"Maybe it's time to shut away, cause I've never really felt okay"
- Tired by beabadoobee
"What are you doing?" I questioned my mom, who was putting my belongings into a cardboard box. She sighed dramatically, placing the box on my wooden shelf. I crossed my arms casually, leaning against the doorway of my room. It had been a long day at work, and all I wanted was to relax and read a book. The glaring summer sun shone through the small space in between the curtains, brightening the dim room.
"We're moving," She told me. I scoffed and rolled my eyes. She can't be serious, can she?
"Why? What's wrong with our house?" I questioned her. "Why didn't you tell me until now?"
"Well, if I told you while I was deciding whether we should move and where, you wouldn't have been ok with it." She answers. I sighed.
"Well you're right, I am not ok with it. I have a life you know, I have friends here. I would never leave Ivy for the world." I told her, thinking she would sympathize with me. My mom tossed her dyed blonde hair, (which was now kind of brown at the top) and grabbed the cardboard box placed on my shelf next to the book I was planning to read today.
"Well, you shouldn't even be dating someone at this age Abby. You're too young." She replied bitterly, as she gave me one of those mom looks through her glasses and continued to put my things into the cardboard box.
"I'm 17." I stated.
"Exactly, you're still in high school. You don't need to have a girlfriend yet." She snapped back at me, and disorderly tossed my book into the box. I wanted to yell so many things at her, but I didn't, for I was too exhausted to argue right now. I Sorrowfully glanced out the window of my small room and sighed; I watched the cars pass by and gazed at the crows flying over the view. I wish I was a bird... I could soar wherever my heart desired, and I would live a life of happiness and freedom. I exhaled and looked back at my mom, who was now closing the box of my belongings and was about to tape it shut. My mom seems to be always finding ways to make me hate her so much... I do love her dearly, but she really gets on my nerves.
"I hate you," I muttered under my breath.
After my mom tapped the box, finally leaving my room, I sighed and flopped down onto my bed. I sighed as I remembered that I couldn't read my book since my mom had put it away, so instead I sat up and pulled my phone out of my pocket. August 14, 4:36 pm it flashes on the lock screen. I grabbed my earbuds from under my bed and stuck them in my ears. I started playing my "I hate life" playlist. I fell onto my bed. I tried to relax and pretend that my life was ok. I tried to pretend that the fake personality that I had created to please those around me wasn't about to be destroyed. I tried not to remember that Ivy doesn't love me, but instead loves the girl I made to cover up the tormenting feeling inside me. Sometimes I hate her for falling in love with the lies.
Later that day, my mom forced me to throw out the things I didn't need. Honestly this sucked. Me and my mom had been living in this small house ever since I was born. My dad left after Charlie died 7 years ago; Now he has his own family. I haven't visited since he had his daughter last year. Unlike my mother, I'm glad he left. He took his stress and anger out on her and me. He never actually hurt me or my mom but he threatened to, though that was just as scary. I remember them yelling and screaming at each other late at night; thinking I was asleep. I miss the days when they loved each other, the days when we were a happy family. But everything comes to an end, I guess.
2 days after we had finished packing, my mom told me I could go visit with my friends (and girlfriend) to say my goodbyes. My mom still hadn't told me where we were moving. Of course, I drove to Ivy's house, since I really didn't have any friends. Me and her met in our freshman year of high school. There was rumors going around about Ivy being lesbian.
"Did you hear that the freak Ivy Adams is lesbian? I feel bad for the girls in our class" I heard one of the boys say. Honestly, this was great news for me, because I had a massive crush on her. I ended up asking her out during science class and the rest is history. My mom disapproves of me having a girlfriend, not because I'm bisexual, but because she dislikes me dating in general. She tells me it's because I'm "Too young," but I think she just hates the idea of romance after divorcing my dad.
As I drove through Rosetown, listening to music, I came to a stop. The red traffic lights shining blurred, along with everything else, merging together. A droplet ran down from my teary eyes. My throat ached as I held in my tears, sniffing my nose as it started to run. The car in front of me started moving forward as the traffic lights flashed green. I bit my bottom lip as I moved forward. I sighed. Gripping to the steering wheel, I turned left to Ivy's neighborhood.
As I passed a few houses, I finally saw the white house with the green roof and tulips in the front yard. Ivy's house. As I parked outside her house, looking out my window, I noticed that there wasn't a car in her driveway. I smiled knowing her parents aren't home, so we can talk in private. I unbuckled my seat belt, got out of my car and strolled up the path to her house.
I knocked on her door. The short, blue haired Ivy Adams smiled shyly, welcoming me at the door. I looked down at her, smiling happily. "What are you doing here?" She questioned me.
