A smug smile on his rosy lips tempts me to fulfil his demand which sweeps away the calm in my chest. My heart pounds with thundering beats when he fixes his intent gaze on me, persistent to earn a reaction out of me."What if I don't?",My questions makes him adjust his body on the mattress, making me realise that he's huge. His muscles make his shoulders appear more prominent leading to a well built chest that is concealed by the black fabric, evading me from flattening my hands over the expanse of his torso. What the hell am I thinking when he can read my face like a fine paper?
"Then I won't accept your apology and my poor heart will be very hurt.",He sighs to fake a cry, his hand flying to his chest which receives a chuckle from me."What, you're laughing at me now? Now my ego is hurting too.",He dips his head to let me know and I laugh at the irony. He might appear conceited from afar, like the kind of guys who would fight hell and back to keep up their narcissistic acts but he isn't afraid to admit his ego being fragile after being refused a peck which gushes my heart, filling it with tenderness and warmth. I move closer to inhale his scent which easily wins the way to lure my senses and press my lips on his cheek, my mouth ending on the corner of his before tearing my lips away from his mellow skin.
His eyes peer up at me, the emotion in them spurring heat in my veins, this soft exchange enraging laboured breaths that I struggle to hide."I'm gonna need another one because I barely felt your lips.",My eyes flick at him while he smoothens a tongue over his lips to moisten them."Your sensory nerves are lacking then. It's not my fault.",I shoot back and set my eyes on the show that had been robbed of the limelight. I have a feeling I'm not going to get enough of the racy heartbeat and alluring rush that he ignites in my body with his actions and words.
The man beside me doesn't entertain ignorance and paces his way towards the screen to turn it off with a remote before leaning against the wooden cabinet, earning my attention."What are you doing?", I furrow my eyebrows at him,"Since my sensory nerves are lacking, I can't seem to understand what's going on in the show anymore so there's no use of watching it, is it?", he stretches his arm on the furniture. This guy is impossibly stubborn and I'm not even surprised. I coax a breath to take this mesmerising sight of jungkook, catching a peek of his muscles bulging beneath the short sleeves of the fabric, his smooth features and piercing eyes that are set sharply at me, causing a thick ridge of pulse to spark my bloodstream. I did know that he was attractive but now that it's the two of us left alone in his room, I'm having a hard time controlling my instincts.
"As much as I love having an audience, you can stop checking me out, baby because I'm about to have a hard-on if you don't stop staring at me like that.",With utmost nonchalance, he manages to hitch my breath in my throat, leaving me flushed to the core of my heart.
"Shut up.",I nudge a pillow at him that he dodges just in time,"I wasn't checking you out. There was…something on the wall behind you.",I can hardly conceal the embarrassment in my voice, my chest throbbing from the effect of his actions and laughter. I'm sure it's impossible to descend to a deeper level of flustered than this."Sure.",His eyes glitter with cockiness before he treads in my direction, adamant to leave my weak heart."You know what? I have an idea. Let's dance.",He jolts in his position and my eyes remain plastered to him.
"What?How does that help in this situation?",I have no idea where he aims to lead this conversation but for a stupid reason, I don't feel nervous, I'm steady and lively with him which is bashingly addictive."In every way,pocky. You're my friend so you need to help me revive my senses. And dance? Dance helps to induce a lot of sensations. Rhythm, body synchronisation and awareness, dopamine-release and a hell lot of things.",He gives an expert study to support his words, gaining my attention to consider his demand, not because he sounds convincing but because my heart is swelling with awe at the extent he's willing to go. When I don't reciprocate the excitement, he falls silent at two feet apart from me."I mean….you can say no or we can just watch whatever show you wa—",I stretch my hand for him to freeze and chase a double take at my palm. The corners of his lips lift and he squeezes my hand to pour happiness on my face as I hop off on the floor to join him.
"What song will you suggest?", A contented sigh slips from his lips and I mention the first song that pops in my mind, intertwining my hand with his while the other one rests on his shoulder."Alexa, play Tennessee Whiskey by Chris Stapleton.",He reverts back to the bluetooth device, his lips cracking into a smile at the sound of the opening beat."This is my parent's song. Sometimes when they're drunk and return from parties, I can hear them drunk singing downstairs when they dance to this song. They sound ridiculous and disgustingly in love.",I chuckle at the contrasting amount of reverence and madness on his face, feeling the warmth radiating from his body as we move along the instrumental part of the song.
