Christian was pulling his hair again and pacing his living room. I reached out, touched his arm and said softly, "Shhh… Come here." I tried to soothe him. "It's over. She's gone." He looked at me and I sat down on the end of the couch and patted the side next to me. He sat down staring at me. I reached out and put my fingers in his hair, rubbing his scalp. He closed his eyes. "Come here and lay down, put your head in my lap." My hand guided him down, as he lay on his back looking up at me. I rested my hand on his heart. "There that's better. Now just close your eyes and relax. Breath in through your nose and breath out through your mouth. That's right, just like that." I was scared and thought he was going to have a heart attack. I kept rubbing his scalp with my one hand's fingertips. I swear he was going to purr.
He said softly, "I don't understand how you do this to me. For me. You have me so affected by your touch and you're not scared of me like everyone else is." He opened his eyes looking up at me with his incredible gray eyes.
I smiled down at him and said, "Christian, I'm not afraid of you. Besides, if you did try to physically hurt me, I know how to take you to the floor in extreme pain by using all your pressure points with the least amount of effort. I know I wouldn't have to with you though. Don't ask me how I know. I just feel it." He sits up and presses his lip against mine. It shocked me, but I kissed him back. He scoots closer and wraps his arms timidly around my waist. I put one hand in his hair at his nape and the other one his arm caressing him. I open my mouth and he deepens the kiss. It was like a switch went off in his head and he passionately pulled me under him on the couch and his hands were everywhere. His hand was caressing my thigh up my dress, he felt my hold up stockings and groaned. His other hand was fondling my breast. He was cupping my ass and his tongue was dancing in my mouth consuming me. I was losing control of myself. I was getting lost in our passions. Moving my left arm was painful and I would grunt but suppress it.
I suddenly remembered that he wanted to tell me some things critical about himself. I broke the kiss trying to catch my breath and he dove in kissing my neck and shoulders. I said struggling to talk, "Christian, you wanted to tell me something important before this." He paused trying to catch his breath and looked up into my eyes. I ran my hand through his hair and his eyes rolled back and closed and he rested his forehead against mine.
He whispered, "You're right. I could easily lose myself in you. I know if I have you, I won't ever want to leave the bed." He kissed my nose and sat up and so did I trying to straighten out my clothes.
He got up, took off his tie and jacket and unbuttoned the top few buttons at his neck. He took my empty glass of wine on the coffee table to the kitchen and asked, "Would you like another glass of wine? I'm gonna need a stronger drink to get through this myself." I said sure.
Christian Pov
What the hell is wrong with me? I can't believe this day. I hate Elena for ruining my time twice with her in two days and for no goddamn reason. She hasn't been here in over a month. I just want to kiss her some more. My God she tasted like vanilla honey, pure and sweet. She feels so damn good against my body. My dick is like granite and it's not going down after that. I pour myself a large glass of bourbon, take a big swallow and pour more in. I get her glass of wine filled. I bring them to the coffee table and sit down next to her. Please God, don't let her run from me.
I said with my hands hanging between my knees looking down, "I was born the son of a crack whore. She neglected me because of her addiction. Her pimp would abuse me by beating us both, watching him rape her and putting his lit cigarettes out on my back and chest. When I was four years old, my mother overdosed and died. I was left alone with her body for four days. I thought she was just sleeping for a long time, like when she was passed out before. I was hungry and all we had was a frozen bag of peas in the house to eat. I covered her up with my blanket and slept next to her. I remember the pimp coming in and screaming at me telling me I killed my own mother and slammed the door. The last thing I remember was the EMT people coming in and me screaming because I couldn't tolerate them touching me."
"I was taken to the hospital and that is where I met Dr Grace Trevelyan Grey. She was on the afternoon shift covering the ER. She treated me and didn't touch me like the others but fed me. A couple months later I was adopted by her and my father Carrick Grey. They had a son previously adopted. Elliot, he is a couple years older than me. I had a lot of trouble adjusting to things. I hoarded food all the time and I wouldn't talk for two years."
