13 days left.
Once again, I was up early and spending my morning in the hospital. And today it went beyond my only class for today and the last one of the week.
Earlier the same morning I had called my parents to tell them about how I went swimming last night and that my skin was still rather cold, and it felt like something had disrupted my brain.
Of course, they went to pick me up immediately and got me to the hospital to talk to my doctor about it. As usual they overreacted, which was one reason I had doubted whether to call them in the first place.
After the doctor had run some tests on me, he sat down to talk to me and my parents. I didn't bother listening, I knew he would just tell us that it was a symptom that accentuates my illness. Instead of being in the room, I decided to take a stroll around the hospital.
I went down a level by the elevator, walking past the children's area. I glanced inside one of the playrooms, observing the kids that seemed to not worry about whatever was happening right now.
I was like those once too. Until I realized the seriousness of the situation.
I adored the kids as they seemed to live like normal kids, despite some of them wearing casts and one of them having tubes through his nose. It upset me that they had to experience this at such a young age, but it also warmed my heart to see them having fun despite it.
I continued on, walking around for a few minutes before growing tired and bored and most of all just wanted to go home. I then made my way to the level my parents and doctor were at again. It was the level for people with rather life-threatening cases, but not acute.
I was slowly and sloppily making my way to my room, when I noticed a girl sitting in one of the lounges by herself. She looked around my age.
It wasn't unusual for people to sit in the couches and stare out of the big panorama windows that characterized the hospital, while doctors and nurses hurried up and down the hallway making the hospital look busy.
However the situation being that I only had two weeks left, I walked up to the girl and sat down in front of her.
"Hi." I said dryly to catch the girl's attention.
The girl snapped out of her thoughts and turned to look at me with a surprised look and downturned lips.
"Hi." She replied skeptically. She turned to look out the window again as a brief silence fell upon us.
"So, what are you thinking?" I asked curiously.
"Why?" She turned to look at me again with yet another skeptical expression.
"Something's bothering you I can tell. Sometimes it's great to talk about it with someone you don't know." I suggested with a small smile, trying to seem encouraging but not pushing.
"If I tell you, you won't be a stranger anymore." She scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest.
I kept quiet, thinking if I should just walk away as she seemed annoyed with me. And rightfully so, not everyone's fond of sharing what's closest to them. I knew that from myself.
But I also knew that I would've appreciated having someone to talk to about my situation. I would've loved if I could tell someone and get it all off my chest... But I couldn't just tell anyone.
The girl before me sighed, letting her arms fall down and rest beside her. She shifted in her spot, moving to sit on the edge of the couch, "I'm sorry, it's just... why'd you want to listen."
I looked at her with a daring smile, "I'm a great listener... but it's your call."
Maybe it was selfish to make her tell me her story. I most of all only went to her to get my mind off of my own.
Sometimes listening to other's problems, helps reducing the power of your own - it makes them seem less horrible.
The girl looked over at me, wearing a wistful smile. It took her a few moments of searching my eyes before she let out a sigh.
"I have cystic fibrosis..." She started, glancing to the side and out the window again. She told me in broad terms what it was before she continued voicing what seemed to be her problem, "A few days ago, the doctors told me I was eligible for a lung transplant and that they already had a set of lungs in my name, if I wanted them."
I cocked my head, quick to wonder why she'd be depressed over that. That should be great news.
"My family cried out of happiness over the news. My little sibling mumbled something about how we were finally able to play basket together. He loves basket." She smiled, but then it faded as she continued, "My family is putting a big pressure on me to accept the lungs. The problem is that I'm scared. I'm scared that something's going to happen during the surgery and that my body will reject the transplant and... I'm scared that someone needs them more."
The girl in front of me got silent. She pulled her hand up to her eyes, wiping away a tear that had escaped. I almost teared up myself. Her story moved me.
I inhaled deeply, sucking up the loss of words I had encountered, "Wow. That's tough."
The girl nodded, turning to look at me again. Her eyes fell down to my hands fiddling, staying there as she opened her mouth once again.
"I know I have to accept them. For the sake of my family."
"And yourself." I added for her. She looked up at me with teary eyes and furrowed brows.
"I don't know much about your disease except for what you told me, but if a lung transplant is the way of giving you a second chance at life, why not do it?"
