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sixteen: worth it
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Juliette walked out of the barn and into the green paradise that was the camp. All around her, people engaged in different activities but all she could think about was what had just happened. Her hands travelled to her own waist, where Ricky's fingers had been not too long ago, making her unable to think properly. She could still feel his touch, her skin burning at the remembrance.
"Hey," someone greeted her, breaking her chain of thought. "Is everything okay?"
"Um, yeah, sure," she nodded, Ben's blue eyes feeling as if they could read her mind. "Just a hard rehearsal."
"Do you want water? Something to eat? For me to beat someone up?"
"Some water would be nice," she told him, with a look that spoke more than a thousand words. In just some minutes, he was sitting by her side, handing her a bottle of water, the door of the barn still closed near them.
"Do you want to talk about it?" the boy asked, putting a hand on her upper arm. Juliette did not even move, she was too focused on keeping her breathing steady.
"Honestly, I would rather not," she half-laughed. "I don't even want to think about it."
Their eyes moved towards the door once their heard it open, only to see a boy standing there, his eyes travelling to Juliette's arm. Ricky seemed about to step into the barn again. "I didn't know you were... um..."
"It's okay," Ben told the boy, taking his hand off Juliette and standing up, "be my guest. I'll see you tonight, then?"
"Yeah, sure," she smiled, waving him goodbye as Ricky moved closer to her.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, it's just... that was pretty intense, back there," Juliette breathed out, her whole body relaxing as Ricky took a seat near her.
"I told you we could... I'm sorry if I..."
"No, Ricky, you... you didn't do anything wrong," she clarified. "We got carried away, both of us."
Neither of them knew how to act around each other anymore. Juliette could not stop moving, unsure of what to do. Having Ricky so close made her want to reach for him again, feel his touch again like she had felt it mere minutes ago, especially after longing for it for so much time. Just when she thought she was getting over him, she found herself wondering what would have happened if they had been left alone for two minutes back there.
"At least we gave them the show they wanted," Ricky looked at her, a hopeful expression on his face. "But I need to know you're okay."
"I am. I just... when I agreed to come to camp, I didn't think having to flirt with my ex-boyfriend for the cameras went with it," Juliette attempted to laugh. Ricky's eyes travelled to her own. "But we're actors, that's what we have to do, right?"
"Yeah, right, acting. And, for what is worth, I thought you were amazing back there. You know... vocally. And stuff."
"Vocally, yeah."
After some seconds of silence, Ricky spoke again: "and, um, I meant what I said back there. You looked beautiful in that costume. Well, you've always been beautiful, don't let anyone say otherwise."
"Thank you, Ricky," she smiled at him, not showing her teeth. "That really means a lot."
"What are friends for?" he returned the gesture, his eyes not leaving hers, his voice lowering. The moment, however, was soon interrupted by Jett, who asked them to come inside for a final shot. Ricky stood up and showed Juliette his hand, the girl's eyes travelling to his silver rings. "Let's give them the final act, then?"
She nodded and took his hand. Their fingers moved to their usual position without hesitation, their hands fitting together like pieces of a puzzle. A puzzle that had been put together one time and put away for months, a puzzle that had some pieces missing. However, as soon as they entered the barn, Ricky took a look around and let go of Juliette's hand, making her move her fingers and put her hand in her pocket.
"Well," Channing said once he had put his equipment away, "I underestimated you guys. What a mess."
All of them remained silent, looking at each other with worried expressions. Thay had gone through all that trouble for nothing.
"But..." Carlos began, whispering, before being interrupted by Channing himself.
"And I mean a mess in an award-winning way," he clarified, looking at them while chuckling. "You were terrified. You guys should've seen your faces. That was good. All right, Channing out."
As he walked out, all of them held their breath, an overwhelming silence taking over all of them. Once they were sure he was out, notwithstanding, Carlos took a step forward and congratulated them, making them all yell in excitement.
"Thank you for being out fearless leader, Carlos." Val took a step forward, smiling at the boy. "You have a very weird gift."
