ˏˋ°•* 𖤐 ❝ YOU'RE NOT SPECIAL ❞
❪ you're really attached ❫
YOU'RE NOT SPECIAL
STRAWBERRIES AND CIGARETTES - TROYE SIVAN
──── CHAPTER XVIII
As Finn made his way to Ryker's home, he looked up at the ladder that she had always kept propped up at her window incase he was gonna come over. She never took it down, even when they were during their toughest stages, she always wished she would hear him climb up that ladder and knock on her window.
And she doesn't know how many times he's stood across from it, contemplating it.
Finn hesitantly set foot on the first step of the ladder, looking up at the light in her bedroom that indicated she was awake. He heard the faint sound of 'Evermore' by Taylor Swift playing from her record player in her bedroom, which indicated she was upset. Especially if Tolerate It was on.
Finn sighed, working up the courage to climb the ladder and open her window and tell her everything he's ever wanted to tell her for the last couple of years she's been in and out of his life.
He saw her walk past her window. At first glance, he noticed her hoodie, his hoodie, that she had kept and purposely kept it tucked away in her drawers. At second glance, he noticed her tear stained eyes. And he knew they were all because of him. Something he was always good at was making the one he loved the most cry.
He breathed out and climbed up the ladder, staring through her bedroom to see High School Musical Three playing on her TV before knocking on her window gently, careful not to wake her parents.
"Psst!" He knocked again, noticing her ignoring him. "Ryker, let me in." He watched her roll her eyes and stand up from her bed, walking towards her window as she wiped her eyes dry, rolling them as she approached the smiling boy. "How do ya do?"
"Asshole in the flesh! What a surprise!" Ryker said, looking down at the boy with a sarcastic smile and backed up so he could climb in, watching him stumble as he stepped into her bedroom. "What are you doing here?"
"I wanted to talk to you."
"I don't have anything to say to you."
Far from true. She had everything to say to him, and no idea how to word it. Could she even say it? Out loud? Or to his face? Tell him every word she's never said aloud and kept in the lump in her throat?
"Then let me do all the talking." Finn stepped closer behind the brunette who walked over to her Record Player and turned off the music, walking over to her dresser to avoid being near him. "Haley and I broke up."
Ryker turned around and looked at him with a blank stare, looking down at the ground afterwards and stepped backwards, leaning against her dresser.
"Anything else?" She responded, watching him step closer to her again and she took another step back.
"She told me to tell her I don't love you." Finn told her and watched her eyes widen in surprise. He didn't expect anything less, just the look of shock he was getting right now.
"What did you say?" She questioned, twiddling with her thumbs and peeling at her cuticles, and shaking her hands.
"I said, 'I can't." Her head snapped up at his response, eyes wide and heart racing as she looked him directly in the eyes.
"You-You can't? You can't... what?"
"I can't say I don't love you." Finn stated. "Because I do."
Now it was all out to the girl he kept it away from for so long. And he couldn't stop now, because there was still so much left unsaid that he couldn't leave.
"Do you remember when you first watched a horror movie by yourself? You asked me to come over just because you were scared and you didn't wanna be alone?" He asked the girl who didn't take her eyes off of him, watching him pace around the room. "And I kissed you because you were scared and you said-"
"your presence always calms me down." She finished his sentence for him. "I think that was the cheesiest thing I've ever said."
"That was when I realized I was in love with you." He confessed, looking her in the eye and watched a smile sprawl across her lips, and a soft glint in her eye. "I love you, Ryker."
Ryker couldn't stop the happy tears prickling her eyes. She chuckled, looking at the ground and feeling Finn's presence so close, there was barely any space between them. The tension so high you could cut it with a knife. He was so close to her she could feel his body heat against hers, she could smell his cologne lingering on his clothes, and feeling the sensation of his touch on her arm as he gently grazed his fingers along her exposed skin.
It was comforting, it was gentle. His touch, his presence. Everything about him. Familiar, yet brand new and exciting.
"You don't have to say anything." He whispered, sliding his index finger from her jaw to under her chin to lift her head, making her look him in the eye.