"One day, they brought home a baby girl about three months old, my sister Mia. They told me that she was my baby sister. That night I slept on the floor next to her crib watching over her and protecting her. The baby started to cry and I went to get my mother and said the name "Mia". My mother cried because she was so happy. I started talking after that." I looked over at her and she had tears falling down her cheeks as she was wiping them away. I reached over and wiped her cheeks off with my thumbs and kissed her on the lips. I whispered, "Don't cry Anastasia, it was all a long time ago." I continued after a big slug of bourbon. She scooted closer up next to me on the couch and lightly caressed my back and neck. Funny, I didn't feel anything but warmth and security in her arms as she affectionately put her head on my back.
"I never felt like I deserved my family's love. That I wasn't worthy of them. By the time my teens hit I was going through puberty and was fighting a lot because the kids at school would try to touch me on purpose to piss me off. Sometimes, the touching would happen accidentally, causing me burning pain on my back and chest. I would automatically lash out." She sits up and removes her hands. "I desired girls but they could never touch me on my back and chest and it caused me angst and frustration. After a couple years, I was around fifteen. I started drinking and stealing booze from my father. I was kicked out of three schools for fighting and drinking and my parents were at their wits end."
"One day, my mother sent me over to do yard work for Elena and her husband to remove rubble from their new addition and landscaping. I was working there in the heat and took off my shirt. Elena came out into the back yard wearing close to nothing in a see through robe with a glass of iced lemonade. At the time she was about thirty five years old. I said some smart mouth comment to her and she slapped me across the face, then she kissed me." Anastasia stiffened.
"The next day she took me in the house and sucked me off. She said if I wanted more, to keep coming back. One day, she took me down to her dungeon and let me fuck her and said I could gain control of myself through BDSM. She said if I was good and did as I was told and made my parents happy, I would get rewarded and get to fuck her. If I didn't do the right things I would get punished." Anastasia moved to the side sitting next to me again. She looks pissed. I took another drink of bourbon and continued because I had to get it all out.
"When I was 18, I went to Harvard and I was told to not even look at a girl there. Elena would drop in unexpectedly to check up on me. I dropped out after my first year. My father was furious and wouldn't let me use my trust fund money to start my business, even with a business plan. Elena gave me $100,000 dollars to start up my business. I had been her submissive for six years over all, until that moment I wanted her to train me to be a dominant at age 21. She was what they call a "switch", when you go from a dominant to a submissive. She told me that the only way I could have sex was tying the women up so they couldn't touch me. She said that I was incapable of love because I was too damaged and would have to do it this way."
"Six months after I was trained to be a dominant, my business had taken off and I gave her a million dollars in return for the startup capital. By that time, her husband had divorced her and I wanted to help her in return for helping me. She started finding me submissives that were vetted from the BDSM clubs. My reputation was starting to build up, and I could put them under contract easier than trying to get them myself. She did it because she knew what I liked or didn't like. She presented me with a business plan for a salon business, so I helped her get on her feet. Later, she started expanding to three now."
"About six months ago, I stopped and haven't had a submissive because it just was getting stale. I was losing interest in all the women Elena was sending over to me. They were no longer appealing anymore. It's like they just kept falling in love with me right away and I kept having to end contracts constantly or they were just annoying. I always made it clear in the beginning that it was an arrangement, not an emotional relationship because I wasn't allowing my emotions to be involved. It was only sex. After I stopped, one day I realized I wanted something more, something different. BDSM is all I know." I exhaled big and took another big slug draining my glass. I just kept waiting for the shoe to drop and for her to get up and leave.
Ana Pov
I am stunned. I was sad at the story of his younger childhood and the pain no child should have witnessed. Then there was the disgust and anger at that dirty bitch molesting and beating him as an adolescent child. She stopped his emotional development and carved out a firm hold on his dependency. Now, I am at a loss. I will never allow a man to physically beat me or restrain me like that. That dirty pedo-bitch conditioned and groomed him from a boy to a full grown adult. I can't believe it's his mother's fucking best friend right now and still. Who am I to judge him, he hasn't got any better judge of character for friends than I had with my own friend choosing. At least I got rid of mine when their true colors came out. I hope Jose stays away, but I have a feeling that he won't.
This poor man is so scared and confused. The emotional growth of the man has been skipped because of her stunting it. His inner child needs comfort and security. No wonder his rage burns out of control, all because she tells him he can only release it by channeling it into a facade of control from beating on women as an outlet. Why did he listen to her and not walk away? She duped him through his naive childhood and played on his damaged self esteem.
