"So please hurry leave me, I can't breathe, please don't say you love me."
- First Love/Late Spring by Mitski
The perfect summer I had planned a few months ago had turned out nothing like I thought it would be. "This summer," I had thought, "Will be the most memorable of them all. I will go to a carnival for the first time with Ivy, make new friends and finally redecorate my room." That had been the plan. But of course, I had done nothing on that list. This summer didn't turn out to be the most memorable, but instead, the summer I dearly want to forget. Because now, I'm sitting on a hard metal chair trying not to cry as I wait for my flight for New York.
My mom complained about something as she sat down beside me, as usual. She grabbed an elastic from her purse and tied her hair up.
"Ugh, can you believe this? First the flight is taking forever, and now the Starbucks line too?!" My mom groaned as she pushed her glasses up.
"It's not their fault," I mumbled "Maybe you could just be patient."
"Huh?" My mom said, "Sorry, I didn't hear you."
"It's nothing," I replied quietly. My mom glanced at me as I fidgeted with my thumbs. She sighed.
"Are you excited to live in New York?" She asked.
"If excited is a code word for extremely dreading then yes, I am." I groaned.
"Why? New York is fun, there's so many things you can do!" My mom disagreed somewhat politely.
"New York is loud. So, so loud. And it's full of people everywhere. There's no space to breathe." I countered. My mom was going to argue back when suddenly the speaker said our flight was now boarding. We grabbed our suitcases and waited in line for our flight. I watched the planes fly off through the window and lost myself for a moment. I forgot about everything that was happening for a few seconds. I felt calm and peaceful. I smiled to myself, tucking a piece of my hair behind my ear.
I put my suitcase under the seat in front of me and sat down next to the window. I buckled my seatbelt and gazed at the sun as it set before we lifted off. A tear ran down my red cheek and I quickly whipped it away. I watched the sky as we flyed upwards; I watched the sunset seep through the fluffy clouds. I looked over to my mom who was clenching to her arm rest. I giggled to myself and looked back out the window. It would have been nice to cry; Since it was a way I tend to let out my emotions, but I'm glad I didn't. I saw a glimpse of a crow quickly pass by my window. I sighed. Maybe, my new life won't be that bad.
After flying for almost 3 hours, we eventually landed in Toronto to change planes. As we took off for the second time, I noticed my mom's hands shaking as they rested on her lap. I grabbed her hand and held it. She looked at me and smiled. I looked at her and nodded, reassuring her that everything would be okay. She put her arms around me and kissed my forehead. She whispered in my ear,
"Oh my lovely, wonderful, amazing daughter. I love you with all my heart." I smiled and looked up at her.
"I love you too, mom." I replied.
"I know this is a big change for the both of us but we will get through it together. I promise everything will be alright."
Flying through the air seems like something that would be in your wildest dreams. But now, thanks to technology, you can fly almost anywhere in the world. While at first, the idea of being in an enclosed place full of people you don't know, for hours, flying to a place where you don't want to be, sounds absolutely terrifying, it was actually quite enjoyable. I could watch the clouds from so close up I could almost touch them, I could see what the birds see, I could watch the beauty of the sky from just out my window. But now, the plane is landing again. I'm finally here. Finally in the city that's now my home. Little did I know, my new life was just getting started.
I don't remember much from after the flight, since I had fallen asleep, but I remember my mom calling for a taxi and us driving to our new apartment, me sitting in the backseat beside my mom who was resting her head on my shoulder, as I watched the city through the window late at night. The dullness of the dark night was broken by the bright lights of the city; The traffic lights and the headlights of the many cars on the highway. The brightness dimmed as I slowly shut my eyes. I drifted into sleep, and suddenly, my mom was tugging on my sleeve to wake up. "Huh? Where are we? What time is it?" I mumbled half asleep, squinting my eyes.
"We're outside our new home," My mom answered. I looked out the car door and I saw my mom standing outside on the pathwalk, behind her was an apartment. I was trying to tell her that apartments suck, but I was too tired to say anything so instead I just mumbled gibberish. My mom dragged me into the building and talked to the receptionist. I'm guessing I fell asleep again because I don't remember anything after that. And now, I'm sitting on the floor of a one bedroom apartment trying to figure out if I should text Ivy or not.
"Abby! Breakfast is ready," My mom called me from the kitchen. Instead of getting up, I continued to sit there on the floor. I was still wearing my dark blue hoodie with a pink care bear on it (her name is cheer bear) that I had been wearing yesterday, and my shoulder length brown hair was in a messy ponytail. I sighed and got up, sluggishly walking to the kitchen. I sat down on one of the three wooden stools. In front of me, there was a plate and fork placed on the marble island. The plate was full of 3 waffles glazed with maple syrup, and 2 crispy pieces of bacon, the grease shone from the kitchen light.
"Wow, this is a lot of food... Normally you just toast a piece of bread and call it breakfast," I said jokingly. My mom smiled and rolled her eyes.
