Word Count: 1976
~Kiva
I've made a decision. One I'm going to regret, but right now it feels right.
He's going to have to admit it. He's going to have to tell me to my face that he aligns with the rebels and that this entire time he has been lying right to my face.
I should be angry about this, and yet I'm so numb I don't know what to feel.
Ark's stare is unrelenting at training this morning.
We don't speak beyond his usual giving of instructions until I'm doing my cooling down stretches. He leans against the wall , looking down at me.
"I shouldn't have done that to you last night," he murmurs lowly.
I look up at him through my lashes coyly. "Done what?"
"You want to make me say it?" He glances toward the gym door, as if someone may materialise to hear it.
The problem is, I'm being destructive. And selfish.
If I confront Ark, he loses his job - as he should - and I never see him again. The problem is, I want more time with him, to understand what's going on before he decides to be less stubborn and admit what both of us know.
I sigh. "I agree. It won't happen again."
Now I know his intentions are unsavoury, I'm not going to make the mistake of falling into his bed again.
Even though I know last night was the best sex I will ever have in my life...
"My job is to protect you, and I abused my power with you. I apologise." He could put more effort into sounding genuine.
Both of us know that were we put into another intimate situation like that, what happened last night would happen again.
I stare at him. "You don't always have to have the power, you know?"
"Protecting you comes before everything," he exclaims lowly.
"Even a mate bond?"
He frowns a little, looking down at his hands. "That was the last thing I suspected."
Me too. I thought my mate was far from being within the castle walls. I thought he was an average citizen who got caught up in the rebellion, not some skilled mercenary.
"I'm a Princess. I can't be with you," I remind him coldly.
I don't want to be harsh, but what other choice do I have? For me to bear being around him, there is going to have to be distance between us.
"I know." Usually he challenges me, but that solemn look in his eyes suggests he knows it's pointless. "Trust me, I don't expect anything to come from this."
I roll my ankles around, preparing to start. "Good. Because a relationship needs trust, which we severely lack."
Ark frowns a little. Does he not understand what I'm alluding to?
"Like I said. I understand," he responds carefully.
I sigh, wandering over to the weapons rack. He seems apprehensive to tell me to do anything, which is interesting considering usually he would be scolding me for being late, or for allowing my mind to wander.
At least he can no longer tell me not to get off anymore, considering he is the main catalyst to all my progress coming to nothing.
Although personally I can't bring myself to regret last night.
"So we go on as normal?" I pick a dagger, turning it in my hands.
Ark draws in a breath. "For now."
I turn away from him, unable to bring myself to look into his eyes. It feels as though there is an unspoken subject between us that neither of us want to bring up first.
Ark isn't just my mate. He's also working for the rebellion, and he's met with me multiple times. We both know that, and yet it's like we cannot acknowledge it.
"You told me you had a mate," Ark says suddenly.
I blink, holding his gaze for a long moment while I scramble for an excuse. I could just accuse him of what we both know now, but I want it to be him who broaches the subject.
"I made it up," I say slowly, nearly wincing at how incriminating I sound.
"Why?"
"Frustration, I guess. I didn't think you would be my mate." I genuinely didn't. It never crossed my mind, and although I always felt a draw to Ark, I thought it was purely sexual...
I mean, could I ever love someone like Ark? Could he love me?
"So, what happens with Caspian?" he questions.
Something grips my stomach and tightens. I've tried not to think about Caspian and what I'm going to have to do. It's the last thing I want to face, even though I know I have to.
"I have a duty, Ark," I remind him, my voice barely above a whisper.
He nods. "Alright. I understand."
"Do you?" I quirk a brow, not convinced that he is so willing to concede when he's made plenty of comments about my relationship with Caspian.
He steps toward me, grabbing the dagger from my hands. He's back to wearing gloves, so when the leather brushes against my fingers, I find myself yearning for the feeling of his skin on mine again.
"Laps. Go on," he instructs, returning the dagger to the weapons rack.
I don't move, not wanting to drop this conversation just yet. "Were I not a Princess...Would you-"
"There is a lot I don't know, Kiva. What has transpired between us is not something I could have predicted. Having a mate - That's not a luxury I ever indulged. So now, I don't know what to do," he admits, not meeting my eyes.
