Damn, I spawned out of the match before I could cut the bastard down, I cursed to myself, after returning to the dark room, where I was, before starting my first Bullet of Bullets match. For a first match, that was a hell of a lot to deal with...more than I was hoping for. POH showing up at the very end only made things more difficult. What the hell is his end game or does the delusional asshole even have one? Does he just like fucking with me?
I shook my head clear of these thoughts, knowing that they weren't going anywhere. I needed to find Asuna and Shino to see if they ran into any trouble like I did. I was hoping that they didn't, especially Asuna, who'd already been through enough. As much as I hated to admit it, I didn't know how much more she could, mentally, take. Sure, Asuna was strong. Probably, the strongest person I knew but...still, she was just a high school girl. She deserved to be happy, free from all of this VR bullshit but, no matter how much the two of us seemed to try, we always ended up getting roped back into some kind of conflict. I just couldn't wrap my mind around why this was? Why couldn't the two of us just live a normal, happy life with one another? Could this...have been my punishment? For some of the fucked-up things that I did in the base SAO game and...for what I did to Sugou? It was the only thing I could think that made moderate sense to me. One day, I really hoped that Asuna and I both could live in peace, alongside Yui and our friends. But, now wasn't that time. We were both in danger and wouldn't be out of it until Death Gun and POH were both dealt with. As soon as they were, we could, potentially, begin that happy life with one another which was the thing that motivated me to keep pushing forward.
*
*
*
I had been searching the lounge area of the Tower of Peace for what felt like a couple of minutes and I couldn't find Asuna or Shino, causing me to begin to worry.
Maybe, their matches took longer than mine? I thought to myself, trying to prevent myself from dreading the worst-case scenario.
Finally, in the corner of my eye, I saw that a familiar girl with light blue hair was making her way towards me.
"Sinon?" I asked, my mind a little bit more at ease.
The look on her face seemed grim until a few seconds after I greeted her. She looked at me and forced a smile.
"Oh, hey Kirito, how did your first match go?" she asked.
"It was...stressful, to say the least," I answered, honestly. "At least, I won, though."
"Same here."
A part of me wanted to ask Shino the specifics of her match and explain to her what transpired during mine but I knew it wasn't the right time and place. Plus, I needed to find Asuna, first.
"Sinon, have you seen Asuna, anywhere? I've been looking for her, ever since I spawned back here but haven't seen her."
Shino's expression went back to being grim as she shook her head, no.
"That's worrisome. I haven't seen her, either. I'm pretty sure that I heard all of the first-round matches were over so she should be here, somewhere. Do you want to split up and look for her?"
"Yeah, that's a good idea," I agreed. "Thanks, Sinon."
*
*
*
Meanwhile, Asuna was alone in the girl's locker room, her hands covering her ears and her whole body trembling, still shaken from her confrontation with Death Gun, who had forced her to kill a girl, who was trying to earn money for her sick sister. She felt sick to her stomach and if Asuna wasn't in a VR world, it wouldn't have surprised her if she threw up. She hunched over, staring at the floor of the locker room, still shaking.
"I-I killed her...because of me...her sister...isn't going to be able to get the treatment plan she needs. H-How could...I do something so awful? Kiko's sister...looked up to me like I was some kind of hero...like a role model. What kind of role model lets as many people down as I have? Yuki, my mom, Lisbeth, Klein and now, Kiko and her sister...when is it ever going to end? I-I'm so tired of letting people down that I care about. Why...why am I so weak? Why can't I be strong like Kirito? Someone as pathetic as me doesn't deserve to be looked up to...I should be looked down on, instead, for the worthless, scared girl that I am."
Tears that had formed in Asuna's eyes plopped onto the floor of the locker room, making a, plip, sound. Asuna found that she felt exhausted, both mentally and physically. She had never felt more powerless in her entire life and it frustrated her...so much. Asuna heard the sound of the girl's locker room doors open but didn't bother looking up. She couldn't care less if someone saw her in this state. None of it mattered to her, in the slightest, as her body remained trembling, her hands covering her ears and her eyes glued to the floor of the locker room, beneath her.
"Asuna?" a familiar voice asked in concern.
If it had been any other voice, then she would have completely ignored it but, upon recognizing the voice as Shino's, Asuna managed to look up at her, still teary eyed.
"A-Asuna, what's wrong? Why are you crying? Did something happen?"
