When Katherine next saw Severus, it was the rescheduled staff meeting that now loomed closer to the beginning of the school year. Dumbledore informed her that he'd sent out letters explaining the Triwizard Tournament and its general rules, so that all the professors would be prepared to hear the alterations they'd made to the events at school and implement them as soon as possible.
Throughout the meeting, she noticed that the black-clad man never looked at her once. The bitter scowl was back on his face, replacing the emotions that surfaced in his onyx eyes the previous times she had seen him. The other person who disturbed her was the new DADA teacher, Alastor Moody, who was known as a famous Auror. She had to admit that his electric blue glass eye, accompanied by the fierce scars running through his face, were quite intimidating. At times his magical eye would stare at her creepily, as if it was able to see through her. I hope he doesn't remember me from that time I showed up at the Order of the Phoenix back then, she thought.
Once they had finished greeting and having a discussion with the Ministry officials and headmasters of the other schools, Dumbledore dismissed everyone. Many of the professors chose to go to their classrooms to set up for the upcoming semester, including Minerva, Filius and Severus. She was relieved when Moody said he had business to attend to and needed to leave.
"Where are you heading off to?" the white-bearded man asked Katherine when she stepped out of his office.
"Just going to see what Severus's up to, I guess." He smiled and watched her leave.
She arrived in the dungeons, the chilliness causing goosebumps on her skin despite it being summer. She rapped the door a few times. No response. She knocked harder. Still none. I know he's in here, she thought. For the last time, she smashed her fist rapidly into the wood until it flung open, met by a livid Potions Master.
"Are you trying to break my door down?" he snapped. His voice was icy, making her stiffen slightly. The barriers surrounding his mind were stronger than she'd ever felt before.
"Maybe I would've, if you hadn't answered. I wouldn't know if you were actually dead in there," she replied sarcastically, only to receive a harsh glare.
"Well I am indeed alive. Now leave." Severus was about to slam the door, but she pushed on it as hard as she could and crashed right into his chest. "What in Merlin's name are you doing, you fool?" he hissed at her, watching her straighten up and close the door behind them.
"Sorry about that," said Katherine, flashing an innocent smile.
"I never invited you in!"
"That's okay, I don't need an invitation. I just wanted to check how you were doing," she said.
He threw his quill at her, fortunately the only object in his hand. The feather tickled her head before falling onto the ground. "Better if you would stop disturbing me," hissed Severus, "Why don't you go bother Lupin at his work instead?"
"What's this got to do with Remus?" she questioned, tilting her head. "If you haven't noticed, we work in the same school. It's not like I can just barge into where he works... hell, I don't even know where it is! Anyway, I just wanted to ask if you're feeling alright? Besides being annoyed at me, of course." Judging by his reaction, she knew he wasn't, but how could she get him to warm up again? What had sparked this change in attitude, when just the other day he had opened up to her?
"None. Of. Your. Business," he seethed, moving back to his seat and holding his head. "Go away, your voice is causing me a headache."
"I'll get rid of it for you!" She grinned and walked over to him.
"You will not!" he growled, shoving her slightly. "Why are you so insistent on being here, you stubborn witch? I'm busy preparing to attempt to put knowledge into those dunderhead teenager's heads, I have no time for your silly questions."
"What, preparing to yell at them and call them stupid? Don't give me that excuse, you're a master at potions and I'm pretty sure you use similar lesson plans every year. You've been teaching for a while after all," she pointed out.
Severus scowled. "So what? What if I just want some peace?"
"You won't get peace with that sore expression you've been wearing all day," sighed Katherine, pulling a chair from a student's table and plopping down next to his desk. "It's still bothering you."
He gritted his teeth. "What does it matter to you? It's my problem, not yours!"
The way his dark eyes flashed again, livid and threatening, made her heart drop. "Because I care about you. I care about you, and that's why... it hurts to see you like this. You're always suffering but hiding your pain from the world, pretending you're some sort of monster. But-"
"Well what if I am?" growled Severus, running a hand through his raven hair. "You don't know all the things I've done! If you knew..."
"Enlighten me then," she said, leaning back and holding his gaze.
"Just save your energy and leave me be. It doesn't make a difference whether you stay or not!"
Katherine scooted closer to him. He could hear her steady breaths beside him and felt her soft smile despite his refusal to look her in the eyes. If he kept getting lost in that hazel, a never-ending abyss of compassion, he felt he would never be able to get out. Yet once again, she uttered the words his soul was craving to hear. "If it doesn't make a difference... then I'll just stay. I'll keep staying, because I want to be beside you."
His throat was dry and constricted. Seriously, how was it that her words managed to shine so brightly and move his heart? Nobody had promised to stay with him like that. He always felt behind everyone rather than beside them, hanging onto the memories and unable to move forward. He chased after the people he cared about, wishing they wouldn't leave him, but both his mother and Lily had. Even when he first met Katherine, he felt as if he was following after her, being led to wherever she wanted to go because he himself had no purpose. And now here she was, telling him to stand next to her... telling him that she would stay.
"You would stay beside someone who's participated in devastating acts, following along with his Death Eater friends and watching them torture Muggles? Someone who watched Muggle-borns scream and beg for help, but did nothing as the Dark Lord murdered them right before their eyes? Someone whose work caused the death of your friend?" he asked, still in disbelief. The emptiness in his eyes was wavering relentlessly.
"I told you. The fact that you're saying this, the fact that it's haunting you... it's enough for me to believe that you can change. That you want to change, you just don't realise it. You've suffered so much and I just... want to help you see that it's not all worthless. You don't see it until you really consider it."
