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Stupid realizations
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"Fuck! This is useless," Eva sighed frustratedly. "We've been doing this for days and haven't even gotten close,"
"Maybe your memory isn't strong enough," James suggested.
James recovered from his injury pretty quickly thanks to Madam Pomfrey. "What memory are you using?"
"That day me and Marlene went to Hogsmeade," she cringed.
James stayed silent while she looked down. "Maybe the memory needs to be more exciting,"
She stayed silent for a moment before nodding. "What memory did you use?"
"It was when me and the boys were outside by the black lake. Remus was reading to peter as he always did and Sirius and I were laying down watching the clouds."
James grinned as he remembered the memory. "I don't know, it was just very peaceful and happy that it became one of my favorite memories."
Eva nodded while the silence between them took over for much longer than expected. It wasn't uncomfortable or anything like that but rather tranquil. She sighed as she leaned on the cold railing of the tower. She listened to the howling of the wind as the coolness brushed against her face.
"Maybe we should try again tomorrow?" James added finally breaking the comfortable silence.
"Yeah." She paused. "Maybe it'll give me time to think about a new memory," the girl smiled softly.
James Potter was that type of person, he cared for other people. He had an aura around him that gave off warmth and tenderness. Maybe that's why she was so comfortable around him. Maybe that's why she felt butterflies in her stomach when she looked at him, maybe that's why she felt this indescribable thickness in her throat and why her heart warmed at the touch of him.
James and Eva had gotten close quick if anything too quick. Within a couple of weeks, they had been doing almost everything together. She knew that it was weird and she tried to pull away but James had been consistent about having her with him. Maybe it was the constant frown that she wore or the redness in her eyes but he swore to be by her side. Maybe he felt sorry for her or maybe it was guilt. Guilt for when they first met. Maybe he had subconsciously been trying to help his guilty conscience or maybe it was just for Lily to be in the same room as him.
James walked up to the railing beside her. He enfolded her in his arms and stroked her hair before they pulled away. He put his hand on top of her which was wrapped around the iron railing. It was comforting.
"I'm sorry for wasting your time. Maybe I just needed..."
His eyes searched hers as his thumb swept in a gentle rhythm against her skin. "A nap?" He teased softly, "A romance book? To make fun of Sirius?"
She laughed softly. "How do you do that?"
"Do what?" His eyebrows furrowed.
"Always manage to make me laugh,"
The corner of his mouth quirked. "It's a gift," She rolled her eyes ignoring the smile playing on her lips.
And then, that moment was interrupted. Not by one of them tearing their gaze away, or saying something, but by an irritating noise. They broke apart like that, springing back into themselves when they heard a growl. That stupid cat, Mrs. Norris. James grabbed Eva's hand and guided them to a darkened space in the scattered-lit Astronomy Tower before she could even register what was happening.
"Fuck! What are we gonna do?" Eva whispered. She turned to look at James, both of them hidden between some telescopes.
"Shh!" James shushed while looking into the bag he grabbed from the floor. This wasn't the first time in the past weeks of them both being nearly caught. There have been other times when they woke a portrait, or when they heard receding footsteps nearing the Tower however the footsteps always disappeared resulting in them not getting caught.
James fished out of his bag a thick, silky cloak, and draped it over the two. "What are you-"
"Shut up!" James whisper-yelled. Eva rolled her eyes as filch's voice scratched their eardrums.
"Who's there? Reveal yourself!"
A sharp, low gasp escaped Eva when James slid his arm around her waist and pulled her towards him so that her chest pressed flush against his. Being this close to James sparked spiraling thoughts in Eva's head. It was a tense moment, but it also seemed to be another moment where they just... looked into each other. Her breath is harsh and rapid. His face was inches away from Eva's while he tried to give the faintest trace of a smile. His chest was solid and a musky scent of aftershave emanated from him, one that Eva could not ignore no matter how much she tried to. She stared into those eyes, those beautiful hazel eyes that she always got lost in, she seemed to forget the risk they were both at, with the sensational feeling of his arm wrapped securely around her waist.
Eva inhaled sharply. As she watched filch turned towards them. She shut her eyes as she waited for his horrid voice to call them out but it never did. She opened her eyes to take a peak and saw filch turned around and start walking away, Mrs. Norris following him.
"What just happened?" She turned to James.
He sighed. "It's an invisibility cloak,"
She furrowed her eyebrows as her mouth slowly started to part.
"You have one of those!" The girl still whispered, excitement taking over her. James laughed as he nodded, his chaotic hair falling into his face.
"Well, well, well, Mr. Potter, you keep surprising me as days go on,"
"What can I say? I'm a man of surprises," James replied as she rolled her eyes.
She docked out of the cloak making sure the coast was clear before going back to their original location.
