Vanessa
It was the end of October and much like my love life, the trees were barren. The grey sky and chill in the air only added to the hollowness I felt inside. I kicked at a swirling, flame colored leaf as I walked through the school parking lot with Addison beside me.
Always there right next to me. That's how she was. Even though I hadn't spoken to Matt in over a month, her allegiance remained with me. His name no longer passed through her lips and it was almost as if he never existed.
Except that the crushing pain around my heart reminded me every single day that he did. I ached to tell him about the latest page-turner I had devoured over the weekend or laugh alongside him until my sides hurt at the antics of the cast starring in my newest reality show obsession. However, the part of my brain that refused to shut up in the dark of the night made sure I was aware that I had caused a rift that simply couldn't be fixed.
I knew that even if by some miracle Matt would hear me out, as long as I loved him, I would always run from my feelings and never be able to admit as much to him. When it boiled down to it, I couldn't give him what he needed so it was better to just keep my distance no matter how much it pained me to do so.
Not that he seemed to care. He hadn't confronted me about my feelings for him and seemed to continue about his life like I was never anything special to begin with.
As we made our way to Addison's car, I subconsciously scanned the lot for Matt's Jetta. My heart sped up when I spied the flash of red two rows over. The sloppy spray paint job on the side was always the telltale sign that it was his vehicle I was looking at.
My blood pumped even harder when I realized that he was there as well leaning against the driver's door with his arms folded across his chest. He was fiddling with the drawstring on the hood of his sweatshirt as he talked to a red-haired girl. I still didn't know her name but she always seemed to linger within two feet of his vicinity.
He smiled as she ran her fingertips down his arm and even though I had no right to be jealous, all I could see was red.
"I'm thinking about getting one of those rhinestone frames to go around my license plate," Addison announced as she pressed the key fob to her Jeep. "But first, I want to get a custom plate. I'm thinking I'll have it say something like Queen Addie but I'm not sure how to spell it out. What are your thoughts, V?"
Geez, get a little closer why don't you? I narrowed my eyes as the girl who wasn't going to live to see another day if she didn't get her paws immediately off of my man, fingered the fabric on his jacket.
"V?" Addison followed my gaze scrunching up her face when she saw what I had been fixating on for the past couple of minutes. "Ew. What is she even wearing? Didn't anyone ever tell her that mixing pink and red is a huge no-no?"
She pulled my arm nudging me in the direction of the passenger side. "Do you want to get some ice cream," she asked. "I'm craving some rocky road."
Lowering my gaze to the pavement, I shook my head. What was the point? The hot tears that began streaming down my cheeks would just melt the dessert anyways. My friend leaned in to wipe them away with the pad of her thumb. "Don't cry, V. The guy for you is just around the corner. Senior year is our year. I can feel it."
I gave one more sorrowful glance at Matt as he and the fashion faux pas hopped into his vehicle. Senior year will be my year. It will be the year I finally get over him.
***
Matt
Vanessa hadn't spoken to me since that horribly embarrassing day on the bus. Of course she loves you, Matt. Isn't it obvious by all the affection she showers onto you? Scoffing, I tossed my book bag into the backseat of the Jetta. I should never have listened to Addison's bad advice yet again. "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." Despite what she had claimed, I knew that Vanessa didn't give a crap about me.
"Are you losing your mind, Mattie?"
The top of my head slammed into the roof of my car as I jumped at the sudden shrill voice behind me. A voice that had come to give me shudders whenever I heard it. Whipping around, I turned to face Aimee. "What are you going on about now, banshee?"
Unfazed by my insult, Aimee grinned at me as she gestured in my direction. "You were just talking to yourself, no?"
Leaning against the side of my car, I crossed my arms and narrowed my eyes at her. "You caught me. I was having a conversation with me, myself, and I. Which means you aren't apart of it and can leave now."
I waved my fingers to shoo her away but instead of taking the hint, no the big bold, highlighted and circled in red message that I wasn't interested in chatting with her, she planted her claws on the sleeve of my jacket.
"Black leather looks really hot on you," she cooed.
Clenching my teeth, I forced a smile. Maybe if I gave her an ounce of attention she would be satisfied and go away. "Thanks."
I pushed myself away from my car and turned to open the door. "Listen Aimee, this was fun but I have to get going. I have loads of homework and I promised myself I would turn over a new leaf this year."
I backed up as she let out a laugh that sounded like a hyena. "Fantastic! We can be study buddies." I watched in horror as she jogged around to the other side of my car and slid into the passenger seat. She patted the cushion on the driver's side. "Come on, Mattie. We can go to my house. My mom will be ecstatic to finally meet you."
Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath. Part of me had actually dared to hope that senior year would finally be my year. There had been the briefest glimmer of possibility that after all the time I spent in turmoil; I was going to now be rewarded with love and friendship. However, the universe couldn't resist getting in one last cosmic joke at my expense by dangling both in front of my face before ripping them away and deciding that I got to have neither.
***
Vanessa
Addison's patience had run out. My supportive and loving best friend had done a one eighty and morphed into a mean-spirited troll. She simply refused to take no for an answer and nagged me nearly every day to patch things up with Matt. "You need to get over yourself and stop being so chicken," she announced.
Putting a fuzzy black halter top back onto the clothing rack, I stopped rummaging through her closet. "I didn't ask for your opinion, Addie. Just like I didn't ask for it yesterday or the day before that or the day before that."
She was at her vanity brushing her long hair as though she were a modern day Marsha Brady. "Don't be a wimp and just tell him everything, V. I bet he'll be way more understanding than you think."
I tossed a balled up sweater at her head, taking satisfaction in it messing up her locks. "N-O, Addie. For someone who is so good at reading lip language, you would think it wouldn't be so difficult for you to comprehend what mine are saying."
Addison swiveled around in her chair, pouting as she gave me a long look. "You're really not going to clear things up with him? You're going to let the love of your life go? Just like that," she said snapping her fingers.
I rolled my eyes. "Quit being so dramatic."
"All I'm saying is that if it were Jeff, a pack of teeth-gnashing lions couldn't keep me away. And you're telling me that you're not going to talk to Matt because you're afraid you might accidentally make eye contact with him or something and implode?" She sneered at me. "Coward."
I put my hands on my hips. "For your information, I'm not afraid of making eye contact, Addison. It's more than that. I freeze up whenever I try and tell him how I feel. I tried with him. I really did. But I don't have it in me to keep playing this game anymore. Love should be relaxed and effortless. I shouldn't constantly be worrying about whether he thinks I sound dumb when I speak or if I'm texting him too much."
Addison stood up, pulling the halter back out and handing it to me. "He's not going to wait around for you forever, V. Sooner or later he's going to find someone else. Is that what you want?"
I thought of him and the red-haired girl riding off in his car together and doing who knows what. Instantly, a lump formed in my throat but I had to be strong. Matt deserved to be happy even if it wasn't with me. "Then he moves on, Addie. Ok? Loving him is just too exhausting. I don't want to do it anymore. This is my choice. Now let it go. I have." I slipped the halter on over my head admiring the snug fit in the mirror.
Addison came up behind me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "I just don't want you to regret anything but if you feel that passionately about this, then I'll let it go." She nodded at my reflection. "You look beautiful. That top suits you. Keep it."