In retrospect, it was insulting. Cale had not pretended to hold feelings for Alver. She'd only shown some hesitation in watching him depart. That was very much not the same thing as holding onto ill-conceived feelings for him.
His request to stop pretending to have feelings was entirely inappropriate at that juncture.
As she had done so many times before, Cale attempted to mend her wounded heart with pride. The medicine she'd chosen never really healed the underlying pain but she simply didn't know of another way.
That was the trouble now.
It was easy to put up a front before his majesty. To become consumed with her own feelings of bitter dissatisfaction and lash out without a second thought.
Penelope was different.
Cale hesitated outside of her daughter's door.
Penelope had appeared so distressed when she left. Cale couldn't say what exactly had caused it among the cacophony of events of late. Really, there was just too much that had happened lately for there to be a single simple reason for Penelope's distress. It was a miracle that she wasn't even more distressed than she was.
Even in the best of circumstances, sudden changes in the environment can scare children. Cale knew that just as well as she should. The Henituse estate would certainly have been an adjustment after living in the palace. Beyond that, the travel on the way here could have distressed her as well.
But this wasn't the best of circumstances. Cale had nearly been killed, Penelope had been exposed to her parents fighting near constantly, Penelope had almost been kidnapped, and now she'd witnessed something that led her to believe that Alver was disloyal.
Cale didn't for one moment doubt the veracity of Penelope's statement. Her daughter would never lie to her, especially not about something like that, but it was quite possible for her four year old daughter to misunderstand a situation.
It wasn't that she trusted Alver's explanation, at least not until he'd sworn it to the god of death, but well... it did appear to be unlikely that Penelope's words, although honest, were in fact true.
Now that Cale had the time to calm down and think clearly, there really was no evidence of Alver ever behaving disloyally. And if he'd been so careful about it up until now, why would he suddenly grow sloppy?
Of course, there was almost the potential that he was just too passionate about her to care but Cale was trying to hide it but Cale was trying not to think about things that filled her with so much irrational rage that she was unable to think clearly.
Regardless of the matter with Alver, Penelope had left in a state of distress and Cale set aside all of her complicated feelings for him.
Cale didn't have her pride to fall back on and she knew that she held some fault in Penelope's current unhappiness. The things she'd said in front of Penelope...
Cale swallowed thickly.
Sorry wasn't a word that came easily to her. Of course she'd apologized to her daughter before and meant it but Cale wasn't a person who let go of her pride. She felt remorse for what she'd done but there were just so many other complicated feelings. And the emotion she hated most of all was present too.
Cale was aware that no parent, no matter how angelic the child, could go forever without giving the child some form of reprisal. Whether it was fire is hot, don't touch it or don't tell lies there were countless ways that parents had to offer somewhat strict guidance to their children. She had been lucky that Penelope required very little reprisal and so, Cale never had to deal with this nasty feeling in her gut.
The one that felt a need to teach her child better. To spend precious time together on a lecture or a lesson. Cale hated it. But normally when she dealt with that nasty feeling it had to do with a legitimate problem, fire is hot and whatnot, Cale couldn't actually think of a way that Penelope was at fault.
So it puzzled her that her gut told her that Penelope was wrong and needed some sense talked into her.
What exactly had Penelope done wrong? She'd misunderstood a situation and tried to warn her mother. There was no sin there. Was Cale really so prideful that she couldn't endure the mortification of having lost her composure without placing the blame on another?
Was that truly the reason? Was she blaming Penelope for her own faults? Was she that horrible of a mother?
Cale's hand trembled as she knocked tentatively at the girl's door.
It did nothing for Cale's nerves that she was the one who answered the door.
Deep onyx eyes bored into Cale's patiently with the patented expression of a guard on duty. "The princess is resting now." The guard held open the door for Cale, her voice low. Cale was granted the relieving sight of Penelope curled up on the bed.
Cale turned to look at the guard coldly. "You're dismissed."
"I am here to guard the princess." The guard stood stiffly. "I will wait outside."
'Stubborn bitch.' Cale clenched her fists but let it go for now. An overabundance of caution with guards was probably in their best interests after everything that had happened. Even if this particular guard made her skin crawl. It wasn't worth getting into a fight. Not when she still hadn't checked in on Penelope's state.
Besides, she really wasn't sure she could keep her temper.
When the guard granted them privacy, Cale sat down at Penelope's side and brushed hair from her face. Cale's heart twisted up into a mess and she closed her eyes as she tried not to succumb to the internal chaos. "...I'm sorry, Penny." She kissed Penelope's forehead gently.
This innocent and sweet child only had Cale to depend upon and she'd shaken that dependability with her fired up temper. It felt so foolish in retrospect. Why couldn't she just keep her calm? What did it matter to her what Alver had or hadn't done? Her priority should have been checking on Penelope's state of mind, not avenging her.
