With swollen eyes, I fumbled with my phone Friday as I got ready to call Jadyn. I could barely speak, but I needed someone to talk to. The only person I had left.
"Hey," Jadyn picked up almost instantly.
"Hey." My voice was hoarse from all the crying. My throat was sore as well. One look in the mirror and I'd come to realize I looked like shit. I was in no shape to face housekeeping when they came to do their daily cleaning.
I'd locked myself in my spare bedroom where I'd been all night, too hurt and ashamed to sleep in my own bed.
"Kenn? You don't sound so good. What's up?" Jadyn's concern caused the tears to well up in my eyes.
Just when I thought I couldn't cry anymore, I turned into a blubbering fool as I rambled on about what happened. At the end, when there were no words left to say, I let the tears take over.
And Jadyn listened, being the greatest friend she could be.
"Kenn?" Jadyn asked softly when the line had gone quiet for a while on my end.
"Yes?"
"What do you want to do?" she asked. "I'm riding with you whether you want to go through with this or not."
I sniffled and wiped at my nose. I appreciated her genuine support, but I wanted her honesty. "What do you think about what...K-Keith said?"
Jadyn took a minute to gather her words while I waited on pins and needles. "I think that man cares about you. I think he fell for you. I think this took its toll on him and it wasn't fair to string him along. He said some real shit that ultimately you have to sit and think about.
"I understand where you're coming from, though. This is your dad; he's always been there and supportive of you. It's gotta be a lot of pressure to feel indebted to go through with this marriage so that he can get a casino out of it. But at the end of the day, is his legacy worth your happiness?"
It wasn't. "No."
"And Cain..." Jadyn groaned over on her end. "He has the charm and the looks, but have you tried getting to know him? He's infatuated by an idea, but has he gotten to know you? Not that you're not worth it, because you are, but jumping into marriage because you seem ethereal is wild."
I hadn't tried to get to know Cain. I'd rebelled against the whole idea of taking him and our relationship seriously from the start. While I loathed the idea of the man, there was no denying the part of me that felt sorry for him, that sympathized for his upbringing and all that he'd lost. He was cruel, there was no doubt about it when I considered his threats to kill any man who touched me. But then he was thoughtful too, when I thought about the way he treated me when we were together.
Wiping at my eyes, I thought about the possibility of trying to get to know him. Of trying to see where things could go if I gave in and gave him a chance.
Betrayal seized my throat at the idea of being with someone who wasn't Keith.
I had heavy choices to make, and there was only so long before I could put them off before a harsh reality awaited.
A long week went by without a word from Keith. It was really over and I didn't know what to feel beyond hurt.
I thought of my parents, the only family I'd ever known, and couldn't imagine walking away.
"It's just three years," I mumbled to myself.
I'd known from the beginning that I couldn't have Keith. I'd known the risk, and still I'd taken the chance.
Knocking sounded out at my front door and I stopped staring at my reflection from where I sat in front of my vanity mirror.
Uneasy breaths filled my lungs as I made my way to answer the door.
On the other side Cain was standing alone. Out in the hall I spotted Vino at the elevator.
Cain's eyes went to what I was wearing, or lack thereof.
Before him, I was only wearing a cream-colored silk robe. Beneath it, I was nearly naked, something he could see as I hadn't tied the rope tightly to conceal this fact.
The two black voids of Cain's eyes drank me in slow before he managed to trail his vision up to mine. "What's all this?"
I blinked back the first urge to cry.
Here it was. A test. To see if I could do it. Be with this man and give him a try. To see that I'd made a mistake in running off that night.
"Did you mean it when you said we wouldn't have to consummate our marriage?" I asked in a steady voice that didn't feel like my own.
Cain nodded quietly.
I took a step back and pulled him into my suite. "That's a big risk. What if we're not compatible?"
Cain said nothing, making me go on.
"I have needs," I let it be known. I took his hand, hoping he didn't notice that mine was shaking, and pressed it to my cheek.
Cain eyed the connection and lifted a brow. "Needs, huh?"
I brought his hand into my robe, to my left breast. "Yes."
Cain didn't squeeze or grope me. His soft touch only lingered. Slowly, he undid my robe altogether, exposing him to a view of my bare breasts.
Please, don't cry. Please, don't cry. I sucked up the discomfort I felt with him looking at me, telling myself to keep going, to make this work.
"You told me you hated me, and now you're asking me to fuck you?" Cain questioned as he stood back.
He was making this too complicated. I went up to him and worked on his belt as I stood on my toes and brought my mouth to his. "That's what I said."
Tentatively, Cain kissed me back, lazily and slow. Almost as if he couldn't believe this was happening and I was finally giving in.
He reached up and held my face as he kissed me with more fervor, more desire, more want.
I stumbled back as he walked up on me and before I could run away from this, I grabbed his hand and pulled him to my bedroom.
Cain didn't let me take the lead for long. He pulled off my robe and threw it to the side before he laid me down. He hovered over me, staring down at me for just a second, before kissing me again. His hand fisted a bunch of my hair as he tilted my head back and as close as we were I could feel his erection brushing against my thighs.
Just the thought of it sent my vision blurry and I choked as anxiety hit.
Cain reeled back, leaning away to stare at the thong I was still wearing. He hooked his finger around the seat of my underwear and ran it up and down, the back of his finger brushing against my clit and sending a shiver to my core.
In another second, he yanked my panties to the side and got a good look at me as he angled his head. Squeezing my eyes shut, it was too late. Tears had fallen and I couldn't make them stop.
No.
This was wrong.
Cain wasn't the same. He kissed different, tasted different, touched different—he wasn't what I wanted.
"Very nice," he said, his voice gravelly and heavy. He let go of my thong and I felt his presence disappear. "But like I said, I'm not going to touch you until you want me to."
How could I ever want him to touch me when all I could think about was someone else?
Cain's touch froze my heart and sent goose bumps all over my body. I clammed up at the thought of him seeing my sex, of him touching me there.
"I don't," I sobbed. "I don't want you. I can't."
"Hmm." Cain only hummed and said nothing further.
His footsteps retreated from my room and in the distance I could hear my front door open and close.
Turning on my side, I buried my face into my pillows and cried until nothing else came out of me.
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Video Games 💍 Lana Del Rey