THIS TOWN
niall horan
and i want to tell you everything
the words i never got to say
the first time around
and i remember everything from
when we were the children playing
in this fairground
ARLO WAS NEVER one to break driving laws. She hated driving already as it is, so if she had to do so, she was going to drive as safely as possible. Always putting her seatbelt on before starting the car, checking her mirrors as often as possible, and always being at the exact number of the speed limit.
But today is a different day. Today Arlo was speeding faster than she's ever driven before. Her right hand gripping the wheel so tight her knuckles were turning white, while her left anxiously ruffled her probably knotted hair. The girl herself wasn't even aware how fast she was going, seeing as the highway was practically vacant. The sky was growing darker by the minute and based on recent events, the adrenaline mixed with the fear of being late caused a never ending cycle of chills to dance around her skin.
It was now getting closer and closer to the time where Arlo was supposed to meet up with Matt and she wasn't ready. Mentally, at least. So many different possible outcomes were whirring through her mind a mile a minute and she hated it. Arlo generally despised anything if she didn't know what would happen at the end of it. She was a plan type of person, she always had a plan. If she hadn't calculated exactly how a situation would go, she would go through with it.
But Matt had always been the one to force her out of her comfort zone.
Arlo felt little to no control over this whole situation. After receiving very interesting information from Chris, she should've felt in control, right? She felt like she should have somewhat of an upper hand in this moment, but that fact that Matt made the plans was the thing throwing her off. He was never good at that.
That's now how Arlo found herself parking in front of the same exact building she had been hours prior to now. Maybe she was an addict, or maybe she couldn't afford therapy. Either way, Lou's was the perfect place for her to settle her nerves.
Quickly popping in, making eye contact with the man once more she held up two fingers. The man knew what she meant, and with an eye roll, he complied. Arlo stifled a laugh, walking up to the counter and hugging him tightly as he set the drinks down for her to grab.
"Thank you. For everything." She mumbled into his shoulder. Feeling the warmth radiate off the old man gave her just the sense of comfort and encouragement she needed.
"Yeah, yeah." Lou shooed her off, picking the drinking up once more and handing them to her. "Just tell me how it goes when it's done."
Arlo furrowed a single eyebrow at the man with a faint smile on her lips. She would've questioned how he knew so much but she knew better than that. Sending a nod his way, Arlo quickly made her way out the shop and back to her car, placing stoppers in the drinks to make sure they won't spill and sped off.
After arriving to their childhood park that held more memories than she could count, Arlo felt defeated as she noticed no one was there anymore. She hadn't known if Matt had been here waiting and left, or if he was the one running late.
Sighing to herself, Arlo slowly walked her way over to the swing seat, two cocoa's in hand and sat down. As she waited - appreciating the cocoa keeping her hands warm and protected from the cold of outside - she glanced around the park, remembering all the good memories she made here.
She had met Matt at this very park for the first time when she was nine, on a field trip. They were in the same class, but the had never talked to each other nor knew the other was in the class. She was trying to swing on the monkey bars, but some kid - Matt - was in the way, sitting on top of them.
Nine-year old Arlo would've been upset if anyone interrupted her while she was showing off her monkey bar skills, but she was too in awe to worry about that. She wondered how he was able to get up there, and eventually worked up the courage to poke his leg that was dangling in the middle of the bar, if he could show her how to get up there.
Nine-year old Matt had too much energy for his own good, and as he was trying to get down - in attempt to do a cool flip off the bar - he sprained his wrist. Arlo couldn't remember if Matt cried when he injured himself but she definitely did.
Arlo winced in the seat of the swing, just remembering the way his wrist looked when he landed on it— and when he popped it back into place like it was nothing, like it was just a casual every other day thing.
She was definitely traumatized from that day, Arlo confirmed in her head. Though she still had a ghost of a smile at the thought of meeting her best friend that day. The bus ride back to the school consisted of Matt comforting Arlo as she cried, shushing her and petting her hair, which caused Arlo to cry even more because she was freaked out by his "super human healing abilities," as she told the nurse.
