One night with absolutely no interruptions from her phone was exactly what Millie had needed. Just one night with no calls, no emails, no texts, no reports, no socials. Just peace. And that's exactly what was granted to her.
The next morning, her shoulders felt less tense, the furrow in her brow had flattened and her lungs felt like they could take in more air. She could breathe.
But then she thought about that evening and the virtual premier she had to attend and little irksome bits of stress began to resurface. So she put on a yoga video and followed the exercises until she felt more awake and less anxious.
She had been eating breakfast when a knock came from her door. A look through the security camera showed it to be Ava holding a medium cardboard box with markings all over it. Her little sister looked into the camera and yelled, "Let me innn!"
With a laugh, she pressed the button that unlocked the door, "Hey Ave!"
"Ugh, hey. Here take this."
Taking the box, Millie found out why Ava was so pissy this morning.
"Lord. What is this?" quickly turning around, she placed the box on the dining table.
"How am I supposed to know? It says 'Millie's stuff' all over it. Mum told me to bring it here before the photographer came to get pictures of the house. It's going on the market in a few days." the twenty-one year old rubbed her shoulder while looking around, "Place looks deserted."
With a scoff, Millie replied, "That's because the last you were here, there were also scores of crazed twenty year olds here all celebrating your twenty-first birthday."
"Ah, I suppose you're right." she nodded, "Though that party wouldn't have even been in the running against my eighteenth in London." she had a devilish smirk on her face, "My twenty-first was mainly to appease my American friends."
"Regardless," Millie said, "You should come over more often."
"That goes both ways, Mil." the tone stung. Sure Millie had been busy lately, but her family understood that. At least she thought her family understood that. But the sweetness between the sisters had soured. She longed for the days when Ava was little and thought Millie could do no wrong. When just walking into a room would make Ava bloom with happiness. Seeing her little sister grow into the young woman before her was such a two-sided sword. On the one edge, she got to be witness to the evolution of Ava's youth and watch her fumble through adolescence into her adult body with her adult mind and her growing sense of activism. To say Millie was proud of her little sister would be an understatement.
On the other, parallel edge of the sword, however, was the fact that Ava had grown past her childhood blindness to Millie's shortcomings. She no longer looked past them to see Millie as her hero like she did when she was young. It wasn't like Millie had expected to be Ava's favorite person forever, but to be at least in the top ten would be nice. These days, though, it seemed like Ava's circle of climate activist friends had all her sympathy. Well them, their parents, and their brother, Charlie, since after his divorce, he'd been living back at home.
Millie tried, like with the birthday party she threw, to connect with her baby sister, but she was still closed off. Maybe it was just the age. Maybe the young twenties were always those times to find yourself and rebel and not care. It hadn't exactly been that for Millie, she'd done most of that in her late teens, but maybe for Ava, that was now.
Millie nodded and looked toward the box, "So you didn't even peek?"
"What could you possibly have in there that would be of interest to me?"
Shaking her head, Millie said, "I don't even know." She laid her hand on the box, somewhat afraid to open it. She wondered if what she thought was in there, was actually in there. A little time capsule of memories, or more accurately, a time bomb.
Reluctantly, she pried opened the flaps on top of the box. To her relief, the first things she saw were old scripts and a couple ratted stuffed animals. She breathed out an alleviated sigh and let the flaps fall over the items. The particular piece of memorabilia she was afraid to find could still be in the box, probably was in the box, but now she was less concerned about it, having opened the box and not seen it glaring at her right from the get-go.
"What?" Ava stepped closer, scouring the box with her eyes, "You think a viper was in there or something?"
"Or something." Millie said, eyeing her pensively.
"Ahh." Ava said, rocking back on her heels and crossing her arms, "You're afraid that little box of truth is in there, aren't you."
Millie closed the box more effectively and picked it up, charged by the adrenaline she got from just the thought of Jake finding out about one of her biggest secrets, and started walking it to her closet.
"Because, I'll tell you now, it is in there, Mil."
Millie could tell that Ava was looking for a reaction. She wouldn't concede one, "I'm not afraid of it."
Following behind, Ava said, "Then what? I know you haven't told him."
"And that's your business how?"
"He's to be my brother-in-law. And after this many years, he's practically already so. I love him as if he were my blood-brother and my sister is holding onto something that I believe he has the right to know."
