Elmer's POV
Simon is the first to reach him. Cassian's lonely figure sits out there on the cliff looking like he is about to fall in. He looks so little so far away. I hurry over the plain along the edge of the rift.
I try to mindlink him but he doesn't seem to hear me. Simon shifts and grabs him dragging him away from the edge. Nala shifts by a little pile of clothes and pulls his dress shirt on before hurrying over to Simon.
I stop by his clothes like Nala did but I stay in wolf shape and just look at them. The knife falls out of my mouth. My jaw is sore from clutching it. I don't know if I want to see him again. I had just decided that I could live without him and I don't want to hurt again. I still resent him.
"Elmer!" Simon calls and I shift, pulling on Cassuan's underpants which are the only clothes left. I shiver as I hurry to them with the knife in my hand. What should I do?
"I think he has taken something. He's not answering me and I'm not sure he can even tell we are here. I caught him just as he was about to fall in" Simon informs me and I nod.
Looking at Cassian I can tell he doesn't look good. Whatever he has taken it is not something good.
"This is bad. This is very bad. I think we might be to late" Simon suggests and starts crying. "I don't think we can save him now."
"So what is our other option?" Nala asks and places her hand on Simon's shoulder.
"Killing him. But that would be very dangerous and there is no garantee that I can" he confesses.
"I know" she says and squeezes his shoulder tighter.
"What do you mean? Just rip his throat out" I tell them but the words don't feel right as they come out.
"The dark is not just some anger hidining in his mind, it is a state that takes over the entire body. If I try to kill him it will take over, fight its way out and propably kill me. Even just this whatever he has taken might cause it to break free" Simon tells me urgently, searching for a solution in his own words.
"So he can't die?" I say sarcastically.
"Not as easily as we can" Nala states.
"I have to try to stop him. He wouldn't want me to stand by and let this happen. I will try to calm him down if it tries to take over him. If I fail I will try to push him over the cliff. But you two have to run away" Simon orders us.
"Simon, no" Nala begs him, taking his hand.
"I am sorry, this is the only way" he says and leans his head against hers and whispers something.
One little tear makes it way down her cheek but she stands up ready to go.
"Go on, Elmer. You have done your part" Simon says, his face apologetic and fatherly at the same time.
I don't know what to do. I don't want to stay here and die by Cassian's darkness. But I also don't want to leave him here to die either.
Before I can make my choice my mate lifts his face and opens his eyes. They are pure, pitch black. Even the white around his irises is gone. Two dark orbs look at me and I shiver down to my bone.
"Why does he look like that?" I blurt out staggering backwards and falling on my butt in the snow.
"I don't know. I've never seen it but I don't know everything. Just what Grandma has told me" Simon rambles and grabs Cassian's arm as he sits up. Cassian is staring at me with those forsaken black eyes and I lose it.
"Hell, no. This is not what I want" I say and gesture for Simon to hold him down. Nala hunches again, ready to stay. They grab his arms and hold him as i sit down on top of him and lift the knife. I see that Nala already knows what I'm about to do. "I will tell you what I want for a change and you are going to do what I say for a change" I mutter to Cassian and stare him down.
"Cut deep, not just a risp" she urges me. I nod but unsure of how. The witch said to draw a rune. Which one and how do they even look?!
"I don't know any runes" I tell them. Simon looks very bleak.
"When we tried to do this on my sister the witch said it didn't really matter what you carve, it just has to mean what you want it to" Nala says and looks at me with an I'm-sorry-I-don't-have-a-better-thing-to-say-look.
"Then: no?" I suggest. Nala shruggs and Simon nods eagerly.
Gently I put the blade to his skin. Nala looks at me as I cut. The soft flesh doesn't part easy, the knife isn't very sharp. Slowly I drag the knife in a wobbly line horisontally across his wrist, and then another one going slightly upwards and then a third, making a big N. Cassian is still just looking at me with his scary eyes.
The blood is not dripping, it is gushing. His wrist is wet with it and find myself fumbling with the knife. I have to grip it tighter to not drop it. I strain as I start the oval shape. Cassian starts to breathe harder. His chest rises and falls in a rapid rythm that is off. His body shudders and he starts to strain in their grip.
"Hold tight" I tell them even though I know they are.
With rising panic I complete the wonky O and try to hunch down over the other arm. Cassian gives off a roar that even makes Simon cower. With mad power he tries to wring free from Simon but he holds Cassian down and I put the knife to his arm and start the first straight line.
Cassians body is whipping like a rattlesnake under me. The fury in his eyes is the kind that can only come from extreme fear. Whatever this darkness is, it must have been born out of something even worse.
