Whilst Alex still obviously had a desire to be with Olivia the intensity had decreased. Looking back he realised that he may have been a little too obsessed with the idea. He liked talking to her, why did it have to be romantically? - of course he'd prefer if it was but he was content with the fact that they were friends, at least they were something.
They were all at Miles' house again. Drinking and watching movies. However, this time they had the addition of Arielle. Apparently her and Alex had really 'hit it off' and he had invited her to come along, though, she was meeting them there and he had offered to give Olivia a lift.
She got into the passenger seat as Alex smiled at her from behind his sunglasses. "Alright?" He asked casually setting off once she had put on her seatbelt.
"It's getting cold again." She told him her arms cold from the short sleeve tshirt she was wearing. He laughed and turned up the bear for her (he was wearing his usual attire of a leather jacket).
As they talked on the way there Alex couldn't help but admire the way her face was illuminated by the late August sun shining from behind her through the window, her green eyes shining bright and brown hair turned orange in the bright light. He smiled to himself before looking back towards the road.
Halfway through blade runner, which Alex insisted they watch when Olivia said she had never seen it, there was a knock at the door. Everyone like Arielle they just didn't understand how she was a better fit for Alex then Olivia. They all gave her a smile and made her feel welcome as she sat down next to Alex and they continued to watch the film.
When Olivia had told Alex not to replace her she had said it as a joke but it did kind of feel like Arielle had taken her place. She tried her best to ignore it but she couldn't help the bitter feeling in her chest when she heard them quietly giggling together in the corner.
"I'm just going to get a drink I'll be back in a second." Olivia told them as she quietly skipped over to the kitchen not wanting to disturb the people actually focusing on the movie.
Olivia felt insanely conflicted with herself and she had a hard time trying to decider her feelings. She knew that she thought Alex was attractive and that she enjoyed his attention but she had always been persistent on the fact that she never wanted to date him. So it made it very difficult for her to come to terms with her jealousy because she knew she had right to feel that way - she'd just have to get over it.
She had already been gone for about 2 minutes and still didn't feel like jointing everyone else again just yet so she stepped outside into Miles' garden.
She had never been a big smoker - only occasionally like when she was drunk or trying to get Alex to warm up to her - but she suddenly craved one due to the stress. Despite not being an avid smoker she still carried around a pack of cigarettes with her. She leaned against the outside of Miles' house her eyes closed, her head resting against the red brick, as she exhaled.
She jumped, her eyes wide and hand reaching up to her chest, when Alex said, "I was beginning to think that you had left." Alex laughed at Olivia's reaction. She sighed in annoyance giving him a glare before taking another drag.
"Just needed some fresh air." She explained.
Alex nodded, "Can I have one?" And Olivia opened up the pack so he could take one, he placed one in his mouth, Olivia absentmindedly handed him her lighter.
He instantly started coughing and Olivia looked over at him in confusion and worry. He took the cigarette out of his mouth looking at it skeptically and with a look of disgust as he complained, "This tastes like shit!"
Olivia rolled her eyes with a small laugh, "It's because they're organic."
"Those exist?" He asked in shock.
She nodded, "Yeah, I don't think a healthy version of cigarettes exist but these taste so bad that it helps to not get addicted to the taste."
"Fair enough." He replied and despite the horrid taste (that Olivia had kind of gotten used to) he continued to smoke it - though he looked in pain every time he inhaled.
Olivia looked ahead quietly smoking as she looked at the setting sun - though the sky was still a bright blue. Alex shivered as he muttered, "Fucking freezing."
He noticed since he had joined her outside that she hadn't been laughing or smiling as much as usual - she looked ahead, he noticed that she hadn't looked at him much, with a sad expression on her face. He wondered what she was thinking about ; if there was anything he could do to make her feel better. Though she did smirk slightly as she replied, "Says the person wearing a coat."
It went quiet again until Olivia asked, "Have you wrote any new songs? Matt said your working on a new album."
Alex shrugged, "A couple."
All the songs he had written so far had been about her. He found it impossible to find anything more compelling to write about and every time he tried it would always end up being about her anyway. There were so many things he wanted to say to her but couldn't so instead he wrote it in songs. He just was delaying the part where she would have to listen to the album and have to pretend she didn't know it was about her - he hadn't exactly been subtle about it.
