AN i don't care this is my fav one shot I have written about this couple
Summary: For Sirius, a friend dating a little sibling is the highest form of betrayal.
For Regulus, being hidden away is painfully exhausting.
For James, Regulus is the love of his life and Sirius is quite mad.
For Remus, the Blacks are simply lunatics.
Or, another James tells Sirius he is dating Regulus fic because they are funny.
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James was lying on his bed in the dorm room. He was reading "Quidditch through the ages" - not because he felt a particular need to read it yet again, but because he had lent it to someone until recently. The person had just given it back and James was studying the notes he left on the pages. He had very nice handwriting.
James was staring at a particularly beautiful J when the door to the dorm opened and his friends poured into the room.
"I can't believe it, what kind of friend does that?" Sirius complained, "Dating their best friends little sibling, what an arse!"
James almost dropped the book.
Sirius flung himself next to James on his bed, "The betrayal!"
Remus caught his gaze, "Arthur Weasley is dating Molly Prewett," he provided.
James dared to breathe again.
"Yes! His mates' little sister! Unbelievable! I'd be livid if I was them!"
Remus, who was generally evil, asked with a smirk "If someone dated Regulus, you mean?"
"Little siblings shouldn't date," Sirius said frowning, "He's always gonna be a child in my eyes."
"He's 16, though," James said, whose hobbies included digging his own grave, "He's anything but a child."
The glare Sirius gave him almost transported him to that grave.
"Just saying, he's bound to date at some point."
Sirius sighed deeply, "I guess... but as his big brother I have a responsibility- any girl that wants to date him, has to go through me first."
"Through you?", Remus asked, "In what way?"
Sirius made a kissing face in his direction, "Not in that. In fact, any girl who ever shagged me is off the table."
"I will make sure to notify her," Peter smirked.
"She has to fulfil certain criteria, is what I mean. Regulus only deserves the very best!"
"And that means no friends of yours?" Remus said while looking at James.
"Merlin's balls no! We're all assholes! In fact, his girlfriend shouldn't even like me."
"Not like you?" James asked, "Why?"
"Because Regulus thinks I'm stupid and silly and annoying. Any girl who doesn't agree with him obviously doesn't value the same qualities in people and life. They could never be happy with each other."
James, who found Sirius exceptionally stupid, silly and annoying right now, nodded, "So his partner can't have a sense of humour and must hate you?"
"A sense of humour, sure, she has to have a good sense of humour to keep up with him. He's a sarcastic little devil, he can't be with someone who is butthurt every time he gives her The Look."
"What look?" James asked.
"You know, the 'I hate you so much right now, you're going on my nerves, go jump off the Astronomy tower' Look. This one," He imitated the look.
James and Sirius were very well acquainted with The Look. James personally absolutely loved it.
"She of course has to be pretty," Sirius said, "because he only deserves the best. But she also has to be super smart like him. She should be a Ravenclaw - they're smart, or a Hufflepuff - very loyal! She has to be loyal to him and love him dearly."
"And should she or he be a pureblood?" James asked.
"No," Sirius said quickly, "Merlin, no. We can't Indulge My mother. In fact, mother should hate her - Reggie loves a forbidden romance."
"I believe that," Remus said, smirking at James like the devil.
"And what if he finds someone he loves, and you don't approve of them?" James asked, digging deeper.
"I will drive them out, of course. Only the best for my baby brother."
"But what if he really loves them?"
"He can't love anyone more than the perfect girl. And I just described the perfect girl for him."
***
James had the map and his cloak with him when he entered the library. It was quite late already, and Madam Pince would send the last students away soon enough.
Regulus Black sat at the last table in the long room.
He looked up when James was approaching, closed the books in front of him and disappeared between the shelves.
James found him quickly he sorted the books in by hand.
James smiled and put his arms around his middle from behind.
"Hello, lover," James whispered and kissed the back of his neck.
"Hello, you maniac, someone will see us," He whispered but turned his face so James could kiss his cheek.
"Don't be dramatic, anyone who is still here at this hour is just a coffee fuelled zombie. Or star-crossed lovers, waiting for their betrothed."
"I shouldn't let you read my books," Regulus decided, knowing he would always lend him his books. When he annotated them, he did it with the thought of James reading them.
"Do you have the cloak?"
"Of course. And the map so Sirius won't see us together."
"Remus kept quiet, yes?"