Her phone chiming snapped Arlo out of her daze as she almost dropped one of the cocoa's. Leaning forward to place them both down on the ground, Arlo pulled her phone out of her pocket, seeing a text from Chris.
Matt's on his way btw
You left him on read like a dumbass
so he didn't want to text you saying
he was leaving to meet up w you
He said he would look desperate
or some shit as if he doesn't
already
Just wanted to give you a heads
up cause ik you're probably sitting
there looking goofy as hell thinking
he bailed on you
Arlo rolled her eyes as she watched the waves of messages from Chris come in before typing a quick, 'okay thank u,' before sending him two middle finger emojis in response to his last message.
An hour had passed and Matt was still a no show— so she decided to call him.
Clicking his contact and bring the phone up to her ear, she listened the phone ring numerous times before it went to voicemail. Not taking that as an answer, Arlo called once more without hesitation. This time, when the call went to voicemail, she waited for the beep.
'Hey, it's Matt. You'd know that cause you called me. You know what to do.'
"Hey, Matt— it's Arlo. I saw your text and I've kind of been waiting her for about an hour or so... look I'm sorry for leaving you on read, I just— I didn't know how to respond. But I'm here, and I have cocoa, though they're probably cold by now so just, hurry up, or something. Bye."
After hanging up, Arlo picked up the cocoa's again, feeling a slight warmth but not nearly enough to bring her cold hands comfort. Growing impatient and feeling rather embarrassed, Arlo sighed to herfielt before standing up, getting ready to leave.
The grocery store was unnecessarily cold. Especially during the winter, Matt would've expected the building to have some sort of heating system as he stood in line, one hand in his pocket while the other firmly grasped a bag that contained three donuts, and waited. He had already purchased everything he needed, but now he was stuck waiting for some teen who looked like he hated his job, to finish blowing up two balloons.
After listening to Arlo's voicemail, his heart began racing faster as the time seemed to be escaping him, nothing felt in his control at this moment.
Matt wasn't the most patient person in the world. Letting of huffs and sighs every other minute, the big could feel his own agitation grow as the time seemed to be escaping him. Anxiously, Matt stopped the tapping of his foot and embarrassingly aggressively opened the donut bag, and grabbed the one with pink frosting and sprinkles, and took a bite out of it. It was originally supposed to be for Chris, but his nerves at the moment were far more important than his brother's unnecessary cravings. Anyways, if tonight went the way he had not-so-very-well-planned, the two would have enough time to come back after, and buy Chris another stupid donut.
After practically devouring the donut, a few sprinkles still left on the corners of Matt's lips, the teenaged worker came out with the two balloons and lazily handed them off to him. Licking his lips and dusting his hand off on his pants, Matt mumbled a quick, 'thank you,' to the teen, hoping he could hear him clearly through the rest of the donut he was swallowing down, and speed-walked his way back to his car. Tossing the bag of donuts into the passenger seat, Matt quickly opened his console to find a sharpie and began writing on the balloons.
The high-pitched noise the sharpie made when it came in contact with the balloon caused the boy to wince, side eyeing the time his car stereo read and messily finished writing. Tossing the sharpie back into the console, Matt attempted to push the balloons into the backseat but they kept resurfacing in front of his face.
Bopping them back so he could see, Matt began driving off at an unusual speed for him. Not saying the boy never went over the speed limit, especially with the family he has, but he was usually a safe driver. Though, with the time getting closer and closer, and two obnoxious balloons dancing about in his car, this probably wasn't the safest environment for him.
Pulling up to the playground at a very unsafe speed for a child zone, Matt slammed on the breaks, causing the whole van to jolt before putting in park. Quickly, grabbing the balloons and donuts, he hopped out of the van and ran as fast as he could to the swing set in the distance. With no light or lamppost nearby to see the sidewalk clearly, Matt nearly stumbled over a slight raise in the cement but quickly recovered and continued to run. Not having this much - or any - cardio is year, he grew winded pretty past as he neared the swing set.
