Hey, this is Link (the writer, not the video game character!)
I'd like to start off by saying this is 100% a satire fic! This was based on a conversation between my friends and me that ended up becoming an entire plotline-
"Ohio isn't real" is just a meme and an inside joke between my friend group! To all the people who live in Ohio, please don't take offense to this! You're not real anyway/j
All warnings aside, have fun, and let's get on with the story!