Y/N'S POV
"Yes, i would love to spend time with you"
I feel my heart crumbling into many small crumbs.
She promised me that we would spend time together, i wanted to talk to her about us and my feelings for her, which are now clearer than ever but for the umpteenth time she destroys all my plans that i had planned for us.
Yeah i said yes to Lee too but only out of spite against her.
She always makes me moral about going out together is 'dangerous' because someone could see us but then why doesn't she make the same thing with the coach?
Fuck she's still married with Robbie and dating another man would create more rumors than there would be if the two of us went out.
"See you later Miss Olsen" he gently kisses her hand and that literally makes me want to throw up.
This man is so cringe and apparently she doesn't mind seeing the way she smiles at him.
"Honey i'm going to get ready, see you later" Hailee tells me smiling sweetly.
"Wait" i take her arm and pull her towards me and leave her a kiss on the cheek that she probably didn't expect seen her surprised expression, but then she smiles at me and leaves with Florence.
All the time i feel Lizzie's eyes on me, i know this bothers her and i'm ready to do anything to finally make her explode.
We both stare at each other, without looking away, the others gradually get up from the table until we are only seated, only then she looks away and then she too gets up and walks out of the breakfast room.
"Where are you going?" i say chasing her
"Y/n stop it, someone might see us" she says going faster
"Fuck, don't talk to me of this when you just agreed to go out with the coach"
"It's none of your business, now go or someone might get suspicious" she calls the elevator and enters, the doors are about to close, but i manage to slip in and enter too
"It's my business Elizabeth since that moment you decided to spend time with him was supposed to be ours" i say raising my voice
"I don't think you had this problem when you agreed to spend the night with Hailee, oh no sorry, i mean Lee" she pronounces her nickname in a disgusted tone.
"You're jealous aren't you?"
"Yes, i'm jealous okay? I hate her, she's always stuck to you"
"So why the hell are you going out with him tonight?" i ask coming closer to her, her breathing starts to get heavy.
"Well-uhm well because he's a real man, he treats me better than Robbie and well, i mean he-"
"You're scrambling Elizabeth" i say, bringing my face close to hers
"Is this really what you want? A real man?" i reach down to the hollow of her neck and start leaving a trail of wet kisses on my skin.
"Y/n please..." she begs me to stop but her body language says something else, the way she trembles and reaches for mine with so much desire.
"Stop denying yourself what you really want Liz" i slip a hand into her sweatshirt, the touch of my cold hand to her warm skin makes her shiver.
"I already know what i want" she says
"Really? So tell me, what do you want?" i ask looking into her eyes and she does the same to me.
"Tell me professor" i insist
"I need to go out with someone, i need to feel loved and appreciated"
"There are already someone who do it but you don't appreciate it"
"It's not the same y/n" she lowers her gaze, even if she doesn't believe her own words.
I walk away from her, disappointed by her behavior
"You're saying bullshit again, you don't want this, why aren't you honest with me?"
Why doesn't she tell me she feels the same things i feel about her? All this is not friendship, friends don't do this, friends don't flirt and don't touch each other like we do.
Yeah it's true, it took me time to admit it too, but now i just want that she admits her feelings towards me too.
"What do you know about what i want?" she says, this time raising the tone of her voice
"Because it's what i want too" i say
"What do you want? What exactly do you want y/n?"
"I want y-" the elevator doors open at that moment and i have to eat my words again.
When will i be able to tell her everything? When can i tell her that i want her? When can i tell her that i love her?
"Liz..." i call her, she sighs with her back to me.
She turns to me, but doesn't look me in the eyes, her gaze remains fixed on her hands.
"Listen Y/n i need a little bit of space, i need to clear my mind, what is between you and me-well here it's becoming complicated and i've never experienced such a situation like this, i have never felt so close to a friend of mine like with you and i don't want to ruin everything" she explains
Why does she keep denying that there is something between us that goes beyond friendship?
Why can't we take a step closer to each other?
"And is this how you want to clear your mind? Going out with another man instead of talking and discussing it with me?" this freaks me out, pisses me off the way she's behaving
"Y/n please try to understand me, now that's what i need, i need a confrontation with an adult, to relate to someone my ag-"
"Fuck Elizabeth stop it! Stop this age thing! You wanted all this, you wanted you to get close to me i didn't ask you of it and i didn't force you but now that i'm asking you to stay with me you move away, you seem terrified of being close to me" i yell to her
"Jesus why don't you try to understand me instead of being a child?! I-i can't- i can't control myself" she shouts
"What the hell-"
"I have to go. And don't follow me or i'll have to take action" she interrupts me and runs away from me. What's the matter with her? Why the heck does she keep doing this? She approaches and runs away for no reason and when i try to talk to her she finds an excuse not to.
I fell in love with her but it's really hard to understand what's going on in her head.
Now surrendered i decide to go back to my room to prepare for the conference.
"Hey boo here you finally are, so what do you think, better this or that to impress Chris?" Cassie says as soon as i open the bedroom door.
"I don't know Cas, you look beautiful with both of them" i reply throwing myself on the bed exhausted "Okay what's going on?" she puts down her clothes and lies down next to me
"It's Liz, she has well thought of going out with the coach tonight when it was just the two of us. I was hoping to finally be able to tell her everything but she keeps running away from me" i explain, while i feel a weight crushing my heart.