Coming to a stop, it felt like time had froze. Seeing Arlo in the distance, standing with two caps in either hand made this all the more real to him.
This was happening.
Arlo caught he gaze, stopping in her tracks just as she was about to leave. He stared at him, noticing his heavy breathing and the frantic expression on his face.
In his hands were two balloons. One was a clear purple, with a flower drawn on it and the top of a balloon flower inside of the actual balloon, and drawn on the other balloon were the words, 'I'M SORRY,' in all capitals.
Slowly Matt's feet shifted, one before the other without realizing as he began walking towards her.
"You came," Arlo breathed when he was within reaching distance.
"You called," Matt replied without missing a beat. "Twice."
"Yeah— sorry about that." She laughed nervously, looking down at her hands before extending one out to him. "I think our cocoa's are cold now."
Matt awkwardly raised his hands, showing that they were full, one with the balloons and the other with a bag.
"I brought donuts." He smiled at her, before walking over to the swing next to her and sitting down, Arlo following suit.
Placing the bag of donuts down, Matt reached for one of the cups before trying the balloons around it tightly and handing it back to Arlo. She smiled appreciatively, trading cups with him so he could have the other one.
"I like the balloons." She mumbled. "How did you get the flower inside of it?"
"Oh— I didn't, I went to the store and asked if they could."
Arlo nodded as she stared at them. Smiling to herself as she read Matt's messily written apology.
"I want you to tell me about the note." She demanded after a few moments of silence went by. She didn't want to waste any time, knowing Matt, he hated confrontation. The faster it was over the better, but the more time spent in silence, the easier he could get out of telling the truth. She had to catch him off guard.
And that was exactly what she did.
"Uh, what— what note?"
Arlo sighed, "The one from eighth grade— Matt don't lie to me again, please?" She pleaded. "You lied about the flowers in the morning— I get it, god forbid you have anything but a cold heart, yeah yeah. Whatever. Moving past that, no more lies. Just the truth from here on out."
Matt stared at her in contemplation, there were two ways he could go with this. He could turn it on her, and question her on why she never replied to the note in the first place and now has the nerve to ask about it. Or he could just admit to everything he wrote in it, not take it back, and face the rejection once and for all.
Matt chose the former.
"Why are you asking now? Why didn't you asked when you got it instead of just acting like you never saw it?"
"Because I never saw it!" Arlo exclaimed. She didn't want to believe Matt was dense, but the amount of times the note was mentioned in front of her and she had no clue what it was about, should've been a clue in itself that she was completely unaware that it existed.
"What?"
"I never saw the note." She repeated.
"But Nick found it on your desk— he said you left it there."
"No—" Arlo corrected him, "I had to leave class early cause Devin gave me a bloody nose."
"So you never—"
"Not even once."
Matt sighed to himself in the swing seat, closing his eyes shut. Pulling out his wallet abruptly, be searched it's pockets before pulling out an old yellow piece of paper. Unfolding it, Matt looked between Arlo and the note.
"Do you want to read it or should I?"
The girl's eyebrows shot up in surprise, not expecting him to have the note, let alone be so willing. She thought it would've taken more back and forth arguing to fully convince him to tell her what was in the note.
Thinking back, he realized. It was in his wallet. Matt kept the note in his wallet. That was a good sign in Arlo's eyes, she figured it meant he still cared about her— or about their friendship, and she didn't want to jeopardize that.
"Whatever feels comfortable to you." She whispered.
Matt looked at her once more, his gaze softening when he noticed the small smile on her face. Sending on back her way in response, he remained his focus back on the paper, clearing his throat preparing to read it to her.
"I think there's something wrong with you." Matt read the first sentence aloud causing Arlo to immediately snort.
"Wow, you had such a way with words."