Shino made her way towards Asuna and sat on the bench she was sitting on, beside her.
Asuna tried to pull herself together, in order to explain to Shino what had happened in her first match and her encounter with Death Gun but the only thing she could muster, was hugging Shino and crying into her stomach as her body continued to shake. The action took Shino off guard, initially, not being used to being hugged. She couldn't even remember the last time that she had been on the receiving end of one. Despite how awkward she felt, Shino forced herself to return the gesture, wrapping her own arms around Asuna's back. She wanted to know why Asuna was crying so she could help her in some way but knew that Asuna wasn't in any kind of shape to talk. Whatever had happened in her first match, it must have been on par with what Shino had to deal with. It did feel nice to be the one there comforting Asuna, for once, since she was usually the one doing the very same thing for her.
*
*
*
A couple of days after the first match of the Bullet of Bullets tournament, I was sitting inside of my group's common meetup spot which was Agil's bar, alongside Asuna, Shino and Suguha. In the back of my mind, I couldn't help but worry about Asuna, after what had happened back in her first match of the Bullet of Bullets tournament. When I, eventually, found her, after her first match was over, Shino was helping her out of the girl's locker room. The image of Asuna's eyes full of tears and her whole body trembling hadn't left my mind since I witnessed it, firsthand. It took a while for Shino and I both to calm Asuna down enough to tell us what happened. Apparently, Death Gun had interfered in her match, forcing her to kill her opponent by threatening that he would do it if Asuna didn't. It was a particularly cruel ultimatum, especially for someone like Asuna, who always did everything she could to preserve life. On top of that, Asuna was going to, voluntarily, forfeit the match so that her opponent, who was raising money for her sick sister, would have a higher chance of making it to the end of the tournament and winning. It was the exact kind of selfless reason that reminded me of Asuna's true self...the same one that I had fallen in love with back in SAO. She wasn't some kind of killer like POH...or, even myself, for that matter. Hell, the only reason she killed Sugou was to protect me. That didn't make her a killer; in fact, it made her the complete opposite. It made her a hero. I wished that Asuna could be a little less harsh on herself but I wasn't really one to talk, in that regard. Still, the fact that this Death Gun character made Asuna do something so against her values pissed me off and just made me want to figure out, who the bastard really was. The fact that he was working with POH only worried me, further, as I pondered if the two had some sort of relationship to one another?
"What about you, Kirito?" asked Asuna, snapping me out of my contemplative trance. "You...mentioned that something strange happened at the end of your match as well?"
I nodded my head, yes, and went on to explain, "Yeah, right after I won, POH showed up for some reason. Whether it was to mock me or if he had some other kind of intension...I couldn't tell you."
"It's definitely weird that both Death Gun and POH showed up towards the end of your guys' fights," commented Suguha. "Agil and I were watching the entire live stream of the event but, unfortunately, we never saw either of them show up. They didn't play your guys' matches all the time and were constantly switching between different ones."
"I gotta wonder if the two of them somehow knew that the cameras weren't going to be on them?" Agil questioned, behind the bar counter. "I can't imagine how they would be able to predict something like that but I wouldn't put it past the bastards. Do any of you kids have any idea what their goal is?"
"No idea," I admitted, bitterly. "If I'm speaking from experience, POH is most likely just doing this for the thrill...or the fun, rather. He gets enjoyment out of fucking with people in the VR setting. He always has, ever since SAO. However, I think Death Gun is a different story."
"I agree with Kirito," said Asuna, firmly, remembering bits and pieces from her last couple of encounters with Death Gun. "I feel like Death Gun has an actual motive for what he's doing."
"Remember, what he mentioned on the tv screen, when he first showed up?" brought up Shino. "He was talking about how people no longer feared the world of VR gaming and that he wanted to distill that same kind of fear. That could be his main motivation...fear. He wants players from around the world, to experience the same level of fear that those, who were trapped inside of SAO, had to go through."
What Shino was saying did make sense, to a certain degree but, still, something felt off about both Death Gun's and POH's involvement in all of this. I felt like there was something preventing me from figuring all of this out, like a missing puzzle piece.
"You kids try not to fry your brains, thinking about this shit," warned Agil. "The three of you just barely managed to get through your first round of the tournament and the next round isn't until three weeks. Try your best to take it easy, these next couple of weeks. Call it a hunch but I feel like both Death Gun and POH are going to make appearances during round 2 as well."