His arm encircling my waist doesn't help the chaos in my body to vanish but I love the ease and comfort with which he holds me, making sure to not completely tower me because of his height but still draw me near enough to feel his breath."Who wouldn't want that? They look so in love.",I can't lie when I say their marriage is truly admirable. Some children hope to have their future marriages similar to their parents' but I would rather give up the idea of getting wed than struggle with a relationship like my parents' whereas jungkook's parents have a beautiful life. I'm not comparing relationships but theirs is a lot less complicated than what I witness everyday at home.
"They are. And honestly? I would die to have a relationship like that, where you don't give up and take each other for-granted, where you don't have to get your heart broken because people respect and care about each other's feelings.", There's an awkward agony in his voice making me crane my neck to sear through his eyes. It seems as if he has faced something similar like this from the way he described their connection but I don't want to be intrusive and force my way no matter how much I'm struggling to suppress the urgency.
"Do you want to talk about it?",His motions pause at my question.He doesn't blink nor speak, an instant wonder shining in his brown pupils before he sucks a harsh breath."Some other time.",He pauses and steals a glance at me."You know why?",His gaze on me is steady, never failing to make me light- headed and engorge butterflies all over my skin. He doesn't even need to do something to control the strong tug at my heart when he's blessed with such a deep stare."Why?"."Because I'm going to sing for you.", With this sentence,he swings my arm, distances our bodies and retreats to a close proximity again and I gasp at the sudden movements, an easy chuckle bursting out of my chest and I set my eyes on him only to catch a hazy smile in his eyes.
"You're as smooth as Tennessee Whiskey.",His mouth blurts the lyrics as if he's inebriated, wearing an amused laugh on his sexy lips. I can't stop laughing when we synchronise in our moves after paddling through disoriented movements, swaying our bodies purely instinctively. "You're as sweet as strawberry wine.",He continues, our limbs engaged in timing our moves while he flashes me a boyish grin which reaches upto his brows. This smile is so rare yet precious that my heart explodes at every chance he dons this expression but at this moment, I'm not sure if my heart leaps out of joy or fondness."You're as warm as a glass of brandy.",I trail along with him, joining him to experience the most embarrassing yet the happiest singing session and let loose of every restraint that taut my mind in the morning.We spend the next half an hour shouting poor renditions of random songs that are nowhere near to perfection but almost conquer our mood to lighten up our faces with sweat and smiles. Jungkook doesn't fail to amaze me with his energy and moves as we dance along, chuckling and mocking our own voices, delight dancing in his eyes. I haven't had this much fun in so long and my cheeks hurt from smiling because all this time, his arms remain intact with my body and we don't let go of the physical contact.
"Calm down, karaoke monsters. We don't have spare pairs of ears provided in this life.",Junghee snaps at us from downstairs and the man in front of me hisses at his sister."This brat. She doesn't dare to shout like this when dad's the one singing.",He twitches his lips at the high-pitched voice that called us out and I move my hands to wrap around the back of his neck, his arms automatically tightening around my waist to pull me closer.
"So, you mean your dad sings like this when your parents dance?", My fingers hesitate to travel in his hair no matter how much they itch to crawl and submerge in his fluffy texture.He shakes his head, "Even worse than this.",he tilts his head to give me the pleasure of threading my fingers in his hair, my heart pulsating at this gesture."And keep playing with my hair. I like it a lot.",My breathing becomes shallow at this point. This might be the sweetest yet hottest thing I've ever heard from a man and the intensity with which he dips his head forth to decrease the distance between us makes it harder for anyone to compete with him. I'm so overwhelmed, I can't think straight.