"I still think this, by the way," he smiled, looking back down at the paper. He cleared his throat once more before continuing to read the note, "I say this because in class today we learned about the perspectives of the human mind. At first I thought it was gonna be a load of shit so I didn't pay attention much. But then Mr. Solace said, 'each person believes there is something wrong with them, it's human nature.' He said some other corny stuff in between and then finished saying, 'the same thing you believe is your fault, another can believe is your perfection.' It made me think about you. It made me think of everyone really, how there is something wrong with all of us. But there is something wrong with you. I don't mean that in a bad way either, so don't worry. I could never really understand what it was, but I think I know now."
Matt paused, inhaling a deep breath, his eyes never leaving the paper in his hands, before he continued. "All my life, or our lives, I could never find a flaw in you. And it sucked. I could find so many in myself, in my brothers, even our friends. But never in you. And I think that's the very thing that's wrong. Sometimes I'm convinced you're not human, but we can talk about that later."
Arlo scoffed playfully as Matt let out a quiet laugh, but when she noticed Matt hesitated for a second time, Arlo thought about breaking the silence. Saying something to reassure him. Of what, she didn't know. She never knew anything when it came to him. But she felt he was having an internal battle with himself as he read the letter. She wanted him to know that he didn't have to finish reading it if he didn't want to. But before she could vocalize her thoughts, he spoke up once more.
"Being perfect all the time isn't normal, you should try to fix that." He laughed as he read the words eighth grade him wrote so long ago. "But if there's one thing I know for sure it's that there is something wrong with you that is also wrong with me. I hope that was a good enough pick up line, but if it wasn't I'll be straight forward instead. I like you. From, Matt."
There were a few beats of silence, just the cold winter breeze being heard as it ran through the nature around them. Slowly, Matt folded the letter back into its original creases as he lifted his head. He still didn't make eye contact with her, almost too afraid to see for himself what her eyes would be telling him. He didn't want to face the truth of rejection, not yet. So he kept his gaze straight ahead at the playground.
"Do you," Arlo sighed, trying to find the right wording. "Do you still... feel that way?" She asked, secretly hoping for only one answer.
Yes.
"No." Matt didn't dare look at her as the word rolled right off his tongue. The moment he heard Arlo's sharp intake of breath he knew he fucked up. Squeezing his eyes shut, he mentally scolded himself. Here he was, scared of being rejected by her, the only person who's rejecting him is himself.
"Um.. do you-" he cleared his throat, rubbing his palms nervously on his jeans. "Do you want me to?"
Fucking idiot. Matt continued to lecture himself. What kind of dumbass question is that?
"Oh- no?" Arlo looked down at her cup of cocoa, unknowingly holding it with a tighter grip than before. "I mean, I don't really control your feelings. No one can, really. Not even ourselves, they kind of act on their own without reason or approval. I mean it's be weird if I wanted to feel something you obviously don't. Plus that letter is from so long ago I'd be insane if I expected your feels to not change. You might as well check me into the mental hospital."
She chuckled nervously as she stopped herself from further embarrassment.
"I just want you to know, if it makes you feel any better," Arlo started again, her voice less shaky, holding more ground as she kept it barely above a whisper. "I felt the same way about you, back then."
Matt's head snapped in her direction in an instant, not believing a word the girl was saying. "You're lying."
Arlo shook her head, which only caused Matt's eyebrows to furrow impossibly deeper in thought.
"Do you..." he found himself repeating the same words Arlo had asked him just a few moments prior. "Do you still feel that way?"
Yes. The roles were reversed.
"No."
AUTHOR'S NOTE
hi...
omg please don't hate me.
IM SORRY.
but in my defense, we're
literally only 11 chapters in
did you REALLY think they
would confess their feelings
to each other
it's already a huge step that
matt read the note
and arlo ASKED to see the
note
baby steps, guys come on
i love you guys,
plus this chapter was
like over 3000 words
so that proves my undying
love for you guys
pls vote and comment
i beg.
m <3