isabel's back!
"Are you feeling any better than last week?"
Yelena sighs, "I don't want to talk."
"Then you should've called out sick."
Yelena pulls at the sleeves of her hoodie, "If I called out sick, Kate Bishop would worry. I don't need that."
"Is she worried about you?" Isabel asks, stirring her coffee around with her straw, "Is worried an appropriate emotion for anyone to have about you right now?"
"I don't know," Yelena says quietly, really wanting to get today over with. She's tired and really just wants to go to bed.
"How are your meds working for you?" Isabel asks this time, seemingly pivoting from the topic entirely.
Yelena knows better than that, though. Isabel's obviously seeing something wrong and asking about her meds as a source.
"I take them every morning. And every night. Just like I'm told to," Yelena responds, fidgeting with her hands now. If this were four months ago, she'd be sitting with her legs crossed and have easier access to her docs, which she's not wearing because that's a nightmare in and of itself, and play with the laces. But she's in her wheelchair and one of her legs doesn't exist so one of her shoes isn't worn anymore and everything is terrible.
"Do you think they're still working?" Isabel asks, and Yelena shrugs. "This is how today's going to go?"
"Maybe."
"You're like my ten-year-olds," Isabel comments, taking a sip of her coffee, "Have you spoken to your psychiatrist?"
"No," Yelena huffs, the desire to go back to bed for maybe forever even stronger now. She really just doesn't want to talk right now, why does that have to be so horrible?
"How's Kate?" Isabel asks, and Yelena really just wants her to shut up. She doesn't want to deal with the stupid questions that dance around everything and she doesn't want to be here and Jesus Christ, she should've just called in sick.
"Can we just... play checkers or something?" Yelena asks, irritated. She doesn't want to talk.
"We can do whatever you want, Yelena," Isabel replies.
Yelena nods, enjoying the small victory, "Then let's play checkers."
Isabel pulls out the board and sets up a table and it doesn't take long for them to play a couple of games.
Halfway through what Yelena thinks is their sixth go-around, Isabel starts talking again, "What's your sister up to?"
Yelena grits her teeth but responds anyway, "She's packing, probably. She and her family are going to the Bartons for Nathan's birthday. He's turning six."
"Why aren't you going?" Isabel asks next, eyes never leaving the board in front of them as they continue to play.
"Didn't want to," Yelena deflects, not bothering to mention how she doesn't want the kids to see her the way she's been. Lila's far too perceptive to miss the dip in her mood and she would probably kill herself if she knew that she freaked Nathaniel out. Everything will be fine by summer, she knows, she'll be up again and able to move around as she wishes without the restrictions of a wheelchair.
Isabel hums and they fall into some weird silence again, playing checkers and ignoring the rest of the world for a few minutes.
Isabel knows that Yelena hates silence. Yelena wonders if she's going to use that to her advantage.
God, some things were so much easier when she was subjugated.
"I don't want to scare the kids," Yelena finally confesses as she wins, sitting back in her chair and drawing out a big breath, "I know I'm not okay and I don't want to scare them."
"What makes you think you're not okay?" Isabel asks, not yet resetting the board.
Yelena sighs, fiddling with the strings on her hoodie and feeling a lump settle in her throat, "I keep thinking... there's like this voice in my head that's telling me that Kate's going to leave me. And I know she's not. We love each other. But it's saying that this is too much for her. And there's another part of me that feels like I did when I was in the Red Room and wants to die. Constantly."
"Do you have a plan?" Isabel asks carefully, and Yelena knows that this means she's set off some kind of alarm.
"I know all of the ways I could, but I don't..." Yelena swallows, "I refuse. If I give in to the voice, he's won. And I told Natasha years ago that if I was going to go, it would be in a cool way. And nothing about this is cool."
"Okay," Isabel nods, "Why do you think that Kate's going to break up with you, then?"
"I don't," Yelena retorts, watching intently as Isabel now sets the board up again, "the voice in my head does. And it's exhausting. And I can't do anything about it because I can't go on runs or walk Fanny or run errands or anything except watch shows and sleep."
"What's your plan to deal with that?" Isabel asks as Yelena sits up again, ready to play.
"I think it'll get better once I can move around again," Yelena says softly, half-trying to convince herself along with Isabel.
"I think you should talk to your doctor about upping your antidepressants," Isabel says after a long pause, "your prosthetic appointment is still a month out, correct? That's a lot of time for things to get worse before they get better."
Yelena huffs, "Maybe."
"Will you talk to your doctor by our next appointment?" Isabel cocks her head and Yelena groans.
"Are you going to bother me about it?"
Isabel shrugs, "Depends on your answer."
Yelena hates that Isabel knows how to match her moods. She really doesn't like Isabel. But she also loves Isabel and that she has helped her so much.
That won't stop her from being annoying back, though.
"Maybe."
-
"You're so jittery," Natasha comments, brushing Lila's part straight down the back of her head.
"You take too long," Lila responds, stopping the jittering for the time being while Natasha ties half of her hair off, "Mom's faster."
Natasha scoffs, glancing up at Laura, who's frosting Nathaniel's cake. Laura just shrugs.
"I'm way better at it, though," Natasha begins the braid, making sure to keep it tight without pulling too hard, "I'm way better than your mom."
"Nat, it's not a competition," Laura comments, smoothing the blue icing on the cake.
"Everything is to her," Wanda interjects from where she's helping Anya mix colors for her hair. They bleached it last night and now that her hair is significantly lighter, Wanda agreed to help Anya dye it.
"I thought that less Avengering would tone that down," Laura says, placing the fondant cutout letters on the cake, "apparently, I'm wrong."
