I stir from my slumber, the faint sound of my door closing rousing me. Blinking groggily, I glance at the clock. It's already evening; I've slept the entire day. Great. I slide my slippers on and make my way out of my bedroom.
"Sorry. Did I wake you?" Derek asks when I reach the dining area. He's in his outside clothes, preparing takeout boxes. "I got us Chinese food for tonight."
I clutch my stomach. The scent of the fried rice is to die for.
"It's alright," I say.
I might not be able to sleep tonight, but I guess I must suffer the consequences of my decision to drink to the point of intoxication.
He pulls a chair for me. "Come, sit."
I comply, eagerly diving into the fried rice and lemon chicken. I can't resist the allure of the wonton soup either. I need something warm in my stomach to soothe the remnants of my hangover.
"I'm going to start working tomorrow," he announces stiffly.
"Whoa, finally," I reply cheerfully, pretending I don't notice that something's off. Derek will talk about it if he wants to talk about it. "I thought your university degree was merely a ploy to lure girls."
"That's not entirely untrue," he admits, a corner of his lips curling upward. "But I really wanted to get a master's degree."
Fine. I can't help it. I'm curious.
"Or... An excuse to get away?"
He becomes silent for a few seconds. "Mmm."
I strive to change the topic as his mood turns sour. Too soon. It's a personal matter to him. I can't pry further.
"So, Patrick said he's giving us a call tonight. I wonder what's taking him so long," I utter, swallowing a mouthful of dumpling.
"Oh, right. I've been waiting for it too. Let me check." He fishes his phone out of his pocket. Derek frowns. "Man, I missed his call ten minutes ago."
"Call him back," I tell him.
A few seconds later, Patrick is on Skype. I scoot closer to Derek so we can both see him. My arm brushes against Derek's, and a prickling sensation travels along my back. Sam, what the heck?
I choose to focus on Patrick, who's inside his hotel room.
"Hey, guys," he greets. "How's it going? What are you eating?"
"We're great. Chinese food," I reply, presenting the takeout boxes. "So, what's up? How was it?"
There's a sparkle in his eyes, and I can tell what's coming next. "She said yes!"
Derek and I erupt into cheers, waving our arms and exchanging high-fives. I'm genuinely ecstatic for Patrick. He's been planning his proposal for months. I even had to wake him up once when he fell asleep in the dining area, exhausted from researching the best locations for marriage proposals.
"Congratulations, man! It's not like we didn't know it was bound to happen since university, but I'm happy for you," Derek says.
"Congratulations, Pat! Where is she?"
"She's taking a shower," he answers happily.
"So, what's next? Do you already have a date?" I ask.
"Well, we're returning home this Thursday."
It sucks when the thing I instantly think of is that Patrick coming back means Derek gone. It's not gonna be right away. But Patrick's presence will be an everyday reminder that Derek will leave soon, and everything will return to its original place.
A week ago, I'd be partying if I knew. Right now, the idea of it isn't exactly pleasing. Honestly, there's a pinch in my heart that catches me off guard.
"...And then we'll start planning the wedding. It's gonna be a little rushed, but we want it done as soon as possible. No date yet, though," Patrick beams.
"That's great!" I utter. I mean it, but my tangled thoughts about Derek endure.
"Yes, I'm excited. Derek, man, you don't have to leave the unit. I'll stay over at Candice's for a while until the preparations are over."
The relief that washes over me is even more disturbing. Geez, Sam, get a grip!
"Thanks, bro. Don't worry, I'll leave as soon as my unit's fixed."
"No problem. You can stay in my room for as long as you like," Patrick reassures him. "My only worry was Sam kicking you out, but it seems like you two are already getting along. It's nice to see you being friends."
Patrick smirks. A flush creeps up my neck. I don't know how to respond to that.
"It didn't take a lot of effort," Derek boasts.
I eye him. He gives me a half shrug. "What? It's true. I just needed to feed you breakfast."
"Hey!"
Patrick chuckles. "Alright, alright. Anyway, I gotta bounce. I have to book a flight."
"Okay, see you soon. Congratulations!" I reply.
"Congratulations, bro."
Patrick ends the call. Derek keeps his phone, while I begin cleaning up the table.
"It's great to see Patrick finally tying the knot with Candice," I state.
"Well, yeah. They've been together since we were second-year in the university, which was very early, by the way. It sucked because I lost a wingman."
I roll my eyes at him. "Don't blame Patrick for settling down early."
"I'm not. I'm absolutely happy for him. When you know, you know," he answers.
I dispose of the remaining tissue papers and boxes into the bin before proceeding to wash the dishes. Derek follows me to the sink.
"You could have dated someone seriously. I mean, you had tons of girls chasing after you. You even dated some of them."
He grins.
"What? You didn't like any of them?"
"I wanted to settle. I just..."
I turn to face him, our gazes meeting for a split second. Derek is the first to look away, posture stiffening.
"What?"
"I just didn't feel like it," he replies, shrugging his shoulders.
I puff out air. There he goes again, avoiding topics that can actually let me get to know him. I return to washing the dishes. "That's it? That's your reason?"
