❛ YOU PROMISED. ❜
05. I See You
SEASON 01 EPISODE 05
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Still, the fear that had weighed on my heart so deeply was still there. It had never left, not even when I was safe and in the arms of the person I had trusted the most. It was nothing I could do to stop it, but that's the good thing; fear, I could use it to my advantage.
A groan left my lips, loud enough to get the groups attention, just the people around me. I had realized that I had only one battery left and there was nothing I could do to bury the excruciating sound of the kids speaking around me. I frowned when all their eyes followed me as I stood and walked from the tent without a word.
"Glenn!" I called, the entire group of adults turning to look at me— along with the man I was looking for. "Glenn, I need batteries."
Glenn held up a finger, motioning for me to give him just a moment. I huffed, crossing my arms and following him up the mountain, the same mountain where Jim was found digging multiple holes, with the rest of the group. I rolled up my sleeves when the head became too much, a bead of sweat slowly trickling down my forehead.
The headphones were still wrapped around my neck, still dead and unusable until two batteries were placed in the walkman. I was too focused on the music that wasn't playing that I completely ignored the scene happening in front of me— in front of all of us.
"We need time to mourn and we need time to bury our dead." Lori says, looking between the three men ahead. "It's what people do."
"It's dangerous here now." I spoke aloud, staring into the eye of the married man. "It's not safe here anymore. An entire horde of monsters just passed by and killed, like, half of us."
"Kenda—"
"Glenn I need batteries." I ignored the looks upon everyone's faces. "The cassette player died and I need batteries, please?"
"In my tent, just— I told you it was fine to check in there." Glenn sighs, shaking his head. I scoffed when noticing the pointed and disheartened looks on everyone's face.
Impassive and emotionally detached were a few words people would describe me as. It made people look at me differently, made them see me as someone who was heartless— which I was not. Emotions were hard for me, to understand and empathize with, I didn't understand them much. It wasn't something I had control over, I sometimes couldn't help the words that passed my lips.
Music created peace for me, relaxation, something I didn't get very often anymore. It was like I couldn't survive without the music, without the sound of something filling my silence. If there was nothing then I was left with my thoughts, the horrible and depressing thoughts that infiltrated my mind when I had the time and silence to think.
It was silent, no one was speaking, laughing, they weren't doing anything they did the day before. Everyone just sat around a small fire, looking around or at each other, fiddling with their fingers or sleeping— like Andrea— it was a long, insufferable silence and it was killing the hell out of everyone.
I sat in a white lawn chair; Glenn's hands resting on each side as he stood behind me. I kept the headphones over my ears, not even worried about the muffled music that everyone could hear— maybe it'll make them stop looking like such downers, like dead people. I was trying so hard to not pay any mind to the sad faces ahead of me but when the two cops approached the group after a much needed sweep, I took my headphones off and paid very little attention.
"I've, uh, I've been thinking about Rick's plan." Shane spoke first, setting down his gun and sitting his foot atop of one of the rocks. "Now look, there are no— there are no guarantees either way. I'll be the first one to admit that. I've known this man a long time. I trust his instincts. I say the most important thing here is we need to stay together. So those of you that agree, we leave first thing in the morning. Okay?"
I crossed my leg over the other, leaning back into my seat before placing my headphones back over my ears. The group was met with another beat of silence, the awkwardness becoming too overwhelming for others causing them to get up and walk away.
Glenn sat beside me when everyone else was gone, a small and tight smile rising on his lips. I peeked at him, pausing my music and frowning when realizing what was about to happen— lecture.
"I didn't mean to be so blunt earlier, it just happens." I sighed, looking down at my hands. "I can't... concentrate without my music."
"I get it, I like that you're able to speak your mind, but sometimes you have to leave the adults to talk about it."
"Glenn." I groaned, scoffing at his choice of words.
"Somethings should be left for the adults to think about, for the safety of the children."
"I understand." I grumbled watching as the smile on the mans face grew bigger and brighter. "I won't be a bitch to the adults."
"Hey, language!"
"Language, yeah."
I was appreciative and there wouldn't be a time where I wouldn't be grateful for him. It was like having a best friend who was far older than you— maybe a father figure. It didn't take a lot for me to trust him, maybe because I was a kid or maybe because he had shown me reasons to trust him. It was all about action and he was the bravest and most authentic of them all.
At the first crack of sun we were all outside, some of us standing in a family group, others sitting on car hoods. Rick and Shane were in front of us, looking back and forth, looking like they were in charge of all of us. I frowned, leaning toward Glenn while shrinking in my spot.
"Everybody listen up." Shane rose his voice, making sure all of us could hear him from where we stand. "Those of you with CB's, we're gonna be on channel forty. Let's keep the chatter down, okay? Now you gotta problem, don't have a CB, can't get a signal or anything at all you're gonna hit your horn one time. That'll stop the caravan. Any questions?"
"We're, uh..." Morales begins, looking around his family. "We're not going."
"We have family in Birmingham." His wife spoke. "We want to be with our people."
"You're on your own, you won't have anyone to watch your back." Shane says, almost condescendingly.
"We'll take the chance." Morales shakes his head. "I got to do what's best for my family."
"Your sure?" Rick asks softly.
