A book in hand, I'm sat on a comfy outside chair in the shade of a tree. The summer sun is warm but today is cooler than it's been in a while. I push my reading glasses up slightly from the place they slide down my nose and continue reading. The book in my hand is another book of poetry I just bought from the second hand library that's located not far from the compound. With all this down time, I've recently found that I enjoy reading poetry, something I did not know before.
It was nice finding a new hobby to fill the hours I once spent training and going on missions. When Tsunade first took me off the mission roster and put me on sick leave, it felt like my whole world can crashing down on me. Despite feeling terrible and completely exhausted, I was constantly restless and bored. That had been the first time in my life I'd ever had so much free time. I had no idea what to do with myself, I felt like I was going crazy the first few weeks.
One day when Sakura came over, a book in hand as a gift to me, I'd finally found something to help settle my restlessness. I greatly appreciate everything she was doing for me. She was there for me without smothering me like my parents tended to do. And I found a lot of joy sitting at the table, listening to her and my mother talk and laugh in the kitchen. Since I'd fallen ill my mother had been taking less missions outside the village and staying at home more. I could tell my father had also started to try and be around more. However, his job as clan head and running the police department kept him incredibly busy.
Myself and my parents wrote letters to Sasuke often but I didn't tell him of my illness. I also told my parents not to tell him, they agreed reluctantly and said it was a bad idea to hide it from him. I didn't want Sasuke to get distracted or feel guilt for not staying in the village. He deserves to train and travel the world with Kakashi-senpai without having to worry about me. A part of me felt guilty for not telling him but I thought it would be for the best for him not to know.
Today Sakura would not be coming over. She was busy with training in the morning and a late shift at the hospital. I worried for her sometimes, she was always busy doing something and I didn't want her to burn herself out. I felt she was trying to make herself even busier lately. Someone close to her had died, but she was still unwilling to talk about it and tell me who she lost. That time in the forest was the only time she mentioned something close to the topic. I wouldn't push her to talk about it before she was ready. I'd wait patiently and be there for her when she needed it, no matter how long it took.
Knowing my racing mind would stop me from being able to focus on my book, I place the book mark in it and gently close it. Looking up from the pages, it takes a moment for my eyes to readjust to seeing farther away. I take my glasses off and set them in my lap, on top of where my book is. A stray can had decided to make our backyard its home and was sleeping lazily in the sun on the porch. Mother was skeptical of the cat at first but quickly fell in love. While father pretended to hate the cat but I'd caught him gently petting the cat just the day before.
The grey tabby cats tail twitches and he sleepily opens his eyes. I call him over to me and he perks his head up at me. To my delight he stands up and stretches, and makes his way over to me. He rubs his body on the chair legs before jumping up into my lap. I move my book and glasses aside to make room for the cat. It doesn't take him long to settle into my lap. As I pet him, he purrs loudly, enjoying the attention I'm giving him.
As the day goes by, I start to get sleepy and my eyes get heavy. I try to stay awake but it's impossible to keep my eyes open. I'm no longer petting the cat but he stays curled up against me. My head tilts to the side, resting against the back of the chair and I drift off to sleep.
***
Mildly projecting my own insecurities onto Itachi while writing him. As someone who is chronically ill and suffers from chronic fatigue and chronic pain, feeling guilty and like you aren't good enough because your body physically can't do something is an incredibly real feeling. It takes time to accept that you aren't capable of doing what others can, and it's a journey in of itself to find peace in that. I still struggle with that even after being diagnosed for six years. It's only realistic that someone like Itachi, that both others and himself expect so much from would also be struggling with this.