The girl didn't reply but only looked at me with a wistful expression.
"You told me you're scared... I know you might be, but why give up on such a granting opportunity? And yes, your family is important for you of course, but do this not only for them, but also for yourself. And... wouldn't it be a waste of lungs to reject them anyway?" I said with a chuckle, trying to lighten up the mood.
"But... I'm scared."
"And so is everyone around you, believe me, I know. The doctors know what they're doing, it's not their first time. You need to trust them."
The advice leaving my own lips came as a surprise to me. Who was I to say that when I had lost my trust in doctors? They had told me I was going to die, and that they could do absolutely nothing to prevent it from happening. Where did this advice come from?
A silence fell over us again.
Did I say too much? Should I just have stayed out of it? It was not my business to give a person I didn't even know such life changing advice.
"Why are you here by the way?" She questioned, referring to the hospital and level we both were on.
"Me?" I chuckled, slapping my hand on my own chest, "I'm just taking a brief walk." I tried acting dumb and evade the topic.
"No, as in what's your condition?"
I unattached my eyes from hers, looking down at my hands. This was something I wanted to avoid.
"You seem healthy." She added. I could hear the smile in her voice, despite not looking at her.
"I only have two weeks left." I admitted with a sigh after thinking for a while.
"Until what?" She questioned.
I looked up at her, the words unable to leave my mouth.
I never said it out loud.
I had thought it, I had written it down, I had dreamt about it. But I had never said it out loud. I had never really admitted it to myself. I really was going to die.
"Oh..." She breathed as I didn't reply.
"And here I am scared of a surgery that could give me healthy lungs." Her upper lip curled in disdain, "I'm sorry." She empathized.
"Don't be, it's not your fault cancer struck me twice." I forced out a chuckle, again trying to lighten the mood from the tense atmosphere.
"Cancer? Seriously?" She almost exclaimed to which I nodded and pointed to my lungs.
"Fuck that." She uttered bluntly. She kicked the air in frustration and let her body fall back and rest on the back of the couch.
It made me chuckle. The girl had seemed so sweet and polite and I didn't expect her to curse, "Literally. I agree." I smiled.
A silence fell over us again, this time a comfortable one.
"I'm Sindy by the way." The girl spoke with a much more friendly tone than when I approached her.
I was just about to answer when someone called my name. I looked to my left, noticing my mother standing by the hallway and gesturing me to follow her.
"Coming." I said and got up.
"I'm Y/n, it was nice to meet you." I smiled.
"Thank you, Y/n." Sindy said with an expression of relief coursing her eyes.
I gently smiled at her before turning around and heading to my room.
Finally, I repeat, finally I had finished my Rubik's cube. It was completely solved, all sides filled with separate colors. It stood proudly on my coffee table as an exhibition for Jungkook to see.
He had arrived a few minutes ago and had already settled on the couch while he had been forced to listen to my rambling about how I finally completed the cube. He still didn't seem to understand why I had been so stuck up on completing it, but it fascinated him that I had and the surprised look on his face when he first saw it, satisfied me.
"Anyways, what even happened last night?" Jungkook broke the quietness as I had stopped bragging about my steadfastness and determination.
"Taehyung asked me why we were already going home, but I didn't know what to say."
I stood in the small kitchen I had, preparing two hot chocolates.
It was April and not really hot chocolate weather, but Jungkook never said no to hot chocolate, and I was still not fully warm even though the doctor said it would get better later in the day. Oh wait, this moment was later in the day and it weren't much better. Hence why I didn't always believe them.
"I'm not sure, I just think I was tired and maybe was at a lack of food." I shrugged.
Jungkook stayed silent, obviously not satisfied with my answer. He always cared for me and the thought of his concern for me made a warmth spread from my stomach. Then I remembered yesterday.
We almost kissed.
WE ALMOST KISSED!!
As I remembered the moment, I looked over at Jungkook, my cheeks turning red immediately.
Did he remember?
Of course he remembers, he's not demented Y/n for fucks sake, I thought to myself as I looked away as quickly as I felt the blood rush further up to my ears.
But did he also turn red when thinking about it? Did he get excited as I did, when thinking about how our lips were not even inches apart and none of us seemed to stop?
