Zhongli walked quietly along the path of Yujing Terrace. Glad that the ruckus about his supposed death, has finally ended. He gazed from the Yujing Terrace; a clear sight of Liyue Harbor presented to him. Everything was back to how it was. Time seemed to have stilled when Morax died, but with the coping skills of humans, everything was now falling into their rightful places.
'My job is done.' Zhongli thought with a gentle smile on his face, fondly gazing over the people of Liyue. He thought that the Qixing had done well in managing the whole harbor, and he will be forever grateful to them. But amidst the content and happiness he felt, was an endless nagging at the back of his head. Telling him that he was missing something, something that he held in importance and was closely tied to his heart.
"Aiya, have you heard? There seems to be a young man wreaking havoc in Qingce Village."
Zhongli felt a pain in his heart, even without a description nor a name, he somehow knew who it was. He wished that he was wrong but that persistent voice at the back of his mind said otherwise.
Prior to this peaceful moment was a heated argument between the God of Contracts and the 11th Fatui Harbinger. Both were being unreasonable and got engulfed by their own emotions. Heartless words were thrown and said-- insults that would both forever scar them, and their relationship never to be mend again.
Zhongli shook his head, shaking away the nasty memories of the heated argument. But despite his efforts, the memories of the day flooded his mind clouding his judgement that made him question himself if what he said was right.
"Childe, you are mortal. And you will leave me."
He heard the same words over and over again. A deafening ring inside his head and a mind-splitting pain in his heart. Was he wrong? Did he make a mistake?
He didn't want to be vulnerable to another human, he had learnt his lesson. He should not falter for he has learned the worst way possible. He lost far too many to count, he has too much to remember yet so little has stayed and fulfilled their promises. Their contracts.
Every day he looked at how the days of Liyue Harbor unfold, merchants that changed over the long years of his life. And people he held dear leave and pass away before his eyes. He had learned; to not be vulnerable, care but do not love, protect but do not cherish, keep but do not wish them to stay.
"It is better like this. I have learned."
The sun has fallen and the sky was pitch dark, the animals now in their shelters as the creatures of the night ran and hunt. The bustling harbor was now quiet and dark, residents has resided and rested for the night. The stalls close at the side of the streets, no more 'hot chop suey' displayed on their cart. Everyone has fallen asleep and only several remain awake.
And one of them was Zhongli.
His mind was filled of questions for himself. It was the hardest questions he had faced, for even with all the knowledge that he held in his mind, he could always find no answer. And he disliked this feeling, he felt weak and vulnerable. And when he faces times like this, it was Childe he confided in, it was Childe who answered his questions. It was Childe.
Yes, no matter what excuse he presented to himself, no matter how much lies he dishes out to cover the truth, it will always unravel itself and all lead back to one person, the root of his happiness and yet also his problems; Childe.
He was confused and utterly outraged from the news that he kept hearing all day. He could not sleep a wink even after such a lovely day. He was bothered and worried—scared even.
"It's that Harbinger that tried to destroy Liyue isn't it? Is he still not content with all the havoc that he bestowed upon the harbor?"
He started guessing on why has Childe gone on a rampage, he knew that this was not the Tsaritsa's orders, he knew it was not one of the schemes of the Fatui, so what in the world could it be?
Before he knew his legs had already started moving, his coat already draped on his shoulders and his shoes already fitted on his feet. He didn't know the reason of his actions and yet he kept on going, he kept on running. Even using his geo abilities to fasten his running pace.
He didn't know what was pushing him to do this. Was it guilt, regret? He didn't know but he knew that he needed to see Childe.
~*~
He looked up looking at the shell of his lively former self. His face now adorned with dark bags under his eyes, and his hair falling way past his eyes. He looked like death, his once lively self was now returning and falling back to his abyss. The abyss he created himself.
He remembered how the story started, what happened that had led to their argument.
"Let's get married Zhongli." The said man turned his head towards the ginger head. An unrecognizable emotion laid out on his eyes. His lips parted open as he seemingly tried to spill the words in his mind. Yet, minutes passed and no words were said. The silence enveloped both of them, and anxiousness creeped up from behind Childe's mind.
He knew that it was a bold move to suddenly propose to Zhongli. No rings, no grand surprises, no gifts. But, when the thought of not spending his eternity with the said man, his world seemed to have lost its color. The sun lost its gleam, and the stars seemed to have fallen from the skies. Without Zhongli, he felt numb and empty.
So, when the God of Contracts asked him why he was so quiet and looked at him with a fond gaze, the words just came falling out of his mouth. He was shocked himself when he said it, but he knew that it was no sick joke. It was a question filled with sincerity. So, why couldn't Zhongli feel the emotion behind those words? Was it perhaps not enough?
"O-of course, I am not hurrying you. We, we can talk about this some other—"
"No. No, Childe."
"What do you mean 'no'? I told you we can talk about this again; it just fell out my mouth without thinking so—"
"No."
"No?"
"We are not talking about this again."
Childe's nervous smile fell apart, he was getting more and more upset and confused with how the situation was progressing. Was Zhongli that against towards marriage? Marriage with him?
"Do you not want to marry?" He looked down, "– not want to marry me?"
Zhongli averted his gaze; he couldn't bear to see Childe's dejected state.
