I was laying on something cold, chills creeping up my spine every time I breathed. Something cool was around my wrists and ankles too, keeping me pinned down as I tried to flex my fingers. I groggily opened my eyes, everything swimming in front of me. There were lights above me and I blinked rapidly as the brightness pierced my eyes. A sharp stab of pain went straight through my skull, causing me to wince against band around my neck
"Wake up." Snapped a voice roughly and I looked back over to me left as best as I could with the cuff around my neck. Someone moved into view and I immediately recognised the beige suit and red bow tie.
Doctor Zola.
I tried to pull out of the cuffs pinning me to the table again, but they just dug into my skin more. I fought back more tears and squeezed my eyes shut, hoping this was just a really bad realistic nightmare.
"Open you eyes." A voice snapped and I immediately tensed as I recognised it as Strucker's. This nightmare was way too realistic. Instead, I squeezed my eyes shut tighter.
"Now." Strucker snapped and he grabbed my chin tightly, his hard fingers digging into my cheeks and gum. My eyes flew open and met his painfully memorable eyes, my reflection faint in the glass over his left eye. I tried to pull out of his grip, but he just smirked and gripped tighter.
"You've caused us quite the headache B12." He turned my head from side to side, as if looking for something. I struggled in his grip again and he jerked my head towards him, a muscle twinging in my neck. He simply chuckled and held out his hand, Zola placing a needle full of some light blue liquid, so pale it was almost white. Strucker looked back at me and held up the needle, flicking the top of it gently. I squirmed in bands again, trying to desperately summon up my fire again as Strucker walked closer with the needle. My power didn't as much as stir, the metal must have been made from the same thing that my bracelets were made from.
My bracelets.
I looked down as best as I could at my arms and saw with relief that my bracelets were still intact, though they were halfway up my forearm and were pinching my skin painfully. My clothes were covered in ash and splattered in blood in several places, though I wasn't sure if it was mine or someone elses.
"Don't worry your pretty little head." Strucker's voice broke through my thoughts and I looked back over at him, fear rippling through me as I saw him move closer with the needle. "This is only going to be a little prick, its going to make you feel a lot better."
He smirked, and it did nothing to make me feel better. I tired again to break free from the bands keeping me down, but they didn't make any movement. Strucker grabbed my arm and forced the long sleeve of my shirt up, his grip bruising my skin. I squirmed and he jabbed the needle into my skin, the pain causing tears to prick at my eyes. I swallowed back a cry of pain and squeezed my eyes shut.
"Quit your whining." He rolled his eyes, pulling the needle back out, not at all gently. "It's going to heal you, be grateful."
I doubt I could be grateful for the searing pain that was covering my whole body. It felt like being shot, stabbed and poisoned at the same time. I was no stranger to HYDRA's healing methods, but it appeared that my time with the Avengers had made me grow soft.
"Zola." Strucker's voice was hazy through the pain. "Where's the controller?"
I blinked rapidly to try and clear tears from my eyes, letting them drip down my cheeks. I turned my head to the side, which required a lot of effort, and saw Zola handing Strucker a small silver rectangle with a button in the middle of it. Strucker slowly turned to look back at me.
"Let's see how well this works up close." He smirked. "Zola has crafted up quite the nightmare."
Before I could even begin to imagine what it did, he pressed the button and it literally felt like I had been thrown backwards.
I landed on something soft, which I was immediately grateful for. I sat up and looked around me to see that I seemed to be sitting in the complete middle of nowhere. I looked up at the sky and saw that it was grey with darker grey clouds rolling by. The sun, nor moon was visible. Small dark matter seemed to be falling from the sky as well. I held out my hand, the only thing that was coloured, and let the dark matter fall onto my skin. I brought it closer and saw that it was ash. Confused, I looked around me and saw that the whole ground was ash.
Everything was covered in ash.
I scrambled to my feet and took a couple of steps back from where I had been sitting. The ash was just above my ankles, I could feel it seeping through my jeans and brushing against my skin. It felt so real.
My heel hit something as I walked backwards and I stumbled before turning around. Something silver was visible though the piles of black ash and I bent down to pick it up. It was bigger than I thought and I carefully flipped it over, not wanting to cut my hand on the broken, jagged edges. It seemed to me part of something, not all of it was here. When I flipped it over, I noticed that it was coloured with red and white stripes and a bit of blue at the very end.
Then I realized what it was.
Steve's shield.
I dropped the shield back into the ash and stood up, spinning around in a circle as I tried to find Steve, but there was no one nearby.
"Steve?" I called out, my voice echoing all around me. "Hello?"