"Wait, why are you interrogating me?" he hisses, crossing his arms. "How about you, Sam? You're single. You're not getting married soon. Not that it matters, by the way. You can be unmarried and happy."
"I know. Tsk. But it's not my choice, okay?" I reply, wiping my hands clean. I spin to look at him, hands on my hips.
"I'd gone out on dates with a total of nine guys since high school. The longest was... Three months. I think you met him before. Back when I was a sophomore."
"Yes," he says, kneading his left shoulder with a frown. "It was that unattractive guy, Kurt."
I raise my eyebrow. "Hey, you met him once. Why are you calling him unattractive?"
"Once was enough to form an opinion," he replies with confidence.
Fine, he was not as attractive as Derek, so I guess he can say that.
"Well, anyway, those four guys back then dumped me without proper explanation. The recent five were blind dates, and they didn't like me either. Again, I had no idea why."
Derek's lips press into a thin line, like he's sympathetic. I hate it. I don't want to be pitied.
"Don't pity me."
"I'm not."
"Well, now that I've admitted to you that I have a miserable dating life, will you please tell me why you can't stay with one woman?"
His expression is firm, but he averts his gaze. "It's the staying-no-matter-what part."
I inch forward to him. "You're afraid of commitment?"
He fidgets, jerking away from me. "I'm not afraid. I just don't want to. It's a drag."
"But you said you want to get married. Remember the 'til death do us part' thing?"
Derek purses his lips. "Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I won't marry."
With that, he abruptly turns on his heel and walks away, leaving me standing there, staring at his retreating figure.
It's clear that he doesn't want to delve further into the topic, so I let it go. I can only watch in silence as he disappears from sight, the unresolved questions lingering in the air between us.
******
"So, have you ever taken a good look at Derek's body?" Cathy asks out of nowhere while we're having lunch at the office pantry.
I choke on my egg sandwich.
"Cathy!" I exclaim, cheeks turning scarlet. "What on earth are you saying?"
"What? Don't tell me you haven't checked him out," she mutters, biting her lip dreamily. "He's so handsome."
Earlier this morning, I woke up before my alarm clock went off, and coincidentally, Derek had just returned from his morning jog. His glistening body, clad in a snug tank top, wasn't repulsive in the slightest. To be completely honest, I found myself staring at him a tad longer than I should have, hoping he wouldn't catch me in the act. I really hope he didn't notice.
So, I have. More often than not. Crap.
"I know, okay? We've already established that. I just don't think of him that way," I lie. I do. I do think of him that way. Whatever 'that way' is.
"But seriously, have you?" Cathy teases.
I cross my legs. "No way. That's disgusting and wrong. I won't objectify Derek."
"Whoa, hold on! Objectification is different. You can be sexually attracted to him and still have genuine feelings," she says, bursting into a fit of giggles.
I blush even deeper, feeling my face aflame. "Cathy!"
"I'm just teasing you."
I tuck a lock of my hair behind my ear and continue eating. "Okay, I'll admit I like him better now. We're friends. It's surprising how things can change."
"Oh, wow. Friends? So, he's not just a DD?" She sips from her cola. "What happened?"
I pause, recalling the memories. "Remember that day we spent in Tagaytay? That was the first time we actually enjoyed each other's company without being at each other's throats."
Cathy props her face with her fist. "And then?"
"We've started to have dinner together ever since, and he always prepares delicious breakfast. And you know, he was also really nice to drive us last Friday night."
She pokes my side.
"Cathy!"
"Your face just screams how much you like him!"
I shake my head vigorously. "Stop it, okay? I like him, but not like like him. My take on this hasn't changed. Derek's my brother's best friend. That's it. He's moving out soon. I'm pretty sure everything will go back to the way it was before."
"Why would it?"
"I... I think that we're living together right now, so we feel some sort of connection," I whisper. "Like we don't have a choice but to talk. It becomes natural we're on good terms."
Hearing it from my mouth hurts. It hurts because I may be right. As soon as Derek leaves, everything that has happened since he arrived will fade away into oblivion. Maybe we won't fight anymore, but that is not what I'm referring to.
It's frustrating that I might be considering that we have something between us. Something different. Something he doesn't have with anyone else but me. It sucks because I'm not sure what that is. More importantly, it sucks because Derek may not be feeling the same.
"Sam, why are you so afraid to fall for him?" Cathy asks, cringing.
I fidget. "I'm not! Sure... I'll confess that maybe, I am developing a crush on him again. Who wouldn't when he is, like what you said, umm... Hot." I sigh, "But that's it. I'm not ruining what we have now."
******
I come in early, and Derek isn't there yet. A part of me wants to send him a message asking if he'll be having dinner at home tonight, but then I hesitate. I don't want to come across as some sort of housewife, overly concerned about his meals.
My heart skitters at the thought. Not at being a housewife, but being... His wife.
Ah, God. There's something wrong with me.
Regardless, it's already 6 PM, and he's probably having dinner by now. As for me, I settle for a simple meal of luncheon meat and corned beef with rice. It's not gourmet, but it'll do. Please don't judge me!