"I was horrible! Horrible! The choices I've made, they ruined so many people's lives, including my own."
She swallowed, saddened to see how anguished he looked. "I won't lie and say your actions weren't harmful. I completely understand why you feel upset with yourself, but think about it... if you keep on going, you can redeem yourself by becoming better than you were. One day, you'll look back and feel proud of how far you've come since those dark times," encouraged Katherine.
"But Lily... she was the only one who believed in me, and yet, even she left my side. That goes to show what a terrible person I am."
She placed a hand on his shoulder, feeling his deep anguish. "That doesn't show how terrible you are, that just shows she didn't have enough faith to stay at that time. She lost her belief. Simple as that. But I believe. I believe in you now more than anything."
How was it that nobody had such strong faith in him throughout his life, and here she was, a woman who had barely become friends with him, overflowing with hope for him? He sighed, forgetting the reason he had tried to drive her out: the reappearance of the Dark Mark. Something about her always compelled him, so much that he just couldn't stay away for any longer and it was a strange feeling. Severus almost wanted to cry. "You're an idiot."
"I know. An idiot who's here for you," she said softly.
Once again, he felt the comfortable and contemplative silence that often surrounded them. Even though his heart palpitated rapidly and heat rose to his face, a wave of peace washed over him. The person who sat next to him, she believed in him and understood him. She wanted him to find his purpose... she wanted him to see hope in himself. How could he turn away from her, when he had wished for those exact things his whole life?
When he thought about it, something else occurred to him.
He nodded. "Very well. If I try to accept myself... what about you?"
"Me? I've accepted myself a long time ago..." she trailed off, surprised at the abrupt focus on her.
"Obviously not. Otherwise, you wouldn't be hiding from the rest of the school. There is something stopping you from showing yourself," Severus observed, raising an eyebrow and meeting her hazel eyes.
"Hey, what if I just... don't want to?"
"Do not... lie to me. I saw you at the Christmas dinner. You loved interacting with the students so much it baffled me — who else would immediately jump in to save Weasley's skin?" he scoffed. "I have no idea what it is, but there's some part of yourself you won't come to terms with."
"You're actually... right this time," admitted Katherine, her head hanging slightly. It was her turn to avoid his gaze. "I just feel like I don't belong, you know?"
"Why not?"
"Sometimes, I think I don't deserve to be here. I mean, what good do I do for the students anyway? Yeah, students come to me when Minerva or someone recommends me, or they see me around. But would they really want me here?" she wondered aloud. "My existence feels so insignificant, I feel like any moment... I could disappear-"
Severus' brow furrowed and he hissed, "Shut up! You're a right hypocrite. Telling me to see my worth and potential, yet look at you! What if there were so many more students out there, needing your help? Needing a person to listen and push them to find light in themselves? As you said, you don't realise it until you really consider it!"
She let out a laugh. "Wow, and to think just half a year ago, you were commenting on how useless my job is!"
"That's not my point here." He rolled his eyes.
"I know. And I agree. It's just... I'm scared." He stiffened when he felt Katherine's grip on his wrist. "I'm scared, Severus." The line was barely above a whisper, full of vulnerability and fear.
So she could be scared too... that was what she had said back in the forest, that everyone was afraid. At that moment, he knew she was also one of those who liked to pretend. She pretended for so long that she was happy and content in her place, she didn't know how to go about actually finding it. The smile she always carried... how could he know whether it was genuine?
"Tell me about it," he murmured, nervously moving his hand to take hold of hers. She had tried so hard to help him, what type of person would he be if he didn't do the same? Sure, he was cold and calculating on the outside, his words sharper than a sword. But he did have a heart after all. Her eyes widened in shock, but she tightened her grasp on him. Again, her fingers were delicate and cold to the touch.
Katherine took a deep breath. "I've been alone... for most of my life. When I was at Hogwarts, I barely got to know the people I considered friends, and lost all contact after leaving. Then... well, I became close with Lily after seeing her at St Mungo's, she was considering a job there. And after she was gone, I haven't really had anyone else until you and Remus. Apart from Albus and Minerva, but that's different — they used to be my professors. Yeah, I'm used to speaking to students, but that's one-on-one and I have time to think about it beforehand. I just feel like... it's strange to have so many wandering eyes on you at the same time. After all these years, I still feel like I'm a stranger in my own home. I don't consider myself a true student of Hogwarts, or a staff member either." Also that I don't want them to get too attached to my presence, she thought with a frown.
"Well you are a true member of Hogwarts," he said in a stern voice. "You do belong here. If you think I should want to help myself, you should too. When school begins again, reveal yourself to the school. Let them know of your presence. Weren't you the one who told me to face my past? It's the same for you." Severus' eyes flickered to their hands as he felt hers quiver.
"If I do... will you be there?" Katherine whispered, turning to stare into the darkness of his eyes, which had softened slightly.
"Of course, just as you're here with me."
There was a sort of suspense filling the room as they stared at each other, Severus' breath hitching at the realisation that their faces were only inches apart. Then the brunette stood, pulling him up with her, her face bright and beaming. "So, want to hear a new piece I've learnt? I've been practising on the harp every day!"
He smirked. "You wouldn't take 'no' for an answer, would you?"
She pouted, but her eyes were twinkling. "So I take it you don't want to?"
"I never said that, Katherine," he said, swinging open the door of his classroom.
Katherine never let go of his hand until they reached the courtyard, and Severus quite liked it that way.