Blake
I roll over and see Axel fast asleep next to me. He's been staying over more and more these days. The first time we slept together was a few weeks ago after the concert we all went to. I went back to his place with him and we couldn't keep our hands off of each other in the Uber. By the time we got to his apartment, we were already stripping each other down naked and he carried me to his room.
The sex was amazing, mind blowing even. I had multiple orgasms which hit a hell of a lot different than my vibrator at home. He was gentle at first but once I told him not to hold back he fucked me until I could practically see stars and then some. After that we would find any way to see each other and screw like we were some young high school couple.
Things have been nice with him, easy even. We get along great and have so much fun together. There's never a dull moment or any awkwardness which I was nervous about the morning after we slept together for the first time. But, I constantly find myself thinking about Ryder. Even when Axl's screwing me, Ryder will come to mind and I'll feel guilty.
He told me at the pizzeria a few weeks ago that Callan and him are basically fuck buddies. I cringed at the thought of them together because she's so beautiful and has such a great personality, like how can he not have feelings for her?
Then here I am dating one of his close friends and sleeping with him, yet he's still on the back of my mind. I wonder if he ever thinks about me or if it ever bothers him when he sees Axel and I together. If it did, I would never know because he always has such a passive look on his handsome face. I was shocked when he asked me if Axel and I had slept together. We hadn't then and it was such a blunt question but I swear I saw relief in his eyes when I had said no. Too bad that didn't last long.
It's Saturday night and I'm staying in tonight, I've been drinking wine and binging Sons of Anarchy because two words; Jax Teller. I'm digging into a bowl of popcorn when there's a knock at my front door and I jump, feeling startled. I look over and wait for them to knock again to make sure I wasn't just hearing things, and sure enough there's another knock. I stand and slowly walk over, look through the peephole and see who's out there.
I pull back, unlocking the door and then open it "Ryder?" he's standing there with a backwards baseball hat on, a black sweater and jeans.
"Can I come in?" he asks.
I step aside and close the door "How do you know where I live?" I ask.
"Axel told me" I nod because that makes sense.
"What are you doing here?" I look over at the clock and see that it's ten.
He paces in the living room in front of me "I love Axel, he's one of my closest and dearest friends so I know how fucked this is but Blake..." he looks at me with so much pain in his eyes "I fucking miss you so much it kills me. Seeing the two of you together only pours salt on the wound" he admits and I stand there speechless.
"Why haven't you said anything before now? To him at least. Why wait?" I cross my arms over my chest.
"Because I thought it would be fine... that I could handle it. I wanted you to be happy and for him to be as well, I didn't think it through all the way"
"We haven't even talked about what happened with us" I say.
"I know" I take a seat on the couch and pat the spot next to me.
"So let's start there then?" he nods and walks over, plopping down.
"I was a wreck when you left Blue, I hated myself so much for that night. But at the same time I understood why... I just wished you didn't cut me off"
His words hit a deep spot on my heart "I thought cutting all of you off was the best way to move forward. That talking to you or being around you guys would just make me relive that night and I wouldn't be able to heal, but I was wrong. It took me time to realize that I made the worse decision and by then I thought it was too late to reach out"
"It would never have been too late... it still isn't" he says with so much sadness in his emerald eyes.
"That night broke me Ryder, in more ways than one. All of the decisions I made were because I thought I was doing the right thing. It took me a lot of time to heal and process it all and I haven't been the same since. I'm sorry for cutting you off and hurting you" I say as tears fall down my cheeks.
"Don't apologize Blue, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being such an asshole that night and pushing you away. For what I did after our fight and for not trying harder when you left"
"I guess we both have a lot to be sorry about" I say with a little laugh and wipe my eyes.
"God, you look good Blake... better than ever. I'm so in awe of the strength you have and how far you've come. I admire you" he admits.
"Thank you Ry, it took time and a lot of therapy but I'm grateful for it"
"I'm happy we did this and can close that chapter" I nod.
"Me too, we needed it" he smiles and the pain that was once there fizzles away.
"I've tried so hard to get over you, through the years. But no one compared and then you show up out of nowhere and I saw you for the first time in years and my body went through all of the same motions it did when we were together. It's like no matter how hard I try, you're the only one for me"
"Ryder..." I start but he stops me.
"No Blue listen, you're my end game and I've always known that. I want you just as much as I did six years ago. But I also can't expect you to want or feel the same way I do and I'm okay with that. If you want to keep pursuing Axel then do it, I won't stop you or hate either of you for it. If you want to take time to figure out it then go ahead, just know I'm here and I'm not going anywhere" he looks deep into my eyes and says this; I believe every word.
"Okay" is all I'm able to say to that.
He leans over and gently kisses my cheek "I'll go, enjoy your night Blue" I sit frozen in place as he walks out the door.
Eventually I stand up to lock it behind him but I'm in such a daze after what just happened. I end up finishing the bottle of wine I had opened and passing out on the couch. I wake up around three and turn everything off and then head to my room and knock out.