"I want to." Ryker's eyes meant his soft, brown irises and she smiled. "I've had feelings for you for an overextended amount of time," She chuckled, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear as she looked down at the ground and began pacing her room. "As long as I can remember, the girls and I would discuss our 'cast crushes' and my answer was always you."
The two laughed together and Ryker sat herself on her bed. Finn knew not to sit next to her because she would just move to another spot within the next few seconds.
"And when we started fighting everyday, I did everything I could to make myself forget you—as if I ever could—I just wanted to forget about our history so I could look at you while filming. I definitely went about the wrong way: causing fights, ruining takes, ruining our friendship." She stated, standing up and pacing once again as Finn predicted. "I wanted you to hate me, so it would hurt less when I had to tell you 'I love you.' I guess I'm lucky, though, because all these years later, you're still in my bedroom right now when I thought you wouldn't stick around." She chuckled as her back rested against the dresser once again. "You thought I hated you. But...if you had told me everything you told me tonight, I'd still tell you 'I-"
Ryker cut herself off at her words, her mouth becoming dry at the idea of what she was about to say to the boy. She sighed and looked at her feet, then back at Finn, then at her black painted nails and to the floor. She couldn't say it.
"You what?" Finn stepping closer made her all the more nervous as he leaned in slowly, smiling, putting his fingers under her chin to make her look up at him.
"Don't make me say it." She whispered, pleasingly as she stared at his lips that were merely inches from hers, his hands resting on her dresser, stopping her from moving away from him.
He looked in her eyes before pressing his lips against hers gently, but passionately. She didn't want to give in to his touch, knowing she had already fallen for his pretty words one too many times, but every inch of Finn had already consumed both her brain and heart, making her melt into his lips.
She felt like this was a dream. Finn's soft lips against hers, finally, after years of mutual pining and fighting, he was hers for a moment. Maybe it was just for a moment, but it was their moment. Together. That she was going to soak up until the last second.
Finn was the first to pull away, breathless and smiling. He didn't know what to say, except he's been dreaming of this day for a long time.
Ryker smiled softly at the boy who kissed her forehead as she dropped her hands from his waist and walked towards her bed, planting herself on it and let out a heavy sigh as she played with the rings on her fingers.
The two sat in lingering, awkward silence, smiling to herself and mentally screaming and squealing because she finally had Finn.
"So, I was right all along." She playfully smirked, breaking the awkward silence. "You're not obsessed with me: You're in love with me."
"Maybe a little bit of both." Finn said and the two laughed together. But Finn had noticed Ryker's mood change.
Finn made his way to her bed and sat in front of her, with a good space between them incase him being too close was a caution. He gently grabbed her hand, holding it loosely, that way if she wanted to pull away, she could.
"Talk to me." He whispered, leaning slightly closer to her, looking down at their hands that she tightened her grip around.
Ryker glanced down at their hands with a small smile on her face. He was so alluring, and keeping her emotions encapsulated wasn't going to get her anywhere further than she already had herself.
"I don't want you to promise me anything." Ryker sighed, pulling away from him and keeping her eyes on her feet that hung slightly off the side of the bed. "I've had my hopes up once, and I don't wanna watch them fall again. And I don't want you to think that just because I kissed you that our history is forgotten."
He leaned closer, just enough to where his face was right in front of hers, cupping her cheeks with his cold hands. "I can't say anything that'll make it up to you, but I do love you. And I don't intend on going anywhere this time."
"Just...don't leave this time." She whispered, feeling his arms wrap tightly around her in a comforting hug. A hug that said everything she needed to hear for the last few years. She pulled him closer and hugged him back. Finn tightened his grip around her as if it was possible. "That's all I ask."
"I can do that."
AUTHORS NOTE!
i rewrote this LITERALLY 23 fuckin times (i kept count) and i still feel like it could be better. ANYWAY!!! i have like ... almost the end of this book drafted already bc i had so much pre-planned that the inspiration just kinda exploded and i wanted to know if y'all would just want bonus chapters or a chaotic sequel of finn and ryker in interviews and cute moments ^_^