They all cheered for him and, then, allowed themselves some time to recover after the excitement of that day. Juliette walked to one side of the bar, E.J. quick behind her.
"What happened?"
"What?"
"Back there," he insisted.
"Nothing we... we were just acting. You know, for the documentary," the girl explained, avoiding his eyes.
"Yeah, well, it didn't feel like acting to me."
"E.J., honestly, I don't want to talk about it," she rubbed her eyes, momentarily covering her face with her hands.
"Well, I do," he stated. "Juliette, come with me."
E.J. took her by the wrist and practically dragged her outside, to one side of the barn, and rested his back on the outside wall of the barn.
"You can't like Ricky again," he concluded, his voice and eyes harsh, making Juliette feel smaller than she already was compared with the boy.
"I'm sorry what?"
"Do you not remember how crushed you were after he dumped you? After he left you crying and went to date Lily?"
"Yes, I do remember it, thank you very much." Juliette crossed her arms. "I do not like Ricky again, okay? And, honestly, E.J., I do appreciate your concern but there wouldn't be a problem if I did like him. That would be for me to sort out."
"Do you not? And what was that back there? Your hands all over one another."
By that point, Juliette's tears were threatening to fall: "You asked us to do this, E.J. You knew our history and you still agreed to use us for this stupid documentary that I do not even want to be in in the first place. You could have given us any role and you decided to exploit out relationship for you to what? Get some more views?"
"The thing is that I am the one to pick up your pieces afterwards. While he enjoyed himself, I was constantly by your side trying to make sure that you ate and that you went outside and that you were okay."
"Don't worry, E.J. I won't bother you anymore, I won't need you to 'pick up my pieces'. Enjoy your Summer, Mr Director, 'cause I won't be there to see it," she half-said, her voice breaking in the process but without allowing her tears to fall. "I hope this was all worth it."
She did not even pay a second look to Channing entering the building again. Instead, she turned around, looking at E.J.'s worried face one last time, and walked towards her cabin, eager to get ready for that night's bonfire Ben had invited her to. She was not going to let any human of the male species ruin the rest of the Summer for her, she was tired of letting everyone else dictate how she should feel.
So she picked out an outfit she felt good in and opened the door to choose a hoodie. For a moment, he held Ricky's one in her hands, but ultimately decided not to and took out her East High one.
—
As promised, Ben picked her up at the appointed hour, with his blue eyes glistening with the moonlight and his bright smile welcoming her to hug him. The night was chilly, but not so much that she was going to need another hoodie so both of them walked to a secluded place were Maddox and Val had already lit the bonfire, alongside other CITs Juliette did not know the name of.
"Welcome to the annual 'gossip girl bonfire'," Val smiled. "Where the counselors allow themselves to be teenagers instead of parents to even younger teenagers."
Juliette laughed, looking at Ben, who just smiled at her and encouraged her to take a seat, after which he sat besides her. Maddox was in front of them, the light of the fire colouring her face red. She lifted her eyes and caught the redhead looking at her, making her smile in the process. As Ben surrounded Juliette's shoulders with his arm, side-hugging her, Juliette's and Maddox's eyes lingered on one another for some more seconds before both of them looked away.
As a boy Juliette learned was called Elijah brought tens of bags of sweets and marshmallows to toast, Ben left a soft kiss on her cheek, prompting the girl to lean her head on his shoulder. The bonfire was a calm gathering, completely the opposite to what Juliette had thought would be. They spent most of the time telling stories about their previous years at camp and, above all, about how excited they were for the dance, Colour War and opening night.
"You look beautiful tonight," he whispered. Juliette, forcing herself to push today's argument with E.J. away, looked at him. The conversation appeared further and further as he put a strand of hair behind her ear and leaned it towards her ear: " and I would like to kiss you."
Juliette didn't say a word. She simply nodded as the boy joined their lips, putting his hand in the back of her head and moving his lips slowly but surely. There was no shadow of a doubt on the boy's movements, as if he knew exactly what he was doing and knew that he was doing it well. After some seconds, they broke apart and Juliette looked back to the bonfire without saying a word, her eyes connecting with Maddox's once again.