❛ YOU PROMISED. ❜
08. Please Be Okay
SEASON 02 EPISODE 02
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Hope had died within me during the night; being up too late did that to me. If the group were searching for me, as I wished, they would've found me by now. An entire day went by, hours and hours of nothing but lost faith.
It was possible that they believed I was gone.
In the morning, when the sun beamed onto my skin and the birds whistled hello, I woke up with a smile on my lips— finally content and relaxed with the way I slept. It wasn't just the morning sun that made me happy, it was also the smiles and greetings I was getting from the people in the house. The farmers had more than enough food to spare and though I was a stranger, they made sure I was well-fed.
The women had me cook along with them; the three were teaching me how to do so, some things were cooked from scratched and it amazed me.
"So, Kendall..." Maggie spoke, saying my name as if was a question. I nodded, letting the brunette know that she was right. "How old are you?"
"Twelve and a half." I answered, stirring the pancake batter with a whisk.
"You were in the seventh grade?" Patricia asked next.
The metal bowl, in my hands, clacked against the counter as I sat it down; I turned around and leaned my back against the counter. "Eighth; I started school earlier than I should've."
"I would've thought it'd be because you were smarter." Beth laughs, taking the bowl of batter from the counter. "I mean, you seem smarter than a kid that'd be your age."
A tilted head and puckered lips went a long way with these women. "Well, uh, my— my therapist explained to me that my focus on my education and studies were so deep because I didn't want to focus on my past trauma."
"Therapist?"
"Yes." I answered coolly, seating myself at the dining table. "It was my mom and dad's idea."
After a long and communicative breakfast, it was time for the farmers daughter to bring me back to my group. Though, there was something in me, screaming at me and telling me that there was a choice to stay. I didn't listen— I couldn't listen. It was the first time I have ever doubted myself, telling myself that I was wrong and turning away from my brain, from the voice that was always inside my mind, the voice that was always right.
It was wrong this time.
I needed the group. I needed Glenn.
A speechless look stretched across my face, parted lips and raised brows. It was all over me when the sight of a horse came into my peripheral. I wasn't scared, no, just amazed and interested; I have never seen an animal as big as this one up close. My fingertips ghosted over the hair of the animal, a soft and breathy sigh passing my lips as I did so. It was almost as if the horse had leaned into my touch, neighing lightly.
"Wow." I breathed, looking up at the brunette woman whom held her hand out for me, already sitting on the animal. "It's beautiful."
The woman's eyes strayed away from mine, looking out into the large field with a scared and confused look plastered on her face. Maggie jumped from the horse, tying it back on the tree and rushing toward the porch. I watched as she lifted the binoculars, that wrapped around her neck, looking off into the distance just for a second.
"Dad!" She shouts, pushing me behind her a bit when the figure came from out of the field.
"Rick." I gasped, not even noticing when the rest of the family came out. "Carl."
"Was he bit?" Hershel questioned, keeping his family behind him.
"Shot." I frowned at the cops answer. "By your man."
"Otis?" Annette asks, jumping down from the porch along with her husband.
"He said find Hershel." Rick repeated, trying to keep his slippery grip on his son tight. "Is that you? Help me. Help my boy."
"Get him inside."
A ringing was invited by my ears as I stare at the unconscious boy in his arms. It was all I could do, along with also blaming myself for what happened to me. I was holding in oxygen, close to an inability to breathe while following the family into the house. I was watching, observing their hands and my friends expression as he laid there— close to death and unconscious. A tear, one that I didn't even know was there, slipped down my cheeks; it wasn't soon after that more tears began to flow.
I didn't get a chance to be happy for the men finding me in a farmhouse with an unfamiliar family, I didn't get a chance to be happy that the group would know where I was. No, I was allowed sadness and grief, I welcomed it.
My stupid freckle-faced friend is shot, six bullet fragments in different parts of his gut; the only chance he had now was to get the fragments out without killing him. His only chance was for him to be very still so he couldn't die... so he couldn't die on me.
The hope buried deep within me had found it's place in my heart once again. I prayed for him, prayed for the group as well.
"Kendall." A voice echoed, my body bouncing when someone sat beside me on the couch. "Kendall." I blinked, locking eyes with Shane, who stands beside me.
"I'm fine, just leave me alone." I say, pulling my knees to my chest and leaning against the soft pillows of the couch.
"Why'd I let him come with us?" Rick asks through the silence, fiddling with his fingers. "I should've sent him with Lori."
"You know," Shane starts, looking over at his friend. "you start that, you'll never get that monkey off your back."
"Little girl goes missing, you look for her. Simple." Rick says. "You said call it, head back."
