I rested between consciousness.
I wasn't sure what had initially woke me, as I wasn't crying. My mind was senseless. I knew that I was warm and a firm presence was wrapped around me, holding me close. I couldn't bring myself to open my eyes nor move a muscle. It wasn't until I heard soft footsteps next to the bed that I realized someone else was here.
I didn't know how late it was.
"How is she?" River's calm and quiet voice was soothing as he tried not to wake me. He just had that gentle quality, and it brought immense relief in times where I felt overwhelmed. He was the guardian angel version of an older brother.
Auden gently exhaled, and I heard his voice clearer because my head was laid across the left side of his chest. I had remained curled into him. "She's not okay," there was a pause, "She's... going to really struggle."
"Do you know what happened?"
"I knew something wasn't right this morning, I wish I had just trusted my gut instinct. She was overly happy when I first saw her."
"That's odd, she was so tired yesterday."
"Exactly. She asked to go to the studio and then she came back out a completely different person so I assume something bad happened. She wouldn't talk about it. She just admitted that she took her painkillers, and I think she didn't realize the effects. Especially this early."
"It will be an adjustment period, we need to pay close attention. I know that she's going to try and be strong for us, but she doesn't need to be. We have to make sure she knows we're here for her, no matter what."
"My heart just hurts for her, Riv, I hate all of this."
Riv... I hadn't known they had nicknames for each other.
"I hate it, too. The best thing we can do for her right now is be strong and keep encouraging her. This will be hard for all of us but I'm afraid we can't take away her pain. We can only help."
Auden was quiet for a long moment. "I'm really worried. She told me she doesn't want to get addicted to the painkillers. What if she's right? If she can't stop taking them?"
"You told her the truth, they are meant to help her. That doesn't mean she won't get better."
"I know," Auden hummed softly, "If I could take all of this and bear it for her, I would. She doesn't deserve what's happening, it must feel so cruel of the world."
"You've always been so good to her."
There were no words after that. They fell into a spell of silence. I felt Auden move his head, and rested his chin on top of my head. He pressed a little kiss against the crown of my head and then tightened his arms around me. I was still groggy, though I had listened tp them as they quietly conversed. My mind wasn't completely aware that there hadn't just been two presences in the room.
Another set of footsteps had intitially arrived, he had just stopped at the door and he listened to everything.
There had been three older brothers concerned for their little sister.
If only she didn't have cancer.
☼ ☼ ☼
Two days later, I experienced different symptoms.
I would get dizzy from time to time, as if vertigo was settling into my lifestyle. My head would spin and I would get breathless and then my pulse would race. At first, I had thought it was because I wasn't working out. None of the activities I used to do were keeping my body in top shape. I didn't run in the mornings, I wasn't dancing, and my body had just gone through a round of chemotherapy. Most of the time, I was sleeping.
Perhaps it would get better.
I hadn't seen or heard from Lucy since the last time she had come to visit. I didn't know if she knew what had happened at the studio but I would rather forget it altogether. Auden had tried to ask me what was going on, and I just told him that my career was over. Perhaps when my heart didn't hurt so badly, I could tell him what really happened.
Speaking out loud seemed to be the hardest.
River was overly observant. He knew when I ate, how much I ate, and what time. I didn't always see him throughout the day but he still knew. Auden made sure I kept taking my painkillers, as Dr. Welch insisted, and I wasn't feeling any pain. Warren was a lurking presence, mimicking a shadow that never left. He didn't always talk, and I often saw him sketching, but he didn't run.
On this particular day, River had a business meeting of some sort and left earlier this morning. Auden had been invited to a fashion show happening somewhere in New York City, it wasn't a huge one, but he still agreed to go. That was after he had initially declined. As soon as he told me about it, I had insisted that he go and have fun.
None of them should put their lives on hold for me.
As it was, only Warren remained.
He hadn't really left my apartment since he had arrived here, aside from that one night, but I don't think he really minded. He seemed to enjoy the solititude. It wasn't until I asked him earlier, when he had been sketching at the kitchen counter, that he told me he was actually working.
He was drawing tattoos for his company. Essentially he was working from home, at a long-distance.
I had never known.
He had gone to take a shower not long ago and I decided to clean my apartment. I didn't know the last time I had swept the floor, or dusted my shelves, or washed my windows. I put myself to work to keep my mind occupied. I had done it my whole life. Work ethic was my surivial.
I was bent over wiping down the coffee table and putting away the coasters when I went to stand upright, and the dizziness overwhelmed me.
I tripped over the rug trying to stabilize myself and lost my balance. My left arm shot out and grabbed the corner of the coffee table for stability but my right arm was knocked against the stand beside my couch. "Ow," I murmured and rubbed the sore spot. I sat on my floor for a moment until I didn't feel so dizzy.
When the spell passed, I continued cleaning. I made sure to be slower in standing up and not bend over, as I figured it sent too much blood to my head.
After a little while, I wiped my forehead with the back of my hand and caught sight of something. I curiously turned my arm over, and then my breath caught.
I stared at my arm in horror.