"Well, today is a special day! It's our first day in our new home." My mom smiled; The morning sunlight shone through the window of the apartment, reflecting on her glasses, making her brown eyes look peanut butter hazel. I smiled back at her.
My mom is quite young actually, she turned 38 only 3 months ago. My mom was only 13 years old when she had my older brother, and she met my dad 7 years after that. They had me when my mom was 21 and my dad was 26. 4 years after my brother died, they had a divorce. Sometimes I feel sorry for myself, for how hard of a life I have. My brother died when I was 10, my parents are divorced, I have no friends, my girlfriend doesn't know the real me, and now I'm living in a new city. But my mom has been through so much more than me... I'm lucky compared to her.
My mom poured me a glass of orange juice and placed it beside me as I picked up my fork and scooped a chunk out of my waffle. I munched down on my breakfast and drank the orange juice after. I burped as I put down my glass.
"I'm so full," I groaned as I leaned back on the wooden stool. My mom chuckled to herself and grabbed the dirty dishes from the counter and put them in the sink. I looked around and noticed a few cardboard boxes placed on the ground, one of them was empty and the label said "Dishes". "When did you start unpacking?" I asked my mom.
"Oh I just unpacked the dishes this morning so I could make you breakfast," She replied. "But today you're going to help me unpack, okay?" My mom demanded. I sighed.
"Come on, tomorrow is the last day of summer! Can't we start unpacking when I start school again?" I pleaded.
"No." My mom stated. I didn't want to argue with her so I just sighed and got up. I looked at each of the boxes, reading their labels, until I saw a box with the label "Abby" on it. I snatched it from the ground; Carrying it, I clumsily walked over to me and my mom's bedroom.
I placed it on my bed and ripped the tape off. I looked through it, trying to find my book. After moving a few things around I finally found it. In big lettering placed across the cover, it read: "Little Women by Louise May Alcott". I squealed with excitement as I read the title in my head. What a romantic book it is, a real work of art. I sighed and pushed the cardboard box off my bed, flopping down on the messy covers. I opened the book to the page I was on, but then suddenly the doorbell rang. "I'll get it!" I heard my mom say as I watched her pass by my door. I sighed and got up, curious about who was at the door. I put the book on my bed and walked to my door. Peeping through the crack of the door, I noticed a delivery guy giving my mom a package. I kept thinking what it could be as my mom shut the door.
She walked to the kitchen and placed the box on the counter. I popped out of my room.
"What's that?" I asked her curiously.
"Your school uniform I ordered," My mom replied, somewhat calmly.
"No... Please don't tell me I'm going to a private school" I gasped.
"A preparatory school actually,"
"But that's not fair!" I frowned.
"Do you know how much preparatory school costs?" My mom scoffed. "You should be grateful to have such a good education," She countered. I groaned and went back to my room, as my mom grabbed my uniform from the box. I scoffed as I left. I walked over to my bed and grabbed my phone from my pocket. I noticed a notification popped up on my screen. " 1 new text message from Ivy," I thought as I read it. I unlocked my phone and opened messages. "Do you wanna hang out today? (P.s. I love you xoxo)" The message read, and I stood there remembering Ivy still doesn't know I'm in New York right now. I sighed and called her. Ivy instantly picked up.
"Hey Abby! I'm guessing you saw my text? Do you want to hang out?" Ivy said excitedly.
"Hey Ivy... I need to tell you something," I mumbled.
"Oh yeah for sure! What's the matter?" Ivy asked. I sighed and bit my lip; I paused for a second.
"I moved yesterday night. I'm in New York right now." I finally replied.
"WHAT?!" Ivy said in pure shock, "I thought you were leaving in two days!" Ivy pouted. I exhaled and explained everything that had happened. After I told her everything, she sighed. "I have been meaning to tell you something," Ivy said.
"Okay... What's up?" I replied. Ivy sighed sadly.
"Honestly I don't want to do this, and I love you so so much Abby. But I feel like... you don't love me anymore," Ivy said. It went silent for a moment.
"I- that's- that's not true Ivy," I responded nervously. Ivy didn't reply. "Ivy? Are- are you there?"
"I knew it." I heard Ivy mumbled kind of sadly.
"You knew what?" I asked.
" I was right Abby. You don't love me." Ivy answered. " I understand, but if you don't feel the same way I do I think we should-" Ivy paused.
"Break up?" I responded. "It's okay Ivy. I do love you Ivy, but I don't think long distance would work. I think we should break up too." I uttered nervously. Ivy sniffed her running nose as she weeped.
"Goodbye Abby. I love you and I'm sorry we didn't work out," Ivy whimpered in a hushed tone as she hung up. I stood there, disappointed but not surprised. I knew I would get my heartbroken and I did. Ivy blocked my number after that, so now we have no way to communicate. That night, as I tried not to cry, my mom asked me what was wrong. I didn't reply. Laying there on my bed, I prayed I would fall asleep before I could fall apart.