Authors note
I usually put one singular point of view of the character the chapter is going to be in (which is usually and by default *brielle or milan*. for this one it's both Monnika and Brielle. when I was originally writing this, I was alternating between whose point of view would help move the story forward best...and I could only settle on the two people listed above. I typically don't like switching point of view in the same chapter for some reason but in this case, I feel like I had to alternate between monika and Brielle. (I feel like when I brainstormed monika she's intended to be more of thinker before she ultimately acts and be very perceptive about things and those around her but will take long periods of time if needed before she speaks *she believes in their being a right time for everything including speaking* . She'll often notice things others won't, which Is why I want to use her for this. but at the same time I know I'd get a little bored with her because again, shes not someone whos usually impulsive so their wont be much action as far as movement on her part. *don't get me wrong I still feel like shes essentenial.*
Basically what I'm saying is, if kept this chapter in monikas point of view, it would be a short chapter and I absoluteky do not like making super short chapters for people who read my content T_T which is why Brielle will come in later. so again...sorry for switching point of views in the same chapter ! but I hope you guys can understand where im coming from and enjoy it either way.
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Monnika
A cluster of light but audible knocks could be heard at the front of our door. My coffee cup freezes just shy of my lips as I give my watch a glance.
Occasionally this time on Saturday, I don't expect visitors. Instead, I'd be forcing myself to relax from doing work because if I didn't, Jenny would hassle me to do so. In which I inevitably would end up doing it or she'd berate me about her concern of over working myself.; a bitter sweet trait of hers. However, this morning, I had no issue relaxing, even going so far as cooking breakfast and making coffee. All whilist Jenny Happily fed Eli some of the food brielle gave us to for his stay; Which to my suprrise, based on knocks at the door, may have been coming to an end.
I had to assume this since Brielle didn't give us an exact time she'd be over. She simply said "Ill be back in the morning"
"Think that's mommy?" Jenny says lightly tickling Eli's neck.
"Possibly." I say giving my black coffee a sip before setting the cup down. "I'll get the door."
As I stand, Eli's big brown eyes watch me intently. Normal for someone as inquisitive at his age. out of force of habit ive reclaimed since I assumed id have to abandon when milan grew up, I gently pinch his chubby cheeks. It earns me a joyus coo that makes Jenny laugh. a smile forms faintly across my lips.
I didn't realize how much I missed having a child around until Brielle left Eli in our care. It was if everything I'd crammed myself to learn when I officially got custody of Milan resurfaced from the back of my mind. I wouldn't say I was a guru as far as proper child care but i did feel comfortable bathing, feeding, a rocking Eli to sleep.
The second I open my front door, I of course expect to see Brielle. And I do. But a vaguely familiar scent brushes past me.
Bergamot, light vanilla, and...pineapple?
It teeters closer to the edge of masculine but not entirely.
The smell isn't bad, but more so striking. To the point where I pause and zone out into my thoughts; in attempt to connect the dots to where I may of exactly smelled such a scent. All while brielle speaks in a rushed tone.
"I'm sorry Monnika. I woke up this morning and realized I didn't even tell you what time I was gonna come by to pick up Eli."
I can hear Brielle speak and naturally I want to respond. But im perplexed by her new...perfume. It doesn't overpower. It just tugs at my memory, nags at it as if tryng to pull to something that I cant quite put my finger on.
Either way my pause and lack of response makes appears to make Brielle self concious. To the point where she nervously reaches up for her noticeably wavy hair before patting down her dress with a free hand; since the other one is holding a bag. From the label, from a local CVS mart.
"Im sorry. I know I look ridiculous but I swear as soon as I woke up I got dessed and hopped in a cab. I would have came sooner but I had a little stop. The store near you guys opens up much earlier than the one near me.
But I made it over here as fast as I could-"
"Brielle." I say cutting her nervous banter short. "Everything's fine. It's not anyone's fault. Neither of us were clear of a pick time when Eli was dropped off. And even had it been a case Im aware of how late Tereza tends to be out when she parties. Also, You look fine."
And I meant it. Sure, she looked a little hurried. Like she rolled out of whatever bed she was in and rushed over.
Although she did make a pit stop as she mentioned.
My eyes drop to the small plastic bag in her hand.
It must of been important if she had to go before picking up Eli.
But is none of my concern as long as shes safe.
"Come inside, we were just having breakfast." I step to the side allowing her entry.
She gives me an appreciative smile before walking further in.
Ironically just as I close the door behind us jenny comes out the arch way with Eli hoisted on her hip.
"look! its mama!"
Eli, I noticed tended to by default enjoy the jovial tone of jennys voice. His eyes tended to follow the sound of her voice when she spoke to him in such a way an sometimes gave a smile.
However at the sight of Brielle, his light brown eyes seemed to widen before giving her a gummy smile with a gleeful squeal. A sign that he's officially able to recognize who Brielle was. She sets her plastic bag down with a smile and reaches for him.
"Just the guy I've been dying to see!"
The gleeful squeals grow louder as she draws closer up until Jenny places him in Brielle's grasp.