Even now she couldn't calm down at the thought. Alver touching someone else... Cale stowed away the miserable rumination and wished that Penelope was awake so that she could be of some distraction from these spiraling thoughts–
Penelope's eye twitched.
Cale took a closer look at her daughter and frowned. Upon closer inspection it was obvious. Cale had seen her daughter sleep countless times, she ought to have recognized the child feigning sleep immediately.
Her heart ached terribly. How distracted was she? Maybe in a better state of mind, she would have teased her daughter's failing attempt to fake sleep and bundle her up in a hug in a world just for the two of them. But Cale's worst insecurities had returned.
...was this how badly her daughter didn't want to see her...? Had she ruined things so badly that Penelope didn't want to spend time with her at all?
Indignant anger built up inside of her. It was Alver's fault. He was the reason that Penelope didn't want to see her. He was the reason that she was hurting so terribly. He was the one who accused her of pretending when she wasn't–
Cale knew what it was like for people to believe her lies. That was how she led her life. She had also experienced others being unconvinced by her dishonesty. But to have someone disbelieve her sincerity... it ached.
She clenched her fists in her lap. He claimed he wasn't planning to take Penelope but how could she believe that? After everything he'd done, everything he'd said– and now, Penelope wouldn't look at her. The manipulative dirtbag was turning her own daughter against her.
Cale closed her eyes, attempting to quell her anger at least for the sake of remaining in Penelope's presence.
...was there any point in that...?
Penelope didn't want her here. She was putting all of her strength into patiently 'sleeping' so that Cale would get bored and leave.
No one wanted her.
She could laugh until her throat was raw. It was funny to realize that all over again while within the walls of the Henituse estate.
'I need a drink.'
Cale pet Penelope's hair gently, kissing her forehead just once more before standing. "Sleep well, pumpkin."
Penelope peeked open her eyes when she heard her mother depart, guilt filling her gut but she didn't have a choice.
She still hadn't worked out an appropriate plan to deal with the impending doom. For the time being, she needed time to think and plan.
"Choi Han." Penelope said the name coldly as the guard reentered the room. "Bring me Bassen Henituse."
No matter what she decided, she needed to act decisively. She couldn't afford hesitation when their lives hung in the balance.
If Penelope had any real fault of character it was that she was hasty. When the pressure of death hung over her, she flinched at the scythes grazing and stuck to irrational thinking even more fervently than before.
She'd just have to force her current plan to work.
–
Alver Crossman was not having a good time.
His long-awaited vacation with his family had been fraught with problems cascading one after another.
It had just started with his adorable daughter making an angelic request to meet with her maternal family. Alver ought to have arranged for them to teleport to the territory but traveling by carriage had just seemed like such a good idea at the time.
He wasn't sure it was possible for him to regret any one decision he'd made in his life quite as much as he regretted this one.
The time together allowed him to make the monumental mistake of misunderstanding Cale's behavior towards their daughter and making that ill-conceived threat. The incident in Puzzle City that remained unsolved and nearly resulted in Cale's death. The horrible incident where Penelope had nearly been kidnapped by bandits.
The emotional rollercoaster of all of those events. His realization that he was, in fact, in love with his wife alongside the realization that she would probably be happy to see him dead.
And now, as the terrible cherry on top of everything, his wife and daughter thought he was unfaithful.
Alver had never so much as looked at another person romantically. Not even before he'd been married to Cale but most especially afterwards. She had consumed all of his focus for years now and he had absolutely no ability to tear his gaze away, even if he had wanted to.
Aside from his actual inability to think about anyone else when Cale was at his side, there was his own personal code of ethics which did not include keeping around multiple partners. It was acceptable within the Roan Kingdom for the king to have more than one queen and even some concubines but Alver had no intention of following such a tradition.
He had one queen and that was all he ever wanted.
It would be inaccurate to say that Alver didn't feel wronged by the accusation, but his feeling of indignity wasn't the one that consumed his thoughts so thoroughly.
Just how terrible was their impression of him?
Cale had accused him of wanting Penelope to die only a few days ago.
Penelope wore her contempt for him on his sleeve.
He knew that he wasn't a perfect husband or father, not by a long shot, but how had their opinions of him spiraled into such extreme misunderstandings? No matter how flawed he was as a father, he would never want anything horrible to happen to Penelope and he had always strove to protect her safety and happiness. No matter how wretched of a husband he was, he would have never had an affair.
Just what had he done to give them such a wretched impression of him?
Penelope was only four years old so it was easy to place the blame on an adult whispering in her ear but he'd already made that mistake once and he didn't want to tredge down that thorny road again. Cale was hot headed and cruel but she had never once been stupid. She was sometimes perceptive enough to scare him.
So he had to have done something to cause them to believe he was that terrible, right?
Yet, no matter how he reflected over his life he couldn't think of a single moment where he expressed aggression towards Penelope or behaved in a way that could be perceived as unfaithful. Was it just that they viewed his overall character as the absolute worst and thus they were willing to believe anything about him?