"Yes, no one wants to deal with the fallout of Sirius finding out."
James draped the cloak over himself and followed Regulus out of the library.
Remus had spotted James in Regulus dorms on the map too often to be able to ignore it. He had taken James aside and told him, he knew, and he would keep quiet, but fuck, what an asshole James was. He had made James swear, that he would deal with Sirius once this came out and that Remus wouldn't have a hand in any of it.
Regulus snuck James into his dorm room.
"Hey," He greeted his dorm mates. They echoed the sentiment.
James was never quite sure how to act when he secretly got into the dorm with Reg and saw himself confronted by his friends. He usually waited for Regulus to tell him to show himself- always depending on whether he wanted his mates to know he was here or not.
They had given up hiding from the two of them about 6 weeks in. If neither of their dorms were free, they had to revert to broom cupboards and the dressing rooms at the quidditch pitch. And while the threat of being caught was an undeniable thrill, it was also very stressful.
Barty and Evan had eventually caught them, and James still couldn't help but think, that Regulus had arranged this on purpose.
James was watching Regulus taking off his shoes and robe and loosening his tie. His eyes were focused on Regulus' hands.
He had very pale and elegant hands. James was a little obsessed with them, with how soft they were, with how perfectly manicured his fingernails looked, with how he could count the veins on his wrist. He loved how they looked against his brown skin, in his black hair. He loved seeing them gently running down James' body and playfully picking on James' messy hair and his clothes. He loved it when Regulus was fastening his tie for him, he always touched the skin on his neck a little bit, just ghosting over it with his fingers. His hands could of course also be firm and strong and dexterous. He was a Seeker, after all, trained to catch tiny, swift things and trained to steadily hold on to a broom. But James liked it best when Regulus' hands held on to him.
A book hit him on the shoulder and fell to the ground.
"Ow!"
"Yes!" Evan hissed triumphantly, he had thrown the book right at him with full force.
James pulled the cloak off himself.
"You're an arsehole."
Evan smirked, "I'm getting better at this, one day I will hit your invisible straw-filled head."
"Regulus, your friends are mean to me."
"It's how they show love," Regulus said simply and lay back on his bed with a sigh, "Are you going to give us the room for an hour, or do you want to watch?"
Evan and Barty quickly got out of the beds, knowing all too well that James and Regulus would absolutely start snogging and shagging with them as an audience.
"Make it two," James said, "For that book."
"You two are hopeless," Evan said, "I await the day Sirius finds out about this and hands you your ass, Potter"
The two left and James sighed, before letting himself sink on top of Regulus. Regulus smiled at him, took James' glasses off his face, and pecked his lips.
"Sirius is going to kill me when he finds out," James said wistfully while kissing Regulus' lips and his cheek. Regulus smiled, eyes closed and completely relaxed.
"It won't be that bad. You're his best friend, he loves you."
James grinned, "Oh no, that actually makes it worse. He made it very clear, none of his friends should ever date you. He also painted a very clear picture of your future wife."
"My what-now?"
"Yes, you've heard me. Wife."
Regulus made a face as if he just tasted sour milk.
"And who is that wife supposed to be?"
"Well, according to Sirius, she has to hate him. She has to be very beautiful and very smart, with a good sense of humour."
"I can see how that disqualifies you."
James playfully kicked against his ankles.
"Take your shoes off in my bed."
James pushed his shoes off and Regulus' fingers found their way to his Gryffindor tie.
"She also cannot be a pureblood and your mother must hate her because you love a forbidden romance."
Regulus smiled slightly, "You're pureblood but my mother does hate you, she would hate you even more if she knew."
"And you really love a forbidden romance," He pointed at himself, "Exhibit A."
"I do," Regulus said, "That Sirius thinks I need exactly the opposite of you is really working for me too."
James pushed himself up from Regulus and looked down at his face - he had a very beautiful face. Especially when he was like this: Eyes closed, lips slightly parted, relaxed and happy.
Regulus opened his eyes to look up at him.
"Sometimes," James confessed and ran his hand along Regulus' hair, "I worry that you're only with me to inevitably piss off Sirius and your entire family."
"Oh, but that is the main reason, I have you know. Pissing off my mother and getting big dick."
James pushed away from him completely and sat up.
"Oh, James, no, come on," he sat up as well and nudged his leg against James' back, "If that would have been my goal, I would have started dating a muggle-born Hufflepuff - in mother's case. And for Sirius I would have seduced Remus."