There was no response and I slowly walked away from the shield. The ash continued to swim around me, but I pushed forward, despite the chilling feeling it was sending through me.
There was movement out of the corner of my eye and I turned to see a glimmer of red and gold. Tony in his suit. I stumbled through the ash to get to him and I was barely a metre away when his head swung around to face me. Half his helmet was missing and the skin that was exposed was burnt and bleeding. My eyes widened in alarm and I stumbled slightly.
"You did this." He rasped. "You killed them all."
"No, I – I" I stammered, confusion and fear filling me as I slowly backed away from him. "This wasn't me."
"I saw it." Tony continued, struggling to stand up. "I saw it with my own eyes. You killed them all. One. By. One."
He rose only to fall onto one knee before his whole body fell to the side, collapsing onto the ash, sending it up in a cloud. The rest of his helmet cracked, revealing his whole face. I could barely tell it was Tony anymore, It was a burnt, twisted mess. My mouth opened in a silent gasp and I took a step towards him as he twisted around to look at something. I followed his gaze and saw the Barton house completely on fire. The flames lept high in the sky and suddenly, without warning, the building groaned and collapsed onto the ashy ground, sending up a cloud of ash. It completely covered me and dragged me to the ground, choking me as it filled my mouth and nose, turning everything black as it filled my eyes. It slowly dragged me downwards, the coolness of it pressing all around me. I tried to yell out, I tried to scream, but it just worked its way further down my throat.
Suddenly, bright light filled my eyes and I winced, jerked away, only for cold metal to hold my head in place. I strained against it and felt a sharp ripple of pain go straight up my left arm. I let out a small cry and gulped in mouthfuls of air as I realized that I could breathe again.
"Very good." Murmured a voice. "You responded quite well to that." The voice chuckled and I slowly looked over to see Strucker standing next to, looking down as I fought back a wave of lightheadedness from my rapid breathing.
"What was that?" I croaked, tears streaming down my face.
"The real you." He replied, fiddling with the controller.
"That was not me." I rasped. "I wouldn't kill them."
"Are you sure?" Strucker raised an eyebrow. "You barely have control over yourself."
"I would never hurt them." I strained against the bands pinning me down, another sharp wave of pain shooting up my left wrist. It felt like I may have broken something when I was thrashing around.
"Yes. You. Would." Hissed Strucker, leaning in closer until his face was almost touching mine. "You would. You are a monster. That is what you do. You kill."
He flipped the controller around the right way again and before I could as much as protest, he pressed his finger back down on the button.
I was back among the ash. Tony's helmet was still there, ash blowing around it slowly settling on top. Steve's shield was still poking out from the ash where I had left it. I stumbled over to Thor, who was half buried in ash and fell to my knees next to him.
"Thor?" I whispered. "Thor, please. Wake up." A tear slipped down my face and I watched it like it was in slow motion as it slipped from my cheek towards Thor's arm. Halfway there, it turned into a small ball of flame before landing on the god's arm. His skin immediately caught fire before crumbling into ash.
"No" I whispered, trying to stop the flame but ever where I touched just caused him to crumble into ash quicker. "No, please." The fire crept up to his head and I watched in despair as it broke down into ash and floated away in the breeze.
"You're killing us all." Came a new voice and I quickly looked over my shoulder to see Nat standing not too far away from me. Her black clothes were ripped and torn, exposing horrific scratches and burns that were seeping blood. Despite the pain, she stood tall with her chin raised as she glared down at me.
"I'm not doing this." I protested, scrambling upright and scattering ash all around me. "I would never kill you all."
"Yes you would." Nat spat. "And you are."
"No, please." I begged, stumbling towards her but she only stepped backwards. "You have to believe me."
"How can I believe a monster?" She demanded, looking down at me with disgust. I managed to stand up and I walked over to her.
"Nat." I whispered. "Please." I reached out to her and my hand connected with her skin before she could pull out of the way. Her arm turned black and I watched horrified as it began to break down and float away. She didn't even flinch, staring at me steadily as her body began to drift away in the breeze.
"You are a monster." She whispered. "You always will be." Her eyes closed shut and she disappeared, ash slowly settling to the ground. Tears were pouring down my face and I fell to my knees again in front of the ash. I dug through it, sobbing, as though I would be able to find her buried under it all, still alive.
But all I found was her gun.
I dropped it back into the ash and doubled over, clutching myself as I choked on my sobs. I could feel my skin prickling and moments later I burst into flame. I didn't care. They were dead. Everyone I knew was dead. And I had killed them.