We don't speak for a few minutes, pulled close while my fingers roam in the silky texture of his hair and he relaxes soft hums from his mouth letting me know I'm doing a good job. I can feel his hot breath teasing the tip of my lips and his hands stroking my back gently in a tiny amount of space which is too tempting to cave my desires in. I don't know how the same person who can make me smile like a maniac can bring an immaculate rush in my veins with his mere touch but I like it too much to comprehend it. His hand glides from my stomach to cup my cheek, the slender fingers hovering on the entirety of my face, his thumb cradling it with softness and care and he lifts his eyes to lock them with mine. There's a mixture of heat and passion that blazes in them but I might be mistaken. Maybe I'm too aroused by his touch that I'm imagining things that are uncertain, almost impossible to happen. I can't handle the hard beat of my heart so I break the silence.
"Your fingers are long.",My sentence makes his lips curve in a signature smile, his face beaming with a feisty glow to part his lips.I already know where this is going."No.Don't. Don't say it,jungkook. We're not going there.",I remove my arms for my own sanity and set my legs on the edge of the huge bed and his knowing chuckle acknowledges my assumptions as accurate. I can already map his brain when he smiles and looks a certain way and he's egoistic enough to not wrench away from making double innuendos just to trouble me."What? I didn't even say it. What if I wanted to say something else?",He behaves innocently to sit in front of me when his laugh has already sold him. "Alright. What were you gonna say?".
"Maybe I just wanted to ask how my nails would look if I painted them?",He delves into a wholly different subject, his brows raised at me so I consider his thoughts. One peek at his perfectly trimmed nails is all it takes to admit that his hands would look a lot sexier than they already are. Hell, I don't even know how I would manage to face him without being dazed.
"They would look really amazing. Have you tried painting them before?",I ask him about the time before I met him and realised we've known each other for only 5 months now and we didn't even start hanging out until 2 weeks ago. Mom would've thrown a fit if she had any idea how corrupted my mind has become with indecent thoughts."No. I was scrolling Instagram the other day and saw a guy who had painted his nails yellow. They sort of caught my attention but I think I would go for black. I haven't bought the nail polish yet but maybe I can bring it over tomorrow.",He lays on his back, letting out a groan while I agree with him and my eyes proceed to catch the time when he distracts me.
"Would you paint them for me?",I gape at him, unable to fathom what he just said. My throat squeezes shut. A million thoughts cross my mind at the six words that he enunciated, deafening everything else that is going around me. I digest the thick air enveloping in my throat but don't give me the answer, reluctant to let this go out of my own control."Maybe, I'd have to check my schedule tomorrow.",My answer doesn't satisfy him and I read it on his face, from the way he perplexes and his brows furrow but he doesn't force me, hoping I'd concede when I have no idea what I'm going to do tomorrow."Maybe.",He confirms for me so I nod at him before stretching my arms on the bed to lay beside him before I leave in an hour.
— 1 hour later —
"You do know that mom's going to be upset how you never stay for dinner, right?", My best friend folds her arms over her chest, thinking her sulking will win me over. I don't take a clear look at her face, well aware that I'd melt and be lured to stay for dinner which I can't afford."I know but I have to study now. I promise we'll do that some other day.",I attempt to earn a smile from her but her brother joins us from the living hall, his hands shoved in the pockets of his trousers and his arms flexing visibly, reminiscing me the way they felt around my body and my face grows hot at the memory."You better remember her promise, Junghee or we're going to raid her house before dragging her here.",He nudges her so she gives me a genuine smile, relieving me. I don't know who I should blame for breaking her heart like this, me or my mom who can't sit straight without intervening in my life.
Jungkook walks past me to open the door to enquire about the weather which turns out to be clear from the clouds so I retrieve my umbrella to walk my way back home."Don't forget to tell me the details on call.",I wink at the girl who was absurdly silent and smiling by herself all the time when we were playing monopoly."Okay, ma'am.",She wards me off with her eyes widened as if her brother would be oblivious. This girl has a lot of embarrassment coming for her. My eyes bounce to the man standing next to her who flashes me a grin accompanied with a wink before I turn my back to step off from the porch.
My gaze halts at the sight of a black car which makes my pulse beat slowly in my ears, so gradually that it dreads my heart when I reach at the door to twist the knob. The moment I enter, my breath suffocates strangely in my throat but I remember to keep my footsteps incoherent, failing miserably when she emerges from the kitchen to dart her attention in my direction.Fuck me.