"Don't tease," James mumbled, "Not about this."
Regulus smiled apologetically. He climbed into his lap and wrapped his arms around his neck.
"I'm sorry," he said, leaning his forehead against James' "I love you."
James looked up into his soft, grey eyes, he wrapped his arms around Regulus, "I love you, too."
"One day we will have to let him know, you are aware of that, right?"
"Yes... he is going to be so mad, Reggie. He thinks, dating your mate's younger sibling is the highest form of betrayal."
"He's so dramatic."
"You both are," James insisted, "I think it's a family thing."
"Can we now stop talking about him? We can use our time for so many better things..." he pulled James' tie off him and opened the first button of his dress shirt.
James smiled and kissed him properly on the lips.
James has always loved kissing Regulus the most. He loved doing all the other things too, he loved cuddling with him, he loved how his body felt pressed against his own, he loved warming up his cool skin with his hands and loved making him blush by whispering the dirtiest things while making the sweetest love to him.
But he loved kissing him the most. Regulus' fingers were in his hair, and James' held him by the waist. Regulus' lips were softer than any boy's should be, in James' opinion. He moved against him with calculated method, which died away more and more, the longer James kissed him, until the only thing left was passion and love and need. He always waited until Regulus parted his lips slightly, practically begging him to deepen the kiss, to take him and have him and keep him completely.
And James did every time.
***
James was lost in memories of Regulus' pretty, angelic face underneath him, red and sweaty and coming undone in his arms.
He could never get bored of the memory or the sight, no matter how often he got to see it.
This was one reason why he would never be able to comprehend people cheating on others or breaking up because they felt like they needed to shag new people or couldn't shag the same person for the rest of their lives. He had heard those lines often from other people, read them in muggle books, too - it never made sense to him.
He couldn't imagine ever wanting to see someone else than Reggie like this. The memory, the feeling, the facial expression and little sounds - they all belonged to him. He would try to get them from him for as long as he let him.
Or until Sirius Black murdered him.
This thought shot through his brain when Regulus walked by them. They were sitting outside in the grass and Regulus walked out of the castle.
Regulus hadn't put his uniform on properly today. The first few buttons were open and his Slytherin tie was hanging lazily around his neck. James' eyes were drawn to the exposed skin at once.
Another thing he couldn't get tired of.
Has he seen this boy completely and utterly naked a bunch of times already? Yes.
Did he still lose all control at the sight of a collarbone? Also, yes.
But it was a very pretty collarbone, James had to admit.
The thing that would kill James Potter, however, wasn't Regulus' collarbone.
On his neck, perfectly visible (and probably visible even with the shirt closed) was a hickey.
James always wanted to suck and bite on Reg's skin in passion and put those pretty little marks on him. Regulus always stopped him from putting them anywhere even nearly visible. He ended up with a lot of them on the insides of his thighs.
But that one was on his neck. Perfectly dark and big against his white neck. It wasn't even just one small round thing, no it looked like a Vampire had attacked him.
James' eyes were always naturally directed towards Regulus and any sliver of skin he was ready to tease him with. But he had little hope, the thing would go unnoticed by Sirius.
Especially, James noticed in horror, since Regulus was coming right towards him, exposed neck and all.
"Hello, Brother," he said gravely - dramatic, the whole lot of them.
Sirius turned to him, smiling, "Hey, Reggie, you-" he stopped. He stared.
James hoped they would play good music at his funeral.
"What is that?" Sirius asked gasping.
Remus looked at the hickey too, he looked to James, and he could swear he looked a little impressed, before shaking his head in his direction.
"What is what?"
"That!" Sirius pointed at his neck, "Is that a hickey? Regulus, who made you a hickey?"
Regulus had the nerve to touch his neck and look embarrassed, "Oh... right, bollocks."
James hated him so much.
"Are you dating someone? Who?"
"That is none of your business. I simply wanted to ask, whether any of you still have some History of Magic notes from last year. Bins has been exceptionally dull, and I have a test coming up."
Oh, you little rat - or snake, James thought.
He knew for a fact that Regulus was excellent in History of Magic, he loved it even, he even enjoyed listening to Bins.
"No, I don't keep stuff like that - or take notes, most of the time - who are you dating?"
"As I said, none of your business. Good-bye then."
Regulus turned around and left.
"I'll be right back, gotta go to the loo," James said to his friends and then went after him.