I shook the thoughts away from me, grabbing our hot chocolates and walking to the couch to sit down next to Jungkook, a safe distance between us.
Jungkook looked at me with a weirded expression, noting the unusual large gap between us, before he shrugged and grabbed one of the mugs I had placed on the table.
"I met a girl this morning." I spoke, sipping my chocolate.
Jungkook hummed, waiting for me to speak further.
"She has cystic fibrosis." I said, fumbling with the illness' name as I still wasn't very familiar with it.
"Bless you."
"Jungkook!" I bursted and I swear if I had had hot chocolate in my mouth I would've spat it out right in his face.
"What?" He shrugged.
"You don't make fun of such serious things!" I scolded him.
"What serious thing?"
"It's an illness, a serious one."
"Oh..." Jungkook sighed, looking away from me, "Shit am I going to hell now?" He looked back at me with big eyes and raised brows.
I didn't reply, telling him with my eyes that it was not the time to joke around.
"Fine, I'm sorry." He let out with a breathy chuckle.
"So... about the girl?" He questioned, snapping me out of my scolding gaze at him.
"Oh yeah right... it's nothing really. She was offered new lungs, which would make her life easier hopefully, but she was scared if the surgery would go wrong." I explained simply, not wanting to out the poor girl.
"New lungs?" Jungkook highlighted as if it was the only thing he had heard.
"Yeah, something about weak lungs and not being able to breathe properly. It's a deadly illness, and I'm not sure but maybe she will die if she doesn't accept?" I got slightly sad, praying that Sindy would make the right choice. A second chance at life, who wouldn't want that? Jokes aside.
"Damn that's tough." Jungkook comprehended what I said.
"Yeah..." I empathized, "It's just... It makes you view life in a different way right?" I said looking at Jungkook and making a deep eye contact.
"Well I'm not exactly su-"
"How would you feel it that was me?" I questioned bluntly, the words leaving my mouth before I was able to rethink them twice.
It made Jungkook shut up, his eyes blinking a few times comprehending the question. Then he shook his head and let out something between a chuckle and a scoff, "What kind of question is that?"
I shrugged my shoulders, looking away from him.
"Y/n seriously, what's that supposed to mean?" He cocked his head, trying to create an eyecontact.
"Nothing, it just annoyed me that you didn't seem to get moved by what I told you about that girl." I almost scolded him, but sighed instead.
Jungkook grabbed his mug again and took another big sip. I did the same.
"Wait, where did you meet this 'girl' by the way?" Jungkook uttered, breaking the sipping silence and his neck must've almost broken as fast as he turned to look at me when realization fell upon him.
I was quick to reply and put down my mug, "Relax Jungkook, nothing is wrong."
"But-"
"I called my parents and told them about what happened last night, and they overreacted slightly and brought me to the hospital to run some blood tests." I half lied, with ease.
It was easy by now to lie about my illness and my real situation, but it was still tough having to do it.
"So you do know what happened to you yesterday?" Jungkook questioned, thinking he caught me in a lie when I a few minutes ago had told him that I didn't know what had happened.
He did catch me in a lie, but he didn't find the right explanation.
"Yeah..." I said, pretending to be bumped that he found out that I lied.
I thought he'd tease me about it and brag that he caught me in a lie as I never lie.
But instead, his voice was low and faint, "Why did you lie about that?"
I squinted my eyes slightly at the unexpected reaction, before I loosened up and scooted closer to him on the floor, cupping his cheeks with both my hands.
"Jungkook... I just didn't want you to worry." I cooed, a smile spreading across my face at his cute reaction.
"I thought it was better not to tell you than having you act like this." I smiled at him.
"Like what?" He spoke, shaking his head free of my hands. He straightened his back and lifted his chin, "I'm not worried, I just don't want you to lie to me." He spoke with a slightly deeper voice than usual, his pride forcing him to man up.
"Sure you weren't." I chuckled at him.
"I'm serious Y/n, don't lie to me." He let down his shoulders and spoke with a caring voice again.
I held eye contact for a few seconds before answering, "I won't."
I then grabbed the TV remote and turned on the TV, "Now let's finish that series."
AN:
What's your thoughts on the story so far?
I love receiving constructive criticism, it'll help me do better in the future!