"We talked about it. We're sure."
"Alright. Shane." Rick nods, bending down before searching through the gun bag.
"Yeah, alright."
"Three-fifty-seven?"
"Yeah."
The two cops approached the man with a gun and a box full of bullets. They handed it to the family, gentle grins on their lips.
"The box is half full." Shane informed.
"Thank you all... for everything." The wife says once again.
Everyone says goodbye to the Morales family, hugs and kisses shared between the family and the group. It was a quick goodbye, the wives and husbands sharing short words with the family; the children crying and running off to say goodbye and hug their friends.
After a millisecond of goodbyes, we were on the road. It was noticeable how nervous and scared, everyone was quiet— either there was shared whispers or no sound at all. The most afraid was the person dying, Jim, his bite was growing worse and his sickness only reminded me of my deceased nanny. It was seriously killing the mood of surviving and everyone was worried and sad.
I was sat in between Glenn and Dale, on the floor, my back facing them as my knees were pulled up to my chest. I listened to my music, humming quietly and looking out the nearest window. It was too hard, to listen to the man cry aloud and whimper with any touch that came to him and it became tougher when the van broke down, steaming crawling from the engine and it made us slow down to a stop.
I stayed in the van as all the men left it, along with Andrea. I watched as Jacqui jumped away from the man she was taking care of, a horrid look on her face before she ran out of the vehicle with a rushed breath.
"Rick." I called, letting my headphones hang loosely around my neck as I waited for the man to stop talking to Jim. "Um thank you for, uh— for, I'm sorry for... for um— just thank you and I'm sorry."
The man nodded, stepping out of the van. It was moments after when Shane and Rick came back inside the van, carrying Jim out. I frowned slightly, feeling a bit bad for the man. I waited, halfway watching what was happening to him before pulling my headphones back over my ears with a frown, leaning against the passenger seat.
'Skin head, dead head. Everybody gone bad. Situation allegation. Everybody, allegation. In the suite on the news. Everybody, dog food. Bang-Bang, shock dead. Everybody's gone mad.'
I shut my eyes, humming along and nodding my head to the beat of the music. I didn't pay any mind to anyone who entered the van again, my eyes were glued shut when the vehicle began to start once again, a smile of relief tilting on my lips.
I didn't show it but honestly this trip had made me nervous, I was scared. It wasn't about the improbability that there was nothing at this science place for us, it wasn't the monsters that scared me either, it was us thinking we were safe— even if it was just for a moment— and we weren't. I didn't want to be fooled into thinking I was safe when in reality nothing in this world was.
I was thinking too deeply about this and soon, it made a home in my mind— swarming my brain with the thought of unsafeness.
I leaned my head against the wall of the van, letting out a shudder breath. I could sense the look he was giving me; worried glances were too hard to miss.
"Glenn." I spoke, lifting my head and turning back to look at him. "Please, stop staring at me."
"Kendall, you've barely said a word since the attack.." I frowned at him, tilting my head.
"I barely say a word ever!" Glenn smiled and shook his head. "I'm so serious, there's nothing to worry about."
"Just... come on." He rolled his eyes, the van slowed to a soft stop. I took his hand, stepping out of the van along side him with my stupid crowbar in hand.
Almost instantly I rose my occupied hand to my nose, not wanting to inhale the disgusting odor of the dead that surrounded the building. I stayed beside Glenn, almost whimpering and crying from the smell. I looked around the base, not on the dead, but on anything that could help us, that we could use.
As soon as we got to the door, the two men pushed against it but nothing. It was locked from the inside and there was no way to get in. The frown on my lips had deepened and I continued to search around.
"There's no one here." T-Dog says but the cop didn't give up.
"Then why are the shutters down?" Rick asks, looking back at us.
"Walkers!" Daryl shouts, but my eyes never tore away from the doors.
I tuned out the noises of crying and panic and let my fingers slip from Glenn. I slammed my fist against the shutters, a hiss coming from my lips at the harsh impact. I then let my eyes move up, locking with the camera that moved just a bit. My eyes narrowed and my lips pursed as I watched it move again. I banged my fist against the doors once again, the hand that I had left not too long ago trying to pull me away.
"Hey!" I shout, listening as everyone behind me tried to shush me. "Rick, the camera, the camera it moved."
"W—What?"
"The camera!" I shout again, kicking against the metal with frustration.
"I know you're in there. I know you can hear me." Rick shouts from beside me, his neck craned upward as his eyes locked with the camera. "Please, we're desperate. Please help us. We have women, children, no food, hardly any gas left." Lori stood in front of Rick, trying pull him away but he continued to shout for the man behind the camera. "We have nowhere else to go. Please!"
I reached for the door but an arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me away. I whimpered, pounding my fists against his arm helplessly.
"If you don't let us in, you're killing us!" Rick shouts louder, banging against the shutters. "Please! Please help us. You're killing us! You're killing us! You're killing us." Shane wrapped an arm around his best friends waist, finally pulling him away from the doors but just as they turned, the doors opened.
A bright light shines against us all and a sigh of relief escaped my lips. The arm around me became loose and soon it dropped before the hand took mine. I smiled up at him, all of us taking slow steps forward.