Regulus was buttoning up his shirt when he caught up to him one corner away from the exit to the grounds.
"Are you quite mad?" James hissed.
Regulus smiled at him angelically.
"I don't know what you mean."
"I mean - that," he pointed at the bruise.
"Well, that's your own handiwork, not mine. I quite like it, actually. Help me with the tie?"
James took the green and silver tie and started tying it around Regulus' neck without even a second thought.
"You can't just do that, Reggie, he is going to ask questions."
"Yes, that was the goal. You know, after our most recent conversation, I decided, I am tired of hiding."
James stared up at him, holding the two ends of the tie in his hands.
"I'm not letting my brother decide who I am with, and I'm not having him making up some fantasy person I am supposed to date," he paused and looked at him softly, "I won't out you. I also won't tell Sirius it's you if you don't want that. But I will not hide that there is someone."
James finished tying the Slytherin tie.
"Okay... so nothing has to change on the Sirius end, yeah?"
"Oh, something has to change, absolutely. I will not tell him anything, but I do not want to hide anymore, and I can only tolerate being hidden for so long."
James gnawed on his bottom lip, "What is that supposed to mean?"
"It means, you will have to decide at some point. Either way, one Black Brother will be very, very upset with you."
James swallowed thickly.
"You're not gonna... are you going to break up with me if I don't tell him?"
Regulus pressed his lips into a thin line.
"Really?" James whispered, letting his eyes sink to Regulus's hands.
"You have to decide at some point, James. We can't have this secret thing forever. Also, you're a very honest person, you hate this even more than I do. But if you do not want to tell him because you fear his reaction, then I don't see how we can have a future."
Regulus looked up and down the corridor and then kissed James' cheek, "I love you, James. But you're going to graduate in three months, what then?"
By the time James had looked up again, Regulus was already gone.
When James joined his friends again, his hair looked more like a mess than usual, and his face was wet from splashing water into it repeatedly. Remus looked at him so judgingly, coming to all the wrong conclusions.
"James! Good that you're back!" Sirius exclaimed, "This is an emergency!"
"What is an emergency?"
"Regulus has a girlfriend!"
"And a ruthless one," Peter said, "Did you see that - the girl definitely knew what she was doing. Wanted to mark her territory like a dog."
"Or a deer," Remus said, earning a glare from James and confused looks from the rest.
"He is dating a hickey-sucking, sexually experienced, possessive Vampire. This is a nightmare. He is supposed to have a cute, gentle girlfriend."
James thought back to Regulus, his beautiful face, his soft lips pulled into a smile when James was gentle to him. Oh, Merlin, he could not let this boy leave him.
"What if he doesn't have a girlfriend?" James asked and cleared his throat, "What if he has a boyfriend?"
Sirius, Remus and Peter stared at him for a long moment.
"No, that's impossible. I mean, how likely is it that both of us are gay?"
"You're bisexual, Sirius," Remus reminded him.
"He could be, too," James said, "He could have a boyfriend or a girlfriend - maybe it's none of your business."
"None of my business?! He is my baby brother, I - oh - oh!"
James looked at him, quite scared.
"Oh, I just had a thought - a guy! No, oh that is worse," Sirius looked appalled, "Oh, my cute little baby brother in the hands of a man."
"You're dating a man," James reminded him.
"I am dating a handsome, adorable nerd."
Remus, a werewolf, looked at him with a raised eyebrow.
"But I have it on great authority that dating a teenage boy is absolutely annoying! We're awful bags of dicks! Remus, tell him!"
"Every day I spend with you, I simultaneously lose and gain my will to live approximately 17 times a day."
"See?! We are awful! Imagine, some dude sucking bruises on Reg's neck and - oh, no, who knows where else as well! Some man might be shoving his tongue down my little brother's throat, right now!"
"Unlikely," Remus said, "We just saw him."
"Teenage boys are fast, though. And horny, oh my, we are always so horny. Oh, the poor thing. He should be waiting until marriage with that."
"Marriage?" James asked, "Padfoot, you lost your virginity at 14."
"Yes, yes, but it was a big mistake. I wish I would have saved myself for you, Moons."
Moony smiled, "You're overcorrecting, love. No matter whom Regulus dates, isn't the most important thing that he is happy?"
"Thank you," James said, "Moony is right, no matter if boyfriend or girlfriend, the most important thing for you should be Regulus' happiness."