"I wanted to see you... Can I come in?" I asked her politely. She looked down, glanced up at me and sighed sadly.
"My parents aren't home... if they figured out I had someone over, they would flip." Ivy told me gloomily.
"They won't figure out about it, I promise." I assured her. "You know I would never break a promise, right?"
"I- I don't know... Maybe tomorrow you can?" She mumbled, awkward looking left and right. I sighed disappointingly. I just wanted to have a nice, long conversation with her before I left. I guess I could tell her over text but... It's more genuine to tell her in person.
"Okay, Okay. I won't keep trying to convince you. I know how strict your parents are... But I need to tell you something important. Like, really super important." I told Ivy as she fidgeted with her fingers.
Ivy looked at me as I stared at the ground. I felt bad for trying to get her to let me go inside but this was important, and I had to tell her this. For all I know, I could never see her again, still not having the slightest idea where exactly me and my mom are moving to. I looked up from the ground and gazed at her. I gazed at her bright green eyes shining in the sun. I gazed at her cute summer freckles on her button nose. I gazed at her flushed cheeks and her soft lips. She was wearing the strawberry lip gloss she wears almost every day. I looked back at her eyes, which were staring at me. I smiled.
"You can come inside," she finally said, as she opened the door for me. I beamed with joy as she walked me to the living room. I had never actually been in my own girlfriend's house before; She is quite secretive about dating me now that I think about it. I don't mind though, and I understand why.
Ivy sat on her brown couch, patting down beside her gesturing to me to sit beside her. I smiled as I sat beside her. Ivy smiled back at me. "So what did you want to tell me?" My heart stopped for a moment as I remembered why I came to see her. Ivy's smile faded. "What is it? Is it that bad?" Ivy asked me nervously. I looked down and nodded quietly.
"Me and my mom.... We're moving in 2 days." I finally confessed.
"What?! Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Ivy panicked.
"I only figured it out 2 days ago, and I've been busy packing since then" I sighed. Tears started filling Ivy's eyes. "Hey, hey don't cry... it will be okay. We can still text all the time and call each other every night. I'll come and visit you during the holidays too!" I told Ivy, trying to cheer her up.
"R-really? We're... We're not breaking up?" Ivy sniffed.
"No we're not. I will always love you, Ivy." I told her. She looked up at me, and sniffed her nose.
"But what if it doesn't work out and we break up?" She asks me.
"If it's for the best... then I guess we would. All I want is for you to be happy, Ivy. And if that means we have to break up, then we'll break up." I replied.
"Are you at least moving near here?" She said. "Like a 3 hour drive at most?" I sighed disappointingly.
"Honestly I don't know... my mom still hasn't told me where we're moving to." I answered. I grabbed my phone from my pocket as it started to ring. "It's my mom... I should go." Ivy stared at me for what felt like forever... "What?" I asked. She looked down for a second and then looked back at me.
"Sorry I just... I don't want to forget what you look like," she replied. I smiled kind of sadly.
"Can I have a kiss goodbye?" I pleaded. She smiled as she looked at my lips. Her lips touched mine for a moment.
I will forever cherish this memory of us; Abby and Ivy, Ivy and Abby. Young love that sadly, eventually had come to an end.
That evening, as I solemnly drove home from Ivy's house, I started crying as I realized something. Me and Ivy may love each other but it's not meant to be. I whipped my tear stained face, sniffing as I held in my tears. The life of lies that I made was now broken... I don't even know who I am anymore.
I arrived at the doorway of my house after parking my car in the garage. I walked up the steps of our house, turned the door knob and opened the door.
"Abby! Where were you?!" My mom asked me bitterly.
"I was saying goodbye to Ivy... did something happen or?" I asked. My mom sighed as she shook her head.
"We're leaving for the airport in 40 minutes." She told me.
"What?! You said we're leaving in 2 days!" I said in disbelief.
"No, I told you'll be in your new school in 2 days. Now, pack your bags; we got to go!"
I quickly scrambled to pack my suitcase as my mom started the car. I ran down the steps of the old house, wishing it a farewell. Walking to the car I sulked silently as I put my suitcase in the trunk. I sat down on the cushy car seat in the back of the car; my mom sat in the front and started backing up from the driveway. I quickly buckled my seat belt and sighed. I looked out the window and watched the town I grew up in pass by me. My childhood, my life... gone.
I feel like this is all going too fast. I want to enjoy the last moments of my life here in this town but I can't. It feels like summer just started yesterday but now... I'm driving to the airport. I wish my life would just slow down.