That's similar to how I feel. I've always known that I could never be with my mate, so until I touched him the first night they broke in, I had always tried not to think about it.
"Why didn't you ever think about it?"
"My life has been difficult. Most days I just survive. That's not a life I want to bring another person into," he mutters.
I shouldn't, but I want to know as much about him as possible. It puts us both in danger, and yet I can't help myself.
"Why did you take this job, really?" Just admit it. Admit you want to tear down exactly what gives me power.
"Maybe I wanted to meet the infamous Princess," he muses, a lightness tinting his eyes, a sense of humour in his tone. "To confirm if the rumours are true."
I fold my arms over my chest, officially curious. "Rumours, what rumours?"
He looks over me with a thoughtful gaze. "About the beautiful girl stuck in her castle, protected by her father."
I nearly choke on a laugh. Really? I didn't think people put much thought into who I am and what I'm doing in this manor. I've never really experienced much in life, so I figured no one would ever find me interesting.
"That's what people think of me?"
"I figured it wasn't true. The moment I met you I knew you weren't some simpering fool. You will be able to protect yourself," he tells me honestly.
I would be flattered, if I didn't know what he is doing. "You're hiding behind this. Tell me about you, Ark. Who are your parents, where did you come from, what was it like growing up?"
His brows draw together as he considers my proposition for information.
All of a sudden, his gaze darkens and he becomes tense. "I lost my mother when I was young. My father lives on, somewhere far away."
"You don't keep contact?"
"He's not a good man. Sometimes I see too much of him in me and I get scared. It's easier to stay away," he tells me firmly. I get the feeling he doesn't want to delve into the history of his relationship with his father, which I can't blame him for.
I don't exactly like talking about my father much either.
"What made you become a hired killer?" I ask instead.
He shifts from foot to foot. "It was easy, almost expected when you come from my background. I was always angry, always fighting kids in my village. Once I was old enough, some rich man came to town and gave me more money than I've ever seen to hunt a small gang down for him that was burning his crops for fun."
"Is it hard to kill?" It's a question I've been curious about since I first met him, I just never have the courage to ask.
Or to hear the answer...
His eyes look vacant. "It was at first. Not so much anymore."
"That's terrifying," I whisper.
Even though I know he's a killer - now more than ever - I try not to think about it much. As long as I never have to witness it happening, I can ignore it.
"I'm not someone you want to get to know, Kiva," he exclaims lowly.
He's wrong about that. Regardless of who he is, I want to know every detail I can about him. Then it will be easier for me to move on from him, especially if his past is as dark as he eludes it to be.
"You're my mate," I remind him, glancing toward the gym door as if someone may be lingering by that could overhear.
I can only imagine how quickly the news would spread through the estate and back to my father if a member of the staff was privy to it.
Ark smiles a little. "What a thought, huh?"
I rub my arm, nodding. "Yeah. Weird."
"Everything okay?" He tilts his head, examining my face with concerned gaze. Every time he softens up like this, it makes me want to divulge my every thought to him.
But this isn't something he can comfort me about. Not when I know the truth.
"I can't get that night out of my head, when they broke in..." I mumble, watching his expression, careful of any change. It doesn't, though. He is terribly good at not giving anything away.
"It was traumatic. Perhaps you should talk to someone about it," he exclaims. He looks as though he wants me to talk to him about it.
I wince a little. "I survived because one man had mercy. Why?"
"Perhaps something distracted him." He shrugs casually, like he knows nothing. My patience is slowly ebbing away, with the part of me wanting to blurt out an accusation getting strong.
"Maybe," I find myself saying.
His gaze darkens, arms folding over his strong chest. "I'll say it again. What happened to you that night will not repeat itself."
He says it with such surety because it's him in control of that. He is the one the rebellion sent in to try to kill me, or kidnap me. And they have sent him in again after that...
"I know."
He claps his hands, silencing the conversation for good. "Now come on. You have laps to run."
Rolling my eyes, I nod, glad for the distraction....because there is no getting Ark out of my head.
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I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! and as always it is available 10 chapters ahead on Radish!
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~Midika 💜🐼