He knew that he wasn't as present within Penelope's life as he should have been. Was it the distance between them?
Alver felt yet another headache coming on as he wracked his brain for clues.
He'd already accepted that his family would never love him or want him, as painful as that had been to swallow, but to have them view him as a murderous filanderer on top of everything was simply too much.
The trouble was, if he wanted to make amends for his mistakes, he would need to figure out what mistakes he had made. A difficult task considering that much of his daughter's hatred came from a set of future events laid out by an unreliable narrator. As for his wife, Cale had always been a complicated person to understand.
Alver rubbed his temples as his thoughts circled around the recent events miserably.
...did Cale suspect him of being behind the incident in Puzzle City? His gut wrenched at the idea.
That would certainly do something to explain the rancid accusation that he wanted Penelope dead. If she thought he was already trying to kill his wife her opinion was already low enough that she would think he would hurt Penelope.
But how had her opinion of him become so horrid?
Alver felt a rising indignity before his thoughts lingered on that miserable evening in the forest. The moment he'd accused her of being the one to hurt Penelope. When he believed in all his heart that she was a danger to his daughter and acted accordingly.
...how had his own opinion of her deteriorated to such an extent?
He hadn't married her thinking that she was a terrible person. He definitely wouldn't have left Penelope in her care all these years if he believed that.
It was all the small things.
Little issues over the years that built up upon one another until suddenly it wasn't difficult for him to believe something horrible about her.
Was it the same for her?
He wanted to defend himself. Cale had actually attempted to deceive him into believing that she was a bad person and all he'd done was believe her lies but... what did that say about his own behavior?
What was it about his behavior...?
He never tried to persuade her that he was a bad person and he didn't think that his actions were overly egregious. Deeply flawed but he'd always tried to be...
A knock disrupted his thoughts and he frowned, about to answer when the door opened without his consent.
The scent of alcohol was thick.
She stumbled into the room mindless of the complaints of the guards and kicked the door closed behind her, glaring at Alver through a haze of alcohol and hatred.
...was it terrible that he found her mesmerizing even now...?
"You–" She sneered the word, managing to convey all of her hatred for him in just one word.
Was she pretending to be drunk again? Her act was certainly convincing although he couldn't pinpoint her motivation. Now that he knew she was lying, it was always unnerving trying to learn her motivations–
Ah.
It hit him quite suddenly.
Cale was perceptive. Alarmingly so. How much had she perceived about him?
How much of his lies had she recognized as lies?
When your husband smiled and lied to your face, if you didn't know what he was lying about and why... what were you supposed to think?
Alver could think of a million lies he'd told with a smile. It came with his unique position. He was the king and he also had a need to conceal his heritage. Neither necessitated honesty to a person that he didn't trust.
Ah.
He loved her.
But had he ever trusted her?
Cale grabbed him by the collar as he approached, the unmistakable stench of wine on her breath as she forced him to look her in the eyes.
She had the most incredible reddish-brown eyes that could look right through him. Look right down, see his very soul, and still–
Hated everything that she saw there.
The raw pain of the thought was interrupted by her words.
"It's your fault–"
Her slurring was different than usual. Was she pretending to be drunk or was this how she sounded when she was actually drunk? If she wasn't drunk, why did she sound different?
"What's my fault?" He asked, wincing as she nearly headbutted him with the force she pressed their foreheads together so that she could glare at him.
"–what were you doing with her?"
"Her?" Did she mean Penelope? Or...?
"Don't pretend you don't know–why would Penny think if you didn't–" She hiccuped drunkenly and thoughts of trying to decipher whether she was actually drunk or not were replaced with the fresh indignation of the accusation.
"...I have no relationship with Penelope's guard." He said, attempting to disentangle himself from her grip. Unfortunately, he underestimated her strength and this time did receive a headbutt for trying to pull away.
"Ha–!" Cale barked out a laugh. "Is that your type then? Stoic bastards? How–"
"Stop." Alver closed his eyes. He tried to pull away and Cale responded by pushing him up against a wall, sending something from a counter clattering to the ground.
"Stop avoiding my questions!" Cale nearly yelled, her piercing eyes filled with emotions and... tears? "It's your fault that she–" Cale choked up at the words, wretched drunken pain making her vision swim.
Alver opened her mouth and she didn't want to hear it. Whatever excuses or lies or pathetic attempts at playing nice–she hated it. She didn't want to hear it. She needed to shut him up.
She ought to punch him in the face. That would shut him up.
Her fists were busy pinning him to the wall though so that would pose a challenge to achieving her goal.
Alcohol was a lot stronger than she remembered. Her vision was blurring and the world felt like it was swaying on a boat and Alver was about to spout some shitty bullshit that she didn't want to hear but how could she punch him without fists?
Fuck it. She was resourceful. She didn't need fists.
Alver's eyes widened as Cale's lips collided with his own.