Even though, like they told him they would, everyone had dropped the idea of him and Olivia being together he knew that they could tell that the songs he wrote were about her. They just didn't say anything because they knew he'd just get angry at them.
He couldn't talk about his feelings for her so he found that the only outlet he had was through music.
Then she finally smiled as she turned her head to look at him - reminding him of how her smile could make him weak. It was like everything turned golden when she smiled, her eyes sparkling. "Any that I'm allowed to hear?" She asked hopefully. She had always been enthusiastic about their music.
Alex was desperate to say yes. Maybe if she heard the lyrics - the things that he had been wanting to say to her - everything would change. However, he knew that it was better not to. Especially with Arielle in the next room.
It felt awful to admit, but if Olivia asked him to be with her Arielle would be forgotten immediately. They weren't dating yet but he could tell that they were heading in that direction. He didn't want to be leading her on, dating her wouldn't be awful it just wouldn't be Olivia. He was aware of how selfish it was to use Arielle as a distraction, how fucked up it was when he could tell that she actually liked him, but it felt easy.
There was no miscommunication or hard to decipher feelings. She liked him and he didn't have to guess about it. Olivia was like a labyrinth and he could never find the exit - he'd be lost in the maze forever just hoping to find the finish line. He wasn't sure he'd ever be able to figure out what to do to get her to be his.
"I might play you one next time." He said just so he could see the smile that would light up her face and his day. He was sure that he'd be able to find one song that wasn't clearly about her - vague enough that she wouldn't be able to tell.
Olivia smiled brightly, she had finished her cigarette a while ago but stayed because she quite liked the cold breeze and the warmth of Alex next to her. Though, she was aware that the thing that she enjoyed the most was that it was just them two - his attention was on her again. "Really?"
"If you really want to hear one, then sure." He assured her, watching the way she tried to conceal her smile by biting her bottom lip.
"Okay." She said quietly trying to not sound too enthusiastic - though she did feel slightly like a kid on Christmas. He nodded smiling at her. "I'm going to head back in now, thanks for checking in on me." She told him and he just shrugged telling her that it was nothing.
Everyone had forgotten about the movie (the credits were on the screen and they hadn't bothered to turn it off).
"She's back!" Miles announced throwing his hands in the air. Olivia just rolled her eyes at him with a smile before sitting down next to him. He wrapped his arm around her giving her a quick squeeze. "Thought you had left."
"Alex said the same thing." She told him.
"Course he did." He laughed, he handed her a new drink - she had completely forgotten that the whole reason she had left in the first place was to get a drink. She thanked up and took a sip.
"Is Alex still in the kitchen?" Arielle asked Olivia.
"Oh, I think he's still outside, there's a back door in the kitchen if you wanna find him." Olivia told her and Arielle smiled with a nod before getting up.
Alex had finished smoking but stood outside, his hands in his pockets. He hadn't moved since Olivia left. He heard the door open and Arielle smiled at him before coming to stand in front of him. "You missed the end of the movie." She told him with a pout.
"I've watched it before." He explained, though he knew even if he hadn't he would've still missed it to check on Olivia.
"It's so cold." She complained rubbing her hands up and down her arms. Alex shrugged off his jacket and placed it over her shoulders which she smiled at at. His hands lingered on her shoulders and she looked up at him with hopeful eyes. On of his hands travelled up to hold her cheek, the other stayed on her shoulder, as he leaned down to kiss her.
He didn't know why he kissed her - he thinks it was partly because he could tell that she wanted him to. It felt nice but it didn't feel special. He couldn't help but imagine what it would be like to be kissing Olivia instead - he was sure that he'd be able to taste the Organic cigarette she just smoked like he was sure Arielle could taste it on him.
She pulled away with a smile before resting her head on his shoulder, his arms instinctively wrapping around her waist to hug her.
"I'm warmer now." She mumbled and Alex laughed quietly though he couldn't help but feel guilty afterwards. He wished that he could kiss Arielle without thinking of Olivia. He wondered if kissing her was a mistake - after all of was cruel to kiss her when he liked someone else. He tried to block the regret of his head, Olivia didn't like him Arielle did there was nothing that he could so about that.