I can only imagine what our ancestors fought against that made the moon create this. Night has decended upon us and the only light is that of a weak moon and thousand little stars. My bloody hands carv a second, very slanted line while Cassian continues to scream and fight us.
I can see Simon straining and Nala is about to lose her grip. Hurrying I cut a quick short third line, finishing the N.
"Only one left!" I tell them through his wailing but the knife slips as it meets the skin. My bloodsoaked hands are slippery and I can't get the knife back. It slips into the snow and Cassian shoves Nala away making Simon lose his grip.
Without thinking I cling to him like a monkey. Cassian tries to wring me off as he fights his nefew. He hits Simon in the face and he falls like vause on a table. I hear him growl but I cling to him for all my strength is worth.
"Cassian. Calm down. This is going to end so badly if you don't fight this. I am trying my best here, you have to do your part or this is gonna go really horribly" I mumble in his ear.
Again he starts to shake and I can almost feel him trying to fight back. Nala comes at him again and I am thankful that he stops trying to pry me off.
"Cassian, come on. I know now what you are fighting. I know how hard it is but you have to try. There is nothing to be scared of. No enemy is waiting for us. It's just me. You have to make up for everything you did. Now stop this" I whisper to him.
He knocks Nala to the ground again but this time he calms down. Ragged breaths make his sweaty chest heave as I slip down. My arms hurt and the places where he grabbed me to gett me off of him must be bruised but he is calm.
I take his hand. The one with the unfinished NO. He gunts but I see the black in his eyes sippre out leaving the usual grey color behind. Nala hands me the knife, her gaze flickering between me and Cassian.
"Just stay calm" I say, unsure if I aim it at Nala, Cassian or myself.
Carefully I wipe the blood off my hand and grab the kinfe.
"Be quick, I can't hold it back much longer" he mumbles and tears fall down his face as he struggles to keep it at bay.
I carve an O deeply into his wrist and then I can finally breathe. I fill my lungs thinking it is over. Without a warning Cassian lunges for me but is stopped by Nala and Simon who slam him to ground on his back.
"The heart! THE HEART!" she yells and I remember the last part. Dubt fills me but I straddle him anyway. This has got to go one way or the other. Darknes has filled his eyes again and raise the knife ready to stike it out of him when I realise that is not at all what I am doing.
Bending down with one hand on his heart I whisper the same thing over and over again.
"I am not done with you. You have to live beacuse you have to make this up to me, so fight. I am not done with you. I am not done with you."
He cries out, a tiny hint sorrow straining through the fury, and I push the knife into his heart. I have to use all of my wheight to get it in but finally something happens. The bloody carvings on his wrists start to glow like lava under his skin it burns him like iron and the knife in my hand starts to sting. I feel it burn my palms but I hold in place until it melts out of my grip and slip into the hole in his chest.
Cassian screams. Tortured cries that echoe in the empty ravine. His body bucks and writhes to escape the pain but there is no way to run. Finally the NOs on the insides of his wrists start to sizzle and then fade into a dull grey that has turned the scars into crispy burnmarks.
His breathing becomes shorter and shorter until it stops. He is completely still. The snow under him is a chaos of dirt and frost and his back is wet with sweat and snowmelt. I touch him.
Looking at him I realize how much of a gamble this was. There was never any real chance of him surviving. In a way maybe this was safer than Simon trying to kill him. Maybe this way his powers are sealed and he is dead. The world a better place without him.
One lonely drop makes it way down my face and I choke on my breath. I don't know what I would have chosen if he hadn't opened his eyes showing me the reason for my suffering. I don't know if I would have chosen to leave him for dead or if I would have stayed and risked dying for him. My need for revenge spurred me into action, and maybe some small part of me wanted him to live.
Looking at his lifeless body makes me feel so empty. All the anger, all the hope, all the pain and sorrow inside have already fought their way out of me. Nothing is left inside. I close my eyes beacuse I can't bare to see the black hair or the sharp jaw of his dirty face anymore.
Inside of me the ice is gone, shattered. Leaving behind snow and other cold things that leave room for dark thoughts and memories. I search for something strong enougth to make me hate him again, to make this feel less painful than it does.
I am so, so empty. Except for a little lake, shiny as a mirror, surrounded by trees covered in snow. At the little lake sits a little boy and out of the shadows craws a wolf. But this isn't mine? I don't remember this? This isn't my place for reminiscing!
My eyes fly open and I lean down over him and listen to his heart. I don't think I've ever heard a weaker sound. My arms push down on his chest.
"Elmer, stop. He's gone" Simon says gently but I shrug him off as he tries to stop me.
"I can hear it" I tell him and keep pumping up and down with the rythm. Suddenly he draws a breath and then another. I cry and bite my lip as I watch him open his eyes.