"The right?" Millie asked dramatically, hoisting the box up onto the highest shelf she could manage, "No one has the right to know someone else's. . .dilemmas. Past dilemmas at that. He wasn't in my life then, and he doesn't need to know anything right now. It would only hurt him."
The look in Ava's eye was stern. Protective. But not of her. Protective of Jake. "Millie." she said, patronizingly, "I think you know what a copout that is."
Millie crossed her arms defensively and let her eyes travel around her, noticing small things out of place in her closet. She pushed a shoe back in place and looked back to Ava, who knew most of what she was keeping from her fiancé, but not even she knew the full breadth of her secrets.
"I'll tell him eventually."
After scoffing, Ava rolled her eyes, "I'll believe that when I see it."
Growing tired of this conversation and having to think of the most tumultuous time of her life, Millie uncrossed her arms and left the closet, hoping Ava was also growing weary and was maybe ready to go home and help their mother finish polishing off the house for sale.
"Why do you do that?" Ava asked, walking into the kitchen, "Are you so bothered by yourself that you can't stand to sit in the same space as your thoughts for more than a few seconds?"
"Is this really what you came here for?" Millie asked, upset now, her voice gaining a slight tremble. Winnie ran up to her, sensing the frustration and Millie picked her up, "If you are really so upset with me, why don't you just leave? I've got a make-up team coming soon anyway."
It wasn't a complete lie, but 'soon' was four hours away.
"Maybe I will." Ava said, then shook her head. "But if you're not careful, you may make Jake do the same."
Now Millie was really angry. Where did Ava get the idea that she had any right to judge her? She certainly hadn't grown up a complete saint. Who was the one who bailed Ava out of jail when she was arrested for defacing the front gates of a company accused of dumping radioactive waste into the ocean? Millie. Who was the one who picked up a seventeen year old Ava from her friend's house, drunk as a sailor and brought her back to her apartment to sober up before their parents found out? Millie. And she didn't regret any of it. She loved her little sister and wanted to protect her. But right now, she was angry. And hurt. She wanted her little sister to go home and leave her alone so she could maybe salvage some peace for herself today.
"Is it because of the media?" Ava asked. "Are you afraid that if Jake finds out, that he'll leave you and spread it around?"
"What? What makes you think he'd leave me? It has nothing to do with him."
Ava shrugged, "You didn't answer the question."
"If the question is, 'Do I want the media to find out?' then the answer is of course the hell not. That's no huge revelation, Ave. Why do you think I went through everything I did back then, if not to keep it all out of the spotlight? God, are you just trying to pick a fight?"
Moving to the door, Ava shook her head, "I just. . I just wonder what happened to you sometimes."
Millie deflated.
"You never come around anymore. You're always concerned with how you're seen through the eyes of the masses. You've become so obsessed with producing content that you seem to have forgotten that quality outweighs quantity in almost everything."
Ouch.
"You let the media dictate way too much of your life, Mil." Her demeanor had softened now, and she seemed more like an older sister than a younger one, "I worry about you. When are you going to stand up for something again? To take a stance on something important and stop playing into the hands of Hollywood? And for God's sake, when are you ever going to marry that poor boy you've got stringing along behind you like a child's toy? You've been engaged, what, five years?"
"Three. . .actually."
"Well bra-vo. Set a date." she said, turning the handle on the front door.
Winnie wriggled, wanting to be let down, so Millie gently let her jump out of her arms, running to Ava who patted her a couple times on the head.
"I will tell him." she said, making Ava take her hand off the door.
"Oh?"
"It's been on my mind to do it. I just don't exactly know how. . .And if you must know, it's why I haven't set a date. . .He deserves to know before we move any closer to marriage."
Pressing her lips into a flat line, Ava gave a single nod, "Agreed."
A beat of silence ended with Winnie yipping at the back door to be let out. Millie opened the door and left it ajar, the fresh morning air not blistering yet.
"So you'll tell him soon then?" Ava asked.
Her mind shuddered, but she responded, "Yes. Soon."
"Like, tomorrow soon?"
She scoffed, eyes wide "Not this week. . . there's too much going on."
With a roll of the eyes, Ava turned back to the door, "Well, Mum told me to invite you two to dinner tomorrow. Can I get an RSVP?"
"I'm not sure if Jake will be back yet." she said and thought about her own plans. The day was supposed to be spent on her socials, promoting her movie, but the evening was wide open, "I think I can make it, though."
A long sigh later, Ava said, "I won't hold my breath."