Sirius huffed, "I am thinking about his happiness. That's what I'm concerned about. I don't want some arsehole or some slag to break his heart. He's so fragile."
"Fragile?" James asked sceptically, the only fragile thing about Regulus was his patience for Sirius' nonsense.
"Yes. It's settled," Sirius stood up, "I will find out who he is dating!"
James bit his bottom lip, "And how do you plan to do that?"
"Shouldn't be hard. He has to meet that girlfriend or boyfriend at some point - and then I will see it on the map. And then I will stumble upon them - accidentally of course."
"And then?" James asked carefully.
"I will interrogate that girlfriend - or boyfriend - and then I decide that she is not good for him and a dirty perv and then I will hex her."
"Or him," Remus provided helpfully.
"Is there no chance you might actually like his partner?" James asked.
"Unlikely."
"Especially if they're not fulfilling the criteria," Peter said.
"I go inside, get the map, are you coming?"
The three boys stood up to follow Sirius inside. Remus pulled James back.
"You're digging your own grave."
"I know."
"He's going to have the freak out of his life."
"I know."
"Do you have a plan?"
James scrunched up his face, "Right now, I'm trying to get my boyfriend not to break up with me. That's only possible if I tell him. But if I tell him, I'm a dead man."
"Did he say he's going to break up with you?"
"Basically, yes."
"Bloody hell, it's serious now."
"Yes," so serious in fact that neither of them made a pun off Sirius' name.
"Well, do you love him?"
"Yes."
"Do you want to keep him as boyfriend?"
"Of course!"
"Then tell Sirius. Honestly, his anger is one thing but if you love Regulus, his anger shouldn't be worth him leaving you."
"It's not his anger or his drama or his antics I'm worried about. Sirius is my best friend and, despite all the overreaction and drama he's cooking up in his noisy brain, he doesn't want his friends to date his brother. I... I don't want to lose him as a friend."
"You won't."
James stopped and made Remus look him in the face.
"Oh yeah? Look me in the eye and tell me that Sirius Black will not feel betrayed and disown me as a friend once he finds out I'm secretly dating his baby brother behind his back."
Remus looked at him conflicted.
"You can't," said James.
"You're best friends. It is highly unlikely that he is going to be mad at you for long."
"But you can't tell me with certainty that it won't happen."
Remus sighed, "It is your mess, James. I told you I want no part in it. You shouldn't have started dating a Black to begin with."
"You're dating a Black."
"Yes, I'm talking from experience. They make you fall in love by being irresistible and beautiful. They lull you in like a spider into her net until you're completely besotted and would steal the moon from the sky for them. And then they remind you that they are absolute fucking lunatics. But now they're your lunatic and there is no escape. Now you will have to marry the lunatic."
James wouldn't mind marrying Regulus once they graduated. Maybe not right away. He would move in with him first, he would live with him in a nice apartment and get a job and come home to him in the evening and take him out for dates every two weeks and would buy him all the books in the world. He would marry him two or three years after Regulus' graduation in a Scottish castle in spring. At night, the star Regulus would be visible, and they would drink champagne underneath the night sky, just the two of them.
"You're helpless," Remus pulled him out of his thoughts with a smile, "It's too late for you already. You're never getting rid of those feelings again."
James nodded, "They're dark wizards after all."
Remus chuckled and rubbed his back empathetically.
***
Two evenings later James went to the library late in the evening again.
They rarely planned to meet each other. They could only plan when they were alone, they were only alone when James trailed behind his team after quidditch practice and Regulus sought him out.
They had a mutual understanding that if Regulus was in a public place around a certain time and James could make up an excuse, he would find him with the map, and they'd meet.
It wasn't ideal.
Both had missed each other multiple times like this.
James could understand why Regulus was tired of it.
He was tired of it, too. Has been for a long time.
Regulus was right, James was an honest person and he hated keeping a secret from Sirius.
The first time he had kissed Regulus he had the intense urge of screaming it out to the entire castle.
Look at this absolutely beautiful, smart angel of a person that I am allowed to kiss!
Instead, he had panicked. He had wanted to tell Sirius, but Sirius was very intense about the topic of someone dating his brother - always has been. So, he kept quiet and asked Regulus to keep quiet, too.
This evening Regulus saw him when he came in, as always, but he remained seated and waited until James sat down next to him.
"Hi," he sighed and looked at him, "My lunatic."
Regulus frowned at him, "What?"