"Oh my god, Mister Walker? This woman has bad taste in men" comments my friend trying to lighten the mood a little
"Come on, get serious"
"Okay sorry, it's just that for a moment i thought Hailee would almost make you forget about Lizzie" "Hailee makes me feel good, i mean she's a great person, but you know Cas that Lizzie is everything to me, fuck i'm so in love with her" i say putting my hands in my face desperate
"Oh believe me i understood this even before you admitted it to yourself. Maybe she needs some time, I mean think about it, her situation is not so easy, she's still married and the teacher-student relationship doesn't help the situation" she explains to me
"I'm so tired Cas, i would love to kiss her so much and know that she will go out with that man tonight mmmm god i hate this so much" i admit angry
"Maybe this will help her understand her feelings for you better" she speculates
"I hope so, but if i see him touching her even with a finger, i'll kill him"
"Wow girl how possessive you are" we both laugh at her comment
"You're really lost on her" she teases me
"She really fucked my heart" i admit and smile like an idiot.
"Poetic"
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Throughout the conference Hailee did nothing but smile at me and send me flying kisses.
I admit that if it weren't for her i would have already left this room, not for the other guys, i mean despite their celebrity-busy life they're here to take whith us and they are all so cute, but my head is somewhere else.
I think about her.
I think about where the hell she went and why she's not here.
Why she's not here with me.
After answering the last few questions, the conference ends and many of my classmates stay to take pictures and autographs with them.
But i want to find her, the only thing that matters to me.
I think i heard Hailee calling me but i ignore her and leave the room, but just as i'm about to go up the stairs, i see her come out of the elevator laughing with the coach who is arm in arm with her.
This is another kind of pain.
She seems so happy and carefree, while she's always nervous with me lately.
I see the coach's hand sliding down her hips and that's enough for me to get in between them.
"Miss Olsen" i call her, she immediately recognizes my voice and moves away from the coach, then turns to me and looks at me scared
"Y/n ... do you need help? I thought you were at the conference" she says while i walk closer to them.
Our eyes doesn't turn away even for a second.
"If you had come you would know it just ended" she's clearly annoyed by what i just said, her eyes spitting fire everywhere.
"Y/n what do you need? Miss Olsen and i were about to leave" the coach intervenes.
God shut up man.
"I could kindly talk a few seconds with the professor? You knows it's about women's things" i tell him.
"Oh-uhm okay, i'll wait for you in the taxi outside beautiful" he says to Lizzie giving her a kiss on the hand, she looks visibly uncomfortable with this situation while i watch every move making sure that this cringe man doesn't exaggerates with his galanterie.
After he leaves the hotel, me and her are left alone.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" she whispers pissed off
"Do you really go dressed like that?" i ask her
"What? Why are you asking me that?" she looks at me confused
"Well ... maybe that's a bit too much for a formal dinner with colleagues isn't it? And then you don't know him, he could be a serial maniac and well-uhm-" i'm delighted to look at her, and i admit, my eyes do nothing but fall back on her legs and on the neckline of her breasts.
God she's so fucking beautiful.
"Eyes on me y/n"
Shit.
Lizzie's look:
"What exactly do you want y / n?" she impatiently insists
"Don't go please, stay here with me so we can talk, you know i'd like to tell you something that's really important" i beg her, but once again her face is painted with discomfort.
Why is she embarrassed when she's with me?
"Please don't start again, i just asked you to let me live a night in peace"
"I want you with me" i try to get close to her but she walks away
"Goodnight y/n" and once again, she runs away from me taking my heart with her.
What's happening to us?
Just as we were getting closer, she decides to push me away.
I would like to scream at her how much i love her, that i hate seeing her with another man, i hate the idea that he can touch her like i can't, i want to hold her close to me, protect her and take care of her, but she won't let me do that.
She doesn't let herself go, she doesn't want to get lost in my arms and this hurts me.
An all-too-familiar feeling creeps into my stomach, something i haven't felt since i met Lizzie, the last time it happened after my breakup with Aubrey.
I have to resist, i cannot relapse.
I pick up the phone and press the first phone number i find, and not even to do it on purpose, i call the only person who perhaps at this moment can help me
"Hey sweetie"
"Hi Hailee, are you in your room?" a pang in my stomach tortures me
"Uhm, yes, i would soon be in your room. Hey is everything okay?" she asks in a worried tone
"Uhm yes but here - i'm not very hungry, you want to stay here and have a drink, i think there is a bar here in the hotel" i propose hoping not to be suspicious
"Do you want to drink without eating anything? Y/n is not healthy"
"Please Lee, i just need you and some alcool"
"Okay i'm on my way, but i don't believe you, i feel that something happened and in one way or another i'll make you eat something" she says hanging up on the phone.
I hope i haven't disappointed her, lately it seems to me to be good only in this.
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1
2
3
One after one,
without interruption,
my chest burns,
my head is spinning,
but i don't want to stop i don't want to think about her.
When will this pain end?
....................................................................................
A/N
Hey guyssssss
How are you?
I know, you are running out of patience thinking nothing will ever happen,
but trust me trust the process.
Nothing is by chance.
Maybe something could happen in the next chapter
Who knows 🤷🏻♀️👀
See you in the next chapter
Love y'll🤍