I was on the couch, leaning against the couch pillows and listening to the conversation but the second he finished his sentence I was outside. I was now sitting on the stairs of the porch, my hands laying flat against the wood as I looked up to the sky. A deep breath whisking through my lips, my eyes closing, trying to block out the sounds of the young boys screams and cries from inside.
Girl. He said girl. They weren't looking for me, nor did they try. It wasn't a surprise, it wasn't the first time someone like me was forgotten about, tossed aside. I caught that, just that one word that changed everything, that changed how I felt about this situation. There was just one question ringing in my mind, echoing over and over that made my eyes burn with tears.
Did Glenn try to look for me?
I stepped off the porch before leaning against the wall of the house and sitting on the ground with my knees to my chest— signature move. I was deep in thought not even noticing when a shadow stood over me.
Maggie.
"I'm taking the horse to find Rick's wife, is there anything you need me to do."
"If you're asking to send a message to my group, no, it seems they didn't care about my whereabouts, why should I care about them?" I sighed, taking the brunettes hand and standing. "You don't need to do anything for me, you've done enough."
Maggie nodded with a tight smile, sending me one last glance before jumping atop of her horse and riding away.
It took me until she was gone to realize how long I went without listening to music and that set off some type of panic within me. I took a look around, placing my headphones over my ears and stepping away from the house— far away towards the large trees that loomed and shadowed over the grass. I was now leaning against one of the trees, singing along quietly to the music I have listened to a thousand times before.
'On the phone, you and me. 'Til dawn, 'til three, what about us girl? do you, do you, do you? In the park, on the beach. You and me, in Spain. What about, what about—'
My eyes were shut, letting the music throb against my eardrums and allowing the wind to hum along with the music. My head fell against the wood of the tree, turning side to side to the music, making myself dizzy in the process. I was content and relaxed, I was finally able to breathe the way I desire and not worry about the looks casted my way. I was to think without distraction, to cry without caring about anyone catching me.
I didn't cry much so when it happened, it surprised even me. I just couldn't help but let the tears fall down my cheeks, for them to burn my eyes while trying to rack my brain of all the reasons of why they wouldn't look for me, why they didn't even let me pass their mind for a moment.
Last choice, second option, maybe? Glenn was thinking about me... right? I'm just as important as the rest of the group— maybe I need to show for it?
The whistle of my cries now became a thunder of sobs, it was louder than I intended, my throat becoming soar and the tears becoming unstoppable. I snatched the headphones off, doubling over and digging my hands into the ground beneath me. It pained me— it caused actual pain to cry so hard about something so small.
To other people. It was small to other people but to me... the group was my family and thinking about them not caring about my whereabouts or safety— for them to not even search for me— it struck me, deep in my heart.
I don't think I have cared about something so much, to cry about something so hard.
It was probably my fault, maybe I was too mean, impassive, as my therapist put it. Lacking off usual child happiness, or emotion. It was my fault.
I was now going to be of use to the group, be strong and more... connected. It was time for me to stick out and be brave, maybe protect those closest to me. I wanted to be that way because I didn't want to fall behind, to be left behind.
It was time for me to grow some balls, as my dad said, and be a woman.
"Kendall!" A shout came from afar, distant footsteps followed. "Are you okay?" A hand touched my shoulder, causing me to flinch back and gasp.
Maggies expression dropped, a frown falling on her lips as she watched the tears cascade down my face. The brunette took me by the arm, helping me up from the ground and swiping his hands down my body to get the dirt and dust off. I blinked— very hard in fact— before wiping away my tears quickly. It was hard not to notice the look of pity on his face, the parted lips, the pinched brows.
"I'm fine." I was now standing a bit straighter, my chin held high as the frown on my lips morphed into a tight smile. "I didn't realize how dark it was." I comment, looking up at the stars that gleamed beside the moon.
"Kendall—"
"I... I uh, I'm tired." Maggie frowned at me, nodding her head. "Does the couch still have my name on it?"
"Of course."
I walked ahead, too embarrassed to look at the expression that smoothed her face. I wanted to get as far away from her— and everyone else— as possible and the only way I could do that was to go to bed. In an unconscious form the was no way I could know who was around me or who'd be looking at me with pity or sadness. I couldn't stand to look at that and I never wanted anyone to look at me that way. It was embarrassing.
"Kendall." An all familiar voice breathed, pulling me into an embrace. "Oh, I didn't know you were here." I shook out of her hug, taking a couple steps back.
"Yeah, I know." I grumbled. "It's not like y'all cared anyways."
I kneeled beside the young boys bed, cringing when my hand took his sweaty one. As my mother did for me, when I was in the hospital, my head leaned against his hand as I spoke— unknowing whether he could hear me or not. It didn't matter if he could or couldn't, it always calmed me down.
"Please... be okay."