"You're a lunatic. So is your brother. I have it from a very trustworthy source."
"I don't understand."
James shook his head, "You're driving me crazy. In all the possible ways."
Regulus shrugged, "Sounds like me, yes. So, given that you're still alive, I guess you haven't told him yet."
"No," he mumbled, "He has this new plan of catching you with your girlfriend or boyfriend."
"But you took the map with you."
"Yes."
He nodded and closed the book in front of him.
"You're angry."
"I'm not," and he didn't sound angry, he sounded like he was concentrating on suppressing a wholly different emotion.
"Disappointed then? Sad? All of the above?"
Regulus sighed and turned to him.
"It's just... you're graduating in three months."
"Yes, so you've said."
"And what then?"
James blinked at him, "I don't understand the question."
"You're going to leave Hogwarts and I'm not. What happens then? Will we stay together or will it just... dissipate?"
"Dissipate? Love, no," he took his hand under the table, "My feelings for you are not going anywhere, no matter where I'm going physically. I'll wait for you."
"It would be terribly easy for it to just... turn into nothing. Nobody knows about it short of Evan, Barty and Remus. No one will even blink an eye if we never talk again. It's not real."
"It's real. My love for you is very real," James insisted.
"But our relationship is not. We're not really dating - we've never even been on an actual date. You're worried I only date you to annoy my brother while I'm worried you are ashamed of being with me."
James' eyes widened.
"Reggie," he said quietly and leaned closer to him, they were almost alone anyways, "I could never be ashamed of you. Getting you to love me is the greatest accomplishment of my life. I am so, so very happy to be your boyfriend. You have no idea how much you and this relationship mean to me. I could never be ashamed of you. You are gorgeous."
Regulus closed his eyes while James spoke, just listening. He looked like he was trying to swallow his worry down, but it didn't seem to work.
"I'm scared," James admitted and rubbed his thumb over Regulus' hand, "I'm scared of losing either one of you. If either of you stopped talking to me and left me, I wouldn't know how to handle it. Sirius and I are... very co-depended, it's bordering on unhealthy."
Regulus sighed deeply, "You're ruining my love for forbidden romance. It's not romantic, it's just exhausting."
What a terrible thing this was to hear. James should make Regulus believe in Love and Romance, not ruin it for him because he chose to be a coward. Regulus deserved better than being hidden away. James never wanted to be the kind of boyfriend, whose partner had to worry about being loved or left constantly.
James looked around the library, there were some exhausted fifth-year students and some half-asleep Ravenclaws and Slytherins.
He leaned in and kissed Regulus' forehead.
"I will tell him."
Regulus looked up, a flicker of hope in his eyes.
"As soon as tomorrow if that makes you happy. Just... come with me, okay? Maybe if we face him together and you tell him that I am not a slut or a perv, it won't be so bad."
"You are a bit of a perv and a slut though, on occasion."
"See, that is precisely not what we are going to tell Sirius. Best act virginally."
"Virginally?"
"As untouched as a Muggle Studies textbook."
James could practically see how Regulus reconsidered their entire relationship at that moment.
"You don't have to look at me that way, it's Sirius' obsession not my kink. We will tell him, but afterwards you're not getting rid of me ever again. That is a threat."
Regulus finally started smiling up at him again. It made James' heart spin a little like always.
"Come to our common room tomorrow when you're done with classes. I will know when you're there... and when he kills me, I want you to tell everyone how good I was in bed when you hold my eulogy."
Regulus chuckled, "I will."
James lifted his hand to his neck and brushed the shirt collar aside.
"Hickeys look really good on you, by the way."
"Yeah?"
"Yes... if I survive tomorrow, I will put so many more of those on you."
Regulus grinned and squeezed his hand instead of kissing him.
***
James has quite possibly never been more nervous in his life.
He would rather play a quidditch match against a dementor without any protective gear than have the conversation that awaited him.
He met Regulus in front of the portrait of the fat lady.
"Did you change your mind?" Regulus asked.
"Only about three... hundred times so far."
They got some confused looks when James led Regulus through the Gryffindor common room. Since Regulus was somewhat known as Sirius' brother, no one said a word and the older students simply went back to their tasks and conversations.
In front of the dorm, James stopped.
"Okay..." he was stretching his arms as if he was readying himself for a match, "Kiss for good luck?"
Regulus smiled and kissed him.
"You know, we don't actually have to say anything. We could just mercilessly make out in front of him."