♡ ♡ ♡
To any other person finding a happy memory wouldn't be so hard however, Evelyn found it so difficult. She didn't have a specific memory that stuck out to her like James did. She found it insane to think about how everyone just had a memory in their head and when they thought of that, it worked.
"Eva?" Someone said knocking her out of thought.
She jerked her head in the direction of the voice to see Grace looking at her. The group of Slytherins had gotten closer during the last couple of weeks and had asked Eva to sit with them for breakfast. Eva didn't mind at all, she had grown quite fond of her dorm mates.
"Yeah?" Eva hummed.
"What's going on with you and James Potter?" Sophia questioned. This question seemed to light a spark in everyone's eyes as they turned to her eagerly awaiting an answer.
"What do you mean? We're friends?" Eva said she was pretty confused about that question.
"Just friends?" Andromeda wiggled her eyebrows and a teasing smile slowly engulfed her delicate face.
Eva furrowed her eyebrows. "Yeah...Why?"
"Oh come on! You can't be that oblivious," Lyra dropped her hands on the table. "You like him!"
"Lyra, for your information I'm a very smart person," Eva said incredulously, as she raised her eyebrows with a slight grin.
"Wait, so it's true, then?" Grace said. "You like Potter?"
"Well, of course, I do! He's my friend!"
"Not like that," Grace rolled her eyes, "You know what I mean. People are saying you two fancy each other!" Eva sighed.
"What people?"
"Doesn't matter!" Sophia spoke.
"Listen, guys, Potter likes lily. Always have," Eva sighed.
"Okay... but do you like Potter?" Andromeda asked.
Eva stayed silent. She thought back on her Amortentia potion. She smelled James however Amortentia makes you smell what attracts you. So what if she is just attracted to James that doesn't mean she likes him at least not romantically.
"Merlin! You so care about him," Andromeda squealed.
"Yes! I care about him as a friend." The group of Slytherin girls looked at her with unconvincing eyes. "Just like I care about You or Grace or lily," she turned her eyes to look at each member.
"I don't even know why I waste my time trying to convince you," Andromeda muttered while breaking a piece of her toast and putting it in her mouth.
"She's in a denial," Lyra shrugged. "Mark my words, Eva. Before the end of the school year, you and Potter will be a thing."
With a sardonic nod, Eva chuckled with incredulity, biting off a piece of her waffle.
♡ ♡ ♡
James Potter had gone insane. All he was thinking about was Eva. She had sat at her own table that morning and for some peculiar reason, she had not left his mind.
"Prongs! Mate," James jerked his head towards the noise.
"What?" He asked obliviously.
"If you are able to get Lily, and you have children, you have to hope they get all of Lily's genes," Marlene whispered in James's ear.
"What does that mean?"
"Well Lily is smart and pretty and you are just thick and well, not pretty." This reply made Sirius snort which made James hit his arm in order for him to shut up. Marlene grinned at the interaction. "I'm kidding! You're not too bad Potter,"
"Thanks?" James said confusedly.
"Anyway gotta go, I have to meet Lily," She said before getting up and walking away.
"Remind me why we're friends with them?" James huffed.
"Because they bully you," Sirius laughed while James gave him a death stare.
"Hey! If she was into boys, she would totally be into me," James added with a smirk.
"In your dreams," Remus muttered.
"Shut up Remmy," James pouted.
♡ ♡ ♡
"Are you ready?" James asked Eva. The two had snuck out as they had done for the last few weeks.
"Yeah, I think so" she shook off her nerves and thought of her memory. She thought of her friends. Her friends were the ones that made her happy recently. She hadn't exactly been the social butterfly that made a lot of friends but her they didn't care about that. They didn't care about how shy she was or how quiet she was. They welcomed her with open arms. So when she closed her eyes she thought about them.
"Expecto Patronum!"
Eva saw, with a great ignition of exhilaration, a small mass of silver erupt from the end of her wand. An uncontrollable grin split across her face, one that James perfectly mirrored. While it certainly was not a corporeal Patronus, it was something, and Eva couldn't have been more overjoyed.
"Hey, I did something!" She beamed.
"You did!" James exclaimed. "What were you thinking about?"
"My friends," she said.
"Ah, so you thought of me then," James smirked.
"In your dreams," she rolled her eyes with a smile. He laughed as he stepped closer to her.
"Right then- c'mere, you... I'll help." James walked up behind her putting his hand around her waist and pulling her body closer, his other hand reaching and wrapping it around Eva's hand, with her wand tightly gripped in it. "Try again," he whispered.