"Let us not talk about this, and whilst we talk the tea is getting cold."
"Do you not reciprocate my feelings after all?"
Zhongli stopped on his tracks, unsure of what to say. He knew how Childe must have felt at that moment. But despite knowing, he didn't know what to do. Whatever he says will end up wounding Childe, and he did not want that. That would the last thing that he would ever want to happen.
"Childe, you are important to me. Someone I hold dear—"
"Do you love me?"
Silence.
"Is that so." Childe turned his back from the God of Contracts, an indescribable expression laid on his face. His eyes had lost its sparkle, and only a dull blue remained.
"That is not the case Childe. You must understand—"
"How will I understand if you won't explain?"
Zhongli was once again silent; speechless and petrified in his place.
"Zhongli... My love. Explain and give me your reasons. I want to believe that this is nothing but a big misunderstanding. Spout a lie and I will believe. Say a contract and I will follow. Stop me now and I will stay." He faced Zhongli once more, tears already falling from his eyes. His nose dashed with a dust of red, and his eyes portrayed hurt and pain. His face was so easy to read and one emotion reigned upon all others; desperation.
But Zhongli remained silent, no words coming out of his luscious lips.
"This is your answer then..." He started pacing away from Zhongli, carefully treading down the stairs, mindful of his steps. He had never been careful until now, he didn't know when his body will suddenly give out. His mind was tired and numb, yet it was so painful. It was painful to breath, to move, to walk away from him.
Every step he took was heavy. And every fiber of his body protested, telling him to go back and apologize. That this was all a big mistake. That they could talk this out and go back to drinking tea again. He would lower his pride and apologize, go down on his knees and beg him to love him back. No, even just staying by his side was enough. Yes, that would be enough.
After several slow steps, he has decided. He would go back and come back to his arms. Just like any argument they could talk it out. Anything but leaving his side would be satisfactory. Because if he took another step away, he would suffocate.
"You are mortal Childe; you will leave me."
His world fell into shambles. He couldn't believe that the hurdle in their relationship was his mortality. He thought, that this must be how Zhongli saw his love. Something so fragile and insignificant. Something little that could always be trampled on.
He stopped his feet from running back to the love of his life. He was suffocating. He couldn't breathe. His negative emotions swallowed him, and the pit of darkness that had been covered up by Zhongli was once again opened. And this time with no more silver thread of hope to hold on to, he fell and got swallowed by the black flames of pain and agony.
It was his fault; he was the one who dug up his grave. And it was his fault to ever dream of receiving the love of an immortal God. He was wrong to assume that whatever they had was enough, he was wrong to assume that they were happy.
Were they even happy? Or was it just him who was like a naïve child, that believed on fairytales and happy endings?
How could he innocently believe that he had loved him? He only gave him that tiny bit of affection, and yet that already drove him crazy. He threw away his former life for Zhongli, even going on a break from the Fatui just to spend more time with his beloved.
Scheduled fights were put on hold, and his busy schedule totally cleared out. He thought that this was enough, this was all he needed, if he had Zhongli, he would be happy to live out his remaining years away from the battlefield.
Yet, that dedication was totally ridiculed. Those long thought-out feelings were trampled on. He was just another source of entertainment for Zhongli's arduously long years. How could he have misunderstood. Now he realized that never did Zhongli reply to his I love you's.
How could he have been so stupid.
He walked towards the terraces at Qingce Village. The houses were empty, and innocent farmers had run far away from their homes, afraid of the havoc that he will cause in their tiny encampment.
He treaded slowly from one house to another briefly looking at their exteriors; imagining countryside life with Zhongli if they got married. But he knew that it was hopeless. They were done.
As he walked past the village, he slowly ascended deeper into the forest, bamboos standing tall around him, and leaves rustling with the slow, gentle breeze. What a nice night it was, he was sure that Zhongli has long rested in bed and was most probably unaware of what he was about to do.
The moon came up above the sky, as Childe stood directly underneath it. The moon seemed to have guided him and the winds seems to have accompanied him. He chuckled, he was glad that at least on this forsaken, glacial night, the nature seemed to empathize with him.
He fastened his pace, feeling the tightening to his chest reinstate once more, he stopped on his tracks; clutching his chest rigorously. Even on such a breezy night, air doesn't seem to exist in his very being. It hurt to move, to speak, to laugh. It was as if his body was not his anymore. Everything he did hurts and he is eager to stop hurting.
He finally reached the peak of the mountain. The view from up there was breathtaking and the wind seemed to have fallen from Celestia itself.
He gazed up, wondering what would happen to him after this. Will the pain cease to exist and his mind would finally be free from the shackles of his painful love?
"It's not like there is anything left. Nor anyone to return to. Farewell the land of the living. And farewell my love, may you find contentment and satisfaction."
And there he severed the red string that he forcefully wrapped around his beloved's finger.
He stepped forward, land no longer there. And then,
he fell.
And after days of agony and suffering. He was no longer suffocating.
He could finally breathe again.
.~*~.
There, stood Zhongli as he watched his beloved fall before his eyes. He ran faster than he ever did, his eyes blurring from his own tears, but the page needed to be flipped, and when Zhongli reached the next, Childe was no longer there.
He wanted to continue their story, but their love already ran out of ink.