Seeing the hurt on her sister's face, and truly wanting to see her family, she corrected her response, "I'll be there." she said genuinely, "Promise."
Ava looked up, "Really?" a hint of childlike happiness in her voice.
Striding up to her with a smile, Millie wrapped her arms around her baby sister, "Really." she confirmed.
Ava actually smiled and Millie smiled back.
"Guess I'll see you tomorrow then?" Ava said once she was in the hall.
"I'll come over early and we can get one last swim in."
"I'm holding you to it." Ava said, "Love you, Mil."
"Love you, too." Millie responded, watching as her sister boarded the elevator.
When the door shut and she saw the floor numbers descending on the display next to the elevator, Millie turned and went back into her apartment. Winnie had come back inside and was waiting by her empty food bowl.
"You want breakfast too, I suppose?"
A little whine, and Winnie placed her paw on the bowl, flipping it, a loud clanging sound reverberating around the room.
"Okay, okay." Millie said, laughing "Sheesh."
[] [] []
When the beauty team arrived, Millie put her game face on and went over her evenings schedule with Sam, who had arrived about an hour after Ava left. And to Millie's surprise, she actually had a fairly pleasant time at her zoom premier. The only thing that would have made it better would have been if she was actually proud of her movie. If it had actually been good. She made a mental note of what Ava had told her and of what she'd heard her entire life, but had seemed to forget recently, quality is better than quantity.
While the next shoot on her docket was a cringy adaptation of a children's book where she was playing a dog walker turned heiress, she wanted to make sure that the next project she signed on to was something she could sink her teeth into. Something that 'stood for something'.
Yes, in some way or another, all movies had a meaning, something they stood for, but so many were just about filling the screen with big names and empty dollars. They left you feeling like you might not have wasted your time, but you sure as hell didn't gain any new angle on life.
Millie wanted to create angles. She wanted to broaden minds. And maybe she had temporarily lost sight of that.
By eight o'clock, the premier had wrapped up and Millie was left all alone with her take-out from Artino's sitting half-eaten on the kitchen island. The eggplant parm was good, she just wasn't too hungry and she really wanted to sit and veg out on the couch with a good book.
And miraculously, she hadn't received any calls from that mysterious caller today. She was starting to think that it was over. Whoever it was, must have given up. Good. One less thing to worry about.
Just as she was getting invested in her book's main character, Millie heard a click and her front door swung open.
"Millie? Mil, you home?" Jake called, looking around before his eyes landed on her on the couch. His lips turned up in a warm smile, "What a sight for sore eyes."
And just like that, her mind was flung back to when she and Jake had gotten back together.
"You're a sight for sore eyes, you know that?" Jake had said, hugging her tighter than she'd ever been before. And that had been fine, because she was hugging him just as hard, wishing for the two years they'd spent apart to just fade away like sea foam on a sandy shoreline.
"God, I've missed you." she told him. It had been a major understatement, but no words could convey just how much she had missed him. How much she wished she hadn't taken a break from their relationship. Or, at the very least, how much she wished she had truly just focused completely on her degree. But she couldn't say any of that at the restaurant they met at. Not with all the people milling around them, pretending not to notice what would certainly be a hot story on all the major celebrity news outlets the next day.
Pulling away, and sitting across from her, Jake had smiled his trademark grin, "Congrats on the degree, by the way. I'm super proud of you."
"Thanks." she said. "It wasn't easy. . . but we're here now." She took his hand across the table, "And for that, I'm entirely thankful."
And while she had planned to tell him everything that happened the second she saw him, she thought it best to wait a bit. She wouldn't dare try and tell him in public, but once she saw him, she knew that even when they were in private, she wouldn't be sharing it then either. She planned to wait a bit. Not too long, maybe a couple months. She had wanted to make sure he found out on her terms. Within her timeline. She wanted control of something in her life, and that had been it.
"Wha-what are you doing here?" Millie said, regaining her footing in the present, a hand to her chest. She hopped up and ran to him, hugging him tight around the neck. "I didn't think you'd be home for a few days."
"Ah, well." Jake said, "I'm actually not supposed to be here really, I'm in town for today and tomorrow. Heading out to LA Monday morning."
"LA?" she said, "What's in LA?"
They walked to the kitchen together and without hesitation, Jake started eating Millie's leftovers. She smiled inwardly at his lackadaisical attitude.
"Just a little meeting I have where I'll be signing some little pieces of paper to be in a little movie directed by a little director named Steven Spielberg." he smiled smugly, taking a victorious bite of eggplant.