"You should see Yelena," Natasha snorts, halfway down the back of Lila's head now, "She and Kate, really. They are ridiculous sometimes."
"How are they doing?" Laura asks, a somewhat concerned look on her face, "is Yelena doing any better about her leg?"
"She's grumpy," Natasha supplies, pulling a little harder on Lila's hair when she moves again, "you really fidget a lot, Lila."
"I'm sorry, you're taking too long," Lila retorts, shifting just a little bit to probably piss Natasha off more.
"I'm not going to braid your hair again," Natasha warns her.
"Lila, be nice to Nat," Laura says, "Anya, what colors did you pick?"
"Blue, purple, and pink," Anya responds, mixing the colors, "Mom helped me pick."
Natasha's stomach sinks a little at that, but she doesn't say anything.
"Has Coop thought about colleges yet?" Natasha asks, finally tying off Lila's first braid and moving on to the second one.
"He's thinking about enlisting, actually," Laura says, and the room falls into an uncomfortable silence.
"What?" Natasha stops mid-braid, "He can't do that, Laur."
"We're..." Laura sighs, "We're trying to talk him out of it. I can talk to you about it later, alright? Don't talk to Clint about it, though, he's..."
"Seething," Lila cuts in, jerking again under Natasha's hands. She murmurs a sorry before Natasha can tell her to stop moving again.
"Nat, are Kate and Yelena still coming for the fourth? Yelena should be walking by then, right?" Laura asks, completely ditching the topic now, "They haven't been around since you adopted Anya."
"Yeah," Natasha continues braiding Lila's hair, finally having fallen into a rhythm, "That's what, two months away?"
"More like six weeks," Lila responds, "Anya, can I help you dye your hair?"
"Sure," Anya replies, "Mom's got the first swipe though, she's been helping me with all of this."
Natasha ties the braid off a little tighter at that, "You're all good, Lila."
"Thank you, Nat," Lila turns, smile wide and overly dramatic on her face as she stands, "You're my favorite aunt."
Natasha smiles softly, "You're welcome. And I know."
Lila grins one last time before walking over to Anya and Wanda, ready to help them with dyeing Anya's hair.
Natasha's head spins, overwhelmed with information. Cooper possibly enlisting - sweet baby Cooper who never cried and whose first word was Hi -, the fact that Anya still won't refer to her as her mother despite Natasha trying her absolute hardest, and god, Yelena. Her sweet little sister that she lost for twenty years and with one missed appointment she could lose forever.
She brushes all of those thoughts away, "Laur, do you need any help with the cake?"
Laura accepts the help and Natasha does so by cutting out more letters with fondant. She always enjoys baking with Laura and is thankful that it helps her mood a bit this time around.
"When's Clint gonna be back with Nate and Cooper?" Natasha asks, carefully painting the letters with silver edible paint.
"Hopefully, soon," Laura responds, "They should come back with food, but if they don't, we can always order and force Clint to go back out."
"I second that plan," Natasha says, finishing the last letter and looking at the cake. Laura's only a couple of letters behind, meaning the cake currently says HAPPY BIRTHDAY NATHAN .
It's a blue and white sheet cake with silver letters on top in the shape of an airplane. Laura's always been good with cakes, and this one especially is one of Natasha's favorites. White puffs of clouds all around the cake and his name along the bottom while Happy Birthday intersects on the A to make a plane. It's kind of genius.
Luckily, by the time the boys walk in the door with dinner, the cake is done and in the fridge to chill until they're ready for it.
Lila's now taken to doing Anya's hair, and Natasha's happy that they're getting along. Even if she doesn't want more kids, Anya still has people her age and Natasha's happy about that.
Apparently, Anya's taken to the idea of doing spots - just patches of pink and blue and purple all over her head - and while she thinks it's a little off the wall, she's not going to stop them. Whatever makes Anya happy.
The boys ended up bringing home fried chicken and a bunch of sides from a place that sounds a lot like KFC but they insist isn't. The food is enjoyable nonetheless and apparently Nathaniel's favorite.
Natasha really itches to talk to Clint about Cooper, though, and it's not hard to notice that there's some sort of tension between them. God, Cooper enlisting, that doesn't even sound real.
Dinner passes quickly - they eat and talk about everything going on with a certain lightheartedness even though everything kind of sucks. It helps that it's Nathaniel's birthday and they can pivot the conversation back to that whenever they want.
It's when they're cleaning up dinner that Natasha notices just how much closer Wanda is to Anya and she finds herself washing dishes a little more aggressively. Why can't she be Anya's mother, too? Why is she Nat to Anya like she is to Lila? Lila's her adoptive niece, but Anya's supposed to be her daughter.
She should be Mom, too.
Either way, the aggression must've helped a bit because they're done with the dishes in record time and Natasha just gets more time to spend alone before the cake is served.
She fiddles with the arrow necklace - she's had it for years now and remembers vividly how Clint handed it to her long after presents had been opened one year. Laura was feeding the kids and they had been left on their own. Clint had prefaced it with something like him thinking it was dramatic, but when he finally showed it, they admittedly both got teary-eyed.
She hasn't taken it off since.
She's been Auntie Nat to the kids since Lila could talk, but somehow...
She wants to bake cakes for her kids. She wishes that she was able to experience Anya's entire life rather than just the past couple of months and the next few years.
She wants to be called Mom so bad. But Anya attached herself to Wanda - and who could blame her, Wanda was born to be a mother while Natasha was born to be a monster - and now she has to deal with that.
Actually, right now, she has to sing Happy Birthday.