop liking me. You are a good man. I do not deserve you."
"Ariel..." Napapailing na sabi niya.
"Please, Daryl. Just go," sabi ko saka napayuko dahil hindi ko kayang tumingin sa kanya. I stayed silent.
There was a long silence between us before he slowly took few steps back and eventually, he started walking away. He walked back to the house and left me alone.
For I did not know the reason, I felt lost. I felt heartbroken. The pain in my heart intensified as I watched him left.
You just did the right thing, Ariel. I said to appease my conscience.
Miss Kae @KaeJune
18 October 2022