Millie's jaw dropped, "No way!" she said, "That's fantastic, Love! Why didn't you tell me that's what you were doing?"
The corners of his eyes crinkled as he grinned. He looked so happy. She was so proud of him.
"I wanted to make sure it was real first."
She came around the island and he wrapped her in a hug and kissed her head as she said, "Congratulations, Jake. You so deserve this."
And then her mind was flooded with everything else he deserved, including the truth that Ava so ardently believed she should share with him. But that certainly wasn't a right now conversation. Later. In a few weeks. Maybe.
"And how was your premier?" he asked.
She shook away thoughts of her secret, "Good, actually." she laughed awkwardly, "Not painful at all."
"Hey," he said, pointing his fork at her, "That's progress."
Grabbing a glass water bottle out of the fridge, she took a moment to relish in the fact that she didn't have to be in the spotlight for the next few days. It had been months since she'd gone even twenty-four hours without being the focal point of a camera's lens and anyone that knew her, knew that she prized privacy above almost everything. So not having it, had been starting to weigh her down and dredge up worries she'd rather not think about.
Yet, slowing down and taking time for herself wasn't exactly something she had in mind either. She needed to stay busy, just not the kind of busy that had her interacting with media goons on a daily basis.
It was a difficult balance to keep. And it was costing her.
"You okay, babe?" Jake asked.
"Y-yes, sorry. Just tired." she offered a meek smile and he smiled back.
"Bedtime?" He said with a wink.
Rolling her eyes, she laughed, "Really? After the days we have had?"
"Especially after the days we have had." He stepped closer to her until he was close enough to lay his hands on her hips. He gestured his head toward the bedroom then looked down at her with honeyed eyes and a smoldering smirk. His hair brushed against her forehead as he descended on her and she went on her tippy toes to get to his lips faster, wrapping her arms around his neck.
And then he picked her up and carried her to the bedroom.
Sex with Jake was always satisfactory and more often, it was. . .well, phenominal. There was no other word to really describe it. He was good at it. He was respectful and kind. He never pushed her and always made sure she was okay and always, always was safe. He made sure she was as happy with the experience as he was and she felt pretty lucky to have a guy so concerned with her pleasure. She knew not all guys were that way.
Before him, she'd had boyfriends that just used her, guys that didn't care if she was having a good time or not. Pretty much everyone she'd slept with was in it for their own gain and glory. Well, all except Jake, and maybe one other. But she refused to think of him. Not in that way anyway. The way things had ended with that particular soul had left Millie the most confused she'd ever been in her life and to this day, she prayed that she would never have to associate much with him again. She knew she'd see him around and that they'd probably have some sort of reunion special for the show they'd grown up on, but hopefully that would be way, way in the future. And hopefully he'd be like her, and not want to bring up the history between them.
They were stupid kids who thought they were adults. It was probably the only time she really thought she was grown up. It seemed like that nineteen-twenty year old age produced a false sense of security. Like yes, she was technically a grown up then and was able to make mature, grown up decisions, but then she realized how wrong that was. She had still been very much a child.
Even now, she didn't feel completely like she was an adult. And maybe that was normal. Maybe all adults just felt like they were kids pretending to be adults, pretending to not want to play and dance and have childlike fun anymore. Pretending to only want to grind and work and be professional and sophisticated and mature. Scoffing at those who held on to the child within themselves. Those who listened to that young inner voice that said that having fun and doing what you wanted to do was okay. Because over the years, she had realized that it was okay to do all those things.
But none of those realizations, no matter how true, could take back what she and Finn did. Nothing could change their decisions. But did she really want to?
There was no anger between them. No ill will. At least, not on her end. It was maybe even worse than anger because it felt unresolved. When they last parted, it felt like she was leaving a fellow soldier that she fought an exhausting battle alongside. Like they had been to the gates of hell and back and just parted ways when the coast was clear.
Which had been the plan.
Still, as she laid in bed, her fiancé sleeping contentedly beside her, arm wrapped around her middle, she couldn't stop the thought train from coming into her mind, carrying in it a wondering about Finn, and what he was doing, and if he ever thought about their time together as she did.
Hello fellow humans!
Hope everyone is doing great. Thanks for the reads and votes, I'm always happy to see that people are coming back to read more, hopefully this one didn't disappoint. Let me know how we're liking this, any feedback is welcome!
Have a great end of your week ya'll!
💜M.K.Koub