"Damn it," cursed Suguha, in frustration. "I just don't understand...Kazuto and Asuna both suffered for so long, being trapped in SAO, along with the other survivors. They both deserve to live the rest of their lives in peace. Why can't they just be fucking granted that much?"
"It's alright, Suguha," I said, comfortingly, appreciating the sentiment. "We're all doing this because it's the right thing to do. Simple as that. If we don't stop Death Gun and POH, then all of the people playing GGO around the world are going to suffer for it. I agree, though. Nothing would be nicer than to just be able to enjoy playing in the VR setting, without having to deal with all of this."
There was a solemn silence among the group as none of us knew what to say, at this point. There wasn't much to say. We had three weeks to rest up, learn what we could about our enemies and prepare for round 2 of the Bullet of Bullets tournament.
*
*
*
When Asuna got home, tonight, from hanging out with her friends, she didn't even say anything, before going straight to her room, thought Kyouko, seated in her office, just having finished what she was working on.
She could recall the times that Asuna would come into her office to greet her when she got home from school, something she felt like she had taken for granted. Often times, when Asuna would greet her, Kyouko wouldn't even look up from her work and just, lazily, waved to her. Other times, she wouldn't even acknowledge her daughter's presence because she was so wrapped up in her work. In the end, she figured she had no one else to blame but herself for her daughter becoming more distant, lately.
Should I check on her to, at least, make sure she's doing alright? questioned Kyouko, to herself. It feels like the two of us haven't talked in forever. At this rate, when Asuna leaves this house to live her own life, she's probably never going to come back to visit. Or, if she does, it'll be about as often as her brother does.
"Looks like you are lost in thought, Ms. Yuuki," came a voice, standing at the doorway of her office. "Is there anything I can help with?"
It was Sada Akiyo, the house keeper of the Yuuki estate, with the same appeasing smile that she always had on her face, when talking to Kyouko. For as long as the woman had been working for her, Kyouko hardly knew anything about her. One thing she did know, was that she always got along with her daughter well. In fact, it seemed that Asuna felt more comfortable talking to her than she did Kyouko which, again, she couldn't blame her daughter for.
"Sada, Asuna, usually, talks to you about what's on going in her life so...I was just wondering if she's mentioned anything to you, lately?"
Sada's appeasing smile disappeared as she answered, "I apologize but Ms. Asuna hasn't spoken to me much, these days. To be honest, it makes me kind of sad. I really enjoyed talking to her when she got home from school or before she headed off for the day. Lately, she's so quiet. It makes me wonder if something's the matter?"
"Yeah, glad I'm not the only one, who's noticed that. Still, I have no idea what to do about it. I'm horrible at talking to Asuna and if she won't even talk to you, then what chance do I have?"
"Well, you're her mother while I'm nothing more than the house keeper," claimed Sada, her smile returning. "Asuna and I are close...or I feel like we are...but our relationship is nothing compared to the bond that a mother and a daughter share. Asuna used to always try to start conversations with you, even when you were busy, correct? She never worried about getting rejected or ignored...she just did it. If you don't mind me saying so, why not give it a try, yourself, for once? I know being the conversation starter isn't easy but, who knows? Asuna might appreciate that you've taken enough of an interest in her life to start a conversation with her."
"I-I'm not very good at thing...conversations," Kyouko admitted. "My husband was always a much better talker and used to do enough speaking for the both of us."
"Haha, well, you'll never get any better unless you try," advised Sada.
"Hm...thanks Sada...I don't feel like I say that enough to you. You do such a lovely job taking care of Asuna and I's home and you've done so for so many years. I also, appreciate you being there for Asuna when I wasn't. It...means a lot."
"Of course, Ms. Yuuki. It's nice to hear you say that. I'll keep trying my best to be there for both you and your daughter, whenever you need me. I'm just about finished with tonight's dinner so I will notify you and Ms. Asuna, when it is finished."
As Sada walked away, Kyouko gave some thought to her house keeper's suggestion about attempting to start a conversation with her daughter. She figured that it wasn't going to be an easy task for her but determined that as Asuna's mother, she should try to figure out what was bothering her daughter so much. More than anything, she wanted her old Asuna back...the always smiling, always positive and always talkative girl that she used to be before she was trapped inside of SAO.