I told him clearly, "Christian, I don't know what to say." He took my hand and led me upstairs to a locked door.
He softly said, "Anastasia, I would like to show you this." He opened the door and turned on the light. A scent hit me of leather and citrus.
I mumbled, "Holy shit." I walked into the Twilight Zone of a sex dungeon. A classy sex dungeon in dark wood and red leather. A room of sex and pain, like the Marquis De Sade. I walk around looking but not touching with my arms crossed holding my elbows. I was starting to get scared seeing the canes, whips with spikes on the tips, belts of thick leather and cat-o'-nine-tails. I imagined them welting and stripping the flesh off a body leaving blood and blue bruises on the skin. How could he vent his anger like this and listen to that hag telling him to do these things to women? Even consenting masochistic women? I had to get out of here. I remember the excruciating pain, the blood dripping and the humiliation at the tender age of seven years old. I have to get away and go home to feel safe again.
He said in a pleading voice, "Anastasia, please say something?" I was breaking out in a sweat and shaking. I started moving to the door slowly.
I said in a shaky voice, "Christian, do you want to use these things on me?"
He said hesitantly, "I would like to share them with you and show you the pleasure and push your limits."
I was freaking out a bit at that statement. I asked, "Limits in what?"
He shifted from side to side and said softly as he slowly approached me, "Your pain and pleasure tolerances." Why the fuck would I want that? I am not the woman that could fulfill his desires in this room. I'm not built this way. I was raised to defend myself from threats and this is threatening me.
I moved to the door and said, "You have made a huge mistake, I'm not the girl for you. I will never be able to do this or let you touch me in this manner. My experience from the past will never allow this. It's best to just be professionals at work. I'm sorry, Christian but I have to go now." I quickly left out of the door, running down the hall and running down the stairs to get my purse. My heart rate was through the roof and I didn't want a panic attack.
He was pleading as he yelled, "Anastasia, please stop! Please don't run away from me! Let's talk about it? I want you to stay! Don't go!" He was running down the stairs. I hit the elevator button a couple times. He grabbed me from behind, wrapping his arms around me tightly, while burying his face in my neck. He was pressing on my upper arm and the pain was excruciating. I screamed in pain. He let go frightened by my agonizing scream. That's when I collapsed to the floor holding my upper arm rocking back and forth crying loudly. The elevator door opened and closed.
His employee Taylor came running into the room to see what was going on. Christian said, "Anastasia, what's the matter. Don't be scared. Did I hurt you?" He got down on his hands and knees and was begging me for an answer. "Is it your arm? Oh God, did I hurt your arm?"
Taylor walked up and crouched down on the other side of me. He lifted the sleeve of my dress and saw the dark black bruised hand print wrapped around it. He said, "Sir this injury is a few days old. Miss Steele, who did this to you?"
I said straining, "An ex-so-called friend at the coffee cafe, but it doesn't matter. It's a deep bone bruise. It's been seen at the hospital and reported to the SPD. I have a restraining order against him and he's in custody. I just want to go home. Please, leave me alone because I'm tired. I want to go to my car." They both back off and Christian helps me up. I grab my purse and hit the button again. The elevator was still there and it opened quickly. I got in and Christian slipped in too.
He said sadly and softly, "I'm so very sorry for everything. I didn't mean to hurt and frighten you. I guess you're right, I'm no good for you. I'll be professional at work so don't worry. You are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen and I'll not bother you again." I felt bad. He thought it was all his fault. The doors opened to the garage.
I said walking to my car and hitting the fob to unlock it, "It's not your fault, about my arm, you didn't know and I was hiding it. The rest, I'm just not able to be hit or restrained. I hit back, subdue or defend. That is all I know, because my father wanted to protect me. We are just too different. I'm looking for a kind, loving and gentle man to care for me. I'm sorry but my expectations are very different from yours." I get in my car and sit in the seat.
He crouched down and said, "I want to be that man but I don't know how. I wish you could show and teach me? Can you ever forgive me for scaring you away?"
I sadly caressed his cheek and said, "Let's just be good friends and go from there." I kissed his cheek and swung my legs in. He stood up and closed the door. I rolled down the window.
He said, "I would like to be your good friend. I'll take you anyway I can have you in my life. Be safe Anastasia. Text me when you get home." I buckled up.
I gave him a small smile and said, "Ok, goodnight, Christian