The days pass by and I haven't seen or heard from Ryder since he came over. I've been texting Axel but we haven't seen each other either because we've both been really busy. I got a text from Stone yesterday telling me he'll be in town today for a couple days, asking if he can crash on my couch and of course I give him a thumbs up. When I get home from work, I clean up around the apartment and grab some groceries from the store to stock up on some his favorites.
He shows up around six and I practically tackle him in the doorway when he walks inside "Jesus Lake" he says as he catches his balance.
"Sorry, I just missed you" I back off as he sets his bag down.
"This place is nice" he says and looks around.
"Thanks, I love it so far and it's right next to a bunch of cool bars and restaurants" I add.
"Let's go out tonight, get some food and a cold beer" he says.
"Sounds good, want to shower? and I'll get ready" he nods.
I show him to the bathroom and grab him a fresh towel. I close the door, leaving him be and then I head to my room to change. I throw my hair into a cute, high ponytail and pull some strands of hair out and then I put on some makeup. I grab my favorite blue body sleeve and a pair of loose fitted jeans and some sandals. When he's finished, he gets dressed and we walk around the corner to the nearest restaurant.
We choose a table on the patio and order some drinks "You look good Lake, I'm happy to see you back to.... you again" I smile.
"Thanks, I love it here and always have. I just needed to get away for a bit to appreciate it all over again"
"How's the job? You like being a professor?" I nod.
"I love it, I have three classes and the students are all pretty cool. My weekends get filled with grading sometimes but I have a TA who helps out"
"I'm proud of you sis" he reaches over and lightly squeezes my hand.
We continue talking and catching up more, he tells me about a girl he's been seeing and I drill him on her. We order our foods and enjoy each other's company. I ask all about the competition he's in town for and we talk and enjoy our delicious meal. Afterwards he pays and we walk down the street to a bar, where a live band is playing. He gets us drinks from the bar and I snag us a high top. I pull my phone out and send Axel and Ryder a text, inviting them to meet up wit us.
Neither one of them respond so I shove my phone away and enjoy time with Stone. We end up back at my apartment later on and watch movies. Around eleven there's a knock at my door and I walk over to answer it "Ryder..." I say and I see Stone straighten out of the corner of my eye.
"Hey, sorry I didn't text back. We had a late practice tonight"
"Oh, that's fine" he looks behind me and sees Stone.
"Who's in there?" he asks defensively.
"My brother's in town, I said it in the message" he nods.
"Sorry" I step aside.
"Come in" he walks in and my brother instantly stands.
Ryder walks over and introduces himself "So you're the infamous ex" Stone says.
I walk over and feel the tension between the two, Ryder scratches the back of his neck "Yeah, I guess so" he says.
"It's a shame we didn't get to meet each other before... it would have been nice under better circumstances" Stone takes a seat back on the couch.
"I agree, but I'm happy to have the chance now" Ryder adds and sits in the chair adjacent to him while I sit next to Stone.
"Ryder and I have let bygones be bygones. We're friends" I say to lighten the mood.
Stone gives me a curious look "You're dating one of his friends.. how does that work?"
"First off, Axel and I are not serious. We're just hanging out and second it work because we're all friends and on the same page"
He laughs "You're in over your head Blake" he says.
"You don't need to be a dick Stone" I say defensively.
"I'm not trying to be" his expression softens "But trust me when I say this will not end up how you want it to"
"And how's that?" Ryder chimes in "Since you're the expert in all" Stone glares at him.
"You're clearly still in love her and I can imagine it's not fun to see your best buddy with her"
"We're making it work" is all Ryder says and Stone grins, so proud of himself.
"Well this is not how I expected this to go..." I say and sit back.
The tension fizzles out as the two of them talk sports and surfing. They end up getting along great, just like I had always imagined. Before it gets too late Stone's knocked out on the couch and I walk Ryder out. We step into the hallway so I don't wake up the sleeping beast.
"This was fun, I'm glad I had the chance to finally meet him" he says.
"Me too, I'm happy it shifted to something good. I do have a question... when he insinuated that you were still "in love" with me, you didn't deny it but we also never said those words to each other"
"That night it all happened... you fell asleep in my arms when you were finally able to calm down. It was the first and only time I ever said those words to you and I didn't expect you to hear them or remember. That was one of my biggest regrets... not saying them sooner" he admits.
"You loved me?" I ask sounding shocked.
"Don't sound so surprised Blake, I was head over heels in love with you"
"I... I didn't know. The crazy thing is I knew I loved you long before that and never said it either"
"He also, wasn't wrong because I still love you, after all of this time I do. There hasn't been a day that's passed by when I haven't which is why I haven't dated anyone else"
"Ryder I don't know what to say...." he stops me.
"You don't have to say anything Blue, just know it's how I feel" he leans in and kisses my cheek "Good night" is the last thing he says before walking off.
This is the second time he's left me standing alone, speechless.