"I am pretty sure, he would avada kedvra me."
"Okay, words it is."
James took another deep breath and then entered the dorm, Regulus followed in behind him.
"Hey, Reggie, what are you doing here?" Sirius asked.
"Sirius, I have to tell you something," James started. Yes, he might have practised this in front of a mirror.
Remus put his book away and watched them intently. Peter looked at them as well, but James imagined, for natural curiosity instead of cruelty.
"I... Well," he looked to Regulus, who was simply watching him as well, "I know who Regulus is dating."
Sirius sat up properly on his bed, "You know? Regulus, why does James know before me? I am your brother!"
"You are also a menace to society and the bane of my existence. You will never be the first person I tell this stuff."
"Ouch," Sirius said putting his hand over his heart.
Dramatic, the whole lot. James shook his head.
"Well, who is it? And when can I meet her? I am your big brother; I need to approve."
"You need to keep your nose out of my business and my life."
"Reg, why don't you tell Sirius how happy you are with your person, to ease his mind?" James asked and looked at him, begging him with his eyes.
Regulus sighed, "I am very happy, Sirius. You need not worry."
"She treats you well?"
"He treats me like a Saint. I don't know how he got that idea, to be honest. But yes, he would do anything for me."
"He would steal the moon from the sky for you," James said and glanced at Remus, who smiled.
"That sounds like a terrible idea, we need the moon," Regulus said confused, "Don't be stupid, James."
James just smiled fondly.
Sirius was flicking his fingers, "Back to the topic. That guy, is he good-looking?"
"Very," he said, James couldn't help but smirk.
"And is he smart?"
Regulus lay his head to the side, "Occasionally."
"Does he have a good sense of humour?"
Regulus clicked his tongue, "Pretty childish, but he thinks I'm funny for some reason."
"And would mother like him?"
"He's a guy so, no. Even if that wasn't a problem, she would absolutely hate him though."
"Excellent!" Sirius exclaimed and stood up, "Wait, I forgot something - does he like me? Or would he like me?"
Regulus glanced at James, "Yes."
"Oh, that's not good."
"Why? Don't you want my boyfriend to like you?"
"You don't like the kind of people who like me. You think we're all silly and dumb and childish."
Regulus nodded, "That's because you are. He agrees with that, actually, still likes you very much. Absolutely obsessed with you, actually. We almost broke up because he wanted to accommodate you."
James realised too late that Regulus was getting more and more tired of Sirius' questions and wanted to get this behind him. Indeed, the only fragile thing about Regulus was his patience with Sirius' nonsense.
Sirius frowned.
"What is that supposed to mean? That sounds like a shitty boyfriend then, Reg, he should prioritise you - wait do I know him? Tell me who it is, now!"
Oh, boy. James thought. This wasn't good.
"Sirius, calm down," James said with raised hands, "Sure, this guy has some flaws - but you heard it, he makes Regulus very happy."
"Most of the time," Regulus, a lunatic, said.
"Thank you, Reg," James hissed, "We got it. The point is, Regulus loves him. And he loves Regulus so, so much. So, you should be happy for them. Because it would be devastating for everyone involved if you get angry and hexed him."
"You still haven't said, who he is," Remus, who enjoyed being a villain, piped up from where he was sitting.
"Remus, I swear I will-"
"No, he's right," Regulus said, "Tell him, James. Or I leave."
James took another deep breath.
"Okay. Sirius, Padfoot, you know I love you dearly."
"Yeah, sure."
"You're my best friend in the world," he slowly backed away from his friend and towards Regulus, "But, you see, funny story - I'm kinda in love with your brother."
"Kinda?" Regulus, Remus and Peter asked in unison.
"Very much," James corrected himself, "I love him very, very much."
He reached out for Regulus' hand. They were standing a bit away from each other and their clasped hands hung between them.
Sirius' wide, grey eyes were fixed on their hands.
"You're... You?!"
"Yes."
"Are you mad? Did you lose your bloody mind?!", his voice got gradually louder, "That's my little brother!"
James backed away further and tugged Regulus to him by the hand.
"You are my best friend! You're like a brother to me and you put your hands on him? I know where they've been, James - I know what you've done to whom in great, excruciating detail! And now you do the same to my little brother?!" He was yelling now and pointing his finger at him. James was just glad it wasn't his wand.
"Sirius, calm down, I'm not a child," Regulus started.