Derek arrives around 7 PM after I clean up at the dining area. I'm sitting on the sofa watching an episode of The Big Bang Theory when he sits next to me.
"Hey," I utter, taking a swift glance at him. His blazer isn't on. He's only wearing his long-sleeve navy polo shirt and black pants, his necktie loosened.
"Hey."
"Have you had dinner?"
"Yes, I have," he replies. He doesn't look so good. His eyes are exhausted, and his lips are pressed in a thin line.
I scoot closer to him, my concern growing. "So... What's up?"
I can't help it. I'm concerned about him. Since he started working a couple of days ago, he's been quiet and weary.
All he offers me is a tight-lipped smile. "It's nothing. I'm just a little tired. Haven't worked for so long."
I don't believe him. "Are you sure?"
He lowers his gaze to the floor before mumbling a yes, then he leaves and seeks refuge in his room.
I decide to stop watching after an episode and head to my bedroom as well. I consider knocking on his door first, yet I understand he needs space. I let him be.
Around 11 PM, I'm still wide awake, eyes pinned on the ceiling, my brain cells buzzing endlessly. I surrender, pulling myself up. I need to do something productive with my time. Only thinking about Derek isn't exactly rewarding.
To keep myself busy, I sit at my desk and start drawing sketches for the rest house. The living room and kitchen designs were completed a few days ago, so I move on to the bedrooms. Other team projects have kept me busy, but I'm confident I can finish this project within the agreed timeframe. I'm filled with excitement.
Lost in my work, I fail to notice the passing of time until my eyes start to feel heavy.
Oh, no. It's 1:00 AM.
I get up from my swivel chair, stretch my arms and legs, then go out to pee. Yawning, I twist the knob of the bathroom door and casually walk inside.
But it isn't empty.
"Sam?"
Derek is standing under the shower—wet and naked. Like so naked. His eyes widen in shock. My heartbeat races, and the lethargic feeling dissipates and is replaced by an adrenaline rush.
"I'm so sorry!" I shriek and immediately leave the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. My knees wobble, making it difficult to stand straight.
I saw Derek naked from head to toe. Oh my God! Oh my God!
OH. MY. GOD.
I hear him call my name from the inside. I hastily retire to my room and lock the door.
Christ. I want the ground to open and swallow me whole. I didn't mean it, I swear! The door was unlocked, and it was 1:00 AM.
I'm sleepy and tired, and I only want to pee!
A few minutes later, Derek's already knocking on my door. "Sam, come on, open up."
"I-I'm sorry, alright?! I didn't know! You didn't lock!"
What am I gonna do? This is so messed up and embarrassing. How can things turn out like this?! We'll have to start over! I've ruined our newly built friendship!
"It's my fault, alright? I'm not blaming you."
"Just go!"
He pauses for a second. Calmly, he pleads, "Just open the door... Please."
"No!" I freak out. I've seen him naked, and I'm so ashamed of myself for not hating it.
This is Cathy's fault for feeding me ideas. My chest is throbbing so loud. How can I face him now?
Derek ceases knocking, so I assume it's all over. I loom forward to the door, hoping that he's no longer there.
But I'm wrong. Again.
"I'm sorry, Sam. I really am." His voice is so apologetic that it softens me a little.
My lips quiver. "Why are you saying sorry?"
"For not locking the door. I didn't know you were still awake, and I was out of it. I forgot."
He isn't teasing me. What?
"Open up, Sam. Please. I can't let this go."
I debate whether I should trust my instinct to not open it. But it's not like I'm not gonna see Derek ever again. Heck, I'm pretty sure he'll corner me.
I heave a sigh and reluctantly unlock the door, opening it just enough for him to see half my face.
"W-What do you want?"
I'm staring down at the floor, but I'm pretty sure he's now wearing boxers and a plain, white shirt.
I can't get it out of my head. No, I'm not going to describe it explicitly, but I can now understand why he can easily sleep around. I confirmed that he's totally hot. Totally.
I'm feeling impossibly warm inside. Crap.
"I'm sorry. Let's forget it happened, please?" he begs. "I'm not gonna say anything, and you won't say anything."
I reluctantly lift my gaze. He was obviously in a hurry when he got out of the shower because I can see a tiny residue of shampoo on his hair. "I don't want us to return to being awkward because of this. It was an accident."
Biting my lip, I duck my head. "Me, too."
He finally smiles.
"What?"
"Don't be shy. It's probably your first time, but you'll eventually get used to it."
I redden and attempt to shut the door, but he stops it with his right hand. "I'm kidding." He's still smiling. "Alright, I'll get some rest. You should sleep, too."
I gulp. "Why are you up so late anyway?"
"I had a couple of beers downstairs," he replies. "You should really keep some stocked."
"I don't drink beer," I answer.
"Fine, I'll buy some for me then." He lets go of the door. "Good night, Sam."
He walks towards his room, and with one last cheeky grin, he closes the door. I exhale in relief. Thankfully, he isn't a jerk about it.
I, however, have still noticed how troubled he is. Something has happened to him, and I want him to tell me what it is.
But I can't. I can't make him.
—
A/N:
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