She delivers bundles of kisses on his chubby cheeks. Eli's laughs echo throughout the hosue.
"He was amazing,"Jenny tells her one the laughs quiet down. She gives the back of his dark curly head a gentle caress .
"Im glad to hear that. I know he can be a handful. especially when it's time for bed." Brielle smiles. "It was difficult for me to be ok with it, but I appreciate you guys giving me a night out."
"A night out? as in one?" Jenny brows quirks.
"Brielle, we've gone over this," I shake my head, approaching her. "If ever need a sitter and jenny and i-"
"- or even a ether of us individually," Jenny adds.
I nod in agreement. "-are available, we'll watch him for you. whether you need a moments rest or just need a sitter for whatever reason."
Even though Brielle's lips clamp shut, I can see from the slight moisture in her eyes that she appreciates the gesture.
Brielle always makes sure to give thanks when due, I've come to know that in the time ive known her. But theirs something about the way she keeps becoming emotional at the reassurance of help. It makes me think that she might not in fact be getting support from her family. Even though that's what she told jenny. But I wouldn't put it past Brielle not to placate jenny; since she worried easily.
Admittedly I rather people be up front with what they need. But at the same time I found myself wanting to be patient and understanding with Brielle. Much like I wished I'd been with Erika when she'd been spiraling.
"Anyway, you guys should rest up." I adivse.
Brielle nods, "you'll get no argument from me. We have a few more 'early start daycares' to look into in the next coming days. I'm sure I'll decide before it's time for me to come back."
O..oh.
It wasn't as if I'd completely forgotten Brielle worked at the shop. not at all. She was a wonderful employee even on days when she didn't feel her best. So I had no issue admitting During her maternity leave, her absence was felt. I wanted her back But also, I wanted her to take as much time with her child as much as she needed. For both of them to adjust.
"Brielle, if you need an extra week or two-"
"nuh-uh," She shakes her head. "as much as I love spending time with my little roommate here, I also enjoy the work I do for you guys. I know he comes first, of course. But I want to make sure I'm supporting us, you know?"
In response I give her a weak smile before nodding.
Jenny and I say our goodbyes to both Brielle and Eli. Their cab comes up in front of our town house but we make sure to wait until they're safely inside. We wait until The car disappears down the street before turning toward the east side of the city before tuning back into our home.
"O-oh!" Jenny gasps, once we enter the entry way of our home. she stops for a moment in place, before walking to the plastic bag with the cvs logo on it. "Looks like Brielle forgot her things."
"Not suprising," I say approaching her side,"she was so focused on Eli."
"I...yeah. I can imagine." Jenny trails off. although despite her response, I can tell shes not actualy listening to me.
A common practice when something has caught my wife's attention. In other situations, id be silently concerned since ive grown use to jennys infatuation and ability to give me her undivided attention when we speak with one another. But now, at this moment, I can see what has her distracted. she's picked up Brielle's bag by one plastic handle, leaving it open. Her eyes are locked at its contents.
Usually I respect others privacy, but in this case im more than curious and peak over my wife's shoulder. My eyes zero in at the sight.
In the plastic CVS bag, contains a very visibile container of 'Morning after' Pills.
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Brielle
I had to applaud myself partially. And I do mean partially.
My ability to perform my motherly duties (which, let's be real, is by default what I'm supposed to do) while managing a hangover and baby boy without faltering was impressing even me. But I did pull an idiot move leaving my morning after pills at Jenny and Monnika's house. (Which I hadn't noticed until Jenny texted me just as the cab I was in pulled up To my apartment). I on top of already being exhausted after this morning and wanting to relax at home, I was a little embarrassed at the possibility of them seeing what was inside that bag I didn't want to face them; so
I just relented and paid for one of those personal shoppers to pick another container up for me along with some other groceries.
A huge part of me was concerned about what Jenny and Monnika would think. Even if They may of seen what was in the bag...they didn't know who was the exact cause of why I needed it in the first place.
And just like that, while Eli was occupied with a the animated show catered to babies on our television, I sat on the couch while getting lost in my thoughts; my mind drifting back to last night.
To seeing seeing Milan.
To the murky memory of he and I in his steamy shower.
I have to assume milan cleaned me up after our...adventure. when I woke up i felt...clean. Not to mention my hair tends to get wavy after its been drenched in water.
I don't have much memory after hitting a toe curling climax that made me fall into a deep sleep. But I'll probably always remember waking up at the crack of dawn nestled comfortably in Milan's bed...with his arm slung over me as he slept. The sight of him sleeping peacefully with his hair cascading down his back; for some reason I felt a heavy weight in my chest gawking at him like this. I had to force myself to look awake and focus on leaving before he asked me to leave first.
I bite my lip at the memory.
Before last night I never felt such an overwhelming emotion to reach out and delicately touch a man -not even with Quinn,Eli's father. I never felt the urge to kiss a guy like I'd done with Milan.
That's right...that kiss.
I reach up, the tips of my fingers grazes my lips.