"Where have you been?",Her first question isn't concerned about my well-being despite the fact that I'm home alone till one of my parents returns from work."I was at Junghee's house. She wanted to introduce me to a friend.",I deliberately conceal the part about spending time with jungkook for I'm in no stable place to discern her harsh remarks. It's been only 3 days since she slapped me. My hand fist the side of my trouser no matter how much I resent my body for falling nervous and helpless when she steps closer to me. I try to regulate my breathing when her pumps land in my sight. It's happening again. I need to diverge my focus on other things to think rationally.
"Do you think I'm that blind to not notice you whoring around while we are gone for work?",Her stern voice, filled with poise, erupts the strange sensations in my body again. My chest feels tight, as if my lungs are being vacuumed of oxygen and an ache clenches my heart.
I don't answer her, revising to myself that I'm not the girl that she deems me to be. I'll never be."Look at me,y/n.",her index finger tips my chin, forcing my eyes to face her and the hate and disgust on her face disintegrates every ounce of control on my tears. I can't breathe normally anymore, the chortle hitching my breath is cruel enough to make my lips tremble."Answer me. Go on. Tell me about your dirty little slut stories, how you find turning men on fun, how you like it when they ogle your skirt riding up and how you beg them with your eyes to ruin you apart.",She applies pressure on my chin, clasping it so tightly that a wave of pain spreads across my jaw.
Everything crumbles down in my chest at once, the selfish warning by her, doguk and Joonsu. Not even one word lives down the road of anonymity, every insult crowding my mind hastening the beat of my heart and spiralling disgust in my veins, disgust for encountering them, tolerating them and myself. I choke on my breath when the tears flow through my pupils, blurring my vision and mentally cuss myself for crying again."Aw, sweetie. What happened? Where did they teach you that crying is the best choice when you face the truths of your life? Don't you love it going around flashing your assets to fuck men?",I want to fight back every accusations that leaves her mouth but my mouth is dry. My chest vibrates with heavy exhalations to cease the cries that echo in the hall and mock me. I blink my pupils frantically to absorb the sparkles but they don't cease. This is unfair. My whole body aches, my jaw from being held so ruthlessly, my mind because of the constant pounding and my heart from the sore pain. I'm ready to vanish in darkness if that promises I'm not going to feel anything.
"There you go, acting miss prim when you're just a fucking tramp.",She withdraws her fingers from my face, lashing out at me with a loud snap before pacing a few steps away from me. That's it.I swallow a harsh breath, grabbing the opportunity to thud my feet on the stairs and surge my hand towards the door to palm the door behind me and secure the lock.
My gaze lands on the ceiling, registering the space of my room and I finally let go of a breath, only to break into weeping again. In order to quieten my groans, I clamp my hands on my face but I don't know anymore. All the self-control drowns me in cries so I don't attempt to suppress them until I can pull a stable breath. I lose count of the time as I fall blank against the door, just like in the past. She doesn't bother to check on me, which worsens and comforts me simultaneously. I soar my vision on the ceiling to compose myself as my body aches in an intense tension. It's too hard to bear it when I can feel her words in my bones, in my veins, mixing with the bloodstream.
My device vibrates in my trouser, the sound of notification reverberates in the room, getting no response from me. I'm in no state to even fish my phone out of the pocket. The sound of notification echoes again after a minute, this time, repeating consecutively forcing me to light the screen up and read the chain of messages.
—Jungkook
> Your reminder to leave the school with me tomorrow because we've got plans 😚]
> Are you ignoring me? ]
> Don't tell me you've switched off your phone to ignore me]
> -_-]
> But then my messages are being sent]
> Anyways, you're coming with me. I'm keeping you safe in my pocket 😉]
I tap the image attached to the last message which zooms into a selfie of him throwing a peace sign with a wink. A throaty chuckle leaves from my chest and I realise how he's completely unaware of the fact that his stupid texts soar the fragments of pain away from my mind. I read each text thrice, the seam of agony diminishing at every instance to revive my heartbeat, thundering more when my eyes hover at the picture.