It had been 12 hours since I was able to stay in the room with Mark. He was currently still unconscious, but the doctors were able to stabilize him, and he should wake up at any time. He had been shot in the chest, just next to his heart. The doctors said he's very lucky to have made it.
I wasn't sure how I was going to break the news to Mark. Sean was one of his best friends. Sean's bandmates had already stopped by. All of them were torn when they heard the news, however Tommy seemed to especially be grieving. All of us had to reassure him that this wasn't his fault. He kept saying how if he wouldn't have done what he did with Sean's ex-girlfriend, this wouldn't have happened. We all knew that wasn't true, and I think deep down Tommy knew that too.
The bandmates all pitched in on notifying Sean's family and helping out with getting funeral arrangements together. They were all going to fly back to Ireland and Sean's body would be flown back as well, and the funeral would be in his hometown. I'm hoping that Mark and I can make it, but that will be arranged when the time comes.
I hadn't slept the whole time I've been here. Mainly because I wanted to be awake when Mark woke up, so he wasn't too scared, but the uncomfortable hospital chair also didn't help. I occupied my time by watching TV and journaling my thoughts along with the events happening in case I needed to go to court. Everything was documented for me and the judge's convenience.
As I was writing my feelings out in my notes app, I suddenly heard a low grunt. I looked up without hesitation and saw that Mark was finally awake. Tears started forming in my eyes and a goofy smile plastered my face. I immediately stood up and walked over to him slowly. His eyes adjusted as he tried to make out who was next to him. He didn't have his glasses with him, and the nurses took out his contacts while he was unconscious.
"Hey, sleepyhead," I whispered as I leaned down and stroked his cheek. One of his hands reached up and gripped onto my arm lightly as he smiled in my direction. He tried leaning up towards me but immediately winced and lowered himself back down. "Take it easy, okay. Your chest needs time to heal," I told him.
"I'm so glad you're okay," his voice was raspy and quiet. "Me? I was more worried about you," I said. He gave me that sweet smile of his again before a thought entered his mind. He dropped his smile, and it was replaced with an anxious look. "Is Sean okay?" I dreaded this question. A sigh escaped my lips as I got down on my knees. I took his hand in both of mine as I prepared what I was about to say. "Mark... he didn't make it," the words came and went.
He was clearly stunned. His lip quivered, but no sound or words could be formed. He looked away from me and slowly started to sob. Seeing him like this made me cry with him. I reached up and hugged him; he grabbed onto me and sobbed into my shoulder. When I broke things off with Felix, I never imagined this is where I'd end up shortly after. I thought that it would make things better. Not take away one of my friends, but worse one of Mark's friends. In a way, I feel like this is my fault. Just like Tommy, I know in the back of my mind it isn't, but I can't help but feel somewhat guilty.
"I'm so sorry, Mark," I cried. "I'll kill that son of a bitch," he leaned back, his face red and filled with tears. "He's in police custody." "He is?" "Yeah. I called 911 when you went downstairs and told them everything I heard. They arrested him." "Good. I hope he stays in prison for the rest of his life." "Me too."
A knock was made at the door. We looked over to see a nurse walking in. "Hey, I'm glad to see you're awake! Is this a bad time?" she asked politely. "No, it's okay," Mark sniffled. "I'm very sorry about your friend, Mr. Fischbach." "Thank you." "Well, I'm here to do the annoying stuff: take your blood pressure, ask you questions, things like that." I moved out of the way and let the nurse do her thing. She pretty much asked him similar questions that I was asked and took his vitals to make sure everything was in order. "Okay, Mr. Fischbach, that's all I need from you. I'll go record this and we'll be back with you shortly on a release time. Ms. (Y/L/N), I do need to speak to you in a separate room for a moment."
I was confused but followed her outside in the hallway. Anxiousness came over me because I thought she was going to give me bad news about Mark. "Okay, I'm sorry if I scared you, these types of things just need privacy when talked about with a patient," she told me. "What is it?" I asked. "Results came back from your urine sample testing positive for pregnancy. We may need to do an ultrasound to make sure the baby is okay." My mouth became dry as I gathered the right words to say. "What?" I questioned. "I know this may be a shock, and I'm so sorry you had to find out this way," she responded. "I don't understand. It has to be wrong."