I could have sworn I only bumped it a short while ago, and now the skin had darkened to horrible colors of blue and green. It covered a good portion of my forearm, where I had accidentally knocked it against the stand, and I couldn't believe it.
Another wave of dizziness hit me.
This time I felt my pulse spike as it hammered against my throat, wrists, and forehead. Tiny white spots appeared in my vision.
"Aida? You okay there?"
I thought I had turned toward whoever had spoken but I promptly lost my balance for the second time today. It was like my entire universe twisted off its axis and I went spiraling with black stars trying to overtake my vision. I was saved from hitting the floor as arms quickly wrapped around my waist and pressed my back against their chest.
"Fuck! You still with me?"
"I... I feel weird," I told Warren. I knew my words were slightly slurred.
Gentle fingers fell against the hammering pulse of my throat. "That's weird," he murmured, seemingly to himself, and then I felt him stiffen. "What the hell happened to your arm?"
"I bumped it," I said slowly, groggily.
"Bumped it? Jesus fuck, Aida, it looks like someone shoved you down the stairs. It looks broken!"
"It doesn't hurt."
"Why the fuck does this happen when no one else is around?" He cursed himself and supported most of my weight as I found it increasingly harder to fight the lightheadedness. It felt all-consuming in my body. "Don't you dare black out on me."
I was too tired to register the underlying panic in his rough voice. He truly didn't know what to do but he wanted to do everything he could.
"Aida!" My eyes snapped open. His face loomed over me. A stormcloud of worry. "Aida, don't close your eyes. Keep them focused on me, don't look away, do you hear me?"
I nodded, weakly. My body fell. I barely realized that I was just resting on the soft cushion of my couch, and I wasn't falling again. It was just Warren. He had picked me up and now he was retracting his arms as he set me down, though one hand remained on my shoulder to keep me upright.
It was almost impeccable timing that Auden walked into my apartment, his phone in one hand. He was dressed in a fancy maroon suit with tan shoes and his hair was slicked back with style. The moment he looked up, however, he rushed over to us. "What happened?"
"I don't know, she was really pale and then she collapsed. There's a huge bruise on her arm--just call 911."
Auden shook his head. "Hold on, I think I know what's going on. Dr. Welch had said anemia was an extremely common side effect of chemotherapy, and most bone cancers can cause a sudden onset. She could be having a severe case of anemia, I'll call Dr. Welch."
"What am I supposed to do?"
"Stay with her."
Warren cursed under his breath when Auden walked away with his cell phone already held to his ear. It took me a moment to realize how lost Warren seemed, even his frown was distressed.
"You can go," I managed to say, even if my tongue felt heavy in my mouth, "I'll be fine."
"Shut up," His dark eyes fell upon me, and if I wasn't fighting to stay conscious, I would have noticed the way his arms tightened around me. Protectively. He grumbled, "I'm not leaving."
I didn't say more, and neither did he. I closed my eyes again when the room seemed to spin. I had never felt so weak and depleted of life. I was only startled when I felt a heavy material being draped over me, and opened my eyes to investigate.
Warren had covered me in the handwoven blanket that had been draped over the back of the couch. He didn't stop there, he grabbed another pillow and gently slipped his hand beneath the back of my head. He lifted my head and placed the pillow beneath, I simply watched the wrinkle of focus in his eyebrows as he rested my head back.
Did he realize his big heart was showing?
I hoped not.
For the breath of a second, his fingers smoothed out my hair, and then he seemed to realize what he was doing. He abruptly withdrew, his jaw tightening. My eyelids drooped but I watched him through my lashes. He ran a hand through his own hair and then he sat down on the floor, leaning his back against the couch--as if he intended to wait with me until Auden came back.
His body heat comforted me.
I must have drifted off at some point after that because when I woke, Warren was gone. Instead, I became aware of someone running their hands through my hair and gently untangling it.
"Auden," I mumbled, eyes closing again at the familiar touch.
"Yes, little Aida?"
"What did you find out?"
His fingers continued their gentle ministrations. "Dr. Welch wants to have some bloodwork done first thing tomorrow morning. I had insisted on it tonight but he said the lab is already closed. He believes it is anemia."
"Okay." When had it become night?
"Are you hungry?"
My stomach turned, "No."
"Aida," His tone was cautious, "You haven't eaten since last night, and you didn't even finish dinner. Warren said you skipped breakfast, and I can't imagine you ate lunch."
"I'm nauseous."
"Have you had your period?"
I blinked. He had asked it so casually, there was no awkwardness, and it brought the fact to my attention that I hadn't. It wasn't uncommon for me to skip a period with how active I was, but now it seemed to be odd. "No, actually," I said with wavering concern.
"When's your normal time?"
I did a mental calculation of the days, though it took me a little bit to figure out what today was because I promptly lost track of time. "Four days ago," I murmured, "I should be on it by now."
"We'll get it checked out. There's no worries."
There were worries. Even his tone of voice betrayed him.
My health was on a rapid decline.
☼ ☼ ☼
Alright, mental health check. Who's okay?
I'm not. These past few chapters have been emotionally killing me.