TW!
sh,suicide,insecurity...
when the part of sh comes i'll put a tw at the start and end of anything disturbing.
oh god.
this week has been so shit for aleria,she's stressed all day long,eating one meal again,suicidal thoughts,lack of self love and sh thoughts.
aleria has experienced all of these stages before and now they're coming back again.
why?well to start with home promblems,her mom specifically.
and she is not okay,yet she doesn't have a specific reason why she isn't,but she isn't okay.she hates her self and everyone and everything for some reason.
was she gaining weight?she felt a lot of hatred towards her body and in no time she was consuming one meal again.
she had a date with matt and she had relapsed yesterday so her arms were a traumatic view,she was a walking trigger if anyone saw it.
but i wasn't hot for her to wear t-shirts so that really helped.
19 messages from matt💋
messages
matt💋
al
yesterday 9:30pm
al
al
al
al
al
my love
yesterday at 9:33pm
????
alllll??????!?,!?,
aleria?
yesterday at 9:40pm
do u want some time alone?
yesterday at 9:45pm
i'm really worried al?
yesterday at 10:30pm
goodnight i love u so much🫶🏼
yesterday at 11:02pm
good morning beautiful
how r u
today at 10:24am
aleria?
??!?!?!
today at 10:57am
idk if u want time alone or u rnt ok?
today at 12:44pm
i miss u
today at 1:06pm
al💟
hey
matt💋
AL
R U OK?
i was so worried u weren't answering
al💟
yea dw i missed u sm
matt💋
dw??
i love u more than anything i was so scared to lose u
r u ok actually
u can tell me anything yk that
al💟
ilysm
matt💋
i'll see u today u can tell me then if u want
i love u way more
al💟
see u handsome
bye🫶🏼
matt💋
bye beautiful
al💟 reacted with a "❤️🩹"
oh shit.she was scared matt would find out she trusted him with her life that wasn't the problem she was just scared of being caught,she felt like it was wrong and she didn't want to stop.
honestly she was too tired to even fix herself ,she put on a hoodie and some cargos and left.it wasn't really normal of her to not dress up and fix her self a little,to be fair she looked like a mess,but did she care?no,she just wanted to lay in the arms of her favorite person all day long.
she turned her car on put some music and drove to her destination where she would meet up with those beautiful blue eyes she loves,and that smile that can change her day.
not so long after she was engulfed in a hug by matt.
"you had me worried sick about you al"he whispered in her ear "don't worry about me,i'm okay now...with you"she cried in his neck.
"it's alright let out i'm here for you"he hugged her tighter.
the day was spent together with matt trying to cheer her up all day,which he managed to do.
and he slept at hers since they are neighbors but sadly he had to leave the next day to go to LA which really sucked.
and for two weeks?how could aleria manage.
the morning arrived and matt wasn't seen anywhere near her so she decided to check her phone.
messages
matt💋
good-morning beautiful sorry i had to wake up early and i didn't want to wake you up but i wanted to tell you mary-lou made some pancakes which u can find in the kitchen
i'm probs also not gonna be able to text u back since i'll be on the plane but i lobe u so much and don't hesitate to text me whenever y need anything
al💟
good morning ml tysm u don't know how much i appreciate u ty for always being there 🫶🏼
aleria was smiling so much she could feel her smile touching her ears.he made her happy,really happy.
and it was going to be hard to stay clean these few weeks since she already relapsed after years so she couldn't care anymore,now after every little inconvenient she would send war to her arm.
sooo...her week wasn't going so great honestly nothing was going how she wanted she felt like absolute shit.she spent her day in her room listening to music all day trying not to do anything.
well that was until wednesday came,she was cooking and accidentally burned it it was so annoying and besides she was honestly not in the mood.
she fell while showering,her tv fucking fell on her toes while she was fixing something,matt isn't answering,she doesn't want to go out with the group.
she absolutely loves maths even though she isn't in school anymore,and she is giving her self some time to enter collage,she was trying to solve a geometrical problem and she was really stuck which made her feel really dumb and mad.
most ridiculous reasons to relapse but for her they were a sign.she just wanted a reason at this point,her addiction was reforming again.
⚠️TW⚠️
she went straight to her room aggressively took out her phone box which in she hid her cutter put het hand out and began dragging her it on her skin
doing it fast and in an aggressive way while blood came out
she was holding herself so much from not pushing down and doing something way bad so she just keep cutting
now her arm was full of blood tears covering her face and it was itching and it was burning
which was exactly what she wanted.
⚠️END OF TW⚠️
that was how her week went in conclusion.sh,music,playing with her dog waiting for a text back from matt.
it sucks knowing she's hiding this from matt,the guilt she feels for some reason when they are on facetime and her arm that isn't in the screen is full of blood and scars.
little did aleria know that matt was planning on coming early and surprising her.and little did he know he is getting surprised as well.
matt woke up at their LA house with his brothers so excited to go back to boston to see aleria not knowing what is waiting for him.
"come on!i'm not fucking with you actually get up!"matt yelled "can't wait to see your girlfriend huh?"chris mocked him "you wouldn't understand chris"matt mocked him back
"are you arguing again?"nick came in drinking a can of dr pepper
earning a weird look from his brother "what?"
"it's five am"matt replied "yea and chris has been absolutely devouring his pepsi way before me?"nick defended "hey!i love pepsi"
"honestly i couldn't give a fuck!just come on hurry"
they arrived after about 6hours too exhausted to do anything chris and nick couldn't get up but mattt was determined to go visit al
she gave him keys so he easily went in and here is where everything was going to go wrong.
he walked into her room making his way in to scare her "good morning !"matt yelled awakening aleria up
what...that caught matt off guard.
she looked like she had been crying non stop,she didn't brush her hair or anything,her room was messy,she was a whole mess in general but what matt didn't expect the most was the sight of her arms.
his eyes shifted to her arms directly widening to see her arm full with new scars.
"al..."matt began picking up her arm to exam the fresh cuts
"matt i'm sorry i didn't want you to know"she began "just don't worry about it it's nothing really"
he didn't say anything he just hugged her.
they both began crying,she was sobbing.she didn't want him to know not like this.
"you're so beautiful aleria watson don't ever try to hurt your perfect body again it kills me seeing you punish yourself like this"
"let it out on me you know i'm always here for you anything for whatever it is i love you al and i'm proud of you no matter what just know that"
he stayed with her assuring her it's going to be okay will kissing her scars as she cried and vented to her comfort person
yea...definitely a new album soon.
"if you need me
wanna see me
you better hurry
im leaving soon
call my friends and tell
them that I love them
and I'll miss them
but I'm not sorry
call my friends and tell them that I love them
and I'll miss them
sorry."
listen before i go-billie eilish
———————————————
hey sorry y'all for not updating in so long but ty so so much for 25k reads🫶🏼i'm js busy with school and too tired to write i'm sorry i promise to update more
this is kinda of a vent
so if u ever need someone to talk to u can vent to me i'll give u my ig and i'll listen to u for as long as u want🫶🏼
-j