"We can do another test if you like, but the ultrasound will be definite evidence whether you're pregnant or not. Would you happen to know who the father is? We can call him up here if you like." "I... I don't know who the father is." "Okay, that's totally fine. We can also run DNA tests to figure it out if you would like. I'll go ahead and get you scheduled for an ultrasound this afternoon." "Okay."
I was ashamed. How could I let this happen? The worst part is I don't even know who the father is. Everything started to piece together: the random nausea, the way certain smells have been increased, the fainting. None of these things have been major problems for me before. I thought I was just under a lot of stress. Now it all makes sense; I've been pregnant this whole time.
Walking back into Mark's room, I couldn't help but feel disgusted with myself. I can't believe I treated my body the way I did with another body inside of it. It frightened me to know how Mark would react. Would he leave me? Would he stay? Would he kick me out of his life forever? The only way to know was to tell him. I had to confront the man I'd fallen in love with. He had to know what was going on.
"Is everything okay?" he asked me. I nervously sat down in the chair next to his bed. "I need to tell you something," I said. "What's wrong?" concern grew on his face. "So, earlier they took a urine sample from me, and it tested positive for pregnancy." "Oh." I couldn't read his reaction right away. His simple 'oh' had little to no emotion. I waited for another response from him with anxiousness.
"Well... how do you want to move forward?" he asked me slowly. "What do you mean?" I responded. "I mean, are you going to keep the baby? Whatever you decide is fine with me. This decision is completely yours." "You mean, you're not going to leave me?" "Why would I? (Y/N), I seriously don't plan on going anywhere. If you want this baby, then I'll love it like it's mine because I love you." "I'm so happy to hear you say that." I sighed a huge sigh of relief. He really was one of the best men in the world.
"I don't know what I want to do yet," I confessed. "That's okay, this is a big decision," he answered. "I mean, I've always wanted to be a mom. Felix and I didn't have many conversations about having a baby because I honestly didn't want to have one with him. I've always wanted to be a better parent than mine were to me." "Well, babe, you can call me daddy in the correct tense from now on." "Oh my god, shut up." I playfully hit his shoulder while we exchanged laughter.
"You know, it's sad to say it, but I don't know who the father biologically is yet," I mumbled. "No, you don't have to feel bad for that, baby," he reassured me. "Well, I know it's either you, Sean, or Felix. I really hope it's yours." "Either way, that's not going to stop me from being a good father." I gave him a smile and he gave me one in return.
...
"Knock, knock!" the same nurse from before had walked into the room, "Alright, Mr. Fischbach, it looks like you will be clear to go home sometime tomorrow. We just want to keep you overnight to make sure everything's running smoothly." "Sounds good, thank you," Mark responded. "And Ms. (Y/L/N), we can go ahead and do the ultrasound in here, if you're ready." "Yeah, I think I'm ready," I gave a slight smile. "Perfect! Go ahead and remove all your clothing and change into this, I will meet you over to that bed right there." She handed me a hospital gown.
After I changed in the bathroom, I walked over to the empty bed on the other side of the room. She started to close the privacy curtain, but I stopped her. "Oh, it's okay. He's my boyfriend and this is the first ultrasound. Is it okay if we leave the curtain open so he can kind of be here?" I asked. "Oh, of course!" she responded. After I laid down on the bed, she rubbed the jelly on the ultrasound tool and began rubbing it around my stomach. "Alright, let's see if we can find the little squirt," the nurse chimed.
After just a couple moments, she found it. "Oh! There they are," she said excitedly. "Where are they?" I asked. She pointed to a small spot on the screen. "Right there. They're only the size of a bean right now," she giggled. "Oh, how adorable," I responded. "Let me see if I can get that heartbeat. Hmm, here we go!" The quickest little heartbeat came from the machine. Hearing that heartbeat changed everything for me. I wanted this baby. This was my baby, and I was going to do everything I could to protect them.
"It looks like everything's okay. Heartbeat's normal, they seem to be healthy," she told me. "Oh, thank goodness. I've been under a lot of stress lately, so I was worried," I responded. "They're a fighter for sure. Now did you still want to do a DNA test for a possible father?" "How far along do you think I am?" "Well, I can't confirm for sure, but I've been doing this a while, so I'd say about seven weeks as a rough estimate." My heart sunk when I realized the math added up. "No, I know who the father is now." "Would you like us to call him for you?" "No, thank you. There's no reason to."