Being forward with men wasn't foreign with me, even with Quinn. I was use to being upfront l with what I want and who I wanted to do it with. sometimes that involved me making the first move, which again, I was fine with. But this time even though I didn't mind (as far as kissing) It made me feel a little shy inside remembering Milan's kiss. It almost made me...hungry. Hungry or more.
Perhaps I should have indulged in one before I got if his bed and found my clothes around his loft and ran out.
Actually, no...
I shake my head.
Enough had happened between us for one night.
I rember fragments of last night, and while recalling my boldness with Milan made me feel things, I cant say that I was just speaking cause tipsy. My drinking just opened the flood gates of my vulnerability and the words that poured out where thoughts and feelings I'd been trying to avoid; Me being annoyed with him avoidng coming by for weeks. Yes shift in his approach and tone toward me, all of it.
I needed to be sober and of clear mind when walking forward with..whatever it was we were doing. The fact that I let him cum inside me without protection is proof of it. I'd let my emotions run free last night with milan and it nearly cost me being impregnanted again, and possibly raising a child on my lonesome..again.
My eyes fall to Eli who's sitting in his safari themed 'bounce and glide activity' walker, while fiddling with the one of the toys on the tray.
I wanted to have fun...but also I didn't want to be careless or even hurt Eli in the process by making careless mistakes. Messing with Milan wsa fun. Being emotional open with what I wanted felt somewhere torn between scary and liberating. However, at the end of the day I needed to be careful with what I was doing.
Milan was simply someone who I was accustomed to, who my body reacted to. And maybe eventually he and I would talk more anout about this. But right I bet he'd likely put some space between us after last night. Being fickle with his attendance in peoples lives was common occurrence as I'd been told and moderately experienced.
I just had to wait until he eventually texted me on his own time and-
Loud knocks echo thorguout my apartment, starlting me up from the couch to my feet.
My eyes drop to Eli as if sillily expecting him to look at me and say hes expecting visitors. But the child attention span has shifted from his toys again. He's not back and lost in his own world of watching the colorul content an music of wonder pets playing on the television.
Not the least bit suprising.
I'm sure it's not a figment of my imagination, so slowly I walk toward the door to see who it is. Just as im an inch away from reaching out and unlocking the door to pull it open, a familiar voice calls.
"Elle, I Know you're home. we need to talk."
My stomach becomes consumed in the two feelings of fluttering with butterflies, and being twisted into anxious knots.
It was Milan.
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I coach and sooth myself with words of motivation before opening the door. only when I do it all suddenly goes out the window the second I lock eyes with milans noticeably heavy lidded ones.
"Good Morning." I greet after a pause, giving him a crooked smile.
Milan doesn't smile back. His skin is its usual smooth and enviably blemish free, aside from the faint circles beneath his eyes. A sign that he hasn't gotten a full moments of pleasant sleep. his expredssion remains lazy, unimpressed with an added quirk of his brow.
"Seriously? You leave without saying a thing this mornig and that's all you have for me? I've had the furthest thing from a good morning. "
God....I thought I'd have more time. Why did he have to chose now to be someone who took on things head first?
I both didn't want to talk about this is now. But at the same time wanted to get it over with. I just didn't know how to navigate through this properly without reacting too emotional.
"What do you want me to say, Milan ?" I shrug lightly.
"I dunno? Maybe you could have woke me up?"
Despite him wording it as a question, his tone suggestions it as if it's the most obvious thing one should do when falling in such a predicament like ours.
But it's not that simple.
"I had to go."I explain. "I had to pick Eli up from your aunts house."
"And I would have understood that had you woken me up, Elle." He ays stepping forward, his tone hushed. " I wouldn't have had an issue driving you-"
"Are you kidding me?" I laugh incredulously. "Pulling up at your aunts house, in your car- with you, in the same clothes I wore when I dropped Eli off would have raised questions. Especially with Monnika. I don't know if you forgot about my relationship with them. They're my mentors and bosses. what happened last night...it..."
I couldn't even bring myself to say it fully.
Not while looking milan in the eyes... or in his presence in general.
My mind feels all scrambled when deciphering How I should outwardly speak about last night. Whether it was safe to say what I really thought about it.
"Can I come in?" He asks. His tone as soft as his eyes are now while they peer mine. He grabs the fastening string holdng my dark grey robe together forward. "We need to clear all this up and I don't want their to be any confusion between us. We spent too long not talking as it is and it...didn't feel good for me."
My heart aches at his admission. But still I can't help but snap, "And that is not my fault."
"I know that," He nods. "Don't know if you remember but last night I admtied it was stupid of me avoiding you. we can go inside and talk about it more...about what we want to do about whatever this is happening between us."
"And You don't want to run off and avoid me instead??" I ask cautiously, my eyes searching his.
I expected something witty or maybe a little snarky in response. While I wouldn't deny ID likely laugh, it would have also made it apparent for me that he wasn't too serious. I just needed Something that would have shown me what a bad idea it would have been to engage in this.
But Instead Milan, in all seriousness, shakes his head, and gives me a response that packs a punch in all its simplicity,
"I'm Standing right here, Elle."