"Shut up! This isn't about you!"
"How is this not about me?"
"James, you can't go around doing your best friend's siblings! I'm sure it is against some kind of gentleman code! It's bad manners at best and definitely up to no moral code! And to top it all off - you've done it in secret?! You're keeping secrets from me now?"
"I knew you'd freak out if I told you so yes, obviously I kept it a secret."
"Oh, no, do not try to pin this on me. You're a coward, that's why you didn't tell me! And you're subjecting my brother to this kind of hide and seek game? For how long?"
"Well..."
"For how long, James?!"
James swallowed thickly, "Halloween."
"HALLOWEEN?!"
James took another step back.
"That's almost 6 bloody months!"
"Just five, actually," James said because he really does like digging his own grave, "Because it was the end of October, so November, December - I'm signing my own death warrant, aren't I?"
"Yes, dear," Regulus nodded.
"You two are going to end this right now," Sirius said, "I've heard enough. You aren't good enough for him!"
"What? Sirius, I'm your best friend!"
"Exactly! You're a good guy and every person would be happy to have you blah blah - but I know everything about you! I know way too much about you, every little teenage stupidity you came up with, every word you lost about certain people, every vivid description of you shagging people - how do you expect me to see you as a serious partner for my brother? Besides, you subjected him to secrecy, you kept it a secret from me, and Regulus just said, you prioritised me over him - and I won't stand for that."
James was almost crushing Regulus' hand with his grip. Regulus let go of him. The loss of his warm hand felt like he had dropped him from a great height.
Regulus stepped between Sirius and James.
"Sirius, calm down. You are overreacting. You have no business telling us to break up. This isn't your thing, it's between him and me."
"That's where you're wrong Regulus. This is the biggest fucking problem of dating your friends' siblings. When you two break up and hate each other, whose side am I supposed to be on? Will I have to chose between you? I am connected to both of you, I will always be part of this relationship more than either of us wants it. This can only go wrong!"
"And what if it goes right?" Regulus asked, "You heard what we said before, I love him, he loves me, he makes me happy, and he treats me way better than I deserve it - there is literally no problem with this, you're just making shit up in your head! And you do not have to be part of this relationship at all, and you also won't have to choose - that's just nonsense. If you make us break up, I certainly won't forgive you. I will, in fact, never talk to you again."
Sirius stared at his little brother for a moment. They stared into their identically grey eyes. Neither wavered for even a second.
Finally, Sirius looked away.
He sighed deeply.
"Okay."
"Okay?" James asked carefully.
"I'm not talking to you," he was still looking at Regulus, "It is your life and if you want him then... fine," he looked at James, "I'm angry with you though. Mainly for not telling me, you arse."
"Well, you just saw how you reacted, are you really surprised I didn't tell you right away?"
"Yes, we're supposed to share shit like this. Especially if it involves my brother. I'm also really mad at you for dating my brother. You have no idea how weird that is - my best mate is kissing my little brother."
"We're doing so much more than kissing," Regulus said, which earned a hissed "Reggie!" from James.
"And, frankly, I'm insulted that you think I've been a virgin before him and should wait until marriage before shagging someone. Firstly, this coming from you is just laughable. Second, James and I are like fucking every chance we get."
"Oh my," Remus piped up, suppressing a laugh - failing horribly. Peter is not even trying. James' entire face was Gryffindor-red.
"In the library, in the hidden corridor, in the quidditch dressing rooms, in my dorm, in here. No sweet, innocent baby-brothers anywhere, Sirius. Get used to it."
Sirius was staring at him with wide eyes, then he turned to Remus, "I think I want to throw up," he turned to James, "I will kill you."
"At this point I would let you."
"Here's our deal, Sirius, for every time you're trying to interfere with my relationship from now on, I will tell you a random detail about our sex life."
"Regulus!" James hissed yet again.
Sirius nodded begrudgingly, "It's only for three more months anyways, then we graduate and then this will be as good as over anyways."
"James likes it the most when he can suck hickeys on my thighs after he sucked my cock."
Sirius squirmed; James wanted to spontaneously combust.
"Ugh, disgusting, no! Fine, I won't say anything anymore! Never say something like that again, Regulus! Oh, fuck, ugh"
"And that was the most innocent one I had. So, keep that in mind."
Peter and Remus were now fully laughing in their beds, probably regretting not having brought snacks for the past 5 minutes already.