*
*
*
Dinner between Kyouko and her daughter was just as silent and awkward as it always was and it had been this way since the two began eating. Kyouko observed that Asuna had hardly touched anything on her plate which was another trend she had noticed with her daughter. She rarely ate anything when she was home and Kyouko didn't know if she was eating well at school or with her friends, either. Her face did look bonier than it used to be, now that Kyouko was looking at it. This just made Kyouko feel even more ashamed of herself. That it had taken so long for her to even realize this significant change in her daughter's appearance. It was enough to, finally, force Kyouko to speak up, taking the advice of Sada.
"Asuna, you've hardly touched your food," commented, Kyouko. "Actually, that seems to be a common occurrence, these days. Is something...bothering you, by chance? I know, I'm not too great at these kinds of things but...I am your mother and I am here for you, if you need me. My involvement in my work does get the best of me, sometimes, but I just want to let you know that—"
"Sometimes?" grumbled Asuna, still staring at her plate. "That's putting it lightly. You're always too involved in your work to care about my problems or...even Kouichirou's when he was still at the house with us. You've let your work run your entire life and, now, you want to be involved in my life? Why? What's changed?"
"I-I'm worried about you," admitted Kyouko, hurt by the mention of her son. "You've been coming home, late, and you never even greet me when you arrive. You just head straight to your room. You've been through so much, Asuna. Trapped in a life-threatening video game. Kidnapped by an insane creep and then...having to take a life. And...I wasn't there when any of it happened. Do you have any idea how frustrating that is as your mother? It's my job to protect you but I keep failing to do that, over and over, again. So...please, tell me what's wrong. I'm begging you. I-I just want to be able to help you, for once."
Asuna didn't even look up from her plate of hardly touched food and just sat in solemn silence.
"You wouldn't understand," Asuna mumbled, scooting her chair back and getting up from the dinner table. "You never did understand me. You just pushed all of your expectations onto me, just like my brother, so that we could grow up to be giant successes like you. The thing is, I don't want to grow up to be like you, mom. Someone who's so consumed by her work that she isn't there for her family."
"The only reason I work so hard is so that you and your brother are taken care of, financially!" defended Kyouko.
"Kouichirou and I never wanted your money, mom. We just wanted your time."
Asuna began making her way out of the dining room and Kyouko scooted her own chair back and stood up, shouting, "Asuna, I want to change!"
Asuna stopped at the doorway to hear her mother out.
"I know I've been a terrible mother to you and Kouichirou both. I-I tried to do the best I could raising you both on my own. I-I've already lost my husband...and I've lost your brother...neither of them want anything to do with me. Y-You're the only thing that I have left! I-I'm scared of being old and alone. I-I want to be part of your life, Asuna. I'll do whatever it takes. Just please, I'm begging you...tell me what I can do to help you. I hate seeing you like this! Y-You've always been so kind, considerate and positive, even in the face of adversity. But...now, you're acting so cold and distant. D-Don't become like me!"
As soon as she hollered her last sentence, Kyouko realized the thing that scared her the most about Asuna's change in personality was how it reminded her of her own. When her husband had left, she lost all feelings of joy, passion and any hope for the future. Kyouko chose to drown herself in her work to hide and mask the pain that she felt. Her whole future that she had planned out always involved her husband and without him, she felt...truly lost. It caused her to become bitter, harsh, cold and devoid of empathy...even towards her own children. Asuna's behavior seemed to mirror Kyouko's during the lowest points of her life and...it scared her...she couldn't prevent herself from worrying Asuna would make the same mistakes she did, when overcome by these kinds of harmful emotions. All was quiet in the dining room as neither Kyouko or Asuna spoke. Neither of them knew who should talk, first.
"I-I appreciate...you trying to change," said Asuna, still facing away from Kyouko. "I really do. But, this is something that I have to do by myself. I can't involve you. I'm sorry."
With that, Asuna made her way out of the dining room as Kyouko sat back down in her seat, defeated. She buried her face in her hands and, for the first time in years, cried to herself, as she sat alone, at the dining room table.
Author's Note: Hello, thank you so much for reading this week's chapter! With all of the action oriented chapters that I've dropped for the first round of the Bullet of Bullets tournament, it was nice to have a chapter to focus on the characters and their dynamics. Asuna and Shino's sisterly bond throughout the series has been something that I've really enjoyed writing and hope to continue in future chapters. Also, focusing more on Kyouko and her relationship with her daughter has been another highlight of this series for me and I'm hoping that you all are enjoying my take on their mother-daughter relationship as well. I'll see you next week!