She nodded and closed her eyes. She felt James's thumb run along her hand, making chills crawl all over her body. She suddenly couldn't stop thinking about James, only focusing on how close he was to her. His touch burned her skin. James made her happy. There wasn't a single memory she had that was happy where James was not in it. Eva took a deep breath and raised her wand. She thought of the lame jokes James always made, the stupid moments they had, the way he always smiled when she got grumpy. She thought about his warm hugs, the stupid compliments he gave her, and when they danced in the rain.
"Expecto patronum!" Eva said.
As if in slow motion, something burst out of the tip of her wand. First, it was just the same silver vapor, but it grew into a beautiful glowing creature.
Eva didn't have time to look at the animal because she was overwhelmed with excitement. Eva lowered her wand and squealed as she turned to look at James. "I did it! I did it!"
She got confused when his eyes didn't move from her Patronus. She furrowed her eyebrows, and she watched as he swallowed the lump in his throat. If anything she felt concerned for him.
"It's a doe," James whispered breathlessly, feeling her gaze on him. His hand was still at her waist and his body was still close.
What? She turned around and was momentarily blinded by the silver silhouette. When her eyes adjusted to the silver light a brilliant, mystical, and sparkling doe stood in front of her. She was stunned. No words would come out of her mouth. Her eyes went wide and her jaw dropped slightly. She was amazed by its beauty but was shocked by its form. She let out an audible gasp as the doe bounded around them, obscuring her vision with its magnificent silver glow.
James muttered the incantation and the same silver light came out of his wand before it grew into the stag that Eva had seen. The stag trotted towards the doe before they both started playing together, rubbing their heads against each other. The two teens watched as the animals lay down side by side, the doe resting its head on the stag.
Eva swallowed thickly. She was afraid to look at James even though neither of them moved their position. She knew that if she looked at James she would have to face the truth. She had been bullshitting herself and she knew that. She knew she was lying to her friends right through her teeth. If she looked at James reality would catch up to her. She knew what it meant the moment she smelled James in the Amortentia potion. She was not stupid, she was in denial. Denial because how could she ever like James Potter when he and Lily were bound to fall in love? She was not oblivious, she was scared. Scared that he won't like her back, scared that her parents would find out, scared that she would get hurt, scared that he'd get hurt worst that she would and as much as she tried to bury the thoughts or ignore the feeling she couldn't stop them from catching up to her. And it did, it caught up to her.
"Eva," James whispered. She hummed. She had to face the truth. She had to face it now, so she looked at him. She turned her body around to look at him. To look into his deep hazel eyes.
"Who did you think about?" She looked away. Her heart raced a million miles a second and looking at James wasn't helping.
"Look at me,"
She gulped and looked at him but his face was hard to read. "Who did you think about?" He repeated.
"Uhm-" she was nervous. "The boys... my dorm mates and lily and Marlene," she looked down. "And... You,"
His mouth tilted to the side which made Eva let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. His eyes were coruscated as he searched her expression- drinking in her smile. Her cheeks warm up again, the corners of her lips twitching when he moved closer to her, which seemed impossible. He put his hand on her cheek, the backs of his knuckles caressing her cheekbone, slow and soft, his eyes zeroed in on her lips. "You look really pretty,"
"Th- thanks," it's hardly a whisper, her lips barely forming the word when his head dips. Each inch closer his mouth gets to her fuels the thrumming of her heart in her chest.
Her breath caught in her throat when his digits slid underneath her hair and he grasped the nape of her neck and pulled her in. Lips crashing into hers, she kissed James for the first time and her lids fluttered closed. His free hand gripped her hip and pushed her body back against the railing.
He pulled away and she suddenly missed the warmth of his lips against hers. He put his forehead against hers, closed his eyes, and breathed deeply. She brought her hand up to his face and traced his lips with her fingertips.
"Kiss me again,"
James did not waste any time with that request. Her hand rested against the side of his face while he tilted his face down and delicately placed his lips against hers again, he grinned wide against her lips and moved his hands up, so that they rest carefully upon her waist as his fingers traced delicate circles. His warm chest pressed against hers with each kiss that occurred making her extremely flustered, he released a deep chuckle as he dragged his tongue against her bottom lip.
He breathlessly whispered, through a clenched jaw "God, I can't control myself."
♡ ♡ ♡
A/N: Hey lovelies. I am SO SO SO sorry that this chapter took so long. If I'm being honest I have been in a major writing/reading slump. However, I tried to get this out for you guys. Also, I realized how fast this fanfic is going and that's honestly my intention because I promise you there's gonna be some major events happening really soon and I can't wait to write it :) I have also been changing titles and stuff so I'm sorry about the random spam of update notifications that you got. Anyway, I think that's all, ily guys and thank you so much that you chose to read my book it means so much to me especially because I know how bad my writing is. So thanks for powering through it.
love always emily <3